A heart of thankfulness

Grateful that I have a husband that cares abt me and sensitive to my emotional attacks. We ended the night chatting even though he say he was tired. In fact he was on his sleep machine for a while before he switch it off and turned to me.

I wasn’t even upset with him. I was just processing myself. But he took the time, to be with me, to comfort me and that send tears gushing down. 😭😭😭

Just thankful that God is in this journey. 

I got to swim this morning. Really needed that dose of endorphins. 

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (‭‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬‬:‭17‬-‭18‬ ‭NIV11‬‬)

Milestone unlocked

This is me during training today. Today’s my turn to conduct our collab meeting.

I thought I was better with my nerves but this morning suddenly, pang! All the nerves just slap me on my face. 

Did I crash in the training? I think I did decent enough.. in fact today was the first time I felt stomach cramps before and even after the meeting. Never happened before, but if this continues, probably going to kiss the speaker dream forever goodbye. Hahahahaha 

Angela says that nerves will never go away. I just need to acknowledge their presence and get used to it. Probably. I like this reframe. 

I thought I did well for today. Not sure if everyone felt the same? Maybe it’s I ownself praise ownself.. hahahaha.. 

关关难过，关关过。

Just grateful that today is finally over. Did the best I can for today’s training. 

I like to give trainings coz it’s fulfilling when I see people’s eye sparkle after that. And also coz it’s just a way of paying it forward. 

Maybe I shouldn’t wish that the nerves to go away. They are here coz these people matter to me. So I should maybe wish for them to be here all the time? Hahahahah.. 

Fulfilling day. Grateful. 

Going for supper with my comfort friends.. hahaha.. 

Happy birthday to me!

Decided to pen a letter to myself on my bday. After all that has happened in 2025, I’ve learnt to be a little kinder to myself. 

Dearest 我，

生日快乐🎂！I’ve grown so much over the last 3yrs. 

July is my bday month and it’s also my work anniversary as a leader. So every July feels a lot more; more grateful; more loved; more fulfilled. ❤️

What more do I want for myself? In the next 6mths, 1yr, 3yrs and even 5yrs?

I want to be able to live each day with purpose and ❤️, to be able to be a lighthouse for the people around me. 

我长大了。不再每次自责 or butcher myself for every mistake that happened. 

我要过得更充实，更开心。

Grateful to God for all the blessings He has given me. 🤗

Eve of party

Tonight felt like eve of wedding night again! And I think a lot of my friends are feeling the nerves like me.. hahahaha.. 

I was just ranting to a couple of them that I felt like super nervous and they said they too! Hahahahah! And honestly, most of the hard (heart) work are all done by my beloved guests.. hahahaha.. so many of them are doing little speeches that I’m so excited abt it! And I’m so grateful and immensely blessed. 

It’s midnight and I can still hear uncle Choo doing the final prep for the deco stuff for tomorrow.. I really wanna zzzz .. can he faster come back ? 🥹🥹🥹 

After 20 years, I don’t think I can sleep without him.. hahahaha.. 

excited abt tomorrow, and also grateful for ❤️❤️❤️

The weirdest dream

I had the weirdest dream last night. 

I dreamt that HS told me that we aren’t friends; I’m just her financial adviser.. 🥹

And then the weird dream continued with news saying she passed away and I wanted to go see her.. but I had died too, and couldn’t open the “door”.. but then Joleen and Jiamin saw me (even though I was invisible to others) and helped open the door. 

It was pretty scary coz it shook me up at 5plus .. 

I asked ChatGPT and what it says sounds pretty enlightening. 

Even though our paths have drifted, but it still hurts. And I wasn’t even that super super close to HS too.. 

And the upcoming wedding party probably contributes to it too.. lol.. 

I realize that I didn’t invite many of the people that were v impt in my life 20yrs ago; not even my maid of honor or one of my emcees.. cause our paths have drifted.. like parallel lines and never crossing again. 

I contemplated inviting some of the old friends from that season; but I held back. 

I didn’t want to end up exhausted from socializing; I wanted to see friends who are important to me and friends who can carry themselves; hahahaha.. basically friends who would understand.. but ya I guess the guest list cause a sub conscious alarm in me. 

Not inviting more people coz it’s my party. I just want to keep it small, keep it within people I love now. 

Though it was still pretty sad that many of my old friendships have died.. 

I guess that’s why the 情景 of why I’m invisible to the crowd but Joleen and Jiamin could still see me.

🤣🤣🤣

This is an example how being high empathy is a pain 🫣

They will be 14 tomorrow. How time flies. 

I remember how those early days were - always overwhelmed; always exhausted; always tired and even if I wanted to fight with Uncle, using that time to sleep felt more important. 

The days are long but the years short. 

I guess there is some truth to it. 

Grace was just reminding me recently that the current house is the only house where vera and her stuff wasn’t thrown out of the house! lol…  those years had been so hard, coz she is as stubborn as me; more sensitive / emo than me; and more whiny.. it’s like Lena 2.0. 

Recently it’s nice to just hug and cuddle her. I think I might invite her to my bed when William goes for his sabbatical break. 

I’m not a perfect mom. We fight so much then. I/We cried so much; either together or alone on my bed. 

Thankful that even though things aren’t perfect, we make it thru. 

Throwback to last Monday

 The hubby booked me for lunch today, on a Monday afternoon where I’m usually the busiest. And to top it off, today is my video shoot! 

Alrdy feeling the whole of nerves over that and he has to do lunch today. 

But yes I appreciate his initiative, to still bring me out. I’m considering if I should tell him “pls no Mondays  next time.. or should I just prioritize him n make my Mondays less hectic” 

Thankful for a hubby that still dates me even though I should have book him for his bday. In a way, I’m guilty that I should have booked him for a lunch date, but I was so packed that he took matters into his hands... 没有心的老婆.. 🤣🤣🤣

What we did at the shoot. Thankful that Chengyi and Angela were there. If not I would have died.. hahahaha.. 

