Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to (me and) all the 伟大的妈妈! It’s so challenging to be a mama these days. A mama these days means wearing many hats - to be able to parent the children, work like one has no kids, be able to cook, do art and craft , provide tuition for the kids, and be put to scrutiny on social media for non impt people to judge and criticize! Anyway I’m on a social media fast for now (not sure how long it will last, but will enjoy this moment for now) as part of the “protecting myself” movement. Hahahaha.. I think it’s part of strengthening my own mental health and trying to protect my subconsciousness and time. Coz I know how much time is wasted scrolling through socials endlessly. 

Anyway today is not about that. It’s about being grateful for every single day of my life. I’m thankful for God who spoke to me in a vision 4yrs ago that He would give me a son. I didn’t believe it at that moment, although His voice was clear. I got pregnant shortly after and Joash was borne the following year. No one thought that we would have more kids, coz infertility has haunted us for yrs. And it’s  only possible becoz of God. He chose to bless us with this little boy who sometimes drive us crazy to the point that I had to remind myself that Joash is a gift from God. 

The Birth of Samuel

There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.

Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. 

Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. 

Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” 

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.” 

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “

Not so, my Lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” 

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” 

She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. 

Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.””

‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭20 

I remembered this was the msg preached then. I could totally relate to Hannah, who felt tormented by her infertility. In fact, this msg carried me for many seasons before we had the twins. When I heard it again 4yrs ago, it carried a very different feeling. I wasn't downcasted. I was thankful for the many blessings in my life. But I asked God, if He would give us our last kid, if He think that we would be up for it? And He said yes. And that was it. 

Thankful for the Lord, who never sends the wrong order but in His perfect Timing. 

Happy weekend my friends!

Family fun

This is me, slightly sunburnt from yesterday’s Adventure cove outing. Life unfiltered and trying to be more confident of how I look, despite the flab and age spots.

Decided to do a 12pm swim coz I needed an extra dose of endorphins plus I’m trying my best to stick to “exercise 4x a week” regime.

I survived 1 whole week without Uncle Choo! Woohoo! 🥳 🎉🎊

The little man has been merciful to me too, having slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. I have been doing the night closings and I guess this kinda assured him so he doesn’t need to wake up middle of the night to check on mama. My dear Angela said it’s bcoz it’s full moon coz her son has been generous to her too..hahaha.. well if that’s the case, I do pray that it’s full moon every night! And it does make a lot of difference - between sleeping uninterrupted sleep for 5-6hrs vs sleeping intermittently for 8hrs. The last few days I’ve woke up automatically even before my alarm rang! The same for my naps too.. 儿子啊，请你对娘好一点吧！

This was us yesterday - the day where all the stars align where it wasn’t raining + no one was having her period day. 

They were supposed to do this during the Dec holidays but it was raining mostly and then sch started which meant only Sundays were avail. I ended up being tasked to do this bcoz the papa is already not in sg and the tickets will expire by the time he came back. 

Becoz Joash was so clingy, there was a stage where I was secretly praying that it will rain super heavily so that I didn’t need to leave him at home (Honest). But eventually I told myself that if the weather was good, we will do it! Then one thing leads to another and our great helper ended up bringing Joash to Jewel coz he wanna see planes. I suggested she meet up with her friends after that so that she could take a breather too. He had fun taking train + bus as always. 

Glad that it all worked out! 9 more days to go! 

I logged out of my social media accounts last night. Finally decided to take a break coz it’s eating me alive, constantly checking on everyone’s social feeds irregardless if they are people impt / irrelevant to me. 

And then I realize the amt of time I have becoz of the freedom.They say the truth will set you free. Indeed. And thus the time to blog again. 

Crawled to the gym this morning, even though I have many legit reasons why I should skip. Joash hasn’t been sleeping well since we got back; the first night I ended up sleeping in his room on the floor, just so that it’s easier for all of us. The second night he suddenly woke up at midnight and struggled sleep til 2am when William decided to sleep in with him. My brain became super awake by then so did some 10/10 shopping to restock the baby essentials. 

