The big move

Today marks the day when we officially move into our new house. Everyone is now sound asleep while I'm still emo-ing abt how the old place is so much better than the current place.  To be fair, there wasn't major faults abt the new place. Mr choo has done a fantastic job packing all the things and planning the move all by himself. And I really mean all by himself. Till date, he has shifted a queen size bed + mattress, a clothes wardrobe , a camera cabinet that's taller than joy , and many many boxes of clothes, shoes , toiletries and kitchenware.. all by himself. I was more worried abt his back but him being him, once he has decided to do what he wants to do, no one can convince him otherwise. The most amusing thing got to be the way he bubble wrapped our queen size mattress before trolleying all the way from the hdb to our new place. I asked him if it was tedious and the man said it was more embarrassing instead.. my man..

Anyway back to my emo... I guess I'm juz not someone who adapts to changes very well. After the move and after I came back fr work, (yes, despite the official move day, I still had to work), I started to complain and nitpick.. lol.. like asking him why doesn't our toilet has a dustbin or cup holder to put the tooth brush ? Why is the shower head not the same as the old house? Or why I can hear the girls clearly even though they are in the other room? And the list goes on and go.. I was snapping and getting out of control.. but he was so ever patient with me.. explaining all my 101 questions.. even I myself couldn't tahan me, if I'm the hubby.

Really thankful for him yesterday, today and for the next 50 yrs.. a friend say I would b able to adapt in a week's time..well I certainly hope so.. despite all the grouses , I'm thankful for God in our household, and Mr choo in my life. Merry Xmas everyone !

A little prayer

Always like the empty pockets of time when I could pray to the Lord , reflect upon the past week and enjoy a little of "me" time..

While waiting for my appt today, I penned a little prayer always reminded of what God has done in me and my household..

"Dear God, I pray for patience and strength as I carry on with the work. I pray for the right mindset in approaching my appts and I pray for the right attitude. No fear, no self doubt; with a willing heart to help all that comes my path; a humble heart to treat all with dignity and respect. Lord, it always seem arduous to begin a fresh week, with nothing. But many times, You have shown me the miracles and Yr ways; and many times, I stand in AWE of yr presence.  I pray that as the yr comes to an end, that You help me help all that comes my path, I pray that You encourage those who are struggling, that they b reminded of Yr presence and great love, that You are the answer to all questions and doubts. LORD, I pray that as I collect the keys to the new place, that You help me make things right. If this is the place for us to stay, I pray that You walk ahead and pave the way for us. Lord, if the plan is to sell, I pray that you bring the buyer to our doorstep; that we all will KNOW, it is from You. Lord, yday while talking to a colleague, he ask if I'm running for banding; which I wasn't. Nor was I running for any deadlines and he commented that life muz be good to be so stress free. It only daunt on me when he said that. Lord , I want to continue to believe that my purpose is You and I wan to look up to You. Wherever You point, I follow. Thankful for being in an environment where I don't need to chase after targets or any material possession, bcoz You are all I need. Thankful for Yr providence. In Jesus name I pray, amen."

I will say of the Lord, " He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." Psalms 91

Travel blues..

Will b going to Dubai/ Vienna next week and right now, my heart isn't as settled I guess.. emo + everything.. argh.. worried about taking such a long break and having a haywire work cycle when I come back. I pray that God give me peace & let me enjoy this when I bring my mama along.. it's one of the reasons why I'm going.. coz she would like to.. and one of my intentions of bring my parents overseas once every yr.. as much as I no longer enjoy travelling.. Haha..

I pray for peace for going away; I pray for openings.  My appts are few and the week is empty; I'm not sure how the bills can be paid but I know that God's with me and that's all it matters.

I pray for a friend who's pregnancy isn't that stable; I pray that God you protect her and her baby; I pray that you give her peace so that the mind will not wander; I pray that the pregnancy will be smooth and in a few months time , she will deliver a healthy baby.

I also pray for the salvation of the unchurched; that they come to know You; that indeed life with God is more assuring. I pray that they see Your works in me. Indeed, in all, I give thanks to the Lord for all He has provided. In Jesus name I pray, amen !

10-5-0?

