And so began our crazy adventure to tiong bahru Market.. its 715am now and we are here.. im in a queue for bf..but not for lor mee.. bcoz 

Its aren't open..😭😭😭

Oh well. Nonetheless I'm still feeling touched and delighted that William suggested this.. its nice to have some couple time together, even if its just for a short bf..before we go home and resume our parent duties.. 

breakfast For today..

Woke up with a sprained left shoulder and body aching all over.. the choos (except vera) went bowling yday; something that i haven't done for yrs. We all had fun doing some activities other than eating. Hahaha.. promised to bring them again next week.. but I probably rest it out for the next session..

LOVE

Booked one to one sessions with each of the girls this week becoz I was feeling guilty for the lack of activities with them personally. Vera chose to do baking bcoz none of the bakers at home want to teach her.. so I went with her..lol.. to be honest I was abit scare bcoz its 4 hrs and I'm not sure if I could have the stamina to last throughout the session but thankfully, she did most of it.. really..

The sponge cake and butter cream were prepared before hand; while the gingerbread dough were made in class by the chef. We needed to shape and decorate the cookies ; assemble the cake and cream; decorate it. It seems a lot easier when I hear the tasks we needed to do (at the start of the class); but by the halfway mark, I was dead exhausted. Thankfully my little baker did most of it ah.. I have neither the interest nor the talent for it. Hahah.. but I enjoyed my time with her..just watching her do her best to follow the instructions etc.. 

For Grace, she wasn't keen on baking or painting. She just wanted time with mama all by herself. So I brought her to watch Wonder Women since it was her fav superhero and we finally get to watch a non- Marvel film after so long. 

breakfast was at slappy cakes; followed by some Xmas shopping before we headed for the movies. It was her first time taking Gold Class! 

I haven't been to Gold class for a long while and have forgotten how comfortable it is..haha..it was a treat that she enjoyed very much and spend the next 2 days bragging to her sisters how enjoyable the whole movie treat was.. I was just glad she didn't cry midway the movie and wanted to escape from it. (Trust me, it happens to her 90% of the time)

It was nice just chilling with her; holding her hands while we chatted.. we didn't take much photos but I now know why and how she first started to know about WW. She read a story book about Ww in the library and loved it since then. She could easily explain some parts of the storyline (which was similar to the book), to me. I also know that im her one and only BFF, though I hope she would expand her list one day. 

Though exhausting, it was pretty satisfying to know a little bit more abt the girls individually. Will be Joy's turn next week.. to be updated..

Its so nice to have an extra pair of hands

Our helper arrived last mon - almost 2 mths after we applied for one; having fulfilled her 14 days SHN plus medical check ups etc .. 

It must have been too long since our last helper left, that I've forgotten how nice it is to have someone magically wash the dishes, wash and iron all the clothes.. hahaha.. uncle pig enjoys cooking much better now coz he can have a peaceful dinner with us and spend some tv time with us while the helper does the washing.. haha.. while for Joy and I, we are quietly happy that we can keep wearing our favourite clothes over and over again instead of searching it in the pile of "to be ironed clothes"..not forgetting that we have fruits already cut in the fridge.. hahaha.. I know I'm hopeless but its so nice that I'm able to have ready cut watermelon for tea instead of wondering when it will be served.. hahahah.. 

Told William that we should have gotten help much earlier but he reminded me again that it could have gone either way. Especially since our previous helper became such an essential part of our life..lol.. oh well, for now I'm thankful for the extra help at home..even though the helper doesn't seem to b great with kids..which is entirely fine..haha.. just make my house sparkle clean and I'm happy enough. Thankful!

Week 13 update

Taken at week 12 during Oscar scan 

To be honest, when I went for the scan last week, I was (pleasantly) surprised that the heartbeat is still beating. I was certain 小豆豆 had left bcoz I suffered some cramps just a few days before..but I didn't want to cause any panic to william and kept quiet. 

Each time my friends ask me, my usual reply would b " baby is still here .. (thankfully)" .. they think I'm joking and not being serious. But to be honest, I'm not confident. I hear too many stories and probably do too many claims to know that being able to deliver thr baby at full term without complications is no mean feat. And I just wanna be thankful for each day that 小豆豆 is still here with me. 

I'm thankful also for the sweetest friends I have.. friends who send sweet messages to comfort me when I'm down; friends who send surprise snacks over for me to tide my hunger/ cravings.. I felt so loved during this pregnancy. And I know I'm blessed. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can, but it aren't easy either.. 😆 

Well below are my pregnancy symptoms 

1) Morning sickness / nausea 

- its finally settling down..or probably I've caught the pattern.. I know that a good 姜母茶 wil help me if im really feeling terrible. And I try to eat every 2-3 hrs just to make sure the stomach isn't empty

2) work

- I've started to work a bit..yeah.. else at this rate I wil feel so useless.. lol.. bit by bit but ill get there 

3) exercise 

- I did some swimming with the twins yday. It was good to have some energy to spend time with them; doing what they like..instead of always cooping at home. Hopefully I can get back to exercising more 

4) weight gain 

I've gain abt 3kg since the start of this pregnancy 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I kbow that William and joy has gained 6 and 4kg respectively.. lol..not sure abt the twins.. at this rate william going to gain back what he has shed ! Lol.. 

5) Cravings 

- this is definitely William's taste bugs..lol..food that i previously would never eat, have since brought me joy when I was 🤢

While milk like my fav korean banana milk..I haven't been able to drink it anymore 😭

My favourite type of coffee is no longer dalgona or cappuccino but kopi O iced ! 

Each time william asked me what would I like for lunch / dinner, my typical reply back to him nowadays would b.. what would u like sir? Hahahaha.. 

Thankful for the sweet 🎁 that im carrying now..  praying that God pulls us thru it all this journey. Praying that I would try to face each day with positivity bocz P.A.C.E 

Entering week 11

If there was 1 thing that I worry since the start of my pregnancy - it is the fear of an old friend visiting me again - Depression. Its not a secret that we've fought many times ; there were a couple of times that I remembered that I felt so low that ending it all seems easier and of coz there were times I knew I overcame it. And I remember how I felt so overwhelmed when I first had joy; the sleepless nights; or the mum's guilt of succumbing to formula when she had servere jaundice..the post natal depression came in full force as if to join a party. 

