Battles

This post is for the friend ; the colleague and the sister who always felt that she was never enough for the kids or anyone. This post is for me.

The twins have been bickering all day since yday. I was alone with them coz William went camping with joy. I felt overwhelmed. It was as if I had settled a fight an hr ago and now they are fighting again. Countless battles.. too much for me to handle that by the time we came back 'from dinner, the girls had bickered (again). I blew it. The argument was for something meaningless.. Vera said Grace use the pen to poke her repeatedly while Grace complained that Vera swing her hand and hit her. Does this sound so ever familiar?

I was tired.. tired of them taking everything for granted..  and I said that if they can't stay tog as a family, it probably would b a better idea for them to stay at the orphanage. All three of them. If they can't even tolerate each other in making the beds, then staying at the orphanage with just mattresses and dozens of kids would b better. If they so loved to fight each other , then there will b many fights that they can embark on outside.

It broke their hearts. It broke mine too. They cried ; I cried. I realize I probably shouldn't said that. But I've said it. #emotional blackmail. I regretted it. I probably have scared them more than I wanted. Note to self: not to use this again.

We hugged tog. Explained to them again that we are a family and that we need to appreciate each other and take care of one another.

Made them zzz and I felt incompetent. I felt that I don't deserve them at all.
I felt overwhelmed. I wished that perhaps God shouldn't have blessed me with them. So much emotions.

I prayed to God that He help me overcome my incompetence, that I will grow to be a better person, day by day.

I went to my bible app and saw the following..

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. -Proverbs 13:3 NIV

I know I'm still a Work-in-progress. I hope that by sharing my struggles, will encourage others (& me) who might be feeling the same. We all have our struggles. We all have our battles to fight n instead of wishing that one is as capable as xxx etc.. let's all take 1 battle at a time , improving ourselves day by day. May God give us the wisdom and courage to carry on each day.

P/s: blogging this down so that I can use it when I don't feel as good.

Conversations with Joy..

Was abt to take my afternoon nap when Joy snuck in and said she wanna chit chat with me. Wow.. Okie..

Halfway thru our small chat, she confessed that she had forged my signature at her recent HCL 听写. She had scored 88/100 and felt that she was in big trouble bcoz of the low score. Seriously, I have no idea why she thought it was low. Nowadays Vera always come home with 5/10 for her spellings and I didn't even say much.. anyway I'm drifting..

Of coz I was shocked that she forged my signature. That is like forgery leh.. omg..and I know I can burst into a volcano eruption like the old days. But today, I simply hugged her and told her that what I hope is for her to always be honest to me. Always. I told her, no one will remember u even if u get full marks for yr PSLE but everyone will remember u for yr (dis)Honesty. I told her that I love her (again) and that she should always not be afraid to tell us her struggles..

She sobbed...quite jialat kind.. which I don't even understand why she cried.. she didn't even get any caning or scolding lo..lol.. I rem I kena jialat fr my mama when I was caught forging her signature ..lol...

Anyway may God watch over her and give me wisdom as I parent over her.. we are still a work-in-progress...

Lunch appt

Met a client for a review over lunch today and she asked how old the twins are. Her eyes glowed when I told her that they are 6 now. She commented that how time flies..Indeed it has. She has been my client for 8yrs.

It seem like yday when I broke down in front of her during one of our many lunch appts, lamenting abt my infertility (IF) struggles and how hard it is to just survive, breathe and pretend that IF doesn't hurt. It remains one of the toughest challenges of my life, battling depression and IF. It must have been too much for me that I wept in the midst of our appt; in front of someone I wasn't even close to. I was surprised when the emotions took the better of me but my client was pretty chilled about it. She comforted me; encouraged me and watched the many phrases that I went thru..

As I looked thru the #infertility posts that I've made in 2011, I'm glad that God was with me / us thru the many seasons. No words can express my emotions. And when I caught snippets of 《新生》aka "Babies on Board" this morning, I was reminded of how real IF is. And I just wanna take this time to encourage the friends that are still trying. I pray that God, you prepare and warm their womb, that You breathe life into their wombs, so that they too could experience parenthood. God, I pray that You carry them in this journey, that even though it seems arduous, You strengthen and comfort them. I pray that You send angels to them too, just like how you've send this client to me, so that they have someone to share this with. I know it's hard but we are all rooting for u ! In Jesus name I pray, amen!

