Silent night..

It's Christmas and everyone are sound asleep.. and I am the only one still wide awake..

I was curious to know what i was blogging abt a yr ago and I saw this .. we have officially shifted over for 1 yr.. time seems to zoom past without me knowing.. all the little adjustments that we had to make with the shift, seems tiny now.. I'm fully adjusted to staying here.. and the only thing that I missed probably is the big fridge and kitchen that Mr choo used to have. I missed how he used to cook big meals and we would invite our friends over..  beside that, I think all is good here.. the tiny place makes cleaning a breeze.. we've managed to maintain what we have / need. All of us have lesser clothes now though I think it's still a lot. We see a lot of each other here.. hahaha.. the girls relationship have improved so much.. they have realized that we are all kinda stuck together for a while and let's all learn to compromise. Yes, I think the word here is compromise. They have learnt it well and I'm thankful for it.

Compared to the ungrateful brats that we have a few yrs ago , the girls have really improved so much.

They opened their presents this morning.. there weren't many bcoz I was tired of organizing Xmas parties and having gift exchanges for the sake of doing it. Christmas holds a very special meaning now to us , compared to the commercial gifting seasons that ads are trying to convince everyone to buy and buy. Less is more and Christmas is really abt Jesus, my Lord and saviour.

What matters to me now is having my family with me. I have nothing lacking and I hope that my kids will continue to appreciate the blessings they have and be willing to share it with others.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and may joy, peace and health be with you.

Back to origins..

This was where it all started..  Haven bakery

The log cakes he did for cell party

As Mr choo is busy baking his log cakes for tomorrow cell grp party, I couldn't quite recall how haven bakery started it's humble beginnings. You know, over time, memory comes in bits and pieces, here and there.. Lol.. and the baker wasn't sure either so I did a small search..

It all started when the engineer turned stay at home papa decided to take some baking course since joy has settled down in childcare. He was bored at home and his supportive wife (ME!) told him that he should do something that he would not have the time to do it, if he had a full time job. And so he did. The course turned out well and he even went on to take a professional course with the school there after.

And so he started baking cakes for me to bring to office for the colleagues to test and critique. It was still pretty much trial and error. A few months later, it was the Xmas gifting session and I told him that perhaps he could help me bake a few so that I could give to some of my clients and friends. And thus it all started, at the balcony of our old place, where he started his first proper order - log cake. Both of us couldn't recall how much he baked for his maiden order but 1 thing led to another. One of my clients, upon tasting the log cake, likes it so much that she insisted that he bake for her son's 1 yr old cake. The theme was Thomas the train.

The engineer in him conceptualize the cake in the middle of the train tracks so that Thomas could go around the cake. I believe he was the first to have thought of it back then and it was a hit! And the rest is history.

The late night bakings; the smell of cake; his signature strawberries and his pursuit for details all floated in my mind as he started preparing for the party tomorrow. It all seemed like yesterday when it first began.

And it is only by God's grace that we could weather thru all the highs and lows, the challenges etc..to which I'm grateful for. Coz each challenge is a lesson for God to mould us, to use us, for bigger things in life. I pray that God, you use this man, use his skills, to touch the lives of others. Though it might not be possible for him to do it on a biz scale, I do hope that we could use his skills to bake for the underprivileged or for some communities etc. I do not know who or what, but I know, my God, you know what's best for us. And may we be able to use the most of our abilities to touch the lives of others we meet. - amen

Bible verses

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
 - Isaiah 43:2

Happy brunch

This was what I woke up to this morning.. uncle pig cafe brunch.. Lol.. so nice and easily much better than those hipster cafes. That's why we rarely visit those cafes outside coz it's mostly overpriced and overhyped. 

I asked him if he had plans to open a brunch place or something but he says overheads and rent will kill the biz. I offered doing it at our place but our place is too tiny to have a decent seating.. Lol... it's a pity that even though he can cook pretty much a storm (Okie I'm biased..lol), he can't put his talent into good use.

It's the school hols now and my week has been sparse. Took this chance to just stay at home and spend time with the kids. I like staying at home and doing nothing.. Lol.. waking up naturally to this breakfast and just having nothing to do. Pure bliss.. Lol.. 

We took this at taka yday..it was those free pics at a tiffany booth..love how it turned out.. 

#happyfamily #happymoments

My PK..

Why can't they sell self confidence over the counter? $50 / 2hrs ? Only for super crucial events? 

That was what I asked joleen, after my PK appt.. to summarize, last week client called me. She sounded quite upset. Apparently, she met up with her friend who had recently became a banker / sales consultant and together with another senior, they tried to pressure my client to buy a plan. My client was v uncomfortable abt it and called me for S.O.S. She asked if I represented that company as well, to which I said yes. She asked if I know abt the plans well, to which I said yes too. It was taught to us a few mths ago when it was launched so it was fresh in the mind. Here comes the uncomfortable part. She wanted to meet me and the banker/her friend together. She wanted me to explain to the banker why it was not appropriate to her, especially since we only had our review 2 mths ago. In fact, for the past 3yrs though we had met regularly for reviews, I had not recommended her any plans. Reason was simple. Her cashflow was tight, too tight. Any more commitments would b uncomfortable. Or at least that's what I thought. But when someone comes along and says/package/sell a plan until that it sounds too good to be true, then probably can consider?

So anyway I was supposed to meet both of them and it's not the kind of appts that I enjoy. I don't see the purpose of meeting coz the client agreed (after my explanation) that financially it probably isn't the right time to commit to more plans now. And the client understood and agreed.. then why do we stil need to meet the banker? Especially when the client isn't even comfortable to let her friend knows what she has.