The trip has been great to be honest. It has gotten been our easiest baby long haul trip. On this trip, I made a deliberate effort to prepare Joash before it. Weeks before we started to talk about planes and the safety procedures. Days before I borrowed a baby airport book from a friend, that states the things to expect; from arrival at the airport, checking in the big luggage and going thru the x ray scanners and ultimately belting on the plane. Coz these used to be his meltdown stages. Yes, all of them. And I’m so glad we did all this prep work. It helped a lot. He didn’t meltdown when the check in counter took our luggages, or why we have to put his small luggage thru the scanners etc and why he has to be belted on the plane. In fact, he knows the drills so well by the end of the trip that when he saw the x ray scanners, he says he wanna take the plane. 🤣🤣🤣

The exhuasting part on this trip is the extensive walking/carrying (coz we didn’t bring a pram on this trip. Figured that the roads wouldn’t b easy for prams and we have a luggage limit crunch on certain legs of the trip) . The thing about traveling is that the boy gets to have mama all by himself and he sticks to me like a magnet. No one could help carry him besides me. No one, not even William. So he took the battlepack while I took the human pack.. hahahaha.. of coz little human walked too, a lot considering his age. 

Thankful that we went on this trip. Took a gamble despite how tough the previous ones were. And glad to see his transformation. 

Missed my travel kakis. Hopefully we could all go together next yr. 

Day 5

 Joash slept til 930am this morning but this was with a 2hr interval from 4-6am. I was so hungover this morning that I scrapped the zoo excursion. Mayb I’ll do it on Sunday. So angry with myself for not being able to let him zzz properly. Decided to let him go sch today since his diarrhoea was cleared. But the moment he left, the moms guilt overwhelmed me. Oh man! Why is it so difficult to b a mom!! Why don’t dads have this issue? 

Promised myself that I’ll pick him up once I end my zoom call in the afternoon. Picked him at 4 and by dinner time I was kinda questioning my life choices liaoz.. haiz.. 穿牛角尖的女人很麻烦。可以对自己好一点吗？

Bcoz of the solo parenting plus severe lack of sleep, I ended up eating so much carbs this week. Even had a huge cup of ice cream after I made him zz today.

Couldn’t quite decide if I should let him continue sleeping here and me having interrupted sleep or putting him back to his cot and missing out on all the night cuddles. I know I’m problematic and I wish life was as easy as 1-2-3! 

I wanted to confirm my Japan flights for mar next year but on the other hand I’m worried that the helper wouldn’t b able to manage Joash all by herself. Esp when he’s a night terror. Anyway shall wait til the man is back. I know he has booked the accoms but aiya free cancellation.

Day 4

Suddenly seems that the day passes so fast and uncle pig is coming back in another 3days!! Woohoo! Or mayb bcoz I was out the entire day so time seems to fly even faster.. hahaha

Had work discussions in the morning and I’m glad that alls sorted out. At least there is clarity now. Had to rush to Novena to go for Joy’s medical appt with NSC. We probably spend 3hrs there and then I had to rush back to office to take a zoom call while she did some revisions in the office. 

We had dinner at the Korean restaurant nearby. I feel so blessed that I’m reaping the rewards / ROI of my kids when she was cooking the whole entire time. Just waiting for the time when she’s going to start paying for the meals and giving me an allowance.. hahahaha.. glad that we spend some time together to hear abt her student life and her new collection of friends. 

Came home and saw that Joash wasn’t asleep yet so I volunteered to do the closing. I actually missed him so much today and the many times I went to check on the cctv I couldn’t find him in sight. The helper says he has been staying in her room watching her do ironing. 

Joy entertained the little boy while I took a shower. 

Finally no early morning drop offs for the next 2days. I pray that Joash zzz thru til 9am! If that happens, maybe we will do a short excursion tomorrow. And this wraps up today!

Day 3

Had a bit of time in the afternoon after the visit to the PD in the morning. Fed Joash his meds before I went to have lunch with the twins and send them to tuition.