- Posted on 29th Jul 2016-

Something happened that day & I might be pregnant. The initial feelings were " Yeah! #4!"; followed by " How are we going to cope?"; "Can we really handle another one? Diaper bag again! ???"

Of coz, all these were just wild thoughts and nothing has been finalized yet. Will know by Joy's birthday if it happens. (Muz be crazy). The inital hopes quickly turned to fears within a day. Even when a colleague brought her baby to office, it did lift my spirits up for a while, but only for a while.

Right now, I pray Lord that God, You know the shortfalls, the situation, I pray that You know best for me & whateven happens, I will obey. I pray that Your Will be done; and may all things be right in yr eyes! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

* By today, I'm glad to inform that it's just a false alarm. :)

Birthday celebration

I decided to pen how I celebrated my bday this yr.. actually wanted to do it last yr too..but in the end kept dragging it, n finally forgotten abt it.. eventually when my bday came this yr, i couldn't recall what I did for last yr.. so in order to remind myself, I shall pen it every yr.

This yr, the celebration started early coz my bday falls on a Sunday so Mr choo wanted to pre-celebrate with me, as well as a date for us to spend time together.

28.06.16

He brought me to Wheelers Yard for lunch, as I had casually mentioned to him a few weeks ago that it has been some time since we went to that place. As it was too early for the lunch set, he suggested that we wait it out...

See the nice pic.. but deep down I was craving for bak kut teh.. super unromantic wife.. but I managed not to tell him.. lol.. it's not easy, trust me.

We then proceeded to espa at rws for a spa. Didn't take too many pics there since it was v troublesome to take care of the phone while enjoying the nice steam baths..

Went to chomp chomp for hawker food ! Ya, my comfort food..before going home to make the kids zz.. that ends the couple date!

01.07.16
Incidentally my appts flew for this day and Mr choo suggested that we do a proper bday celebration today.. like a date again..coz the place he wanted to bring me for lunch was closed on 28th jun. So I agreed. We went back to sentosa again.. Haha.. to the lunch buffet at W hotel.. nice ambience with nice scenery.. and v quiet place.. well, i think the logical Singaporean won't drive in just to eat ba..since the food wasn't something to wow about.. okie i shall be gratefull that my huby makes the effort to bring the wife to nice places la..much as the wife is trying to be the stingy auntie and trying to make every cent count.

He also got me a present, which I was quite happy with it. Coz it was a practical gift and since the old one is quite worn out. 

After which we headed to vivo for some window shopping before going home to be with the kids.

03.07.16 (Actual Day)

As we needed to go to church today, Mr choo suggested that we do a simple lunch after church before we head home. Celebration this yr would be dinner at home.. yeah!! Honestly, to me , that was great! Coz i really prefer home cooked meals nowadays.. hahaha...and now that I'm older, bday is just another day.. at least to me la..

The kids were especially nice to me too.. haha.. I won't mind having bday everyday if i get to see them in their best behaviour... hahaha..

Simple meal by him.. 

After dinner, the kids kept asking where's the cake.. actually I, too, am curious.. as I didn't smell any baking smells these few days.. so would there be any cake? 

The creative baker thought he give a surprise to his Queen by making a strawberry strudel this yr.. when I saw him scrambling to complete his "project", tears streamed down.. although I tried to hide it la.. but when the kids started to sing the bday song, I couldn't control and the tears just kept flowing.. the kids were concerned but Mr choo says " mama is too happy, so she cried.." ya right.. as though he knows like tt.. blah blah...

 My bday pic.. not too nice coz sad face.. but strudel looks decent... haha..

After the kids zz, and I really can't tahan and tahan liaoz, I started crying and man, did I cry v jialat.. asked him why didn't he make or buy a normal cake? Told him I was disappointed that there was no proper cake.. haiz.. honestly, I also dont know what got into me.. the usual me don't usually fuss over such things. But this yr, especially this yr, I really hope to have a cake, with the many candles and everyone celebrating together as a family.. hahaha.. but Mr choo surprised me in a way that I wasn't expecting.. in fact, I cried so hard that he asked if he should get one now.. which I told him there was no need to, since the kids have zz, and even so it would have passed midnight. 