My client felt that the banker and his senior weren't professional when they propose plans even without asking what she has and didn't disclose the fine prints when she asked further. And she wanted her friend to learn since he was new in the mkt..

Seriously I'm not that kind of super confident adviser la.. and I'm not the kind that use IPad or laptops one..im.thr down to earth, dinosaur agent who stil use pen and paper. Bankers are the packaged agents that always look glam and pro kind.. and I was like the exact opp.. even though the facts were in my favour, I was dragging my feet to it..

I spoke laymen terms.. why it was not suitable etc.. I didn't package my words but I'm thankful the client was on my side. She texted me this when I reached home.

I didn't do much for the appt.. didn't wayang wayang .. I told joleen after the appt that I won not bcoz I was the more gungho adviser but bcoz the banker kept going on and on abt how good their investment/life/retirment plans are... like best in the market..  🙄 seriously..  for all the different class plans , the banker confidently said that they are the best in the market..  🙄🙄

I told joleen after that how could anyone had that kind of confidence and say that kind of statements when it wasn't even exactly true..why can't I be more confident abt myself? I told her I wish I could get self confidence OTC.. Lol.. jm said that though we don't have self confidence, we believe in the work we do and it was always in the best interest of the clients and not my pockets.  In this case i was blessed that the client was on my side. For which I'm grateful. I always believe that as long as we speak the truth, we don't need to rem a thing. Coz the truth don't change. I believe that as long as you plan with the clients best interest at heart, then there is nothing to fear.

My last letter

It all started with a random thought just before bed..

Me : we should have included ur name in the current place we are staying..

Mr choo: why leh ?

Me: coz at least if I die now, the house would b transferred to you without absd.

Mr choo: Are you going to die now?

Me: I dunno.. but I just felt that I'm going to die soon.. and if that happens , what are u going to do?

Mr choo: Aiya whatever happens, God is with us and He will tell us how to do.

Me: orh..

Then i started to think..  if God is going to take me home tonight, my biggest regret or probably yr greatest regret is bcoz u refused to let me sleep on yr hand tonight.. Lol.. 

Me: I love you dear.. (Better say just in case I really leave tonight)

Mr choo : I love you too..

Tears started to flow as I continued to ponder on the "if I were to die today, xxx" and before I know it, Mr choo is snoring happily in his la la land.. not that I can blame him coz he's always the first to wake up and last to fall asleep.

I'm the one who has been having insomnia for the past few nights..  happened once a while and sometimes when I'm too stressed up, for dunno what reasons.. and I've been having the occasional chest pains recently.. haiz.. mayb it's the 30s mid life crisis or dunno what la..

Anyway I've digressed.. i decided to pen my last letter, something which i used to keep in my wallet just in case..

If I were to die today, Mr choo I wanna let you know that the smartest/most correct decision I've made in my life is saying yes to you. You made my life complete. You make the best out of me. Just like a spoilt child, I can wake up( after my naps ) not in the best of my moods, snapping at you or blaming you for the least impt thing. Thank you for accepting all these and more of my nonsenses. Just like how you always try to make me sleep so that I won't have to battle with yr snores. Thank you my love. I've realized (very recently Only) that It has become my lullaby.

If I were to die today, Mr choo I hope you won't grieve for too long. After all, we will all meet again one day, in Heaven. I know that you will be able to take care of the girls even if I'm not around. I pray that they will love you and take care of you til the end of time.

If I were to leave today, please let the girls know that I love and miss them. And though departure is sad, it is not forever. I wished mummy could kiss you good night tomorrow and the day after and even on ur wedding day and many many days. pls know that mummy loves all 3 of u.

To joy, my firstborn and the one whom I'm most proud of, I love you my dear baby. You made me realise there's so much more to life when you came to my world. You showed me how fulfilling and rewarding it is to be just with you, compared to any riches to the world. I can't b more thankful for having you as my #1. I thank you for loving us as yr parents and for taking care of me and even yr sisters when they entered yr world. I pray that when the correct time is here, you will find the right man who will love you for who you are, and who makes yr life complete just like how I have found yr papa. I pray that You continue to trust God and follow God in all yr yrs to come.

To Grace, my bolster.. the last few days when you were sick , you slept with us. You were my bolster and I were yrs. Though I always complained that you made my hand aching after sleeping on it the entire night, I look forward to being yr bolsters every time such opportunities arise. You are the one who always give up yr things for yr sisters. You are the 重情重义 sister that I'm thankful yr sisters have. Your righteousness and empathy for others is something that belongs to you and you alone. I pray that God protect you and guide you along yr growing up years. Don't be too emo when mama is not around. Instead, use the love to dote on yr papa and sisters.

To my 三公主 vera, mama loves you and wished I had hugged you more. You weren't easy to handle when you first arrived. You were like a chill padi most of the time and I'm thankful we overcomed the challenges when you had yr tantrums. Looking back, you have grown so much compared to the fiesty toddler you were. You now know how to love and care for others, to verbalize your thoughts even though it is not yr natural self. I pray that You will put yr gifts to good use and use it for the greater good. Take good care of yr papa when mama is not here. He is yrs now.

If I were to leave today, God I'm not afraid nor am I 不舍得。There are more things I'm thankful for (too many to be written), compared to the regrets in my life. I believe that instead of having regrets, why not just try to overwrite the regret. Life is too short for regrets isnt it ?