I decided to have dinner out with the girls so that our helper only need to jaga the sick boy and his dinner. Boy will b at home the whole of this week coz he had diarrhoea and I 不放心 the school will do a good job in checking and cleaning. 

Tried to arrange for some work appts for the next few weeks. Also deleted the game that I was obsessed with for the last few mths! And suddenly I felt that I have a lot of time! Hahahaha… 

Even managed to spend some time in the library to pick up some books for myself and Joash..

Decluttering is one of the things I wanna work on, to live with lesser things. I also recently downloaded an income and expenses app! The amt I spend on food/snacks is scary! Omg ! Didn’t realize it until I put it in writing. 

While waiting for time to pass at the Starbucks this morning. The wait time was 2hrs+ but we survived!

Night times are most stressful for me. I pray that it will get better in time to come. 😜

Day 2

Last night was bad. Joash woke up at 3am and only zz 2hrs later after I screamed at him. 🥹🥹 The thought of bringing him for a car ride did cross my mind but I’m afraid of it’s repercussions. He is obviously bullying me and the helper. Haiz…felt really bad that I was incompetent to make him zzz. That I had to resort to violence or scolding. And even after that I hardly zzz coz it was really too squeeze for 3 pax on the bed. He woke up at 7, and vera hug him to zzz so that I could have more space. They woke up by 9 and she took the morning shift while I zz for a while longer. I’m thankful for her, such is the merits of having a highly sensitive child I guess. Never saw it as a virtue until last yr. 

Had wanted to bring them to the outdoor water play but helper says that Joash seems to have diarrhoea and soft poop which means we are grounded. Gave him some meds. Will bring him to the pd and most likely no sch😭😭😭

人老了。每当需要熬夜，隔天起来不管睡多少都觉得不够。 Finally understood why uncle pig always rejected my proposals for weekend excursions bcoz he’s always too tired from all the night duties. 

Had lunch at home before bringing the two girls out to study. 

As much as I wanna take a nap, I know Joash wouldn’t zzz if I’m around. And vera definitely is more well behaved studying outside. So here we are. 

Day 1 of solo parenting

Day 1 went by pretty smoothly. The boy only woke up at 6am, had his milk and we both zzz on my bed til 830am. (Never has he managed to successfully co sleep with me on my bed)

Since both of us were feeling quite energetic, I decided to bring the twins and him to River Wonders. The original intention was the zoo but decided not to overkill myself just on the first day of the week. 

The excursion went pretty well. I’m not sure if it’s bcoz Joash was around, but for the first time, I honestly felt that the twins were of good help on the trip. Each took turns to either push the pram or carry the diaper bag or carry the boy so that he could see the animals in sight. I didn’t do much besides the driving. 

River wonders is my favourite place out of the 4 parks, bcoz it’s mostly sheltered and air con! So even if the weather isn’t good, we will be fine! 

Didn’t manage to capture a pic of the kids with the real pandas today but it’s fine. I can bring them along another day, even if William isn’t around. 

Had a bit of delay on the way back coz I needed to update my IU since I just renewed my annual pass. The whole office was flooded with people. Just as I was abt to give up on the wait, Grace managed to speak to one of the counter staff who kindly helped us, even though we missed our queue number long ago. (I think the staff gave chance bcoz Grace was a kid.. hahah)

#proudmama 

Both girls are special in their own ways and I also took the chance to explain to Vera during our night chat just now. Told her that I can be very 放心 to leave didi and her alone at home, or bring both of them out anytime. She is a good caregiver. She has the heart and patience for her little bro. However she is struggling academically. 

Grace on the other hand, has a strong understanding in her studies. She hardly revises her work, but becoz she’s smart, she understands the concepts easily. At least academically la.. and never afraid to speak up for her little sister. But she isn’t strong in caring for her little bro. They fight nowadays. Lol.. coz both wants the same thing and neither wants to budge. 

Took the twins out in the afternoon coz grace needed to borrow some books while I wanted to go thru some math revision with Vera. 

