Hvnt felt so sick in a long while. This felt worse than Covid, to be honest. Had the flu/cough/fever combo since Mon night. It got so bad that we cancelled our JB getaway on tuesday. I felt so bad about it coz we had alrdy planned to do some stuff in JB but oh well.. 

Went to see the doctor and given a lot of meds. Vomited twice and I was afraid it was stomach flu but thankfully it wasn’t. Just bad reflux and didn’t eat enough before I had meds. 

This morning, William asked if I wanted to eat anything special for bf. He suggested soon kueh which I thought was nice, but I told him that we should finish the bread/ham in the fridge. And asked him to just come back after dropping Joash. It’s so hard to take care of me when I’m sick. Oops! Truth is, I wanted him to come back home asap so that we could eat bf before I take my meds. I was 39.8 and all I wanted was some food so that I can have my meds to do it’s works. 

And he made this, coz luncheon meat is comfort. Hahaha.. had my bf and my meds. Took a shower and he dried my hair.. took a nap and feeling so much better. The temp is 38.5 and he went to get soon kueh coz he knew I wanted that.. hahaha.. 

很幸福; 很感恩. I know I’m not speaking much sense now coz I still got a lot of drugs in my body but I’m thankful for him. For really tolerating my nonsense la; for taking care of me 24/7. 

Me

Went for my first focus group today. Really felt v rewarding to be able to pay it forward. I guess this is what push me forward. To impart knowledge to the younger generation so that they do the best they can, and exceed their own expectations and capabilities. There can be more people greater than me. And if the people I helped end up being more successful, I would have accomplished what I want to do.

Mid life crisis

Recently got this online when I was in Iceland. Somehow the words just “captured” me asking me that it wanna go home with me. Trust wholeheartedly - probably the most apt message that I need to hear now. I love God and I trust that I’m in good hands. But recently, I’ve started to think if the current job is what I would wanna do for the next 20yrs. 

I’ve given it 20yrs. And 20yrs isn’t a short time. I’ve had my struggles in this span of time, learnt a lot, and grown a lot. And it has been a very fulfilling journey. But it has also reached a stage where I’m no longer sure if it still gives me the same excitement or if I’m even growing, compared to when I first started. I’m comfortable, work isn’t hectic but it isn’t exciting. I’m not sure why it’s starting to sound like a courtship. Hahaha.. wanted to speak to my mgmr abt it but we ended up quarreling coz he/I thought I/he said this blah blah blah and eventually 两败俱伤😝😝  

Which brings me to the next point? What do I want out of my work? Is it just to pay bills? Or am I expecting more? And I don’t want a situation where I’m trying to do something just becoz everything’s comfortable. You know.. like just because there isn’t difficulties means I should go do something completely different and drown in it. 

My job should be able to accomplish the following:

1) pay bills 

2) I would b fulfilled becoz I know I’ve helped someone today.

3) breakthrough?

4) challenged to try something different and master it 

What can I do?

- this is a tough qn tbh. Coz not every job will be able to fulfil 1) and 2). My heart can be full being a social worker or counsellor but it can’t help support my household expenses. And no one wanna hire me with no relevant experience too. Adulting is tough.. I wished I could use the same advise I tell some of my clients “Go chase yr dreams bcoz I’ve got u covered (financially)”. And the opportunity cost and inertia is huge too! 

I look at some of my clients my age; they are just working. Work is just something to pay bills and give them the means to do something they enjoy like traveling or shopping. Am I simply thinking and expecting too much?