N last week was a low... emotional low .. its either the fear or the queasy nausea that made me felt 😣 

And it made matter worse when I announced in one of my grp chats when one of the members asked an innocent qn of How's everyone.. I regretted instantaneously. Of coz with a pregnancy announcement, everyone was overjoyed / happy for me. But I was struggling. Struggling to even feel ok. And the distorted perceptions ( rem grace taught me abt P.A.C.E? But I felt more like N.A.C.E) 

And I got frustrated la.. when I was just honestly saying abt my fears.. fears of being a old mother; fears that #4 would grow up lonely or fears that we might not be around before #4 is of age etc .. n this group of friends simply went on and on abt how easy its gonna b now that my girls are much older and would b able to help; blah blah blah..or that the MS eventually would end etc..if its so easy, how come I don't see any of you having MORE KIDS ah!?? So easy to talk right, and one of them don't even wanna have kids lo.. argh.. unless one has been suffering from IF or miscarriage and thus decided not to have any more kids, then all of you should just shut up! Argh.. sorry just venting. I know they are just trying to b encouraging but its not convincing 🙄🙄🙄 and also bcoz my inner thoughts are having its own battles la.. whatever. 

And that sums up my past week. Battling demons. 

Today was a high though. I felt energetic enough; to clear some work and spend some time with Joy. Managed to have a hearty dinner too.. I do hope that more of such days would come as I approach T2. And more importantly, I hope that by the next time the old friend comes visiting, I would be better equipped to fight.

I know I should b happy that I have this 🎁 after praying and waiting for so long. But what if I'm not good enough? What if i didn't know better?

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.

James 5:13 NIV

https://james.bible/james-5-13

To eat or not..

I vomited big time last night.. right after I finish my sweet potato and sesame tangyuan supper. Thought everything was good but halfway thru brushing my teeth, I started to choke and the next thing I knew, my basin also became choked..lol.. 

William spend the next hr clearing the mess while I lay on bed. I actually felt better after the vomit episode.. lol..coz at least I don't feel so bloated and my whole tummy is clear... lol.. jm says it gets better with each experience and eventually I'll b able to catch when its going to happen etc..🤣🤣🤣

And that was last night. 

I'm laying on my bed for the last hr, thinking if i should get some supper.. and if so, what should I get? Lickers? Potato chips? Coz the man went for his massage and probably will only b back at 11ish..meaning if I want proper food, I need wait for another hr or so.. else ready food would b things like tidbits etc.. 

The twins doesn't have school tom so we are bringing them to Jalan jalan.. hopefully I have the strength and stamina.. maybe I should just go and zzz..😘

Entering week 10

My afternoon snack on the bed.. hasn't been able to move much without feeling nausea..n this warm cheese toast is sooooo good..hahaha..so thankful that I have uncle pig at home, who can whipped up anything I want. No matter how insane it is..hahhaha 

I'm finally entering week 10, 2 more weeks before I see 2nd trimester and hopefully some light at the tunnel. We went for our 2nd scan today. Gynae is happy that im having all the nauseaness.. he says it means that baby is growing well..😅😅😅

There are some days when I felt so bad that I just wanna cry but im good now. At least for today. The toast is great! I shall ask him to make it again when I feel 🤢

Thought I also record my pregnancy symptoms before my brains forget abt them.. not that I would ever need to refer to them again.. 

1) stretch marks 

- it has come since week 8..so fast this time round. J says bcoz with age, our body losses elasticity and thus the stretch marks come earlier.. not that it bothers me la.. 

2) Tiredness 

- this is huge probably bcoz of age ba..plus even for my previous 2 pregnancies, tiredness is always something I struggled with. But this time round its more guazhang..lol.. I didnt even have the stamina to change out of my pyjamas if I don't need to step out of house. Comfy clothes for outing is baggy t-shirt with william bums bcoz I cant fit into mine anymore😭😭😭 

Not to mention that earrings / assessories/ make up / contact lens are no longer essential..lol..  the queen only wants to lay on her bed and hatch her egg most of the time. 

3) smells 

- im v sensitive to smells now - as expected. I even managed to find the 1 lemon smell that has been lingering here and there that makes me wanna puke - a change in detergent few weeks ago. Seriously counting down to 2 more weeks and praying that things will finally get better 

4) favorite foods

this is the packet of sweets that's always in my bag now..Nice and refreshing..its ang moh sour plum which is palatable for me..

another one of my favourites...hahahah..this is soooooo good!

Ribena is still one of my favourites though when one has too much of it, its a bit too sickening..hahaha.. I'm difficult 

5) Appetite

- my appetite is still small with many different cravings.. which means the girls and uncle pig has been finishing my leftovers. At this rate, all 5 of us will grow bigger though there's only 1 preggie..hahaha.. 

6) pee breaks

- I drink a lot of water bcoz it washes the breath in me..and bcoz of that I wake up at least 3 times every night. Thankfully sleep has been good so far.. to which I'm thankful. 

7) work

- work has been easy these 2 weeks with only 1-2 appts per week..yeah.. im thankful that its wfh mostly..hahaha.. 

Week 9 Update

The last 2 weeks had been rough.. I had wanted to update earlier but I thought I wait til I'm less emo / blue before I do a check in.. and I guess it didn't happen. And so this is gonna b probably one of the more emo post.. 

I thought I could overcome the nauseaness by arranging more appts.. I had a total of 40 appts (zoom and f2f) over the last 2 weeks. N by the end of it, I was exhausted. Burnt out. I wanted to cry. I didnt know what I was doing. Why was I so hard on myself. Why don't I enjoy this pregnancy more and spend some time with the 3 girls instead of gorging on work!? I was either on the work desk, or resting on my bed in between breaks. I told J that I'm going to stop work for now. Stop fixing any more new appts. I told my boss that Im going to focus on just being a mama next yr as well.. though Angela says that she highly doubt so..🤣

I was thankful that it is finally November. My coming week is more relaxed, with some causal outings as well.

Besides the work burnt out, I was emo emo too.. there was once when I honestly resented being pregnant. It felt like when I was pregnant with joy. Happy yet disappointed. Blessed yet wished otherwise. I felt sad. Sometimes the emotions become so overwhelming that I cry alone at night. Coz I didnt want to appear being a wimp in front of william or the girls. There was only a task that was required of me. Rest and be well. And even that, seems so tough these days. 

I am reminded that I need God in my life, no matter how tired I am coz He is my strength and refuge. And I shall put my eyes on Him, as He path His ways til the end. 

In lighter news, 

I saw this on Joy hp today. This was probably in 2009 when we brought her to Tokyo Disney land. Omg. I was so fat! I always thought that its the IVF / twins pregnancy that made me ballooned but here, I was already a 🎈.. omg.. and yes, the fear of it happening again is real. I told William that probably we will forget the me now bcoz if we skip the 2019-2020 part, my size would remain a consistent upward trend. 