I never thought that our r/S would improve by so much. If you asked me a year ago, I probably would feel uneasy if she says she wanna follow me home instead of following grace to do a sleepover at my mom’s place. But today when she said it, I felt 

at peace. 

Thankful 🥹 

Just spend some time chit chatting with the teenager who only reached home at 11pm. Gotten remind myself to chat with her more frequently. Quite irked that I had to wait for her today who Clearly forgotten to apply for late extension or bring her keys. But glad I didn’t jump at her but took some time to hear her day.

Feeling really fulfilled by how today went. Really thankful for God’s covering upon me. 

Praying that Joash and I can zzz well tonight coz Vera is co sleeping with us tonight. And she is loud 🤦‍♀️

Highly irritable

Snapped at uncle pig several times this morning. We all knew what’s going on. His coming trip is subconsciously causing my irritable behaviour. I manage to catch it but as much as I try, I still end up handling a few blows to him. 

Work has been hectic. Honestly I don’t know how I’m going to manage the household without him. Trying to work “light” for the coming week so that I could catch up on my sleep if the night duties become horrible.

Joash has been sleeping really badly this couple of weeks. There were nights where he would wake up at 4am and that’s it. Not sleeping anymore. Both of us either wake up trying 101 ways to coax him back to zzz; or if that fails then one of us would jaga him til daylight while the other zz. But honestly, I don’t know how many nights we could continue doing this. 

I wished I could be the supportive wife and hold the fort confidently while he travels in peace. Clearly, this isn’t my strength. And by having this peace abt it, I’m thankful by how much I’ve grown to accept that we all have our own strengths and flaws. This is clearly not my strength but so be it.

“But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.3.3.NIV

Thankfulness

 

Waiting for my prospect to arrive. I’m an hr early. Coz I buffered too much time to say goodbye to the little baby. But as I told him “mama is going to work”, he nod his head and rush to the door. I told him that he’s going to help me press the lift before going home. He nod again. (Though I was still doubting how much he actually comprehend). I open the door for him, he ran out, pressed the lift and went back into the house and wave goodbye to me. 

I certainly didn’t expect the cheerful farewell. After all, his sisters are had their loud and dramatic way of saying goodbyes. To be honest, I was shocked and a little sad. But I guess this is good for all of us. This is day 2 of saying our goodbyes properly instead of hiding/ distracting him while I plan my escape route. 

Thankful for this little boy in our lives. He has helped me see more aspects of Vera than before. She is different and nothing like her two sisters. And I need to collect the bullets on her good days so that I can use them when the next explosion arises. 

Thankful that we are very much alive and healthy; thankful for family. Thankful that I have work today. Looking forward to cny.

“I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

‭‭

“I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.18.1-2.NIV

P/S: the prospect asked if I enjoyed my job, and I think I gave her too much honesty for a first appt. At this juncture, I don’t hate my job, but I’m not loving it passionately like when I first started. I probably should have asked her back, coz then it would put things in perspective. A lot of times, I think we put too much feelings / emotions into our work compared to salaried workers. 

Emo

I forgot what was the trigger but I remember questioning myself recently why I even prayed for another kid. Why did I make myself restart the whole cycle again? Aren’t my hands tied w work; the girls and cumbersome relatives?

Was just speaking to a friend yesterday that as I see all my friends with their kids growing up, and I look at this little fellow, I ask myself.. why? 哪来的勇气？I’m the earliest among my friends to have kids, and slowly slowly I see them entering parenthood and graduating.. and I’m still in this game of diapers/night feeding/ zoo / hfmd cycle.. #rant

But there are days where seeing him, I thank God for sending him to us, sending to our noisy family. His eyes lit up so brightly whenever he sees me. No agenda, not complicated. His world is simple. Tonight is one of the nights where I’m thankful and honoured to be able to still make him zzz.. where even though he doesn’t quite know how to speak, his intentions are clear. I love babies. They are a joy. Sometimes I wished they remain at this stage. But sometimes I wish they faster zip to a more advance stage. God, only You know what’s best for us; yr plans will always be better than mine. And as much as I don’t understand, I only need remember this. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Insomnia who ?