Even when I was telling my colleagues over lunch  the next day, I was kinda emotional still.. haiz.. muz be the hormones.. nevertheless, I'm thankful for them, to be able to relate to them, and be sane.. what an eventful 35!

Despite all the drama, I did see a cake 2 days later..yeah! so happy!

We sang so many times of the birthday song and blow the candle again and again coz the twins insisted that my bday was over and it was theirs! hahahaha.. but it was fun doing it 4 times.. all the girls are happy and the man is happy when his girls are happy.. happy ending!

Happy 10th !

10.06.2016 

Lord I want to thank  you for today. 1 more day and it will b 10 yrs of married life! I never would have imagine that I would be so blessed to have found Mr. Choo, who is my soul mate & perfect puzzle to complete me. Never would I know that 10 yrs later, I would still be married to the same guy (Haha!) & with 3 beautiful children. I too have changed so much since then.

I rem being the avid traveller where the purpose of living was solely for travelling, good food & enjoyment. I rem being the emo adviser where every other week is like a roller coaster, always contemplating quitting and moving on to other things in life. I rem being the spendthrift where I take cabs every time I closed a case, or strictly bringing Joy to restaurants only for meals coz i felt that food courts were too crowded or chaotic.

I rem things start to change when I got married. I rem things start to change when I allowed God to take control. I rem attending church and coming back to God when I was heavily pregnant. Slowly slowly God changed me. Now, I no longer feel the need to travel. I still have the roller coasters but not as often. Weekend meals with the kids are usually at food courts coz we want to teach the kids to live within out means, living simply. I take trains and buses nowadays, and drive only occasionally. The me now no longer wears fancy watches or spend  $$ on clothes/shoes/bags. The me now is not lacking in anything, filled with God's love and not requiring anything.

As I look back I won't be able to believe that all these would be possible. How amazing it is, to feel full and not lacking in anything. Thank God for making my life complete, that I no longer need to chase after material possessions in order to make myself happy. I'm complete bcoz of You. Thank God for bringing me back home. 

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:10-13 

We did a pre celebration on 8th jun coz 11th jun was a Saturday, where we would be busy shuttling the kids with their enrichment classes and activities. Had a simple buffet lunch, before going to Gardens by the Bay for some jalan jalan.

* While waiting to enter the lunch premises

* What he got for us.. i was the unromantic one who paid for lunch, since I didn't get him anything. 

* At gardens by the Bay, just the 2 of us. Really love how my hp camera which made me look so pretty..hahaha...

11.06.16 came and things were the same as usual. There was no elaborate celebration coz it was a Saturday and Saturdays r usually a hectic day driving the kids everywhere for their classes. I rem that I wanted a banquet for our 10th anniversary, to be able to wear the gown again. But we didn't la.. coz i didn't felt that it was necessary. I did however went to look back at our wedding photos.. haha.. the time when I felt so slim and young..haha....

 * Us laying down at the beach in Sentosa, and trying to look cute..haha...

*Us now, while waiting for the kids to finish their enrichment classes; having char kway teow for snack.. haha... Mr choo trying to look uncle while I'm trying to act as pretty as possible..haha.. love how he dotes on me and ever so grateful for him in my life. 

On Friends & Meet Ups

               Recently a friend whom I haven't seen for > 8 yrs, contacted me again. She suggested doing lunch around my office area, just to catch up. It sounded very strange to me; for someone whom I haven't met for so long, to not only re-establish contact, but also offered a meet up at a place of my convenience. The skeptical me immediately rise all alerts, but agreed nonetheless coz she was a pretty close friend from the old days. The initial thoughts were either:

1. She's going to sell me something
2. She has an incurable disease and simply want to touch base with everyone before she leaves this world
3. She wanna know more about my work

It was none of the above. She simply wholeheartedly wanted to reconnect! I felt so bad with all my evil thoughts!

The last time I saw her during Joy's babyshower. And that was also after not seeing her for several years and when I gave birth, she texted me, just to offer some helpful tips on parenting & words of encouragement. But I didn't manage to see her after that gathering. Why not? I'm not sure either. Probably I was too engrossed with parenting and my work that I forgot? But I was thankful that she took the 1st step; to reconnect back. The lunch was good, simply reminiscing on old days and catching up on who's with who etc. It felt like we didn't part. And I guess friends from school are always special, coz they represent the times when we were still innocent, unpolluted by the desires of the world.