Lazy Sunday morning

Joy came into our room at 7am this morning. She requested to use the kitchen to bake her scones. She has been craving for them for weeks. Papa choo agreed and we went back to sleep.

In the midst of my slumber, I heard the twins trying to "lend a hand"; while Joy was trying to manage the baking and the twins. Thank God nothing disastrous happened..

If I have another baby, this would mean that I would have to wake up at the wee hrs again.. the me now could continue to zzz even if they woke up coz they could play with their toys on their own..do u think it's possible that I pass the infant to them at 6am and go back to zzz ?🤣

*Baker and her scones*

The scones tasted great with generous amount of butter and jam spread.. there were "milo" scones too, improvised by the baker. I volunteered to do the dishes for her if she could just do the spelling with the twins. She gladly accepted the swop. (I had to offer the swop or else papa choo would b grumbling if he wakes up and see his baking tools not wash to his standards 😅)

After that, I brought the girls for a swim ! They were delighted! It's impromptu and I thought it would b good for the P5 to take a break in the midst of exams prep..

Happy Labour Day!

What are the choos doing this Labour day? When the twins are down with flu and Joy is busy preparing for her SA1...

Spring cleaning !

In particular- twins section..  hahaha.. coz they haven't been keeping their stuff properly.. e.g. their pencils are kept one corner here another one at another corner.. 4 jackets on their bed and many many of their toys on it..

This is the start .. and this is not even counting the recent big load of presents that they received for their bday.. need to keep it neat and tidy before they can start playing with their new toys. .

Halfway thru... house in a mess.. hahaha..
Kids are losing steam.. Hahaha .. but we will get thru it !

2 points to Vera for finding the missing "dolphin" and "cube"! One of the ways to keep them motivated in the midst of their "treasure hunt".

This is almost the end of round 2; with papa choo helping out with most of it while I go thru the revision with Joy.. (thank God I'm still useful..haha!)

Round 3: room

The new toys that they have gotten and This is not even the whole of it.. that's why I always say my kids have TOO much toys.. Grace asked me that day why they haven't received any presents fr us yet and we told them that their present was the Mac party simply bcoz they have too many toys that's just sitting there..

Labourer @ work..  between the 2 of them, Vera is the more hardworking person when it comes to housework.. Grace will try all means to "siam" or eat snake..

The amt of hidden "treasures" they have in their bedroom is astonishing. . Papa choo is pissed.. how can 3 girls b so messy? Omg.. 

The mattresses lying in the living room while papa choo cleared up the rest of their bedroom..

Time : 5pm
Finally cleared out their bedroom, washed and dried 2 loads and changed their bedsheets, which is in the 3rd load of washing now .. Papa choo says going to b iron man tonight.. 

Gotta pick joy from tuition in another half hr time.. dinner and the end of today..  Hahaha.. I'm exhausted even though I haven't really done much..  just enjoying 5 mins of peace while the twins play by themselves.. #thankful

Happy birthday my twins!

Back post on the twins actual bday.. was too busy that I didn't have time to complete it..

We decided to let the twins "potang" today and where are we heading to ?

First stop : Ikea!

The choos love coming here. Papa choo loves shopping for the Ikea things , while joy loves the food here. The twins love coming here bcoz of its big playground where they could play for 1 hr while the parents take a break ! ( yeah !) I love it bcoz it makes everyone happy.. Hahaha

Can u imagine all these for only $12.60? One of the few places I could feed the village at v affordable prices.. hahahah

 Inside the big playground..

2nd stop: Longkang fishing
Saw this promo on qoo10 where kids can try longkang fishing..

In reality it's more like papa choo helping the twins catch the fishes coz city kids have no idea how to go about doing it and Vera, being the "princess" , is too scare to step into the pond.

Their catch of the day..

3rd stop: RWS staycation

Picked joy up from school and brought them to our staycation. 3 days of swimming and sand play and before coming back home...

Happy birthday my girls! May the Lord continue to watch over you and guide u in yr growing years.. mama and papa loves u..