感谢所有在我身命中的过客, 希望你能像我一样认识到耶稣和他的爱❤

Random rants

still waiting for my appt. He texted me saying that he will be late. argh.. feeling feverish. Mr choo jus texted me saying that Grace is feeling lethargic again. seems like her fever only went away when she's home. or maybe she's feeling the same as me- emo and suffering from post- travel blues. 

so tempted to cancel on my appt, but I can't coz it's back to back appts. Meeting a 730pm appt for closing, followed by another friend/work/casual appt at 830pm. If I have to cancel, I need cancel both. The thing about canceling is.. it means I need to meet them again.. times like that, I ask God.. am I really suited for here? If yes, why do I still dread meeting people? Or is it bcoz my "work" brain has been switched off for too long that it can only think in the negative way when left on its own?

I went for 3 appts yesterday and only reached home at 11pm. I was exhuasted. I know I didn't do well for all 3 (It was 3-0 again). Then I started to blame myself, maybe I shouldn't have crammed my days to be so packed and leaving me gasping for air. Or maybe I'm still recovering from my flu and all the feeling-drowsy and high mode? 

Sometimes I ask myself, actually I only have 1 task and that is work and I'm feeling all so emo and shitty abt it.. I'm not even like those gungho mamas who juggle parenting/work/household on my plate. I have only 1 thing on my plate and I'm complaining about this and that.. argh.. why? why am i so emo about things? I need to get control over it. I prayed to God and looked at my daily verse and saw this:

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,

    who daily bears our burdens. - Psalm 68:19

Dear Lord, You are my Lord and Saviour and I entrust all my worries to You. Maybe I don't understand the why, but I trust that all will pass and that You know what's best for me. In You, I trust. I just need to believe that all is for the better me. In Jesus I pray, Amen!

P/s: While I was preparing for my appts yday in the office, I realise that my vision has become blur again. I randomly told Joleen abt it, and she told me that I had told her a mth ago and I probably should go have it checked again. Called my eye specialist and made an appt for Friday afternoon.  Praying that it's not anything serious. 

The Holiday Aftermath

I had wanted to blog after the end of each day during the trip but got too tired to doing it. Came back and all 4 ladies were sick...lol.. we landed in sg close to 1am and once we got home, it was busy unpacking and washing of all the clothes. 1 week of happiness coupled with 1 week of hectic housework. I asked mr choo if it was worth it all and he said yes. The girls and even I, enjoyed ourselves very much during this trip. 

It was not a hectic trip coz the places we went were sparsely populated. We could feed the farm animals as much as we wanted. It was different compared to the Singapore zoo where there usually are long queues when it's near feeding times. We could be in close proximity with the animals as well bcoz there wasn't many tourists. Lol.. simple holiday, the kind I like. 

I had thought I would have problems sleeping on the trip but the accommodation at Khao Yai, although simple, was close to nature. We woke up to the beautiful greenery and there were various "science stations" where Mr choo could explain its science theories to the kids. 

I could get a book and read while the girls play in the gym, or I could swing myself at one of its gigantic swings while enjoying the fresh air..

* me posing posing.. haha

The girls played very well among themselves throughout the trip and joy even invented a role-play of a card-stuck-in-machine game.

I was really thankful that they could invent games to keep themselves occupied.. didn't we all do that when we were young? 

This is one of the few trips that I actually had blues coming home..  to which I was pleasantly surprised. Thankful for this opportunity.

Day 3-4

If I had thought I would leave bkk empty handed, I was completely wrong. This was the result of 45mins of shopping in the morning while the girls went swimming with papa.

✅ clothes for cny
✅ shorts for work
✅ off shoulder tops

cost a total of $160...haha.. happy mama..

My buddy came over to pass me some snacks and also met up with the driver to make sure everything was fine.. he's been my buddy since I was 13.. we used to b v close in school but of coz as we grow up, we also grew apart coz he went overseas for his degree and eventually settled down in BKK..but it's good to catch up like this once a while..

This is our room for khao yai.. very simple, basic room. The beds were hard and the blankets were the thin kind, very different from our BKK hotel. This is more like a hostel, with a common living room shared with another room. Thankfully the hotel staff had kept that room empty, so we could have the whole space to ourselves.

I'm not sure how the girls felt when they saw the room but I myself was a little disappointed that this was really a basic room.. Lol..  the irony of wanting the girls taste humility yet the mama is too pampered.. hopefully the stay would b pleasant. 😊

Day 4
I slept for >8 hrs straight today ! Omg..hahaha.. love this place.. haha.. thank God for good sleep.. it's rare that I could zzz so well on unfamiliar beds.

We visited a few places today and one of the highlight was to primo pizza where we could feed farm animals like sheep, alpaca and goats..

Even I had fun feeding all these farm animals.. hahahah..

Scenery is nice and weather is cooling too.. 

It was not crowded at all and the few families that were around were all Singaporeans.. lol.. guess khao yai is becoming a very popular spot for Singaporeans nowadays. Coz throughout the whole leg, we either bumped into our locals or thai locals only. So I should b thankful la..at least it's not crowded at all and not flooded with xxx...

The girls also managed to do some strawberry picking at khao yai.. it's not fantastic but a good experience..

I limited each of them to only pick 10-15 strawberries coz the last we did at Australia, we ended up with so much strawberries that we couldn't finish.

We also went to the zoo and it was another round of feeding the animals too.. haha..objective is to feed them as much as we wanted. The zoo is more like a park coz it's pretty small and when we were there, there was only 1 other family. We had the whole place to ourselves literally.

Day 2

I woke up at 5am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep..  argh.. this is the reason why I don't like travelling. God pls let me have 8 hrs of undisturbed sleep tonight.

