sleepless night..

Had this during my 2pm appt at TCC.. it was soooooo good.. but 5 mins into it, I regretted it. The caffeine was so strong that I knew I would have trouble falling asleep at night. And I was right. 1am and my eyes are wide open. I need to wake up at 545am tomorrow morning coz I have to drop joy in sch before going for my 830am appt at botanical gardens; followed by a luncheon at fort canning; back to pick joy from her school; then back to home to pick the rest before going to my mama house for a cny relatives gathering. I'm so dead. I know. The long drives plus the social activities would leave me hungry for a recharge. I would be lucky if I could at least last til the end of the morning appt and hopefully catch a nap in the car before going for the luncheon. Or I could skip it, but i promised J that i would go with her.. and it would b nice to take some nice photos there too..

We are entering Feb soon.. I'm looking forward to it..  fixed a couple of appts today and I'm going back to swimming/ exercise next week! Yeah! No more excuse. Need to work those muscles to burn the holiday calories..hahaha... 

And I hope I can zzzz soon.. omg.. why didnt I realize that its double espresso..argh it reminded me of the affogato I had with JM in Vancouver and that was splendid too..lol..

happy cny!

Did our first cny hosting at our new place.. was nice to have such gatherings again..

when we were more youthful - feb 2016

The last time we had it was in 2016, when we were still at our HDB. Coz it was impossible to host it at Jewel. And also bcoz it was difficult to invite some without offending others. There, I said it. The hard truth. It was less complicated when we were younger, when we were friends rather than colleagues. And as the company expands, differences enter and sometimes it's just difficult for all to be on the same page la.. that's the main reason why we stopped hosting. Coz it was just too tiring to please everyone. 

But 2020, i decided that heck la.. for anything to change, I shall change first. Even though it might b a tiny tiny step towards change, I  shall do what pleases me..lol..and my minuscule contribution towards improving ties/friendships. 

I'm thankful for all who has made a footprint in my life, and even though I'm not a friend-keeper, I'm thankful for the friendships forged, some stronger than before, some long forgotten.. well, it's time to change what I can change, and move forward.. 😘😘😘

Goodbye 🐷, harlow 🐭

We are getting there.. probably settling down to the new place soon, in the midst of the many cny hostings.. the twins cant be happier that they finally can scoot again! They didnt get to do it at jewel coz there wasnt the space to do it then.. happy with the pool/playground/scooting fun..

A a resident lend them this float while at the pool.

this is a huge carousel by any standards..lol..

Before we say goodbye to the 🐷 year, just wanna take this chance to give thanks. 

Thankful that we found this place, and even though it isn't near the mrt, the twins and I are really enjoying the benefits of staying near the school. There were days where they only woke up at 645 and we would reach school by 715. Tight, but not late.. hahaha.. 

Thankful that Joy is adjusting well to her new school. As of now, she has been talking on and on about her fantastic her secondary school is, and how glad most of her classmates are like her - first yr in the school.. blah blah blah.. 

Thankful that I've rested for 2 mths..lol.. dec and jan have been great, just simply being with the kids and not working much (oops!) .. just trying to take things easy at each season.. work will come from feb onwards and I will accept whatever plans my Lord has for me..

Thankful that everyone at home are healthy; that's most impt to me. Health and time with them.. 

Praying that God protect us from the flu epidemic.. trying not to over react even though most places have ran out of surgical masks.. my God is my shepherd..

Impromptu BKK

Saying goodbye to mama duties! So glad we did this impromptu trip! It was pretty last min, and I was hesitant of traveling with my BFFs for fear that it would ruin our friendship when we come back..lol.. I'm glad we came back stronger. 

We manage to eat some awesome food; some hits and some misses; did some crazy shopping and had many heart to heart chit chat sessions..

After checking in: I was kinda worried that I would sleep talk too much at nights and disturb their beauty sleeps..

Lunch on the first day followed by my fav kind of desserts..hahaha.. 

who could have imagine that we had fried chicken for breakfast on the 2nd day! It was their promise that we going to have some awesome fried chicken after I cleared my COT. The chicken was nice, but the pork cheek was awesome! Lol...so is the company..

crazy shopping at platinum mall..the boba milk tea was soooooo good.. and obviously only jiamin and I couldn't resist the sweet drinks..hahahah.. 

The good thing abt shopping with girls of different sizes and styles is that we could exchange our loots if it didnt suit us! Hahahaha.. overall we were pretty happy with our purchases / exchanges.. happy shopping!