Where did the cute Joy go! 🤣🤣🤣 She's more like a sister now than a daughter. I honestly pray that #4 will b more like Joy and to be honest, am a little afraid if #4 takes after V*** 🙊🙊🙊

I do find this pregnancy very similar to my first pregnancy. The nausea; emos; tiredness etc.. I hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. praying that the nauseaness will flee soon! Like pls..real soon

Random

Today grace taught me a phrase which she learnt from her favorite cartoons - P.A.C.E. 

P - Positive 

A - Attitude 

C - Changes 

E - Everything 

Wow..chim right.. I didnt know cartoons got so deep meanings..lol..its a good reminder for myself that whenever I'm frustrated with things / issues / 人, its the attitudes (myself) that will change things. 

Did a zoom a few days ago with a client turned friend and we were just chatting casually n how another client (common friend) is pregnant and gave me so much courage to continue on, despite challenges la. I commented that I'm worried abt my pregnancy bcoz of the various challenges as well as the back to square one compared to  auto pilot mode with the older kids. Then this client, told me that few mths ago, she found out she too, was pregnant. But they decided that, no, they had enough kids and she took the pill to end it. I was shocked. N it affected me a lot. Of coz, I know its their choice, not mine. And it probably take a lot of courage to do that too. But I just didn't know anyone personally who would terminate her pregnancy even though it was unplanned. It must have been the hormones, I was so sad by the news that I 😥 

Anyway I've digressed. Lol.. shall focus on positive attitudes and mindsets!! 

We managed to see 小豆豆 and the heartbeat on Monday! I told the BFFs that I'm officially pregnant..lol..they say I'm already pregnant.. didnt need wait for this to confirm. But I was worried that there might not b a heartbeat ma.. 

I ask the gynae if I could stop Duphaston but he says he would prefer if I tried taking some 🤣

These days I'm either feeling super tired or 🤢🤢🤢. Even work was a struggle that I had to reschedule 2 f2f appts in the end. Thankfully most of it were on zoom.

In happier news, ribena is my new found BFF..lol.. it makes me happy and brings me much comfort.. hahhaha..I told the twins that baby loves ribena for now and I hope that baby doesn't keep changing its taste buds.

Looking forward to 2nd trimester soon.. I can't wait to start shopping for baby stuff..hahah.. and welcome any hand me downs too! 

Entering 7 weeks..

Its the night just before our gynae appt tomorrow. I'm nervous. Would we be able to hear any heartbeat tomorrow or would we only be able to see a lifeless shell? 

I'm not sure. My heart is weak. I went back to read the pregnancy diary we recorded when we had twins and I also couldn't sleep well on the eve of their first ultrasound scan. 

It always seem so amazing that God had given us Grace and Vera; and now our 4th child. It seems like I'm in a dream and I'm afraid that I could wake up and realize everything is 一场空 .. You know some prayers that you just pray, but u never thought it would come true ? I don't quite remember when exactly or how long I've been quietly praying/ wishing for a 4th child, but probably on nights when I'm too free (I guess), I just speak to God and reminded Him about my wish..lol.. and if it is in His will, then yes it will come to pass. 

Anyway don't really know what I'm babbling abt.. hopefully I will b able to catch some sleep soon.. have 2 work appts in the midst of the gynae appt and tonnes of outstanding to follow up.. 

Thankful for God's grace in our household; thankful for the friends who have been very supportive of this pregnancy n most importantly thankful for uncle pig for always tolerating my nuisance.  

Pregnancy diary

I finally found out the real reason behind the extreme nausea -

That explains why I've been feeling so nausea so early in the pregnancy! Omg! And how did I realize that? 

I felt so good on wed for the first time..light nausea (if u know what I mean) and I thought mayb it meant that my nausea has peaked earlier.. but only to have it come back on over drive on thur. Then I realize the only reason to explain was not bcoz work was a distraction but more of I was so overwhelmed with work that I had forgotten my medication.. hahahahaha.. and the moment I take those meds again, the old friend comes visiting again 🤣

I'm glad at least the mystery is solved.. that I'm not being over drama or emo but bcoz the meds is making me 🤢🤢🤢

I called the clinic and pushed the appt to mon..hopefully after the appt I can drop the medication with pleading 🥺  and perhaps my gynae will have mercy on me.. I know he's just being cautious by prescribing me the meds but oh well..we shall see..

Fat Hippo

Went for a swim this morning.  Badly needed the extra dose of endorphins and an activity to burn some of the excessive calories.

this is how I feel of myself in recent days - big, clumsy and irritable. 

The nausea has gotten worse and mr Google says that it usually peaks on week 7-8 before coming down at week 10-12. But I've been feeling so extreme even at week 5-6. I've tried eating so many different kinds of foods / drinks and even "happy food" but none could help remove it. 🤣🤣🤣 Joy commented that I'm being a drama mama when I'm barely weeks into the course.. how was I to continue the rest of the journey? 🤷‍♀️ Seriously I have no idea... 

Then there were 2 mummies that I know, who vomited from the start til the end, and went on to have 3 kids each! 

I admire and respect them so much! I probably won't dare to have a 2nd one if the same applies to me. I'm praying that this too shall pass, FAST.  

The 2nd thing that I noticed abt this pregnancy is the tiredness. I guess it comes with age. I certainly felt it a lot more this time round, even worse compared to carrying the twins. If anything, the girls have been v understanding for my lack of participation at home, for which I'm thankful for. 

I'm trying to take charge of my own emotions - to not let it overwhelm me and wallow in depression. I told J that work has been a good distraction from all the emo emo.. instead of looking at everything in a gloomy mood, I shall remember that nothing else matters except that this is a gift from God. It doesn't matter that when #4 starts p1, the twins would b doing their O levels or the fact that we wouldn't b able to enrol #4 in the same school under phrase 1; or the fact that we need to re-buy all the baby essentials nearer the date.. it all doesn't matter. I just need to remember that God has given this precious gift and I should enjoy this special moment *even if it doesn't last* 

Looking forward to 22nd October when we would b doing the ultrasound scans. 

Bible verse

Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.  Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,

1 Chronicles 16:11‭-‬12 NIV

https://bible.com/bible/111/1ch.16.11-12.NIV

Thankful for this verse today when I start to doubt and fear of having a miscarriage. I guess its better to fill up my mind with appts then let it b empty and negative thoughts enter. 

Managed to fix abt 15 appts in the coming weeks. Hopefully i have the stamina to run thru all of them. I guess its better to have appts now considering that I would b out of action for a while next yr. 