The first stop this morning is sea life at Siam paragon. It's pretty much similar to the one in RWS. Thought would be quite educational for the kids since we didn't wanna go kidzania (again)

 Vera and her 苦瓜脸。。。and she was the one insisting to take pics but all with her sour face. Think probably too tired from last night. 

After leaving sea life, we headed for lunch before going to hello kitty cafe. This was like the twins highlight for today.. Lol

Vera still with her sour face. 

Being the cheapo mama, I told the girls that we are simply going there for photos and not going to buy any food there. Tried it few yrs before with William and it was over rated and too over priced. 

Thankfully we managed to leave as promised. 

Went back to the room shortly bcoz the girls were tired. Could see from the way they snap at one another. But once we reach back to the room, it's like a recharged of their energy. Sometimes I wonder do they like a holiday or simply love staying in a hotel room .

- playing their card games while I was out for a quick spree. I didn't manage to buy much today. Lol..dunno if it was bcoz my clothes are still v much wearable or bcoz on the 2 slots that I went out most shops won't open/ had alrdy closed. I have a feeling that I would not be buying much for this trip..and tom is the last morning I could shop before leaving for khao yai. And there's no shopping at khao yai.. bittersweet moment..lol.. 

-they literally played hide and seek the whole evening when we were in the room and it's not like we have a huge bedroom..lol... but yes I'm thankful that they are stil playing well today. 

Managed to also catch moments with each girl and asked them their thoughts abt the trip etc.. I guess especially so for girls , it's impt to have conversations with them, look them in the eye and let them know that mama is with u.. 

The girls on their first tuk-tuk. Told joy that unlike spore where there are many traffic rules , there are none in Thailand... Lol.. 

My pre trip thoughts.. and day 1...

 Today is the day when the village goes for their holidays. I had an early morning appt and headed to office to finish up the rest of the paperwork. The plan was to meet back at home and we will go to the airport together. I came home and saw Mr choo still folding the clothes that has just came out from the dryer. The plan was to clear all the outstanding housework before we fly so that when we come back, we only had to clear the 1 week of chores. Seeing him still busy bustling here and there made me wonder if it was really worth to go on a trip. Yes, the kids are ecstatic about it, especially the twins. The thought about going a plane just makes the 5 yr olds on their best behaviour for this whole week. Lol.. excellent I would say..

This is our luggages..all of it.. a lot right.. for 5 of us on a 6 days trip. Majority of it were clothes , toiletries, diapers, medicine pouch, our air bed, blankets and toys. We brought some card games and some board games too. We did bring more toys than usual bcoz the aim of this trip is to focus on the 5 of us. No tv, no iPad and no hp..lets just gel together for the next 1 week.. focusing on bonding. Each kid also had a backpack of their own where they could bring whatever they wanted but they had to carry themselves. Vera had the lightest backpack among them as she had managed to scam/coax/persuade her sisters into sharing their soft toys with her..😅

This is our first long trip since we shifted to the new place. N i think the biggest struggle is having not enough clothes to pack (for the trip) n still have enough panties to wear while in sg.. Lol.. I guess this is the flip side of leading a minimalist lifestyle..

I do hope that the girls learn more abt how blessed they are in this trip, when we go visit the farms etc and interact with the kids there. If successful we probably can go to such places on a regular basis..  shall see how it pans out.. 😊

The objective of the trip is also to spend frugally. It's not because we can't afford but bcoz we have all we already need. Thus there is no need to splurge or spend excessively. Otherwise we would have a problem with storage when we go back.

While waiting for boarding..

And we are in the plane now.. having successfully checked in and positioned ourselves in our seats..

The girls are so excited, especially Grace. She's so loud while watching her emoji movie. Every time I take the plane, I say a silent prayer that we will reach the place safely. I think as one ages, the fear of mishap is real. I pray that God grant us journey mercy on the trip and may it be a fruitful one.

 This is the seating configuration for the leg to bkk.. 

To be honest I haven't sat next to mr choo alone for a long time for family trips. Kinda enjoy the space and freedom.. Lol..  love my man..

Upon arrival..
And here we are, at Bangkok airport.. the plan is to take their airport link (aka express train ) bcoz we would arrive at 5pm and it would probably have bad jam if we took the car. And so we did, like the locals.

It only took half an hour from the airport to the station near our hotel. And we walked for abt ~15mins with our kids and luggage in tow before arriving to our hotel. 

William, joy and I each took 1 luggage while the twins held each other and we began our long walk. Of coz I was hoping to get a taxi or something. But I thought it would be good for the girls to "work" a bit for their trip. Really thankful that we all survive the walk. Lol.. thank God for the beautiful weather too.. 

Met a good friend and his wife for dinner (A pity we didn't take any pics) before heading to the supermarket to get some tibits.. tomorrow should b  more relaxed .. told the girls that all should zzz til 10am at least.  (I wish)

The past haunts..

Sometimes the past comes back and haunt you..lol.. I'm not talking abt some horror story.. but yes.. the past came and indeed haunt me.. the ex-bf msg me few days ago asking abt details of his policies. I arranged to meet him today bcoz it's easier to explain technical stuff face to face. I haven't seen him for ages.. he stopped doing any reviews after we splitted.. the wife was not comfortable abt it even though I suggested transferring to a colleague..she wanted to transfer to her agent, who turns out to be from a tied agency and unable to represent him.. so he ended up in no man land, with no adviser in my previous company.

So I met him today. I told mr choo prior that, bcoz I had nothing to hide.