Briefly mentioned to Jiamin that we had some super nice thai-Italian food on our last trip and she managed to find the place, when I couldn't even remember the name of the restaurant! She is the foodie planner - where and what to eat; Joleen is the map planner - which streets/ shops that we have covered and where to head next.. I'm the shopaholic with a checklist on what I wanna get at platinum mall..hahaha.. 

Day 3 - aka flying home day

we did something different and went for a brunch at a palace gardens..lol..

The palace gardens had legit food and scenery! We spend the whole afternoon there. It was nice to just laze by the pond and watch the swans instead of doing part 2 of crazy shopping..hahahah... 

And our last pic before we board our flight home..lol..

I've known Joleen for 16 yrs but there are still new things I got to know abt her on this trip! An amazing and capable woman, who wears many many hats. 

It's only after this trip that I realize we got closer to JM abt10yrs ago after the "split".. lol.. 我们的天真的小妹，我们的小白兔，到现在除了是3个孩子的妈，她还是一样的天真善良。

emo.emo

Havent been sleeping well for the last few days.. woke up like 4am to pee and became wide awake.. 😭

Joleen said it's my pre-travel (w/0 family) syndrome..lol.. mayb thats part of the reason..but I'm really looking forward to traveling with the 2 of them.. it's our first trip together without anyone else.. hahaha.. n it's really really short.. flying off on mon and coming back on wed so that mama duties wont b heavily affected..lol.. 

Or mayb its bcoz I saw this on my darling instagram.. and this was right after we had fun and laughter over 1-to-1 supper time, after topping up her love tank.. i know she is struggling, struggling to get over the broken friendships at primary.. but I was still surprised t0 see this, right after our deliberate efforts to engage her, to be there for her. She doesnt say much abt what happened and I could only try to piece the missing pieces here and there.. e.g. when I realize that she doesnt even know where her "BFFs" are posted to or when she no longer talks abt them.. or her occasional sleepless nights/panic attacks.

It's so tough to grow up.. she felt ostracized (I guess) for her outspokeness; her mature self a stark contrast to her classmates who are still into unicorns and elsa..

She needs to know that she doesn't need the world to love her, but this knowledge is something that even I as an adult, started to embrace only in the last decade or so.. I was tempted to peep into her hp (should I?), but william felt that we should give her space, so that she has the room to grow.. 

Its tough being a parent of a pre-teen; yes, the diaper days and sleepless nights are over.. but along comes different challenges that I pray, God will guide me along as I entrust my kids onto Him. 

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord , whose confidence is in him.

Jeremiah 17:7 NIV

https://jeremiah.bible/jeremiah-17-7

Reflections reflections reflections..

This was my new yr resolution for 2019. I couldn't be more grateful by how much God has done/worked in my life for ticking most of what I've set out to do for 2019. It wont be possible if not for God. 

1) weight

- I've lost 8kg in 2019, it hit 10kg occasionally then I would feel good and happy and start feasting again.  Hahaha...like what I told yp, im happy with my current weight. It's still on the bigger side, but im satisfied. I hope I can hit the 60s, but I wont b too disappointed if I didn't. 

2) Work

- I set $550k gr last yr not believing that I couldnt achieve it bcoz 2018 was a breakthru yr. Meaning it was the highest i had ever achieved since i joined. But God has his plans. Not only did i crossed $550k, i actually cross more than that! (Its a whole entire story which I would dedicate an entry on its own)

3) Service 

- I did have small breakthroughs here, having gone for my first street evangelism - something my friends or me would have imagined me doing. 

- I also did a small sermon/sharing during the xmas party..it wasnt something I could do naturally or enjoy doing but I will do it, if that is what God sets out for me to do. 

4) Love

- the judgemental me.. hahahaha.. I try la.. hahah.. I try to bite my lips and remind myself when the "judge" in me props up; reminds myself that I'm not God and that we are after all, Work in Progress.. 

- we didnt get to visit the children home last yr, which I hope we could do it this yr. 

5)Personal development
- I did a couple of books last yr but that was it.. I wanna do the flower arrangement class this yr..

And that was my resolutions for 2019 and my progress.. thankful that I manage to hit most of it and hopefully I can start planning for 2020..hahaha..I know I'm late but i need to reflect on what happened last yr before i can move forward.. 

Lena and her apple trees..