345am finally transported baby into his cot sound asleep. I know I should go straight to sleep bcoz u never know what time the baby wakes up again. But I’m t fuming mad. Mad at uncle pig? Mad at myself ? Mad at baby? I guess it’s all of the above. 

Baby suddenly wakes up at 1am crying. William rushed to rescue him (despite me showing that baby fully can self smoothe himself and go back to zzz). His reason was - Joash is still battling diarrhoea and he has pooped motn for the last 2 nights. Yes it’s legit. But he didn’t let him go back to his cot to zzz. In fact tonight closing, he made koash zzz in his arms before putting him into the cot. 

Anyway the battle continued til 2plus and boy is struggling and both his parents are at wits end. I wanted William to go zzz bcoz he slept last than 4hrs the night before and tomorrow he needs to ferry joy at 6am. Haiz..

Joash finally pooped at 3am and I thought with the diaper change, I finally have a chance to zzz. No, he struggled. Can see that he’s tired but he fuss fuss. I even made milk! But boy doesn’t wanna drink. 

330am - car ride. I know the implications of it. But I don’t have any better alternatives. If I wake William up, it defeats the purpose. I know even if he zzz in the car, there’s still risks that he might wake up in the midst of transportation. 

340am - reach back to carpark coz boy is asleep. I said a silent prayer before turning off the engine. The sequence of events role played in my mind before I start the action. 

345 - in his cot still asleep. 

355am - I’m done. Going to zzz now. Pray that this is the last for this early morning. Situations like this, we can only turn to God. He is our lighthouse; our Healer. 

Praying that William eye op on wed will b a smooth one. Praying that the kids will be in their good behaviour while mama holds the fort. Praying for God’s protection upon our household. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

Happy 364 days

I’m back at his fav chair.. boy is sick.. fever suddenly decided to visit him 2 days before his birthday.. lol.. going to visit the pd later. William took the graveyard shift  and I’m here to take over. Such is the joy of partnership. Thankful that he’s my partner; my anchor and my strong 靠山. 

364 days old, my dear little buddy. Thankful that you came to us, at God’s perfect timing. You are God’s sent miracle for us. Though everything seem hectic and crazy, I’m glad we pulled it thru. 

The emotional rollercoasters; the battles that I had to go thru, from then to now. I’m thankful to God for you. May you grow in His favour, and may He lead you in His plans for you. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

Celebrating small wins 🥳

Today felt like an ordinary day. Our little man zzz from 8pm-430am; woke up and drank 180ml and went back to zzz… woke up again abt 7ish and we dropped joy at her tuition before we head for our breakfast. 

It seems ordinary but my heart is filled with thanksgiving. The fact that he slept thru the night, finished his milk and went on to drink a total of 800+ ml and 2 solids.. 

Joash tested negative for Covid.. so we could go out today.. hahaha… and the outdoor walks/ car rides did help me a lot. 

The 2 impt men in my life.. we had candy floss.. sweet fluffy kind.. 

Before 8pm, Joash has fallen asleep..it seems ordinary but it means so much to me. Bcoz he just zzz with William doing the usual closing..(not the baby carry / sleep on chest thing) 

Celebrating small wins, thankfulness. 🥳

Thank you God!

Bible verses

 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.43.1-3.NIV

Reminding myself that in every situation, our God is in control. He will not forsake us and He is with us, in every step of the way. 

Joash had a full meal for dinner tonight. We did purple carrot and it was sweet and he had his usual portion. At his closing feed, he refused to drink. I could hear William struggling to make him zzz. I went in and baby carried him and he went on to drink 150ml. I’m thankful coz I need him to drink more. But the fear of correcting the bad habits is real too. 

But for now, I will just surrender it to the Lord conpletely. He knows, and I pray that He will guide us thru our valleys. After all, He was the one who gave us Joash.