In fact, I was overwhelmed by her love for me. :) I mean, as one ages, friends' worthy ones, become lesser. Everyone's busy with their own stuff, and being nice with no hidden agenda seem rare. There always seem to have some strings attached. But today, I met someone from the past, someone who was pure and innocent, someone who simply wanted to catch up, as we try to recall bits & pieces of memories. Things that we did in the past seem so childish now, even though it meant the world to us back then.

Thankful for finding a gem today. THankful that she chose to take that 1st step (coz i wouldn't dare). She told me also that she contacted another friend (whom I'm still meeting up regularly), and that friend says to meet her only after july! Wow! I wouldn't have the courage to accept such replies!

Here's a pic of us then, and now. Can't rem when was the then, but I believe it was a school trip to M'sia.

Our daily bread

As I was waiting this morning for an appt to arrive, I looked thru the week's schedule and started to panic. This week is a very relaxing week and next week is an empty week. Before I start over reacting and go to a full panic mode, I decided to look thru our daily bread, which is something I try to do regularly.

The verse today is on 2 Chronicles 20:12, where the King, even though he is facing his enemies, choose to look at the Lord, and have trust in Him. The story unfolds and shows God unfailing reliability and how the war is won even without a fight.

How sweet the story is and how suitable it is for me. I've always wondered why God placed me here , for an introvert to be in the sales line, for someone who doesn't even enjoy being in the limelight , or even in crowds. But He chose me, to do what He has planned, so that plain Jane can do well in the sales job, so that others know that it is only possible because of Him.

I've always wanted to share with others my testimony but always I find it a struggle, to strike a balance between hard selling God and sounding insane, vs giving God his due credits. So in the end, I didn't. Which isn't what it should b. God I pray to you, that you give me the words to touch the lives of others so that they come to know you Lord. God I pray that you give me the wisdom to speak the right words to my clients, to share with them about You and also how important it is to start planning on earth and also for the future (Heaven). Lord, everything when i feel lost, I pray that you strengthen my faith and guide me in yr ways, that when people see my struggles, they see your works in me too. Lord, I pray for my friends who are nursing a broken heart that you mend their hurts and you made them complete again.  I pray that they will get to know you Lord, in Jesus name I pray, amen!

Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. - 2 Chronicles 20:12

Post- Retirement

Following my heart to heart talk with joy, i began to explore seriously on the aspect of stopping work completely; aka retireing. The initial thoughts were excitement and curious. I mean, to really liquidate all the assets and perhaps buy a 3 room flat with the monies from CPF. Then hold the balance in cash and slowly deplete it till the day we passes on.. would that be doable?

I started to go thru my household expenses, "the needs" expenses that cant be removed and "the wants" that we can do without. I went thru the assets and their potential cash values as well. Anyway, that's a tedious process, which I will be doing.

What do I do when I retire?
In the meantime, i also started to think how will i spend my remaining days if I were to retire now.

Things to do after retirement:

1.  zzz till shiok and wake up at lunch time to pick Joy
2. Watch Korean drama till shiok when the kids are sleeping
3. Be a housewife and starting learning how to cook and do the housework
4. Volunteer either @ PL/ Charity organization / church
5. Open a biz completely not related to what I'm doing now
6. Pick up a hobby

As I list down the things I can / want to do after retirement, I realize something. These aren't the things I really want/ enjoy doing. Well, at least not things I want to do for the next 50 years. No, I shouldn't be wasting my life like that and becoming obsolete even earlier than most of the retirees right? I realized something even more profound, not realizing before I even start on this entry: I am currently doing what I'm most passionate about, the thing I enjoy most doing:

Financial Advisory

Much as I don't want to admit, but these days of soul/ post retirement searching made me realize that I'm actually already in the work that I enjoy most. As I come to this realization, I also told william that it actually took Joy to make me realize that the sole reason why I'm doing what I'm doing now is because I started this work because I wanted to help others. But maybe it's the many years of doing the same thing, or the recent long working hrs, that resulted in me forgetting about it entirely, or the recent Depression attack, that made me dread it so much. But yes, I do enjoy my advisory work. And yes, I do not see myself working in any other job other than this. Nonetheless, I'm thankful for the realization. It has made me more at peace with myself, and relieved me of the stress of working. So yes, working for another 50 yrs here or till further notice.