Fresh start

After sleeping thru1 night n letting the news settle down, I'm finally at peace and ready to move forward. 

I'm pregnant. 

4.5weeks to be exact. Did I expect it? No, of coz not. Especially after being infertile for ~10yrs,  I certainly didn't see it coming. But the signs were there. The short burst of temper when the girls misbehave; me nitpicking on william or me irritated with my clients endless qn - I thought it was signs of PMS. I told the BFFs and we all concluded that my period must b coming. I waited and still it didn't come. 

I told my mama and she laughed at me. Coz it was only 4weeks since my last period, though I told her that I'm now on a 3 weeks cycle.  She says it could b early menopause and the system decided to go on leave..🤣

Nevertheless I decided to get the kit coz i have a drinking session the next day and I just wanted to drink safely. 

And there, my world paused. To be honest, the first thoughts were confusion and fear. I would b 40 next yr and william 50. I'm going to b a 高龄产妇. Yes there were days when I wanted a 4th child, but there were MORE days when we concluded that baby rearing days are over. 

The initial fears 😨 include:

- how would the girls react? Joy and Grace had explicitly rejected that idea several times

- is baby going to be healthy? If not, would we be prepared to continue?

- how is the pregnancy going to b like? How do i cope with working and the tiredness

- with the new addition, it also means changing house and car; and probably needing to buy so many baby things again. 

- we probably be the oldest parents at the PTC or school meetings.

- would i go back to the heavyweight i was ?😱

- why isn't william showing me any response. He was literally quiet and sorry after I broke the news to him. 

That was also when I cried buckets and buckets. I felt that no one loved me or my 小豆豆。J and JM comforted me and assured me. We all concluded that my emo came back in over drive mode..lol.. 

What a night. 

The next day, I cancelled my cupping sessions. Yes I had just kickstarted back again due to the lack of exercise working from home..

I thought i would b able to complete all my sessions finally and b in the 60s ! 😂

I guess God has other plans. N no matter what happens, He would stay on course with me and guide me at each baby step. 

I called my gynae and the nurse says that his usual practice is to arrange a blood test first and start on Duphaston. This is unusual for me bcoz I just wanted to see the baby! Like now..lol..went for the blood test that afternoon and my gynae called back on Saturday. 

The HCL levels were good, it corresponds with the number of weeks I'm pregnant. (4.5weeks) Bcoz its so early in the pregnancy, he suggest an appt 3 weeks later. And in the mean time, I shall continue with the D tablets and get some folic acid. 

Will take this one step at a time. Will treasure the days when 小豆豆 is still with me and we will overcome each obstacle as they come.. i know some people would find it patang to say it so early. But I know God will b with us in each and every step and may this b a diary for us to look back next time.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

2 Peter 1:3 NIV

https://2peter.bible/2-peter-1-3

Day 1

Lord , you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.

Isaiah 25:1 NIV

https://isaiah.bible/isaiah-25-1

Feeling emo and confused.. and saw this on my bible app..and its so apt.. 

God, I dunno how I will be able to go thru this journey but I will trust and have faith in You, and You will never give me something too big for u to carry. And will be with me always. 

The emo kid in me is raining buckets but I will be better tomorrow. Just need to let the thoughts sink in first. 

God, be with me and cover me thru this exciting times. I know my God is the Almighty and nothing is too big for him to handle. 

我太爱美了吗?

To do or not to do.. im uncertain. God can u give me a clear answer pls.. just like u always give me very clear and certain answers for my work. 

It sounds so vain and I'm uncertain. There's risks involved too. Perhaps i should list down the pros and cons before deciding. 

Pros: 

1) prettier 👀; doesn't look as sleepy ; assuming the op is successful 

2) doing it now has better recovery compared to when I'm older, plus now that everyone's WFH, by the time normal work commence, the healing and stuff would b natural 

Cons: 

1) what if an accident happens ? What if it isn't as pretty ? Do I really like my left eye over my right such that I wanna make them equal now ? 

2) if im doing the cutting method, recovery might take 3mths, probably up to 6mths and mayb years before it looks more natural. 

3) what if there's a scar ? 

If i were to proceed, which method then ? Stitching method or cutting method ? 

Stitching 

- faster recovery and looks more natural 

- a likelihood that the fold might disappear with age ; and doesn't solve the droppy eyes that comes with age next time 

- cost 2.8k

Cutting 

- longer recovery and longer time to look natural 

- permanent : which can b a good or bad thing bcox if the fold is not executed well then its permanent too. Vice versa.

- 3.4k

Update 25/9/20

I guess this is God's way of telling me not to do it. Just did the facial plus some new laser thing of my skin tag n pigmentation etc.. though my face was covered in numbing cream, the pain is still there. In fact it got so bad halfway thru that i wanted to ask the doc to simply stop.. but i cant.. coz ive paid and I didnt want to waste it. Lol.. walking to the train station, my face still sore or pain or numb..im not sure..lol..im simply thankful that we need to wear masks for now..hahaha.. so no one can see my hideous face.. lol..im guess im not touching my eyelids for now..hahaha

Daydreaming

A client text me yday to inform me that she would b made redundant from 30/11. I wasn't shocked bcoz her firm had a few retrenchment exercise even prior to covid. Both of us had factored that in our yrly reviews. But still, when the news came, it still came as a shock to us. 

We arranged a zoom this morning. My objective was to comfort her as well as alleviate any of her fears about financial difficulties etc. Her family was worried for her. After all, she is the sole breadwinner, with her #1 in uni and #2 in poly. She is also a cancer survivor, having to still do the regular check ups etc. 

I did the professional part. Finances wise, her funds would be able to tide her for 2 yrs even if she has zero income. And even after 2 yrs, there are some plans that we have, which can b liquidated if she remains unemployed. Thats the worse case scenario. If she can't find any job - zero income. 

I went on to other aspects. Since this is a fresh start, then why not explore other areas of work? Why not explore a job that she is passionate abt, even if the pay might b a fraction of what she is drawing now. We went thru a few sectors etc. She is v optimistic and on the move. After hearing the news yday, she had already send out news to the recruiters and some of her work contacts as well as her GP coz she might wanna explore going into healthcare. I told her that she should consider being a healthcare ambassador coz her heart is brimming with kindness and compassion to the elderly and sick. I really hope she gets a job that she enjoys, n can look forward to. 

She asked what would I do, if i wasn't a financial adviser, which sets me thinking too. After all, I havent found something that I'm as passionate abt as what I'm doing now. So I decided to take the afternoon to think abt the things that I would want to do. 