And we did discuss work stuff and also stuff about how our lives have been since we parted.. and through the conversations, it just reminded and reaffirmed that we are not suited for each other..lol...he's starting his own biz selling some industrial goods after being retrenched 1 yr ago... but he says it's tough..bcoz of various reasons.. I think that was the start of how differing our views can be.. to him, obstacles are everywhere and it's not possible to succeed.. but for me, I view all these as challenges.. he asked "how can?" But I viewed as "why not ?" Being a self employed myself, much as everyone sees how successful I am, it is not without sweat / hard work / grit / perseverance. It is a thin line in mindset between  "I'm not good at it" vs "I need to overcome this".

In a certain extent I do pity the wife.. bcoz of his everything-not-gd attitude, I doubt he's contributing much to the household (be it in terms of $ or services).
If we had been together then, I would sing the tune of many wives that I know personally, who complain how their spouses are not bringing much to the table etc.. 难道今世的男人还以为带一点💰回家就很了不起了吗? 现代的女人不至需要赚钱,还要做妈妈,做maid 还有很多很多。

I wished I had more good things to say about him.. Coz this post wasn't intend to talk bad abt him.. 😒

It was intended to say how thankful I am that the man I see every night before I sleep is Mr choo..  that every time I go out to work, 我都可以很放心因为我知道他会好好的照顾孩子。。Much as how people say surely he should go out and get a job since the girls are older now, no one knows how much he has contributed to the household that money alone can't be measured. 我很感恩以为我有他。我是幸福的。我也希望我的朋友们能找到最适合他们的另一半, someone who can make the best of each other..

Counting down...

The massive 11.11 shoppaholic event just passed and I too, took the chance to grab some bargains. Out of those that I've bought, the one purchase that caught me by surprise was air tickets! Yes, the choos are travelling.. although there was no plans to initially. Wow! Hahahah... surprise surprise..

During our recent melaka trip, I told William that if we were to travel again, I hope that it would be something meaningful. That the girls would learn something out of it..either humility or be able to see snow coz the twins hadn't experience snow before.. we considered bringing them to HKK but it was simply too expensive for the village to go.. air tickets on scoot alone would easily b $5k, not mentioning all the accoms and transpt etc..  I did considering doing farm stays in Aust/ TW but even that too would cost quite a bit.. the most affordable option we had was to bring them to a farm stay in JB but some of the reviews said that the mosquitoes there are commando grade and I wasn't comfortable risking Vera on another mozzie attack. I suggested legoland also bcoz it was a place that the girls havent been before but Mr Choo wasn't keen.. when it seems like all options weren't possible, I suggested Khao Yai - a place 3 hrs away from Bangkok. We had all watched a travel show before on it a few mths ago and really like what we saw. But even tickets to Bangkok wasn't cheap considering the school hols (aka super peak). Budget airlines were going for ~$300/pax, only slightly cheaper than full carrier fares. One might think $300 sounds reasonable but when I have to budget for the whole village it would easily cost abt $5k for the entire trip and that wasn't something I was comfortable to spend on a whim. I would rather spend the $5k on groceries and let the girls bring it to the children home we adopted last yr. 11.11 came and I was still sitting on the fence. I'm not sure if it was 11.11 or what, (I was sure that the lowest fare we saw on SQ was $1600++ for the whole village the day before) but somehow by God's grace, the SQ tickets became $217/pax! Which would mean that we would only spend abt $1k on air fare. N it was the dates that we could go in order to stay at the cheap accommodations at khao yai.. hahah..(~$400 for 3 nights with 5 beds is a steal)
And so , we booked the air tickets and accoms on 11.11! And getting ready to leave on sat ! Really excited to see the place! The scenery is nice and we would be going to a few farms so that the city kids could appreciate nature..hahaha

A casual chat with my buddy and he referred me his driver contact which would bring us there too ! And at a discount ! Yeah! Praise the Lord ! Mr choo had checked out the car/driver rental rates and it were all much more exp such that we concluded that we.probably just rent a car and he will have to drive. But God is good.. for He has given us a driver who will fetch us around and we didn't have to worry abt getting lost or finding a petrol kiosk etc..

Feeling pretty excited abt the upcoming trip. We have decided that there won't be any T.v. on the trip so that the girls could spend time with each other and with us. Praying that God grant us mercy on the trip and protect us throughout it.. and I hope the girls will know how fortunate they are when they see kids living in poverty in other parts of the world. Moving forward I do want to be deliberate in my travel plans such that they do learn something out of it. But this is the first one and hopefully it pans out well..

Coffee session

Dear God, there were so many prayers/ requests I have before I pen this. But once I started writing, I really should thank you for all the blessings I have. Thank you Lord, for all you have given to me: the man, the kids and the career. Was just chatting with a friend over lunch today and it's amazing that despite my childhood, my upbringing, I'm blessed that I don't have marital woes; that You have given me the most suitable man for me. Thank you Lord. Recalling back , there are so many marriages that I thought would last but didn't.  There were so many reasons that mine won't last but it did. And the reason is bcoz of you, my Lord.

Thank you Lord for all that you've done, in protecting me and my household.  Thank you for giving me everything I need. Lord, You know our situation. I pray that You be with me. All the days seem empty and today has been 2-0  so far. Lord, I know the purpose for placing me here. Lord, I pray that You strengthen My Faith, use me to help others , be it in advisory/ relationship/ religion. Use me so that I can be a blessing to others, to guide and help others.