Thankful for God, who is always here with us and guiding us through the journey. :)

On Depression

I've always tried to blog more on happy events than on depressing ones, coz I've always feel like if I were to pass , I would want to be remembered as one that is always joyful despite all circumstances. But the Easter weekend was extremely difficult for me. Depression has hit me and hit me hard it has. D has made a comeback. I've always struggled with it, and my job doesn't make it easier as the job deals with rejection/ disappointments/ expectations/ waiting.

As I recall one of the more jialat incidents, it was when I had joy. The struggles of being a first time parent, problems of breastfeeding and the effects of post natal made me crumple. I wanted to die then. I wanted to jump or hurt myself coz the pains from depression was so hard that I wonder if hurting myself physically would divert/ transfer my pain.

Fast forward a few yrs and I rem the struggles of infertility made me slipped into D again. I rem crying when I see pregnant women, or hearing some person I know who is preg. I rem being devastated when it rained, it felt as though God cried together with me in my struggles. I rem asking God to bring me Home coz living was painful. And still I survived. I rem walking out of it first even before I embarked on my IVF journey.  I rem entrusting all to the Lord and by doing so, I fared better dealing with injections than with hormone pills during my infertile journey.

Depression has made a come-back again and on the Easter weekend.  I don't know if it's been breeding for a long time it was it the long weekend or the hormones. But it consumed me on Sunday, on unsuspecting me, when I didn't seem to be facing any major issues / struggles in life, but juz trying to get on with my routine normal life. It has decided to visit an old friend. I had planned and wanted to do many activities with the kids since it was the long weekend. We did many activities , but things didn't go smoothly. In fact it seems like all the things that could go wrong, went wrong that weekend. They were quarrelling , whining and there were many episodes. I was snapping at the girls now and then, and acting like a mad mama on the street. It got so much that by the nth time, I told them to kill each other if they couldn't live with each other. I was tired of it all. I was tired of them not appreciating the efforts made to bring them out, the things they hv in life, tired of always falling short of what they want as a mama. By the time they sleep on Sunday night, I had completely lost it. I was crying v hard at not being a gd mom, @ not giving them enough time and patience; @ not filling their schedule with more fun filling actives before sch reopens.

I cried hard. I wanted to die. Again.  I thought maybe it would b better for the kids to have a new mama. I wanted to end it. I told mr choo that he could remarry if I die; or he could live a rich man's life with the insurance monies. He didn't over react. He took it calmly. He was there reassuring me. It was as if God placed him there, to make sure I didn't do anything foolish. He was with me as I cried buckets n buckets, me not knowing why.

I told him I wasn't happy with juz letting the kids go thru childhood on a routine, we should do more things for them and with them and not juz leave it to the sch. I wanted them to learn baking with the dad, or picnic or character building; and not juz routine parenting ie, making them eat ; bathe and sleep parenting. I rem when I grow up even though my parents were poor and we live simply, my mom made sure that we had the right values growing up. Suddenly the expectations of being a parent hit me and I had problems dealing with it.

Mr choo agreed and we now embark on agreed new phrase of parenting. We brought the kids to cycle and picnic yday. Everything went well and I also taught the girls a lesson on appreciating the things we have in life vs complaining on the things we don't have. Also had a heart to heart talk with joy , who had become increasingly less tolerant of her twin sisters. Yes, the girl who prayed and prayed for a younger sibling is telling me she's regretting it every now and then. I told her that if I only have xx no. Of hours everyday and if she wants it solely hers, I will quit my job, sell the 2 houses, sell the car and we can move to a rented hdb. I told her that I have limited resources and if she really needs me full time in her growing yrs, I'm prepared to give up all these earthly possessions for all. I think it hit her, it hit me as well. And yes, I'm prepared to quit my work and live life simply. But this means that all of them have to be prepared for some sacrifices as well. I was glad that I got it off my chest, honestly. I was tried of working so hard and feeling so guilty of not spending time with the girls. I was tired of being in the rat race , always earning not enough to pay the bills. And yes, I'm prepared to live simply. If this means teaching the girls the value of money and enjoying life's simple pleasures. Yes we can do this. Joy teared. I don't know if it was because of the thought of no holidays or public transport everywhere or maybe having mama 24/7 caused it. But I hope she understand.

