The weirdest dream

I had the weirdest dream last night. 

I dreamt that HS told me that we aren’t friends; I’m just her financial adviser.. 🥹

And then the weird dream continued with news saying she passed away and I wanted to go see her.. but I had died too, and couldn’t open the “door”.. but then Joleen and Jiamin saw me (even though I was invisible to others) and helped open the door. 

It was pretty scary coz it shook me up at 5plus .. 

I asked ChatGPT and what it says sounds pretty enlightening. 

Even though our paths have drifted, but it still hurts. And I wasn’t even that super super close to HS too.. 

And the upcoming wedding party probably contributes to it too.. lol.. 

I realize that I didn’t invite many of the people that were v impt in my life 20yrs ago; not even my maid of honor or one of my emcees.. cause our paths have drifted.. like parallel lines and never crossing again. 

I contemplated inviting some of the old friends from that season; but I held back. 

I didn’t want to end up exhausted from socializing; I wanted to see friends who are important to me and friends who can carry themselves; hahahaha.. basically friends who would understand.. but ya I guess the guest list cause a sub conscious alarm in me. 

Not inviting more people coz it’s my party. I just want to keep it small, keep it within people I love now. 

Though it was still pretty sad that many of my old friendships have died.. 

I guess that’s why the 情景 of why I’m invisible to the crowd but Joleen and Jiamin could still see me.

🤣🤣🤣

This is an example how being high empathy is a pain 🫣

Day 9 of solo parenting

话真的不可以说得太早。 

One of those days when everything felt overwhelming; exhausting, and one where I just wanna whisked myself into thin air. 

Vera hasn’t been in her mood for the last few days, and no amt of “letting her do her way” has done anything to help. 

Joash is a close 2nd. 

Grace has been very sweet in attending to her twin’s needs but equally triggering next to Joash. 

Counting down to 1 last night. 

I think I’m coming down to something too.. either the hormones or I’m getting sick soon.. 

This too shall pass. Amen!

Happy Mothers Day!

This must be the most number of bouquets I’ve received in a week! 

No I’m not showing off. Just super grateful for the love showered by many. 

孩子好像长大了。 I even got a bouquet from Joy too!

I don’t quite remember when was the last time she bought flowers for me.. usually Mothers Day meant bringing the kids out for a meal, or they would write a card for me.. 

But this week, they have all given me gifts in their own special ways. 

Grace baked cream puffs which were so nice… 

Vera volunteered to take care of Joash.. they are so lovely dovely that they wanted to nap today.. and that explains why I can’t nap on my bed 🤣🤣🤣

Joash made bf for me this morning! And he even told me that he would take the train to his swim class, so that I can take the morning off to REST! 

感恩小朋友好像真的长大了。就算只有今天，我也很感谢🥹

Awwwwwwww my heart is filled with gratitude. 

William even send a second bouquet of flowers today, so that I wouldn’t be lonely.

 Few more days before he comes back from his sabbatical. Looking forward! 

Thank you for letting me be yr mama all these years! 

Delayed emotions

Suddenly felt a dash of emotions today when I realize that both uncle choo and joy would be away for the next 10 days… 

And I’m going to hold the font while they are up in their respective mountains 🥹

This is how I’m feeling now. Probably started since last night when I couldn’t really zzz.. 

It got so bad that I skipped my afternoon nap today.. 

I know it’s only 10 days and they will be back faster than I realize. Just a tingling fear abt the worse case scenario:

1. what if joy had some mishaps during outfield ? 
2. What if uncle choo got lost in his jungle trekking? 
3. What if things got so overwhelming at home and I end up screaming / killing the other kids ? 🥹🤣🤣🤣 
4. Grace even ask who should she save first if I put the remote control or vera phone into the freezer? (Happened before)

I know this too shall pass… Haiz.. I should mull over a cup of Nutella .. Hahahhaha.. that thought itself gave me a smile 😊