And now we wait

 

And now we wait. Wait for his pee before the doctor can discharge us. The little man is sick (again). Fever started on thur and he stopped drinking and eating. Didn’t zzz much that night and we send him to a pd on Friday. Our regular pd wasnt around so we had to send him to another one. 

That visit was bad. I will never go there again. The pd didn’t even take his temp and I felt that he was just prescribing a lot of meds and tests. The no drinking/feeding/sleeping continued for the next 24hrs. 

And by this morning, we decided to go to kkh. I was more afraid of dehydration and other problems esp since he took less than 300ml for the whole of Friday. His usual intake is 1000-1100ml. 

Just as we cleared the triage, I decided to give him a bottle. And he polished it straight! Went on to finish 300ml in that single feed !

不知道要哭还是笑. 

Just so thankful that at least he started drinking. The kkh doctor found an ulcer at the back of his throat which probably explains the fever and lack of feeding. 

And now we wait for his pee. The doctor is still worried that our little friend is dehydrated and he needs to pee first before we can go home.

- 2 hours later -

Little man is still not peeing. Doctor gave us 2 options : 

1) go home and feed and monitor input and output. 

2) admit and put on drip

I chose 1). We also did the Covid swab. Because if he needs to be swabbed, I rather it be done by kkh then anywhere else. 

And the swab took only 3 mins. And we are done (finally).

Heading home now and baby Joash, pls drink when we go home.

Update:

We came home and the little man had a small portion of cereal and a wet diaper and that was the end of our happy story.

Don’t want to feed/sleep/drink after that.. William brought him on a pram ride which made him zzz for 30 mins and that was it. We’ve even tried cold milk, ice etc.. the crying was heartbreaking and I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice for bringing him home. 

Even the carrier is out to make him zzz.. whatever pattern also can la.. showhand liaoz.. pls sleep a lot and drink a lot when u r well rested my dear boy..

Rant

I’m dead tired. So is William, though he doesn’t say. The last 2 weeks, J has been waking up every hr once it cross midnight . Initially I thought it’s because he’s hungry but even after we feed him at 12am, he can continue to wake up at 1am, 2, 330,5am etc. I tried letting him zzz on our bed just so that we/ he could have a longer undisturbed sleep but even this didn’t help in any way. 

I don’t know how long this will last and seriously it’s going to be less than 3 weeks before school starts. 

I told William that mayb we should consider letting the twins share a room so that we can let the helper + J take the other room. He just replied “this is out of the question.” I told him I can’t function properly the next day when I can’t even have 5 hrs of sleep. He says he will take the night if it comes down to this. I can work. But honestly this isn’t healthy either. His health is not great. He hasn’t young anymore and his fainting episodes plus needing to ferry tue girls to sch etc.. 

I’m really out of solutions. I even considered hiring a part time nanny or another helper etc but all these were brushed away by him. 

Praying for strength and God’s wisdom on this. He has our backs. He knows and He will never give us too big a problem to handle. Reminded myself all these and praying and surrendering to Him. 

The lack of zzz has also led to crazy eating these two weeks.. argh.. that is another topic on its own. Oh well

Update: it’s 1230am and honestly, I’m waiting for the little fellow to start his “party”. I did try to zzz tonight but mayb im too stimulated that I can’t fall asleep! We increased his day feeds to 180ml today, and his fav diaper from the correct source arrived today. (I switched a diff source previously even though it’s the same brand) that’s the only 2 things we did differently today, plus a lot of PRAYERS!! Thank You God for answering our prayers! 

Hfmd

Recording J first (and hopefully last hfmd) episode so that we can always look back at this entry eventually and laugh.. 

How it started

Day 1

- woke up in the morning feeling feverish. Gave him some fever meds and it came down before coming back up at late afternoon. Last dose was at midnight.

Day 2

woke up with no fever though he kept crying on and off motn. He was also complaining quite loudly though we couldn’t understand his language 🤣

Send him to sch since he has no fever. I thought it probably was a random one day fever or teething fever. 