1) study law 

- when I was little, I aspired to b a lawyer. But as the years go by, with cmi grades, I scrapped that dream even before I enter JC. Perhaps i could do a full time degree in law, even if no one will hire me as a lawyer..hahah.. 

2) be a counsellor 

- I told J that i had wanted to b a counsellor in the early yrs of my career, bcoz I was always enjoying the chit chat / counselling sessions I had when my friends had problems that they couldn't solve. But J says that bcoz Im a high S person, I probably end up feeling so much abt the people's challenging situations that I will end up lending them monies if that could solve their immediate problems 😅

3) Do other sales? 🤷‍♀️

- mayb I can go sell the cupping packages if I'm really retrenched..hahaha.. coz i probably referred more people there than them getting insurance from me..hahaha 

Its nice to dream once in a while..writing these down so that when I decided not to do what I'm doing now, I can re-visit this again. Hahaha.. i really am excited with 1). Perhaps i could use myskills future credits to pay for some modules and see how it goes.. hahaha

Having a cuppa by myself while joy is off to the dentist doing her adjustments. Once a mth, we will spend our time at Starbucks; catching up on her interesting school life and little gossips.. its so comfortable to be around her..hahah.. she can b a friend or a sister..and i definitely didn't need to "mother" her around or care for her like little children. I'm enjoying my tween before she develops to a teenager or morphs to a rebel (praying that God gives me enough wisdom when that happens) .

Its tough being a tween, when I peeks into her instagram account. I know she struggles with her friendships and she can b too blunt or rude. But this is a stage of growing up I guess.. that one needs to find a balancing point on her own. At times I find it a pity that she no longer keep in touch with any of her pri sch classmates but this topic is sensitive and I will wait for her to b ready to tell me. I know she is struggling but she wants to handle it on her own. So patiently, I will trust to let go.

There's so many updates that I wanna do since my last entry but haven't gotten the time to do it.

Like how the shopaholics celebrated my bday and sweet Ange even baked a pretty and delicious lychee chiffon cake for me! 

Or how I've finally completed this..

It took me longer than I expected but its by far my largest project. I know I almost cried while doing Big bird coz i had miscalculated along the way, and it was deciding between unstitching and redoing or just bulldozer all the way. And I had to do a mix of both eventually...i probably go back and design the sesame Street lamp post..when I'm done with the urgent Aug stitching projects. 

the back of it which I'm super proud of..lol..

Work wise, it has been so crazy since I've picked up zoom.. the hectic schedule got so bad that I told J that I will do a slow aug for now.. i was tired and completely drained out bcoz zoom has become so convenient that I literally have zoom everyday; be it weekdays or public holidays. I'm thankful for the high production but I also would appreciate a small break. I need to pause, smell the flowers and enjoy my kids a little. I wanna be there for them; not just be in their presence but be around them as well.. 

Health wise, I have 2 sick people at home at this very moment.  Grace got rejected in school today for having a fever n was given 5days mandatory MC by our fav PD. Grounded again. William has cataract.. we got it diagnosed yday and that explains his sub par vision and tiredness after driving. The scheduled op would b on 19th Aug.. we would have preferred to do it during the September hols but his eyesight seems to deteriorate badly with each passing day that we called the clinic to push forward the op. I know cataract isn't any major op, but with him, it is a HUGE matter for me. Simply bcoz he has a long list of pre existing conditions and he holds the fort at home. (I've already had 2 sleepless nights), and that's also why i decided to do slow aug.. i want to be around for him and the girls. 

On social media 

I deactivated my FB (again). Today is the 10th day! Yeah! It felt longer than it actually was. The pros of it is ive freed up more time bcoz of this; the cons is i would b missing on media updates la..but close friends will still keep me in the loop la..hahha.. not sure how long the fast would last..but we will take it as each day passes..

Thankful for the blessings God has showered upon our household and his protection upon us as well.. 

Happy Birthday to me

Birthdays are always special to me, presents or no presents.. coz its a time to celebrate the many blessings that God has showered upon me !! And also a great time to feast with family and friends 

And to force uncle to bake for his queen..hahaha.. I'm blessed that I have 2 cakes this year.. the kit kat chocolate banana mousse cake.. which my mama misses so much..  

And to top it off, we had a bbq the next day plus an oreo cheesecake with 39 candles..  yup.. 39 candles..my sis and bil couldn't understand why I was so happy with it..coz my bil was already dreading that this is his last Yr in his 20s..lol.. but 39 candles is something worth celebrating for ! It signify 39 yrs of blessings, and love showered, isn't it.. hahaha..  I'm just so glad that William finally bothered to get me 39 candles..coz the mere lighting of it was a huge ma fan already.  And the twins blew it before we could even took a proper picture.. lol  🤣 

I'm just so thankful for the love showered upon me by my family and friends.. friends who bothered to wish me..and those who took effort to arrange a meal together.. 

sweet jm send this over by herself cox llao llao wasn't delivering to my place.. so touched by her ❤

And we just had lunch today, post bday.. 

- Korean fried chicken!! 

J gave this to me after our lunch

Had lunch with Syd yday.. and we also talked hrs though it always seem time flies so fast.. 

Dinner with the preschool moms.. see my red face after the sake..lol.. 

#Uni pals

I seem to received a lot more 🎁  this yr..lol..gained a few pounds also bcoz of the bday feasting..omg..

Joy gave me this pretty necklace for my bday plus a uniqlo blouse which she says the buying took only 5 mins but the time to enter took half an hr..lol ! Really like the sweet necklace and her love for me..

I need to get back to clean eating next week! Hopefully I succeed!

" And so why do we need to fetch her again?"

"Why cant she continue staying at the other side?" 

My mind asking myself for the nth time today.. I'm not a saint n when it's an uncomfortable arrangement coupled with the nth time changes.. the OCD plus not perfect me kept fighting with the logical me. 

Mil is coming over to stay with us from tomorrow onwards 😱😱😱... arrangement should b for 1 mth since she had already stayed at bil place since the start of CB. I really appreciated Bil gestures of inviting her over to stay; bcoz we all feared that she wouldn't be able to cope with the tight measures on her own. And with the extension of CB, she has since stayed for 2 mths. Then sil kinda hinted that we should rotate this til end of the year.. which the logical me also felt that it's a fair thing to do. 

But obviously, no one consulted the dowager..and when bil simply issued the decree that he will drop her at my place on 2nd jun, WW3 happened la.. dowager was upset since last week.. 