I'm tired of tahaning it all. I shall face my weaknesses as they come. Be it work,emo, spiritual. I will have the faith that God is with us and He will carry me in my fight with D. And in all circumstances, I will give thanks. 

I will die one day, but not today.

10-5-0

This afternoon I posted a question to joy..

Me : Joy, shall mummy have another baby next yr? Then it will b 10-5-0? 5 yrs gap each among u all?

Joy: A funny yet vicious stare.. those u c on Korean dramas

Joy: Mummy !

Me: what's more , with that we will have 2 pigs, 2 roosters and 2 dragons in the household? Wouldn't that be lovely ?

Joy: Is it so easy to be pregnant ?

Mr choo : hmm.. I've got 8 more yrs at PL  (pri).. If we have another one then it's 12 yrs leh.. don't wan la..

At this point I burst out laughing. . Hahaha... no la, we are not having another one.. 3 is enough.. although it seems interesting to have each child at 5 yrs gap.. it's interesting to know tt the twins are at the stage when joy was at, when we were doing our IVF. . So fast time flies..and I always feel tt twins seem younger than joy when she was at this age. Joy was always the mature 老大 in the family.  How bless we are to have her as our firstborn. It is so true that because she has made parenting seems so easy (at least in the initial yrs ) ; I would have the courage to have another child.

Anyway even though it seems nice to have 2 of the Chinese animals in the family, it's not a very strong reason to have #4.

I juz want to enjoy the rest of my time with Mr choo and the 3 girls.. to travel and play and cry together, 3 is enough. 

Our first zoo run

Last Sunday we went for a zoo run with joy and her 2 buddies from childcare. It was my first run with her. Although she's been to a few runs with the dad , this was the longest distance so far - 2.5km across the zoo.

Before the run, I prayed for a long while, for gd weather, for me to manage to see her in the chaotic sea of orange tees and most importantly for Joy to be able to truly enjoy herself. I remember when she went for her first 800 metres kids dash many yrs ago, she was upset that she was not in the top 3 finishers that she cried halfway through the race. I was worried if the episode would repeat, or if she would have another tantrum episode and thus spoil the whole fun of it. Her competitiveness to win sometimes torment her so much when the results r not what she expects.
Anyway I'm glad that it turned out well, both for her and for me. I've not run for a long time too and the last run I did was the 2.4km that we needed to do during our JC days. The time spend to chat with her during our walk/run and focusing only on her was gd.. and it wasn't as chaotic  as I thought it would be.

After the run, we continue to explore the zoo with the rest of the family. Everyone had a lot of fun and it was a very meaningful Sunday to just have fun and not think about work or preparing for the kids classes. . We all looked like  on Monday morning when we went back to school / work.

Grateful that we have this beautiful Sunday. .may we continue to make every weekend an eventful time bonding with the kids.. thank you God!

Cny eve

Mr choo send me this pic on new yr eve. . Yes while I was juggling dinner with the twins and loads of relatives, he was waiting at the A&E with joy at Mahkota medical centre, so that someone could look at her wound properly and treat it.

She had fell down during one of the rough plays with her sisters in the hotel room, knocked against the edge of the TV console, thereby smashing her spectacles lens, which pierced deep into her eye brow leaving it with an open wound and gushing blood. I was in shocked when I saw the scene. Joy crying out of pain and also bcoz her new spectacles are broken; Vera crying either becoz she sayang her chek chek, or out of fear that she might be scolded for the misadventure. That happened 1 hr before our reunion dinner. Uncle pig suggested going ahead with the gathering and coming back for treatment thereafter since there was a massive jam outside and we couldn't possible be able to attend 2 events and make it in time. I said no. Sometime in me tell me that it's not as simple and immediate attention shld b given. In the end, I took the twins to the gathering while he walked with joy to the medical centre.

