Life of a working mom

Waiting for my work zoom to start on a Saturday morning while William brought the young kids to the zoo today. Thankful that I could work in peace but nonetheless guilty that I had forgotten to free up 5th week for this. This is how joint partnership looks like. We cover each other’s ass. Just like that. 

I have my struggles too when I have to split my time between parenting and work. I enjoy my work and it is fulfilling too. And yes, it can b pretty demanding at times as well. I feel like a 有用的人 when I work. More often than not, we lose our identity when kids come along. I don’t want that to happen. That’s why we try to juggle both concurrently.

Did something meaningful today and I feel so proud of myself..haha.. ownself praise ownself. 

It’s been so long since my last donation -2010. I used to do it regularly with William back then, coz our church would organise it twice a year. But ever since he became a diabetic, I stopped doing it as well. Coz the inertia to do something on my own was huge. Plus I was on a lot of meds for a few years while trying to conceive the twins. And when the twins came along, it just got so tiring to breathe, let alone come here. 

It isn’t painful. The staff here were so nice and so gentle in doing everything. Going to make this a regular event, coz 施比受更有福. Thankful that I could give life to someone else in need.

Ending the long day with comfort milo. I know I should be watching my calories. But today has been tough. Haiz. Deep storing the bad memory coz even typing it is painful. Only time will heal. 

As much as I don’t understand why, I know I can lean on God who is the only constant. 

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Emotional eating

At this rate, any $$ earned from closing the night appts wouldn’t be able to pay for the PT sessions. I know I shouldn’t be eating at this hr, but it’s another “I’m so dead tired from work & certainly I should b allowed to treat myself better ya?” 

Haiz.. this probably explains why I gain >10kg in my 1st year in the biz. Note to self: I want to start my clean eating regime. Else mayb it’s better for my health that I don’t work.. hahahaha.. 

Emo emo

Suffering from overstimulation.. not sure what time I’ll zzz tonight.. 🥹

Went into office to do work, before ending the day with a 630pm face to face appt and 830pm zoom appt. The zoom only ended at 945pm. By then I was exhuasted. My only consolation is that William was around the area to pick me up. He left the helper to do the closing tonight. And Joash took a loooooong time to zzz.. but I know this is for the good of everyone in the long run. To train another person up to do the night closing; so that we could free up our time; so that if William needs to go for his evening gatherings, we know that the kids are in safe hands for the night. 

My dinner / supper. I know I shouldn’t eat so late and so sinfully. But the emo brain is telling the logical side that I deserve to treat myself today. Today, I helped 2 separate clients plan better for their future. The revenue I earn is zero. I explained the plans to the first appt and told him in view of his current circumstances, he really should build up his emergency cash. He was so grateful that he wanted to give me a treat which I politely declined. The second appt was to apply hospitalization plans for a premature baby; but sadly the baby is still in the midst of many many follow ups so we discussed and felt that it probably would b better to wait for now. But even though the revenue is zero, I know I’m doing the right thing. The right thing for their circumstances. And I know if God were to page me now, He will be glad. 

Such is a fruitful day. A lot of friends think that I have an easy job; a glamorous one sometimes. One that chit chat a bit and gets paid vacations regularly. And when I’m feeling angst by their remarks I wanna reply the following

Me: “If it’s so easy, why don’t you come do it?”

Fren: “aiya I missed the boat Liao or I’m too old”

🙄🙄🙄

Or things like 

Fren : “你真好命，everything William settle. U only need to work” 

Me (when I feel hormonal) : “ you think it’s so easy to bring income home?!” 

Both situations; I wanna say.. but no guts la.. lol.. I wanna say it’s not that it’s easy ; it’s that I make it looks easy. Of coz God provided; but it’s still a lot of HARD AND HEART WORK!! If it’s so easy, then everyone would b financial adviser Liao leh.. 

anyway it must b bcoz PMS la.. that’s why I’m hormonal.. but ya, hopefully God gives me the wisdom to reply such comments; or the wisdom to zen it .. 

Bible verse

 “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://psalm.bible/psalm-107-1

Trying to remember dearly that God knows best. And even though we have our differences, he is the best fit for me. These few days have been challenging. William and I have been arguing, not those big big fights, but small squabbles. Just not sure if the small squabbles will eventually snowball to something bigger and explosive. 

Trying to speak kindly, but it’s not always easy. I know I can choose green (kind) or red (angry) words/sentences. Green promotes harmony while red evokes confrontations. But it’s not always easy when the words rush out to slay. Lol.. just like how I’m silently blogging now while he’s struggling to book the Melbourne tickets.. I offered my help, but smeared it sarcastically (my bad) and he’s offended. Okie lo, then u ownself do lo.. 

I’m not sure if I’m easily triggered bcoz my PMS (kinda early) is coming, or bcoz he wouldn’t be around on Friday bcoz he has PSSG D&D or if it’s other things that’s causing my anxieties.

Contrary to popular beliefs, I do have anxieties and I am only human. Leaning on God’s wisdom and assuring myself that He knows what’s best and whatever that comes along, are situations to mould me to a better person. 

Spending time

Came home from the trip last Saturday and the 3 of us are still recovering from jet lag. Wouldn’t have happened if the baby would just zzz more on the plane. His sleeps are everywhere now and I’m just praying that this will end soon. 

And now, it’s time to spend some quality time with the girls.

Texted the teenager this morning and ask if she would like to do a coffee session with me in the midst of her exams. She chose the place and I’m just blogging while she continues her revision. 

Sometimes I look at her, and I thank God for sending her to me. And if I didn’t itchy backside and prayed for another baby, I would have an easy life now. Oh well, that’s a story for another day.

Revisions are auto pilot for her and I hardly need keep track of her progress. What I can do for her is to provide stops/ breaks for her so that she takes care of her mental health and that she doesn’t crash and collapse in the midst of the stress she is giving to herself. 

I’m thankful how she turn out to b despite the initial turbulence years. 

Take yr time my dear teenager. Enjoy each step of the way.