"Supposed we are all apple farmers today and if the goal (COT) is to harvest 600 apples by end of the year, I'm probably 220 apples short and with less than 2 mths left. I look at my apple plantation and there isn't many that are ready to be harvested any time soon. There were more "botak" trees and probably less than 10 apples ready. 

If so, should I still continue to run for it this yr or should I just try again next yr? After all, the math seems impossible. 

380 apples ÷ 9 mths = ~40/mth.

How do I hit 220 in 2mths!? 

And it's not like I'm super motivated for it. I'm comfortable with what I have now; (maybe too comfortable for my own good). I told joleen, I have enough apples to feed my family. We have enough. I'm contented with what God has provided thus far. Then do I still want to do it?"

That was the conversation I had with Joleen and william on 22nd oct 2019. And that was the best analogy that I could think of at that point in time to explain my circumstances back then. 

She told me in her wise words that I should ask myself why I want to do it. Bcoz if I can find the Why? , then will we be able to move to the How..

And thus I did my search for the whys.. this was what I wrote in my journal then:

Why COT? Why not?

1. Breakthru for my work

- 2018 was a breakthru here for me, my best yr since joining this industry. And if I could hit COT in 2019, I would have improved/ better my best yr. 

2. Challenge to myself 

- to be honest, I just worked for 2018 not chasing anything. Just did the best I could, have fun sometimes and the results was unexpected. But for 2019, I want to challenge myself, make it intentional and push myself. If I don't push myself while I'm young, then when? Dont live life with regrets. I don't want a situation when time passes, I look back and ask myself, why didnt I do it?

3. Good testimony for others

- if God is willing, He will make it Himpossible. The goal is so huge that it can only be possible bcoz of God. I wont be able to do it based on my own efforts. Its impossible. 

- Sometimes we need an extra boost of faith to see the miracle.

- When we are faced with a God sized dream, Jesus wants you to see how BIG His father is.

- When God gives us a dream, He will provide the resources to fulfil the dream. 

Lord, it's all about You and not about me. Use me for the expansion of Yr kingdom, that more will come to know You when they see yr works in my life. GOD, the task is too huge and often I'm reminded of how small/little the harvest is. But Lord, if it is in Yr Will, I will do it. I will work as hard as I can, to harvest too! In Jesus name, I pray, Amen!

And with that, I tried the best I could, to run the final lap. 

It has been weeks since then. And I cant tell u how amazed and in awe I am, to testify that not only did I managed to harvest the 220 apples that I thought was impossible, I actually did more than that! And it's all possible only bcoz of my God, Jesus Christ! 

No one thought it was possible. At least I didnt. But each time I was tired, Joleen will say, just do my best and let Him do the rest. And so, that's what we did. Thank you God!

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 10:36 NIV

https://hebrews.bible/hebrews-10-36

The big move

Struggling to decide if I should open this as a supper snack.. lol.. its the first night in our new place.. the whole of Dec flew past in a flash.. there are still a couple of boxes that we need to unpack, things that we need to buy for the new place, and cleaning up jewel before we lease it out.. tonnes of things to do but we are so thankful that we managed to pull it thru.. that at least the logistics would b easier for them to go school tomorrow..

our iron man has just started his iron duties.. 

Thank God that we managed to find this place. Even though it wasnt our #1 choice, but God knows what's best for us and we will take this as the best for us. We are still figuring out what we need to get for the place; e.g. the kind of cupboards we should get for storage; should we get good proper ones or just flimsy kind to tahan for the 2 yrs; should we change our dining table coz the old one seems so tiny in the big space now etc..

our shoes bcoz we havent gotten a shoe cabinet.. hahaha.. we also havent gotten our tv yet... hahaha..I'm seriously deciding not to, bcoz they have been squabbling over which program to watch etc..no tv = no quarrel?

Thank God for our superman, William, who has been the main person doing the packing and unpacking. This is the first time I'm around when we shift. The last move, I was overseas with Joy and by the time we got back, we were alrdy staying at Jewel. I'm a visual person so a lot of things I cant imagine unless I see it in place.. lol.. but he knows exactly what to get and where to place etc.. to which I'm so thankful for him in our lives..

I hope I can fall asleep tonight.. coz I rem I struggled to fall asleep the first time at jewel too.. and I'm excited abt Joy and her new school too...praying that she adapts well to the environment there; that she learns to balance the 10 subjects workload; thankfully sec 1 no more exams! Hahhaha... yeah! Praying that she meet nice people who will treat her well and forge long term friendships! 

So many things to be thankful of.. new yr, new start for everyone.. happy 2020!