Random!

2 more days before I see the people from US.. lol… so glad! 

 Trying out a new place to work! Hahaha.. it’s the study room within my development..tired of always needing to get a drink when I work at the cafe, so I thought I check out the study rooms here. 

It’s really quite nice. Has free air con + wifi + no people!! Hahahaha.. the only thing is that can’t really chit chat here coz it’s pin drop silence. But I’m thankful coz there are power plugs for my laptop too.. hahaha.. and I’m within walking distance to rescue my kids if there’s anything. 

Managed to do some work - finally sorted out my ad placement for secretary job. It’s work that takes too much time so I’ve been procrastinating it again and again. Finally got it sorted out. Hopefully the right person comes along. May God provides me with wisdom in choosing the right person ; and may He lead me to the right person for the job too! In Jesus name I pray, amen! 

Tough morning

One of the tough mornings today.. did the morning drop off together with this little man, but after dropping his sisters off, he cried his way home. Kept insisting that he wanted to drink milk before going to sch 🫠🫠🫠

I relented and thought perhaps he could take the bus with the helper after his milk feed. But no, he took his time to do everything except to go to sch.. I felt defeated and regretted letting both of them go. Eventually he only ageeed to school after we called papa. But the drama didn’t end there. He went to the bus stop with our helper, before u-turning home and said he wants me to bring him to sch. So here I am, at the entrance of the childcare with a clingy boy who refused to go in. It happens at times, but rare. 

I felt so so defeated. And it’s only 9 in the morning.

I know they are coming back next week. 很快的. But at this moment, I just can’t reconcile my emotions with what’s logical

Cried myself silly on the drive back. Must be hormones. Or lack of food. 

Gorged myself silly after the cry. Order the above plus steamed bread. So much for trying to reduce my emotional eating 🥲🥲

Did some impulsive shopping at shein, to get ready for cny + also bcoz I know I’ll be able to return all the impulsive purchases when my mind is ready.

My eyes felt so swollen as I made my way home. Had a zoom at 10am and no matter what, life continues. Work continues. I hate adulting. 

Went for a swim right after my zoom, else I don’t know what else can help make me feel better. 

I love how peaceful and calm whenever I see the pool. Going to take my time to sit here before I go back to mama duties.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but jin every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians‬ ‭4‬‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Family fun

This is me, slightly sunburnt from yesterday’s Adventure cove outing. Life unfiltered and trying to be more confident of how I look, despite the flab and age spots.

Decided to do a 12pm swim coz I needed an extra dose of endorphins plus I’m trying my best to stick to “exercise 4x a week” regime.

I survived 1 whole week without Uncle Choo! Woohoo! 🥳 🎉🎊

The little man has been merciful to me too, having slept thru the night for the last 3 nights. I have been doing the night closings and I guess this kinda assured him so he doesn’t need to wake up middle of the night to check on mama. My dear Angela said it’s bcoz it’s full moon coz her son has been generous to her too..hahaha.. well if that’s the case, I do pray that it’s full moon every night! And it does make a lot of difference - between sleeping uninterrupted sleep for 5-6hrs vs sleeping intermittently for 8hrs. The last few days I’ve woke up automatically even before my alarm rang! The same for my naps too.. 儿子啊，请你对娘好一点吧！

This was us yesterday - the day where all the stars align where it wasn’t raining + no one was having her period day. 

They were supposed to do this during the Dec holidays but it was raining mostly and then sch started which meant only Sundays were avail. I ended up being tasked to do this bcoz the papa is already not in sg and the tickets will expire by the time he came back. 

Becoz Joash was so clingy, there was a stage where I was secretly praying that it will rain super heavily so that I didn’t need to leave him at home (Honest). But eventually I told myself that if the weather was good, we will do it! Then one thing leads to another and our great helper ended up bringing Joash to Jewel coz he wanna see planes. I suggested she meet up with her friends after that so that she could take a breather too. He had fun taking train + bus as always. 

Glad that it all worked out! 9 more days to go! 

End of week 1 of school day

Today has been an extremely long yet fulfilling day. Woke up to drop the girls in sch. Had wanted to go for gym, but by the time I drop the girls, I will b late. So I decided to head home just to check on my little man, who was still sound asleep. 

Decided to go for a swim to fulfil my exercise 4x a week promise. 

Had to make do with the family pool coz the lap pool was doing some reworks. But I still swam for 30 mins (yeah! Good job Mrs Choo!) 

Saw Joash in the toilet so I decided to make a run for it. Quickly went to the bathroom to shower and got ready. Could hear his cries while I was in it. 

Came out to see a naked boy who refused to wear any clothes or brush his teeth. I’m not sure if he found out that I went swimming without him or he was upset that we went for the school drop off without him or both. Anyway, we set there (naked) on the floor waiting for him to recollect his emotions. This US trip has been tough on both of us. I think he felt “abandoned” on the first few nights when I tried to let our helper do the closing. And it triggered his insecurities. I’m glad we took the time to feel connected. 

It took an hr before he wore his clothes and got ready for school. But I’m thankful that this morning was a relatively empty day so that I didn’t need to rush him or carry out any threats. 