I pray that all will come to know You. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

1 Timothy 4:12New Living Translation (NLT)

12 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity

Me

While waiting for my appt today, I went back to the initial beginnings of my blog..why I started this blog and how I had hoped thru my blog, others would be blessed and hopefully eventually I would be able to remember about God's blessings upon me..

It was refreshing to re-read some of the posts. And I definitely blogged more in 2011 when I was struggling with IF compared to any other years of my life..lol..

I always remember this stage of Joy, where she would always always pray together with me and for me, that I would conceive. Such was the (strong) faith of a 3 yr old. Even though there are times that she wished she was an only child, I know that she loves her sisters v much. And today is an example of it. It is "chek-chek" season now..  everything the twins want, they want to do it with their big chek chek. And today Vera actually accidentally fell off my bed and Joy managed to coax her to stop crying within minutes. Lol..

Thankful for God's wonderful blessings to me.. thankful that for every obstacle/challenge that happened, He is always with us, to guide us and to teach us. Thank God for everything

Happy moments

When you need an assurance before you go out on ur own party..hahaha.. 

So thankful for him..its bcoz of him, I get to go out on my own dates..love him to the max.. 😙😙😙

#energybooster #ilovemy老公 

This is the state of my legs now, in real time. 一点都不夸张. This is the result of walking > 12500 steps in a single day...lol.. it's my personal "Olympic " record given the fact that I don't really like to walk. Hahaha..

I wished I could say that the aching legs were because of my deliberate efforts to exercise n be healthy.. hahahah... well, let's just say that there was some irresistible  sale going on such that my kakis and I just simply had to "cheong" for it.. hahahaha.. it was targeted shopping and we all had lotsa fun, helping one another pick out what's suitable and nots. 

This was taken at our final stop..  all super tired but 满载而归的样子。。。I always treasured the times we spend together, bcoz with them, I'm always very comfortable. 不需多说什么就可以了解彼此。很她们在一起是我的荣幸。开心😄😄😄

Happy children's Day!

We celebrated children's day on Friday.
 Joy had a school "event" at NUS, College of Alice & Peter Tan (CAPT), and parents are to attend the event with the child. So I kinda kena "volunteered". The plan was this.. me to go with joy for this event while Mr choo brought the twins for a movie and we would meet again for lunch.

To be honest, I wasn't very keen to go to the school event coz it meant seeing a lot of parents and having to small talk with them. It is a dread to talk/social/fit in etc.. so for most of Joy's school activities, William had always been the one volunteering/participating. But Joy had "pre-booked" me weeks earlier and I didn't want to disappoint her. The parents are genuinely nice people, but I just don't seem to be able to last an entire conversation with them.. I also felt that it was kinda too early for her to do a school visit to a university since she still need a couple of years before embarking onto the uni at stage.. certainly it's too early for P4s to go on an open house to a university right? But anyway we went.

The crazy hot weather 

And I was glad we did. Although the struggle of trying to talk / fit in is still real, the objective of the tour was rewarding. It was organized by Prof Tan Lai Yong who wanted to let the students understand the benefits of studying. Not just to get good results for PSLE, but why do we study? It is so that we can improve the lives of others thru our knowledge, to be able to create better ways at enriching the lives of the less privilege ones. Also for the kids to have an outdoor work out , instead of always buried in revisions and homework etc.

The kids had some team building exercises where they were supposed to do task 1 & 2. The instructions were simple: the team wins if the time taken for task 2 was 80% of the time taken for task 1. But as usual, the kids were more concerned about finishing it fast. No one really read/understood that by doing task 1 fast, it meant that completing task 2 within the 80% time would b even more challenging. Prof Tan took the time to explain to the kids (& us) that it's not who finish first that matters but who finish most accurately that matters. And most importantly, PSLE is not the final stop in the kid's lives. It is only one of the many milestones in life.

The kids plus some of the volunteers who took time off to bring us around. 

Such words of wisdom, and timely as well.. it's another affirmation that what we have been guiding our kids about exams , life , responsibilities are on the same direction. It's assuring to hear it from someone who have mentored so many kids and also someone who despite not being a high PSLE achiever, have done so much more over the years. Resilient and grit are the things that we should plant in our kids. Not just achieving well for the national exams. Enpathy and kindness are virtues that I really hope Joy could have(more) of. Allowing the kids to try various skills like baking, gardening, pottery or many others, in their early years, so that they can have fun in their childhood.

The tour ended just before lunch with the kids learning the various plants etc. Overall, I'm glad that we went. 😊

Met the girls and uncle choo at Marche at vivo. It's one of the places where it's price friendly for families and comes with a small playground where the girls could play after their meals.

And they loved taking pictures with the cow each time we are here..

Family time

We went to Gardens by the Bay two nights ago..had wanted to bring the girls to the skywalk coz Joy has been asking for it for some time. And the last time we came over, it was closed for maintainence. 

It was beautiful, the lights and mid autumn decorations. We had to queue for about half an hr before it was our time to go up. 

We took many many selfies while waiting in the queue, and this is one of them.. Vera and her 鬼脸😜 

The twins sitting at the entrance of the queue, while waiting for us to reach. 看着她们的背影, 这是的我感觉到欣慰。我们终于熬过来了。虽然小时候的她们终是打个你死我活,现在的她们已经变成了好姐妹, at least for this moment in time. 😊

至少我还可以跟老公一起拍个照。。看他一头的白发。。他说不要染以为这样会看起来比较老, 我看起来比较年轻。。🤣🤣

The scenery while we were on the sky bridge.. it's beautiful isn't it? Thankful that we are living in this beautiful country, with good governance and stability. Thankful that we have the chance to appreciate what's around us, and spend time with the kids, not busying with whatsnot.. time to love the kids and not breathing down their necks to do homework etc...

