Waiting

Waiting

Through my line of work , I've had clients who became my friends after a while .. And right now I juz wanna pray for this couple and their child, charlene. At birth, Charlene is borned with a rare brain disorder n thus began the route of beating the odds ahead of them. I went to reread their blog again from Day 01. And indeed God has been gracious and God is good. Charlene has battled so many milestones that we normal people might have taken for granted , but each milestone is a battle worth fighting for and we rejoice at each milestone. 

Time flies and Charlene is coming to 4 yrs old. (A miracle on its own.) And right now, from my understanding, Charlene is fighting for the battle to survive . Yes , she is sick, very sick and the doctors have said Tt her lungs and heart have lost its functions and its only a matter of time ...

As a Christian , I know this is not the end and we shld rejoice as the child will see The Lord soon. But as a mother, my heart goes out to the family. It's not easy to let go. It's not easy to simply decide not to let the doctors intervene anymore and carry the child in yr hands when the next time her heart stops.  Even for me, a stranger who only sees them once or twice a year , is finding it hard to accept. I feel so hopeless when there's nothing much I could do to help. 

Lord, there's nothing I can do but I juz wanna pray for this family . I pray that the parents will be comforted, they will have peace in their hearts. Lord, I want to believe that everything happens for a reason and is part of ur plan. And though we do not understd y certain things happen, we want to believe that it is for the best of our interests. U r our Father in Heaven, and what U says we have to obey. Lord, I pray also, that U remove Charlene's sufferings. As an infant, she's been through more trials than her peers . Right now, God, I pray that You remove the sufferings. God, I pray that You carry the parents in walking through this valley. It has been a difficult and long journey and this period is the toughest . I pray that You comfort this family, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

9/10

Guess the hectic work in Apr had an adverse effect on joy.. She scored 9/10 for spelling on mon n her teacher say she cried hysterically for 10 mins and blamed us for not going thru w her. Said that we only had time w the twins, mom was busy working and didn't even bother to go thru it with her.

Coming from a 3rd party mouth but the hurt was equally hard, a constant reminder to rem Tt she's only a 6yr old. For the record, I did go thru with her on Friday but had forgotten to do a revision on Sunday which is a day before the Monday spelling test.

Another reminder is that I have to remember Tt Joy being prideful, will not always be vocal abt her feelings and I need to constantly do a check on her.

I was telling some of my friends that yes, boys can be a handful to care for in the initial years , but girls, being more feeling creatures , will require constant TLCs throughout their entire life cycle and it can be equally demanding if not more.

I love Joy and I'm grateful for her presence, her cheerfulness , independence, as well as many traits that make her so wonderfully special. I just pray that I will not neglect her just because she seems more independent and thus doesn't require much attention

My Man and his back (Part 2)

- Drafted on 7th May 2013-

Today I came home abt 10plus.. My usual if I hv a couple of night appts. I saw him carrying two crying babies and an emo joy.. He told me that he's going crazy.. And that I shld no longer have any night appts. At that moment, I could see only frustration in his eyes.. He was tired and in pain. His back was giving him problems, and there seem to be no end to it. It seems better on some days but on other days it seem (at least to me) that he's limping.
 
I didn't say a single word and proceeded to make Joy and Grace zz first . That was the least I could do so that he only need to handle Vera, who is still sick and super cranky, and after battling with the two kids for an hr, they hv also zz.. (Finally !) And it was time to check on the big man. He is still emo.. And after a bit of coaxing and a bowl of instant noodles, he finally broke his silence.
 
The man was afraid Tt his back would not recover . It didn't seem like recovering and its frustrating coz there's so many things he need to do but he can't do any now. I was afraid too (though I didn't dare tell him) when I saw the hopelessness in his eyes. I only told him that for this mth I will be home every night to cover his duties and he juz need to concentrate on recovery. But deep down, I guess both of us were afraid, what if things don't improve ? What's gonna happen? I don't hv the answers for now and only God has them.
 
In times like this, its when I draw close to God too.. That I'm reminded that the human is weak but God is strong and He will perform miracles and do what's necessary . In fear, I said a silent prayer and also asked another sister to pray for us too. I pray that God, You heal him, remove the pain and make his back well again. Maybe this is a reminder for us to rest, to remember to seek You in all situations, maybe this is when we all come and draw close to U again, so Tt U perform the miracle that the human deem impossible. But God, I know U r always faithful and U have never failed us. I prayed that You ride the storm with us and let this be another testimony for us to say! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!
 
James 5:16 Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
 

Vera

- Drafted on 5th May 2013-

My little one is sick, in fact she's been pretty sticky before she's sick. Not sleeping at night for 3 nights in a row ! I'm not sure if the sleepless nights caused the flu and fever or it was the other way round. It made her only want to be carried to zz and that was extremely difficult at this period of time coz Uncle Pig 's back has not recovered yet . And I could hear her cries at diff times of the night. But there was nothing much I could do. If we swop roles, I risk waking Grace up and he won't be able to put her back to zz..
 
Lord , I pray that You heal Vera; Lord I pray that U teach us and guide us in bringing up this special child. She is so unlike her sisters and I pray for wisdom and patience in loving this child. We want to believe that she will be moulded and shaped to the best we possibly can. Lord I pray You heal her, and also that it will not spread to the other two girls. In Jesus name I pray, amen

Names

- Drafted on 28th Apr 2013-
The party came and left. The twins are offfically 366 days old. Guess everyone was exhausted from the party coz everyone zz before 10pm! Haha.. 