To me honestly, I dont really mind if she wanna continue staying there. Right.. lol.. if shes happy, then we should keep it that way right.. it's going to b tough if she comes over with grievances right right.. lol.. u see.. the devious me keep justifying.. oh God, pls correct me.

So anyway up to yday and today, sil has changed her stance like so many times lo.. a text from her at 6pm say dowager will stay there til end Jun.. (a slight 🥳🥳🥳) but 1hr later she asked what time we going to pick her up.. 🥺

Praying that I wont go crazy when she comes over Tom... praying for an open heart and open mind.. 

What I learnt/did during the Circuit Breaker

Its been abt 6weeks since the start of circuit breaker and if things go on track, it's only 2 more weeks left. To be honest, 6 weeks seem to fly past so fast. I've learnt/done so many interesting things that I wont be doing if it was the normal work schedule.

1) Urban Farming 

- I've grew 3 rounds of bean sprouts thus far. Its probably one of the easier veg to grow and I thought it would b interesting for the girls to see how beans are transformed into a dish in a span of days..

This was my first time doing (then) and the girls got so sick of tao gei for a while that they forbade me to grow so much at one go! I really enjoyed the time when we all just pluck the tao gei together.. lol.. it reminded me of my growing up years when we had to do it..hahah

2) Work emails 

- I managed to download all my work emails and achive them based on each individual client.. yeah! It's one of the good to do tasks but not urgent things that I could clear during the CB..

3) Writing Cards

- When was the last time we wrote a card / letter to a friend? Or made one for them? I took this time to mail out short cards to my friends to wish them Happy Mothers Day.. inspiring mothers whom I wanna thank for guiding me along the way; mummy friends who were in the journey together with me and amazing mothers who I hope to send an encouragement to! By the end of this drive, my hands were aching from the writing..lol.. but it's a small gift of love that I hope my friends would like.. 

4) Zoom 

- By now most Singaporeans would have mastered the use of Zoom / video conferencing. The girls definitely picked up faster but I'm glad I know how too! Also managed to finally mastered screen sharing and do my presentations digitally. Havent close my first sale yet but I know it will come!

5) Digitalizing my drawings into ppt

- I'm a dinosaur.. and most colleagues / clients know that too.. I present with pen and paper and even though I scanned all my drawings, the problem with drawing is i would need to re-draw for each review. Since I had so much time, I converted all my drawings to ppt! Close to 90% of my existing clients..hahaha.. ticked ppt off my list and feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. It's a learning curve for a dinosaur like me, but it wouldn't have been possible if I didnt have so much time to figure out and port all over. 

6) Cross stitch 

- I ordered this when I was done with 2) and I still had 4 or 5 weeks before CB ends. I really wanted to do something for ME. Though i may not know how to bake or cook or do chores, this was one of my fav past time when I was young. I used to do this a lot during sch days but stopped doing when we humans got too engrossed with mandate work activities. I managed to find many designs on qoo10 where it could b shipped easily.

But it was still a pain when I was going thru this. The squares were too small for my eyes and I should have started with an easier design. 2 thoughts went thru my mind while doing it.. I either finish it before the end of CB or risk it being a half completed job for a loooooong time when work "reopens". 

Its finally completed to which I'm thankful. I really enjoyed doing it, after the initial difficulties. It's like my escape away from parenting duties..hahaha..The girls were also curious to learn. So I've ordered new sets for them which has the design printed and hopefully easier for them to learn.

7) Ironing out with Joy

- After that last entry, Joy and I cried so hard that day... words cut deep, especially when it comes from loved ones. I know she doesnt mean it, but we all could learn from this episode. I told her abt my struggles being the sole breadwinner. We all have strengths in different areas, which is something both of us need to know and recognize. I need to be more confident of myself so that such remarks wont hurt me as much. I need to stop doubting myself. She needs to know and learn that her choice of words is a sword. It can kill. And it has alrdy affected her friendships to a certain extent. We both learnt from that episode and if anything, she is even more sticky to me these days..

8) Exercising 

- We started exercising everyday via the exercise videos on YouTube bcoz Joy has to complete at least 1 video a day to "maintain" her fitness as required by her CCA. It's nice to sweat it out with the girls. Through this, we can also see who is the more sporty kind and who is the one that has mobility disability..hahaha.. I need to get more yoga mats! Hopefully we continue this even after CB ends.

9) iPad and apple pencil 

- I bought the apple pencil when govt announced CB in view that I would do more presentation / drawings digitally. But to be honest, the pencil has been so underused for work, if any. Angela suggested sketching / digital art with it. I've tried a few times..but art is not my cup..hahaha..

I've just started to use it for journaling and taking my church notes recently and hopefully it can relinquish its white elephant status by the end of CB. Mayb this shall be the next skill I conquer.

My after thoughts 

I'm quite thankful for this circuit breaker. If anything, it has allowed me to complete/master things that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to do so. I told my BFFs that I'm actually enjoying my life now. Do a bit of work here and there, spend a lot of time with the kids, do bible study, eat and sleep. Mayb I will have a different stand when the cases/$$ are not coming in subsequently but for now, I'm enjoying the peace and my simple life. 

Shall make a list of the things I wanna do (tom) before the end of CB. Coz there's only 2 weeks left...lol

Back in April when my fringe is stil short..  

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3 NIV

https://isaiah.bible/isaiah-26-3

做人很难

Just now joy was fiddling with vera..when she said "mama, when vera grow up, she will b more useless than u.."

And at that instance, I felt like being shot a thousand times..Like 无缘无故被杀死

I asked her "Is mama very useless? I can be more useless than now, u know?"

She apologised.

But damage done. Felt like I've fallen into a bottomless pit. 

This is her nth time saying it, like its getting a little too frequent and hurting like crazy. I rem the first time was when she was my IT support helping me set up the things during my video conference (when I screwed up) and needed her backup. She probably said it out of frustration but it still hurts. Or maybe she really felt that her mom is useless. I dont know. Or mayb I really am not very useful.

Other than my job, I dont know any other skills. And my job is something that the kids find it chim to understand or able to visualise that put any meaning to it. U know.. in sch the kids know the popular occupations like teacher; lawyer; doctor etc. But what is a financial adviser ? What do they do? 

Actually I find it even more hurting after penning this.. haiz.. I dunno how I should face her and how I should stop it from happening etc. God pls grant me the wisdom to turn this into something useful, that we all can learn from this together. 