May we always have time to appreciate the things in life, to teach the girls the purpose of life.. 

P/s: by the time we came down the sky bridge, it was too crowded and the kids started to fuss abt everything.. abt the hot weather, that they are hungry etc.. 🤣🤣🤣

Guess we still need some fine-tuning.. hahahaha...

Holiday..yes? No?

Mr choo texted me this afternoon telling me that it's Deepawali on 18th, and asked if I knew about it, to which I said yes.

Only after coming home did i finally pierce the jigsaw together. I told him, Omg! So it means joy has no school from 18th all the way to 24th!?? He gave me a puzzled-i thought u know look.. haha... I told him tt yes i knew 18th was a ph, and the kids are don't have school from 19-24th (psle marking day), but I just didn't connect them together..  🤣🤣🤣

That means it's a long week of break ! And since it's the off peak, a holiday would be kinda discounted yeah.. checked out the SQ  tickets to HK and it's like $250/pax!! So cheap! My mind was like already calculating the estimated cost for this and that etc.. I know right.. for someone just declare that she doesn't like travelling.. what am i doing!?? Well, exactly bcoz I don't like travelling, so doing it at a discount off peak season sounds more sensible than doing it smack in the super peak Dec hols..

But joy isn't keen at all..hahaha.. Coz she would have her major exams right after the extended hols and she wants to revise... argh.. I even thought of the different permutations like she could bring her textbooks along, or we could go without her, or William could juz bring twins etc..coz twins nv went on a holiday without joy while joy has been to countless trips without them..lol.. but won't that be too evil ?! And too discouraging? Like nv support her for her exams revisions like that.. I was more keen on papa bring twins while I stay behind with joy .. haha..though the main reason why we always like going to HK is bcoz some of our closest friends are there and we haven't met for several yrs.. 

So yes the struggle / temptation is real..  but I guess no, we are not going.. not bcoz I believe in the whole - muz focus on revision story; (im sure thr kid needs a break in thr midst of thr revision right..)

but simply bcoz we should stay tog as a family la and I need to save up .. hahahah..

On DSA...

Had a bbq gathering with some friends and their families over the weekend and during the gathering, I was commenting that Joy would be having a hectic schedule this Sep holidays bcoz she has trainings and needed to be in school 3 times a week. And if she got selected to be in the school team, her 2018 Q1 would b packed crazy with training and trainings. I told the group that although I was glad that she has some exercises in this new CCA, but i won't mind if she doesn't make it to school team. It would mean more time to breathe, be it for her or for the family. One mummy, who also happens to be the tutor of the host's kid frown on my comments. She said that it's crucial that she (joy) make it to school team, so that she could have a shot to DSA subsequently. 

My reply to that was simple. My family don't believe in DSA. Entry to the secondary school should be by merit. Why stress the child by putting her in a school where the results are vastly different? Surprise surprise..  then began a long debate on whether we are our child's roadblock by not giving her the options that she would otherwise be entitled to. To be honest, it is not uncommon for parents to splurge on trainings (badminton/table tennis/swimming) in an attempt that their kids would b the leader of that CCA and thus a shot at the secondary school of their choice. My bro-in law told us that he regretted not hiring top notch coaches for his daughter so that she could b in the DSA program and reminded us not to let slip such an opportunity. 

I guess to say our house view is one of the minority is a huge understatement. My view on this is simple. If all the other kids were already traveling at 100km/hr, and my child is at her own pace at 50km/hr, what good would it serves her? She would lose confidence, always feeling the sense of not being good enough and ultimately lose interest in her studies. The irony would be when she has to drop the sport bcoz she can't cope with her studies. And I'm not sure if the school would stil want to keep her as a student, coz it would pull down the overall aggregate of the school performance too. A check with a client ,who is a teacher in a reputable secondary school, reaffirms that our views are rare and many a times, much appreciated. Phew! 

I guess it is hard not to follow the majority. Be it the coaches or the tuition. Joy was telling me this morning that in P5, she would need to stay back for enrichment classes on Tues and Thurs (apparently it's compulsory for all P5s! If so, why can't it be inside the curriculum schedule) and if she happens to be taking higher Chinese, then she will need to stay back on Mon. Weds and  Fris would be if she make it to the school team. I shudder to hear that she is going to be staying in school for such long hrs come 2018. Then when is the kid going to be able to play ? And that's not counting the amount of tuition and homework a typical school going kid has !! 

I asked joy if it would be a gd idea to drop her Chinese tuition next yr, if she is going to take higher Chinese. Then the Mon extra class offered by school could double up as free tuition..hahahaha... the competitive her says that she would prefer to keep the tuition for now. Coz as it is, she is the only P4 that she knows in her class who isn't having tuition on all 4 subjects. Seriously!??

That is why they say that tuition in Singapore is a billion dollar biz.. and sometimes you question if that's the right thing to do - not giving Joy more tuition. If the best student in Joy's class is also having it for all 4 subjects, then surely we should do so for her yah? Why? Why then aren't we doing so?

Seriously I think there's a lot more in life than academic results. If there is tuition on character development, I would be the first to sign joy up! Coz I feel that's her weakest subject. Hahaha... 