I thought my party was a small scale one but it still seem pretty hectic ! Perhaps we shld juz do a family only party next yr ba. 

It juz seem yday when the same grp of pple came for the baby shower and now there's the 1 yr old party ! God is good and gracious to me. Today joy asked the meaning of names; mine, daddy's and her sisters.

Joy: Used in the Middle Ages, and made popular in the 17th century under the influence of the Puritans, to whom being "joyful in the Lord" was an important duty. In modern times, it generally signifies the parents' joy in their new-born child, or with the intention of wishing her a happy life. 

Grace:  It is of Latin origin, and the meaning of Grace is "favor; blessing.

Vera : It is of Russian and Slavic origin, and the meaning of Vera is "faith". 

I googled the definitions in order to answer Joy's question and how true and how apt their names were for them. We named our firstborn Joy, because we were delighted of the new addition to our family, she was God's gift to us and also the key to us coming back to The Lord. 

Grace and Vera were named because I wanted to remember God's grace on us, esp during our struggles with infertility and how hard we tried during that period of time. And it was only through Faith that we were blessed with the twins which we never thought would b possible. Vera is also a challenging one, and I personally have to remind myself that she is God's gift to us and to have faith in what God has install for us thru this child.

Happy 1 year old!

- Drafted on 27th Apr 2013-

Lying down on my bed half naked and breast feeding grace, and staring at party balloons, I know I am 幸福的。The girls are finally one today and in a couple of hrs time, we are gonna celebrate with some friends , have a small party and relax. 

365 days since they came into our world and its a huge milestone in my life, if not the Choos. I never quite imagine life taking care of twins although I did blog/believe/say that I'm gonna have a pair of twins even before I was ever pregnant (bcoz of my mom being a twin herself ) but after having a pair myself, I often wonder why God gave me! Hahahahaha.. My God must be thinking why is it so hard to satisfy humans? Didn't I juz ordered a pair of twins and didn't He juz delivered his promise? After having twins, I kept wondering if only I had a child one at a time, then mayb we could have 4 kids in total. Or maybe we would be able to manage our time better with each and every single one of them. But bcoz the twins really exhausted all our means (esp when we can't rely on either set of grandparents for much help), we decided that this is it. 3 kids and I've completely my national commitment . Mayb God has plans for us that I can't see now la.. But I am still grateful for him for what he has done for us, for bringing me to the valleys and to teaching me to lean on him in all situations , to trusting him in all. Yes I'm grateful for all. It's when one has reached the valley before he starts to appreciate the scenery at the mountains., (chim hor)

At this moment, I'm grateful and happy and satisfied. And I wanna pray for all my friends who's going thru their struggles right now, be it infertility , work or r/s, I juz wanna assure you that God is with You and His promise is real . I pray that soon you will be able to ride thru the valleys, that whatever seem the world to u now will soon come to pass, that You trust God in yr walk with Him, and may He guides yr passage walk. In Jesus name I pray , amen!

My man & his back Part I

- Drafted on 26th Apr 2013-

Recently uncle pig started to have severe back pain , so severe tat he could only walk less than10 steps. Yes, 10 only and by then he would be forced to sit down by the severe pain. My heart broke, coz this is one of the few times when I c my giant crushed, and I wonder how long has he endured the pain till he no longer could bear it any longer. 

It scared the shit out of me, literally , coz he would b in such pain Tt he would burst with cold sweat n he couldn't even talk. I was afraid Tt it was stroke or something along Tt line. 

My heart was heartbroken to see him in such pain, and I ponder how long has he been hiding from me before he can longer take it. Why didn't he seek medical help before Tt or even tell me? After 2 separate visits to the GP who gave him painkiller injections, plus 1 visit to the TCM, nothing seem to help. He was still in pain, and worse, he could only walk from my room to the living room before the 10 steps r up and come crushing down. Finally he went to his old chiropractor who managed to make the situation better . I'm praying everyday that things will b better and God to heal him completely. The man is still able to joke that at least he can walk 15 steps nowadays , but that's hardly a consolation to me. I told him that we are supposed to grow old together, and he can only go to Heaven after me, not before me! 

Jokes aside, I was guilty for not paying attention, for not being more meticulous in picking up the signs; when he started to use the muscle relaxer more frequently, when he was limping, or when he was always sitting from one pt to another pt. I missed all those signs . I wasn't attentive enough. I really felt incompetent as his wife, his soulmate. How could I not know? I told him tat from onwards he's supposed to report to me whenever a small /big thing happened for his health and I would decide if medical treatment was necessary. And I hope he obeys.

Man, they only make u hate and love them even more..

Weaning Trial #3

- Drafted on 4th Apr 2013 -

Today Grace drank a 7oz fm n zzz liaoz.. No fussing n nv ask for latch.. I hope this is a Gd start to weaning ! Feeling sad yet happy at the same time . It's a bittersweet moment coz now Tt my supply is so low, I'm hoping that w a full feed, she will b able to zz through also. It's been so long Tt the twins have been waking up that I almost forgot Tt they shld have been sleeping through ! 

Weaning Trial #2

- Drafted on 7th Mar 2013 -

Reached home at 11pm today and was super anxious to know the status of uncle pig 's closing.. The result ? Grace zz at abt 8pm, after struggling for only 15 mins . She drank a total of 6 oz for her closing feed too! Happy happy...

But just upon reaching home, she heard my voice n woke up again. Nursed for a while n went back to zz; w a smile in her sleep .. So happy.. Maybe this is a step nearer to weaning