Extensions

21.04.20

The govt has announced an extension of the circuit breaker til 1st Jun and a further trimming of essential services.. I'm axed this round..lol.. actually few days before that, it was announced in my firm that we are no longer permitted to conduct face to face appts..  we either meet and close digitally; or wait till the end of CB. The insurers immediately came up with digital forms etc, so as to minimise inconveniences. 

I thought this was an era that we would tell our kids and grandkids in the years to come.. where staying home is for the love of our family; and HBL is the new norm. Everyone needed to adapt FAST and accept the new normal. The kids will start their sch hols from 4th may, taking a break from HBL and going back to school in June. I thought it was a good change. A good break for the teachers, having to learn to teach digitally; and also for students who are struggling with HBL too... 

It was clear with this latest announcement what essentials are. Bbt; hairdresser; cake shops are axed this time too. We didnt rush to get bbt or to the supermarkets since uncle pig has finally embraced getting groceries online (finally!) 

This yr is probably the year that the twins will remember their bday celebration for a long time. We originally had booked a bday party at Mac, but it was cancelled mths ago becoz of covid. Then we convinced the twins that we shall do a family bbq at our place, but even that, was closed. Finally we decided to do a ice cream party and each of them shall choose 1 ice cream cake of their choice / theme / flavour and we shall polish them all on 27th! But alas, with the new changes, Swensens says that they have to cancel our orders since their cake production would cease. Even though they are still open for takeaways etc, there wouldn't be new cakes produced. And that was when the reality hit me..lol.. thankfully william went over to the branch nearest to us, and simply gotten 2 cakes. It wasnt the theme/flavour of their choice, but it didnt matter (at least to me).. we will make do with whatever we have.. lol.. 

That pretty sums up our eventful day; coupled with a faulty router that decided to retire this morning. Lol!!! And I had to hotspot the 3 kids during HBL.. thankfully, william managed to dig for a spare router in the afternoon.. lol.. who has 2 routers at home anyway!?? Hahaha.. me lo..cox my hubby is a hoarder (shhhhhh...) 

All of us learnt a lot these few weeks.. uncle managed to buy things online; while I managed to conduct video conferencing (pat pat!); also managed to spend many one to one sessions with each of the girls for which I'm thankful for; I've also managed to spend more time with vera and her math.. bcoz of CB, I managed to fill up some gaps with her..thankfully.. my next step is to cultivate her reading; coz she hates reading (like her papa).. thankful that I havent had the thought of killing any of the girls YET (I hope I dont jinx it)

Thankful for the little blessings / challenges; thankful that despite all the circumstances; we are stuck together in one place.. hahah.. praying for the people in healthcare / frontline! We can all jiayou together!

Again he said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it?  It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth.  Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.”
Mark 4:30‭-‬32 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.4.30-32.NIV

emo emo

Today is one of those days where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.. haiz.. n I was / is still feeling down..

N I know I needed to just draw strength from my all time angel.. haha.. 

Its moments like this that make me so thankful for people like her, who are always so ready to encourage and say a little prayer for me. I know I'm blessed but today is just a shitty day. Trying my best to focus on the little/tiny blessings and hopefully that is enough to carry me forward. The day is long for me. I still have a few appts and errands to run. 

God, I pray that u give me strength and faith to lean on You, that may Your word carry me thru the rest of today. God, the tasks seen uphill but I need to remember that You will never give us a task too big to handle. In Jesus name I pray, amen!

happy weekend!

Joy send me this morning.. hahaha.. it's so true.. my paradise and her nightmare.. lol..  

The Choos went to the library as our first stop today

All in all, we borrowed 60 books which I know joy and grace would have no problem finishing their collection within a fortnight. Hopefully our little vera picks up this hobby too..

Happy weekend everyone! 💪 💪💪

Share positivity, share love 💕

3rd Apr 2020 - the day Govt announced that HBL will start from 8th Apr for 1 whole mth.. I wasnt super shocked, coz we alrdy had 2 mths of normal school. My HK friend and I both felt that Sg had alrdy 偷赚 2 mths of normal life alrdy. Hahaha.. I'm sure the measures implemented were thoroughly thought thru and this is probably the best way to stamp out infections. I could foresee people rushing to Courts or funan scrambling to get laptops. I wanted to too, coz our house has too many kids and only 1 decent laptop. But I'm blessed to have Angela who offered to lend me hers spare laptop, thus sparing me of having to do last min scramble purchase.

All businesses have to either WFH or close for now, other than essential services 

I couldn't be more thankful for this pic, becoz it spells out that I'm in an essential service sector.. yeah.. not that I foresee having many many appts..but there are a couple of them. And I wont want to violate any laws/ or b a socially irresponsible citizen. It also brightens my otherwise lousy morning when a client who wanna know abt investments but didnt wanna meet. It made me felt rejected, as though I'm "dirty" or what; or that im some socially irresponsible person who still trying to make so many social appts etc. I'm not. But there are bargains / suitable investment opportunities for some clients etc. And i just wanna do my diligence and inform them. That's all. Anyway I felt lousy after the morning texting. But I decided not to let it affect me too much. I know this wont be the first of such msgs and it wont be the last either. I went home and ask joy to teach me how to do presentations via zoom etc. Although I'm still raw on it, but if the need requires, I will learn. I'm glad i learn a new skill.. hahaha.. hopefully there wont b too many hiccups when it's the day of presentation.. hahahaa..

Told the kids and my CEO that we will follow the Gov't policies and wear a mask from 8th apr onwards.. we are probably the family who rather stay home then mask and go out..lol.. but I told my ceo that if this is the Govt directives, then we shall follow, as law abiding citizens. Esp since he is in the higher risk group. 

Am I worried abt the situation? Not really.. coz my faith is with my God and saviour. And I know that we are in a blessed nation, with leaders who think 20 steps ahead of us, and protect and guide us. 

However I'm concerned abt the living together and sticking together as a family of 5. I'm afraid that I would really slaughter my kids with unkind words; or have arguments that I would regret later on. I told william my concerns last night and both of us agreed that at least we are staying at our current apartment; that at least we have space (a bit more than our previous place) and hopefully that could last us out for a mth.

Thankful for the opportunity to be thankful for. Learning to give thanks in every situation.. 

Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain.  And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
Isaiah 40:4‭-‬5 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.40.4-5.NIV

Giving thanks

Met a super old friend for breakfast at the airport this morning. She was going back to HK with her kids, 1 day before HK closes her borders. It was great to see her while she was back and as we parted ways, we all agreed that we probably only be able to meet again when this whole virus thing dies down and borders start opening again. 