Not sure how it would end up like but we shall see. 

Growth is uncomfortable, so is fear, and unknown. Thankful for the cheerleaders in this journey. 

I wrote a small note in the morning. The purpose of us doing a shoot, to do up our branding etc.. it’s not coz I wanted to be an influencer, or a celebrity. But I hope thru my tiny efforts, bring those who want to know abt this career find us, to encourage women to not just settle, but believe that the sky is the limit. 

Lena’s Travels

And this wraps up our 1-1 mama daughter trip. 

Thankful to be able to spend this week with my young adult, before she starts her next chapter. 

I’m a proud mama, even though she always feels that I’m not supportive of career choices. 

I guess, it’s something I need to learn, learn to let go, learn to set her free, to fly like a bird. 

My heart is full. I’m grateful for this opportunity to hold her, to let her take care of me, before her heart has other “contestants”. Hahahahhaha! 

Where did my little bean go? We stayed in a tiny boutique hotel on our Tokyo extension and had to squeeze on a tiny bed. She was uncomfortable with sharing, but I was delighted. Hahahah.. I jokingly reminded her that she used to only be able sleep on my arm. There were many nights where sleeping meant carrying a 10 kg baby and singing “twinkle twinkle” til I see stars.. hahahha.. 

感恩你长大了，这么优秀，这么会照顾别人。 我希望你能记得要好好照顾自己，也希望在不久的将来你也会找到一个会照顾你一辈子的人。

妈妈永远爱你 ❤️

How much is a litre of confidence?

I talked abt this several times on my blog. 

https://pigletchoo.blogspot.com/2023/12/lessons.html?m=1

Looking back, I’m definitely more confident now compared to 2yrs ago. 

And I’m happy where I am now. 

I’m thankful I didn’t surrender when things felt overwhelming.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to grow, and grow tremendously which I didn’t expect. 

I’m thankful to have my band of cheerleaders who stood by me, waiting to just give me a hug whenever I feel like crying. You know who u are. 

On a personal note, I finally decided to hold a celebration for our 20th wedding anniversary. It’s been on my mind since my 10th anniversary, but I got lazy/distracted/overwhelmed. 

And then a whimsical trip to JB, I found myself wanting to do it again. Cause 20 yrs is a milestone. 

”我不知道我们还会有多一个20年吗？” that was what I told uncle Choo.. 

Thoughts of death or even the vulnerability of marriage kept lingering in my mind. 

So I decided, let’s do it! 

Looking for a venue to do a small cozy little party for now. 

Hope I wouldn’t give up and cancel it by the next post! Hahahaha.. 

Learning a new sport

Learning a new sport at 45 is scary. 

Especially when I haven’t been a sporty person all my life. 

I always tell my friends: 

“球太大，我怕打到我。球太小，我接不到。” 

But I didn’t want to say no to Rachel for the third time. She has been organizing it every month, for our team. Says it’s to exercise together to work towards a healthier lifestyle, and not simply work work work. She did quietly tell me that it also helps save me money coz we can do team bonding very affordabily.  

真的是让我又爱又恨的小朋友。❤️

And so I went today. Even though I played out 101 excuses to fly them at the last minute, even though I’m not sure how it would end. 

Ming started with warm up, and even before it ended, I thought I was FINISHED. 

Hahahaha… 

Then we played. Small simple exercises at the start, then eventually the respective courts depending on yr skill level. 

I actually enjoyed myself more than I expected. 

Even though my muscles still aching like crazy as I’m writing this. 

Even though none of my comfort kakis are here. 

It used to bother me a lot when they didn’t come. In fact none of my seniors came. 

But I realize that I wouldn’t have come if I was an adviser even if my boss had organized. 

And I’m completely okay with it now. 

We all have 24 hours a day. 

I spend some time out of my comfort zone today and I’m proud of myself. 

I had no expectations or disappointment on the actions of others.

I’m proud of my own realisation. And I’m enjoying this moment of ME now. 

I’m thankful. 

Thankful for the growth.

P/S: Told Rachel my social battery was flat after I parted ways with them. She asked why? Especially since it’s my own team! I told her that my mind had less than 5 sentences that’s non work related.. hahaha.. just socially awkward. Hahahaha..

Small steps

 I love swimming. But I haven’t swam in mths. 

Sick. Weather. Overwhelmed. Just didn’t feel like it. 

Didn’t feel like crawling out of my comfy couch. Wanted to 躺平 til the end of life.. 

But I did it today. Walked out of all the “weeds” trying to convince me not to. 

“U have 4 appts today. U should prepare them” 

“The son will be upset if he finds out u swam without him”

“The water is too cold” 

一千个理由。 

I’m tired of being a sofa. I wanna walk towards a healthier self. Step by step. 

The first dip into the pool. 

Damn. The water is soooooo cold. 

Did my first lap. 有一点吃力喔. Argh…I’ve been a sofa for too long. 

Did 16 laps for today. Not my best. But celebrating the small win. 

I need to remember to love myself; and also to take care of this body of mine. 

BBQ on a hot Monday afternoon

The ladies came over and we had a great time chatting. Never thought that we would click so well. 

I thought my closest friends would just be J&Jm but 缘分 pulled us together closer. 

It’s funny coz towards the end of the party I was already on hibernate mode and they noticed it and suggested leaving. Hahahha.. but I was fine w them chilling by. Just that I was too tired to make any conversations. 

Thankful for the friendship. ❤️❤️❤️

It’s especially cute to see the toddlers able to play well with each other too.