Had a zoom at 12, before I picked the girls up. The rain meant 

 traffic was slow moving and eventually we decided to eat at my office so that I could still lunch w them instead of simply dropping them home. They did some work while waiting for me to finish another appt. 

By the end of the appt I was over stimulated already. Coz it’s one of those recruitment appt - something I’m unfamiliar with. I guess it’s one of those things that come with practice, and eventually will get the gist and hang of it. But till then, it’s stressful and unfamiliar. 

Picked the boy and we had dinner at home. The girls asked if we could go CG today. I agreed. I feel guilty  that we haven’t been v regular on this, esp since Covid + Joash + we shifted. 

So we went. Together with Joash though our helper offered to take him. But I wasn’t sure she could handle him now that he’s in his current state. 

Came back abt 1120pm and got him ready for bed. 

It didn’t take long before he zzz. 

Im glad that the first week is coming to an end. I did well, I feel.. hahaha.. better than I expected. I didn’t siam as much as I wanted. Came home mostly to do my work zooms here, even though I could simply stayed in office easily. 

Well done! 10 more days left 

5000 calories

I probably ate over 5000 calories today - the result of emotional eating. I know I said earlier that I wanna dissociate food with my feelings and emotions. But it’s so hard and today has been a tough 24hrs. 

I felt so guilty when I didn’t answer to Joash cries middle of the night. We tried a new strategy last night - I slept in Joy’s room and if he does his usual night routines, our helper will attend to him. This is also to prepare him for our couple trip coming up in March and if things don’t work out, at least I have enough time to get an extra ticket for him. 

He woke up at 4am, and cried and cried. My heart cried together with him. He was angry with the helper and struggled. It was probably only when he saw the empty bedroom that he relented. Took another 30 mins before he finally zzz. By then it was 5am. I took a snooze before ferrying the twins to school.

I thought I felt better after my swim. But somehow I just felt terrible. And by the time I pick Joash from school, I was overwhelmed again. I don’t know what came to me but I just cried. I felt useless and overwhelmed. I felt like all my kids are waiting and expecting me to hold the fort but I’m not stepping up. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

As much as I wanna do 101 things, it’s so hard to lift myself up. 

I even made up my mind that I’m going to get this. And i did. But it didn’t do much in cheering me up

”You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” - Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Dear God, do you hear my cries? Are you carrying me through this storm? I pray that in time to come, this too shall pass. I want to believe that even though I don’t understand why, I wanna believe in faith that all these are steps and journeys to make me a better self. God, I pray that you be with me; carry me and my burdens. I surrender all these in yr name, Amen!

 

Me!

Send this two off in the early morning and headed for gym. The twins offered to go to school on their own while my helper will bring Joash to sch . Thank God for a great helper! We can do this ! 

Trying not to let my emos run all over the place. Haven’t zzz well for the last few days coz Joash has been waking up at the wee hrs and doesn’t zzz back til few hrs later. Was so tempted to get an almond croissant or eat happy after my BFT, but I managed to stop myself. I need to detach my feelings from eating..hahahah.. I don’t need to rely on food to balance my emotions. I could use healthier outlets. May God grant me the strength to pull it thru

My cross stitch has been a great distraction.. lol.. takes my mind away from all the anxiety.. just need to find someone to adopt it when I’m done! 

My goal for the next 2.5 weeks :

1) spend more time with the twins 

2) pick didi up from school and bring him for the late afternoon swims 

3) exercise 4x a week 

4) complete my cross stitch 

Maybe I should do a solo trip. Hahaha.. just thinking out loud. Todays just the first day of the week.. Jiayou Lena! 我可以的

休息是为了走更远

Enjoying the peace before crazy works begin again. Taking a breather this season, coz I think I fully deserve it, and becoz I don’t want to risk another burnt out. 

Swam for the second day straight even though I had packed my gym bag. It’s hard to go back to BFT in the morning, coz the thought of “pant like crazy” is enough to scare me.. esp since I haven’t been going for a while. 

2024 I want to take a more gradual pace at work. No one need to get their cases approved at 1am coz the ops cutoff timing is 11am. Remember to rest so that I have enough brainwave for what’s ahead. 

There isn’t a need to prove anything to anyone. I will do my best to share my business practices, but whatever the outcome I’ll leave it to God. 

Went to orchard to return my Apple Watch bcoz I can’t really appreciate its functions. Thought I will just get a simple watch that tells time and is waterproof. So I returned it since it was within the “free look” period. Then passed by a jewellery shop and end up buying a ring that cost much more than the monies I will be getting back 🙈🙈🙈

Decided that today will be the day where I treat myself well, so I went to get a nice lunch. I visited this place several times when I was doing my cupping sessions. But sigh.. the cost of eating healthy is not cheap.. I rem I used to b able to get this close to $20 but now it’s $30!! And I didn’t even make it into a lunch set. It was just the salad bowl nia.. and I certainly didn’t feel full despite polishing it clean. Oops! 🙊 granted that my appetite back then was tiny and I’m nowhere near. I do hope to lose some weight before cny .. hahahaha.. we shall see !