Sch called at 12pm saying that they found ulcers in his throat. Settled the twins at home before picking the little one and sending him to PD.

Certified hfmd and given 1 week mc

I said a silent prayer that God helps us tide this over. The 2 nights of fussing had been a toll on us and I dunno how we going to manage another 7days. Oh God.. I know hfmd was inevitable but I didn’t think it would b that early. 

I still had 2 zooms and both my clients could hear J cry loudly in the midst of it.. haiz.. William took most of the night duty bcoz I had an early morning zoom. 

Whatever way it takes, as long as u zzz

Day 3

His fav past time nowadays to try pluck the leaves of the Xmas 🎄 

Took over J once my zoom was done. Went to pick the twins from church and thought we bring J for a car ride as well. Halfway there, the car broke down and thank God a sister helped pick the twins and brought them out ! 

Managed to settle the car and drove home. By then, both of us were exhausted with a cranky baby who has started to cry at the top of his voice. His cries these 2 days have crossed his usual volumes, and I think with the development of new skills, he now know that he just had to look at the person and cry, and that person would come over automatically as though it’s a magnet or magical wand.

Why aren’t u on yr play mat my dear son?

Day 4

We barely slept the night before. J doesn’t wan me to coax him to zzz. I’ll try to pat / carry him to zzz once he stirs but it just make things worse. Most of the time, William had to wake up to wrap up.

Doesn’t wanna drink or eat today. It’s the day where we just kept making milk and try and try. 

Sweet dreams my dear boys 

Naps are 20 mins or lesser and seriously we really showed hand liaoz.. and I don’t know how we going to correct all these bad habits after he recovers. I’m praying that today is the peak coz he’s super super fussy today. Cry so much that I wanna tell him mama will buy him a sports car if u stop crying and start napping. 😂

He’s zzz for the night. Praying that he doesn’t wake up tonight. Vera just vomited after dinner and complaining of chest pains. We might need to bring her to kkh tonight.

Day 5

- he slept from 8pm-230am before crying. I’m so thankful for that. Gave him some painkillers and milk and he went back to zzz. Only me and William were on standby mode bcoz we wanted to be sure before we go back to zzz. 

Today is definitely easier compared to yesterday. He still isn’t sleeping as much as he should, so still cranky. Praying that we have passed the peak and it’s going to be 雨过天晴！

I even had time for some me time outside because William didn’t need to serve in church today. Thankful for the break. Going back soon!

Random

The first time he has a fever and it’s not due to vaccinations.. woke up this morning with a fever which shot thru the roof to 39+ later in the evening. Besides the fever being the only indicator that this boy is sick, he’s still eating well, drinking well and super energetic! 

Probably bring him to the PD Tom just to b sure everything’s fine. 

There’s many challenges ahead but we will get thru it all, step by step. 

Finally sold my pump today! Yeah ! Finally saying goodbye to that chapter; to that black hole. Thank u Angela for selling it for me. I was afraid that I would gostun and touch my pump again after the staycation.. but thankfully it didn’t happen.

Have started to fix a few appts for this week and next. I’m really looking forward for the next phrase ! Him starting his solids and me going back to work.. 

A colleague asked me recently how I managed to hit my TOT so early this year while she was working till the last day for her COT.. honestly, it’s all only possible becoz God is with me. And I’m excited to let God draw the plans He has for me for 2022! 

 

Emo..

This is me at 3am last night. For two nights in a row, our little friend has been waking up at 2, drink his milk, coaxed to zz, put into cot and wake up with big eyes smiling at me. And such battles usually last for 2 hrs at least.. For yesterday, William took over from 3-5. Then he woke up again at 5ish.. fed him milk again, changed diaper and zzz with nightmares .. kept waking up every 10-15mins… 

Praying for strength to carry forward. I’m tired, so is William. It’s the pre-weekend blues and if weekdays are so bad already, I don’t want weekends to come..😭😭😭

This too shall pass, I know … but God, can u make it easier for 我们两个老人家…