In the end she had 2 stitches and glue on her wound. They had macdonalds for dinner and we all met together at ah ma house thereafter.

Despite the exciting episode, there was so many things to be grateful for. Eg If the lens had cut lower , into the eye, or elsewhere on other parts on her face, or if we had decided to wait and delay treatment, then the problem would be bigger than now. So thankful for the helpful hotel staff who helped disinfect Joy's wound immediately when it happened, and for the twins were quite cooperative during the dinner. Eventful cny eve but thankful to God for all things that has happened.

Happy Chinese new yr to all my family and friends ! May the coming year bring you health and time with yr loved ones !

On deaths

A friend's son passed away last weekend; while he was in his nap in his student care. When I first heard the news, I couldn't believe it. Even though I've never seen the boy before , but to hear of deaths of children is always heartbreaking. No amount of hows or whys can remove the pain or anguish. I haven't got to c my fren yet and by the time I learn of it, the funeral was over. I'm not sure how I should console her or should i act normally when I see her again. Deaths are a confirm destination to each and everyone of us. But when it happens abruptly or when it happens to kids, as a mother, its tormenting. And im sure tat all mummies would rather go in the child's place.  There's so many things that the child has yet to try.. and so many different kind of feelings that he would not get to experience.

Much as I don't understand why such things happen, I have to remind myself that God always know best for each and everyone of us and we have to TRUST in him.

Also another reminder to myself that life is so vulnerable, that you never know when it will happen, and when it does, do u have a chance to say goodbye?
Treasure the people around us and really live life like no tomorrow, coz we might not have another tomorrow. Stealing another glance at uncle pig and I realize that both of us have aged so much. Praying that we will be able to hold each other's hands for another 40 yrs.

Dear lord , I am not afraid if you call me home. I hope that when the time is here , I will know and I will have the chance to say goodbye to those that matters. Praying right now for the friend who has suffered the loss, that God you give her strength to carry on, carry her and her woes and may time heals.

Hfmd. .

Grace and vera got their 1st bout of hfmd juz a few days ago. The thought of hfmd itself was scary enough for me to say a few prayers every now and then. Anyway it really caught us unexpectedly coz joy had it when she was barely 2 yrs old. So when the twins were much younger I usually get very paranoid when I hear someone's kid has it. Was juz proudly telling another colleague of mine that the twins are coming to 4 yrs old and they have yet to get hfmd before. . Hahaha.. TA-DAN! AND it comes.. hahahaha

Thankfully it wasn't as bad as when joy had it. I remember during joy's time it got so bad that she didn't want to swallow anything, even her own saliva ! And of coz after she recovered, she spread it to me too.. lol.. the twins hfmd were a lot milder, with only a few spots at their throat..and that was that.. and I'm hoping that it ends at vera and not spread to anyone else.. and also becoz this week is my rest week so the hfmd came timely in the sense that we could spend extra time with the twins, juz playing and doing nothing. .Hehe. . I even managed to go on a cny shopping spree with joy this afternoon !

Praying that they recover soon and be well again!

Here's a few pics of us outdoors over the last weekend!

Sleepless night

The twins crept up to my bed at 330am and they kinda occupied the entire king size bed. Uncle pig is sleeping on the floor while I'm lying on the other end of the bed. I didn't manage to zz back unfortunately. Took the time to play some games , catch up on fb, did some quiet time and went back to my blog.

Saw the many past entries, some of our prayers for the family and friends.. some has come to past while some are still waiting for things to pan out. Re-reading the past entries it's like taking a time machine back to the past. . Where for many many things I've forgotten abt it.. or only agar Agar rem the gist of it.

It's amazing now tt the twins r coming to 4 yrs old, the same age when joy was ard when I was expecting.. yes, time juz fly past like tt.. how did we manage to do all these ? The frequent night feeds , the many tantrums , the sick episodes , and the many many challenges we went thru during this 4 yrs.. it's amazing coz God is with us.