She's been here since Feb coz schools in HK have been closed since cny. And when she goes back, she has to fulfil the 14days quarantine restrictions as well. Looking at the policies implemented by both govts, I'm glad and proud that I'm a Singaporean. I'm glad that schools have been opened for so long, that despite all the "peer" pressure, our govt has gone ahead to continue with schools becoz when schools close, there will b bigger problems. I'm glad that our country isn't in complete lockdown YET. Yes, the social distancing measures were recently implemented. But I'm thankful that I still get my freedom, my personal space and malls. I still could get my breakfast fix or late night supper if I wanted to. Maybe we would eventually go to the complete lockdown mode where everyone is required to stay at home. But right now, I just wanna give thanks for the little pockets of freedom that I have. 

The last few weeks have been crazy busy, bcoz most of my clients are working from home. And bcoz of that, I manage to meet up with more people, to which I'm thankful for. I know that my biz will stop when it comes to a complete lockdown, or when no other clients are willing to take a risk and meet me..haha.. and when that happens, I will b a SAHM! Simply enjoying the presence of my kids, we could watch tv all day long, or unpacked the boxes; or we could just daydream! Either way, I'm excited to see how it goes!

The 2nd budget was announced yday. And quite expectedly, I wont be getting much. I thought we might have a chance to get the self employed allowance, but I wasnt eligible. I'm glad. Bcoz that means the allowance is allocated to people who need it more than me, who truly deserve some help. The brilliance of coming up with this stimulus to help fellow citizens. =) 

Tomorrow is a relax weekend for the Choos coz vera doesnt have art class; I dont have appts; and joy doesn't need to reach church super early. We could take a super slow and long brunch, without needing to rush for the next appt. I'm looking forward to this kind of lifestyle.. haha.. 

Thankful for the opportunity to be thankful for... 

bible verse

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 NIV

https://philippians.bible/philippians-4-19

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalms 94:19 NIV

https://psalm.bible/psalm-94-19

Such a beautiful verse to accompany me for the night. Had fallen asleep while making grace zz for the night and only woke up 2 hrs later, feeling wide awake. The jittery her is going for her op tomorrow morning and thus has been "rewarded" with a night with mama.. I didnt think much abt the op, but probably the nervousness has hit me now. After all, with every op, there are risks involved. I do hope, this will be the end of her freak accident. After almost 18mths of follow ups, 1 of her 2 burn scars has healed completely (Praise God!) while the other has grown to become a small hill. And over time, it has led to her being very conscious of her choice of clothes and her self esteem as well. And becoz it has also started to hurt/itch occasionally with signs of growth, we decided to go for the op to remove it completely. 

Praying for God's protection on her, that there would b no complications from the op, that she will have complete healing. Praying also for an uncle, who is currently in hospital for a bad fall, that he recovers soon. Praying that God will also protect all singaporeans from the current virus; and to give wisdom to our leaders in leading us. In Jesus name I pray, amen..

Time to exercise

Went for my first swim this week and it felt so good after that. Havent been exercising for the last 2 weeks coz I was feeling burnt out from work. Was supposed to go trekking with uncle pig yday but I fell asleep in the car and he decided to let me zzz more. I'm glad that I finally crawled out to do some exercise today. The struggle is real. The inertia is HUGE! Hopefully I can swim tomorrow as well. 

Looking forward to the sch holidays coz we would b doing a 1 week staycation at rws. Would b a good break to simply spend time with the kids and enjoy them (I hope). Its also uncle pig bday this Sunday and neither me nor the girls know what to get for our man. I wanted to get him a new hp but was shot down. A colleague suggested getting him an iron since he's our iron man but it doesnt seem like a birthday present. I've given him ang bao before, and that is the last I wanna do for this yr. Oh God, I hate birthdays.. but its also the time to celebrate his presence with us isn't it.. 

mom's guilt

Waving bye to the twins before heading to work. Time: 5pm. Need head to office for an evening appt. Manage to have another morning appt today. I'm exhausted.The past 2 weeks have been crazy packed that I hardly come back for dinner. That's why vera made me promised I pick her up from school at least once this week.

Mom's guilt is real. I don't remember feeling this way for a long time especially now that the girls are older. Planned today's schedule deliberately around their timing so that I could pick them up from school and have meaning conversations with them. We played hide and seek for a while before it was time to head to work. They were sad n I felt so bad. Penning it down so that I make an effort to pick them up again and leave the rest of the day entirely to them. 

I love my work, dont get me wrong. And I'm thankful that in current times I still have people to meet up with. I just need to remind myself that I need to give TIME to myself and my loved ones. 

Too many calories

Trying to do some work at CBTL while the kids join me at J8 later tonight.. enjoying the peace now.. 

Havent been eating as cleaning as I thought I would.. had bens and jerry, bubble tea and 许溜山 last week! Omg.. so much calories.. told my BFFs that I needed to eat coz if I'm ever going to kena the virus/QO/die, my life is complete bcoz I've had them... hahahahah... die and no regrets.. coz I've led a meaningful life and I've eaten the foods that I've wanted.. hahahaha.. jialat I'm a hard core procrastinator... 

Had too many appts last week that I came down with flu and fatigue on Friday.. was I afraid of getting the virus? Actually no.. bcoz I believe that most people would recover from it, and if my time is up, then I shall accept what the Lord has planned for me. I actually penned something like "My last letter" previously and much of it remains true to my heart still..

Live life with no regrets coz we never know when is the last goodbye..

I'm still trying to work as much as I can.. along as I'm well and the appt is okie to meet.. praying that God guides me in every step of my journey..


I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord , the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalms 121:1‭-‬2 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.121.1-2.NIV

lazy weekend

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Matthew 7:12 NIV

https://matthew.bible/matthew-7-12

The day Singapore change from yellow to orange, there was panic at the supermarkets reported.. hoarders buying large quantities of food and toilet papers...🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Let's make something good out of this situation. Be patient with one another; exercise social responsibility; wash hands with soap and avoid touching yr face!

Brought the twins to the library at Nex on a Sunday afternoon. We had to measure our temperature and provided our details before we could enter. Kudos to the staff for the extra work needed to ensure contact tracing to be easier if shit happens. The mall was pleasantly quiet; with more shoppers putting on a mask. We didnt have to queue at sushi Express even though it was lunch time and the staff gave us hand sanitizer before we were showed our tables.

I wasnt around when SARS hit Singapore. But I was around when it was orange during Swine flu in 2009. That was the year that I cancelled my mdrt convention trip bcoz I didnt want to risk having to self quarantine and b away from joy after I got back. But that was the only thing I remember from that flu epidemic. 

Let's all make a positive step towards making this place a better place to live in.