The same group of kakis also went on to comment that we probably won't be able to enjoy such gatherings the same time 2 yrs later in view that the girls would b having PSLE.. hahaha.. the most dreaded 4 letter word in sg I guess.. aiya, PSLE 就不用吃饭meh? I hope that I won't be eating my words 2 yrs from now..haha..but seriously PSLE is an over rated exam la.. why let the 3 numbers dictate what defines of yr child or worse, the love you have for her!? I've been telling my joy over and over again, that it doesn't matter what she scores, be it NOW or for PSLE. Mama and papa loves you the same no matter what. And may we continue to remember this.. that what defines a child is her ability to love and care for others and not what's on her report book. May God have mercy on the kids and reduce their workload la.. so much to do, how to be a child? 🤣

It's time to say goodbye..

I've finally decided to let you go.. thank you for being a part of my life, when i was young and able to enjoy you. You guys used to be my favorite comfortable companions, so much so that I went to buy the same exact design, but of a different colour. But as I aged, I no longer am able to withstand the height nor yr weight. I considered keeping you till the day comes when I would be able to wear You again. But time and time again, it is too challenging to wear You and still be able to be a mama at the same time. You will be greatly missed..😢

P/s: My shoe count stands at 9

Screamfree parenting

Attended a parenting course last yr in church and had always wanted to post it here so that it will remind me when i face my roadblocks. But as you know, then things came along and I got distracted and forgot abt it. Then just that day, the notes that I took resurfaced so I thought I better do it NOW...hahaha

Screamfree parenting 101

1) Yr oxygen mask
- First thing first, if Anything, we should take care of ourselves first; before we attend to the kids. E.g. oxygen mask
- how can we take of others if we don't take care of our own well being?
- in any situation, when we think we can't handle, we breathe in (count to 7) nd breathe out (count to 7).
- remain calm
- cause and effect. Are we only giving them attention when they misbehave ?
- why do we scream? What are we most afraid of?

What are yr FEARS?

- kids turn bad?
- not a gd parent?
- feel people's impression of us are bad?
- there's no perfect child not perfect parent. So don't self blame. We need to forgive ourselves when we commit mistakes in a rash; else we might turn to guilt-parenting -> overcompensate the kids which is even worse.

*Failure is an EVENT not a person**

Expectations not met?
- Are they realistic?
E.g. expecting kids scoring perfect score all the time.
E.g. Are we giving them too many KPIs?

- Are they our unmet needs?
- Are they our unmet dreams?
E.g. being a doctor/ lawyer bcoz we can't achieve?

2) Parenting with the End in Mind

*Ask, Say, Do (v impt)

- what do we want to see in our kids at 21?

E.g. character trains that we hope they possess by 21:

- independent 

- discipline

- responsible and the list goes on..

- then what are we teaching them when we scream at them? Kids learn by following/seeing what their parents do.(ACTION)

- will screaming help develop these traits? NO.

ASK.SAY.DO

- state yr desire behaviour, not say don't do this etc. State what can be done.

E.g. kid jump on sofa. Instead of saying "don't jump on the sofa", Say " sofa is is to sit, jump on the floor"

E.g. if you want kid to keep the shoes in the cupboard nearly, show them HOW exactly it is done (action); and get them to show it to you.

- investigate why their action

E.g. why are they behaving this way

- don't think/rationalise at our level; but look at their level

3) Words, Tone, Body language
- are they words of encouragement/ affirmation or words to destroy them further?
- are we still welcoming the kids with open hands or closing the door?
E.g. the words we use when they were <1 yr old; the tone etc vs the words/tone now?
Why are we less tolerant of them now?
- a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
- attend to their heart first, find out what's their wounds; n do correction (behaviour) later

4 simple steps:

1. Set clear simple rules e.g. dinner at 6pm, keep yr toys (box A) before taking new toys (box B)
2. Consistency e.g. Be consistent; if dinner is at 6pm-7pm and she refuses to eat, don't offer again at 8pm!
3. Consequences. Make consequences you can live with. E.g. no TV for 1 week, don't go for their rescue. 
4. Counting 123. Firm Tone, strict body language

My thoughts (then)
In a way, joy is now at the screaming stage. And I don't blame her cos she had picked it up from us, when we were impatient with her; when she had her tantrums.

The self blaming part is the part I totally can relate with. I always snap@them when things become overwhelming, when they have so many requests and cry when they are not met. I feel so stressed if I say no; but I also feel lousy when I say yes. As of today, i will not stress myself to be the perfect parent or expect the girls to be the perfect child in fairytale. Let's all work together; learn together and grow as one family.

Giving unclear instructions is something I only realize today. And I now know the importance of stating the desired exact action I expect from them. Just yesterday, I gave Grace the command " do not jump on the sofa." As discussed by the speaker. Only today, did it opened my eyes to their world.

Thank God for providing me with these invaluable lessons. I pray and I know that You will be with us; guiding the girls as they reached the different milestones in their lives. Thank God for william; although he has his shortcomings (screaming) with the girls, he did DO more correct things than me. Thank You God for providing, Amen!

My thoughts (now)
It has been 14 mths since I attended the seminar. I thought I had attended it longer than I had thought.

Reflecting back, I could see how the changes have impacted my girls. I'm not saying that our family life is a bed of roses now, nor am I saying that it's fairytale now. We still have our struggles and I still fall back to the common traps sometimes.

But after applying some simple changes to our parenting styles, I did see significant improvement; be it communication between us ; parents with joy or the twins, or the state of emotional health in me alone. (Joy screaming remain a work in progress)

I can't rem if i read the book 5 love languages for children before or after this seminar, but both of these tools helped so much in my parenting hat.

Note to self: are we saying words of encouragement / affirmation or are we sending words to further destroy them?

I hope that there will be a similar one offered again by the church so that I can attend again to reinforce my knowledge. :)