Was just telling uncle pig this evening that our friend's daughter (15 yrs old ) is dating. .and how the friend is struggling to manage the r/s between her n the kid; and the BG r/s . I ask uncle pig how would we b able to cope when it's our turn, how would we react and how should we handle it ? The whole circumstances itself seems to b freaking me out too.. oops.. he, being him , says that when the time comes, we'll know how to do it. And God will be there to guide us, to nurture our kids. 😊

It's coming to 6am, almost 3 hrs since I was woken up by the girls. I rem that 4 yrs ago when I was still preg with them, I always have trouble sleeping back after my toilet visits. . Hehe.. how time flies.

Usually every Jan/Feb, my house will always smell like a hot oven with CNY goodies coz it's the time when uncle pig does some cny orders. This yr, he has decided not to take in any orders. (Sorry friends!) Coz it's really too tiring for him and time should b spend more wisely with the family. Time is the precious commodity here, more so than $. Not that we have a lot of $$, but bcoz recent episodes of health scare have made us more appreciative of time on earth. Nonetheless my house should still have his baking cny  creations. . Hahahaha.. Can't wait for him to start baking!

Going back to catch some sleep.. hopefully I can!

My job..

Fear is when u think everyone is beneath u or when the world revolves around juz you yrself.

I hate it when people don't regard financial advisory as a professional job. Some see it as a sales job out to con people, some see it as a desperate job to hit quotas or targets. I hope to clarify this once and for all. It is a consultancy job and is much highly regarded compared to the likes of doctors and lawyers. I don't regard it as a sales job coz to me it don't required selling at all. When I meet people, I look thru their statements and the things they hope to achieve and provide solutions to the loopholes they have. Some would have already realized about the loopholes before meeting me while some would only come to realize it after I've highlighted to them. These are called blind spots. The solutions I've offered , will cover these loopholes, might not always be taken up for a few reasons. Eg budget constraints, unwilling to forego short term benefits for long term returns , fear of commitment etc and the list goes on. To me, my job is to highlight all these and if the clients do take up my proposals then gd for them and me .. but even if they don't, so be it. I don't push them or am I so hard up for the sale that I die die need it n be desperate or whatsoever. Coz to me this is a profession. Juz like how doctors can advise the course of treatments but patients can always choose to go for 2nd opinion or alternative treatments, they do have a choice. Bcoz of the way I conduct my biz, I do not get offended when people don't take up my proposals. But I do get v frustrated when some clients think that they can expect their agents to give them some rebates, be at their beck of call, postpone my appts for the nth time, or even expect their agents to meet them at some far far place within an hr. That is not the way I work. It doesn't mean that if u give me a lot of biz I will rush down whenever u call me (urgent or no urgent). I've done a lot of bona fide work and to some of my clients who give me very little money, they always feel guilty when I spend so much time with them. To which I tell them that it really doesn't matter whether u can give me $1 or $100,000 today. To me, if I can help u today, I've done what I have accomplished and that is enough. To those that have always been very encouraging, thank u for always trusting me and believing in me. To those who think their money is v big, I like to remind u that money is not the biggest asset we have in life. For that is transient. What is core is character. And if character is lacking then it sticks to u. And that, is sad.

On new yr resolutions

1st Jan came and left , just like any typical weekend with the kids and no school. We had home made pizza for lunch today and after nap, went to a neighbouring mall for dinner and jalan-jalan.

I haven't made new yr resolutions for a long while, maybe coz i hvnt had the determination to see thru it. But this yr I thought maybe I should list down the things I hope to see a change to:

1) FB
- I've deactivated my account again ! Yeah! I've done it before and I really like the days without FB. Perhaps will do this on a regularly basis. Life is a lot more free without FB and time can be channelled to doing other things.  😊

2) Exercise
- yes I want to kick-start back my exercise regime.  The few travelling trips+hectic work+festive kinda stop everything for a while.
- I want to exercise at least 3 times a week (my highest was 5 a week). I thought I never say this but I do enjoy the exercise regime and the level of energy it gives me.

3) Joy
- want to spend more 1 to 1 time with her. She is often the neglected one and I should give her more time together. Perhaps can push her together to do some exercise

4) blog more and attend church more regularly.

Hope that when 2017 comes I can look back at this and be proud that I did what I've said today.