Grateful that I have a husband that cares abt me and sensitive to my emotional attacks. We ended the night chatting even though he say he was tired. In fact he was on his sleep machine for a while before he switch it off and turned to me.
I wasn’t even upset with him. I was just processing myself. But he took the time, to be with me, to comfort me and that send tears gushing down. 😭😭😭
Just thankful that God is in this journey.
I got to swim this morning. Really needed that dose of endorphins.
Thankful to be able to spend this week with my young adult, before she starts her next chapter.
I’m a proud mama, even though she always feels that I’m not supportive of career choices.
I guess, it’s something I need to learn, learn to let go, learn to set her free, to fly like a bird.
My heart is full. I’m grateful for this opportunity to hold her, to let her take care of me, before her heart has other “contestants”. Hahahahhaha!
Where did my little bean go? We stayed in a tiny boutique hotel on our Tokyo extension and had to squeeze on a tiny bed. She was uncomfortable with sharing, but I was delighted. Hahahah.. I jokingly reminded her that she used to only be able sleep on my arm. There were many nights where sleeping meant carrying a 10 kg baby and singing “twinkle twinkle” til I see stars.. hahahha..
感恩你长大了，这么优秀，这么会照顾别人。 我希望你能记得要好好照顾自己，也希望在不久的将来你也会找到一个会照顾你一辈子的人。
妈妈永远爱你 ❤️
Had wanted to book a date with myself again, in a cafe and do my annual reflections, but time spaced me out.
Nonetheless there are so many things to be grateful for in 2025.
1. My kids and I survived 2025! 🎉 looking back, we more than survived! We SLAYED!!!
Relationships got better. I had more time with everyone, except grace. The last couple of weeks kinda reminded me that I really should spend more time with her.
2. My marriage. Thankful that God protected and guarded over our marriage. We got lazy over the years, but I’m thankful that we managed to talk abt it and putting more effort into it now.
3. Work. If you ask me 2 years ago, if I would be able to lead and grow the IWM today, or to even lead with such confidence, I wouldn’t have thought possible. Ever so grateful that I stepped into this unfamiliar turf, and grew so much! Learnt so much over the last 1 year and got so fulfilled growing with them. Even if I were to drop dead today, I’m thankful for all that I’ve done. Hahaha.. morbid but ya.
4. My work kids. The final figures aren’t out yet, but I know the few that has confirmed hitting their best year ever. Proud mama moment.
So thankful for the opportunity to lead, inspire and touch lives. God, I’m so grateful for you, for sending angels to guard over me, when I was fearful, when I was tempted, when I was unsure. God, I pray that You continue to lead me, as I lead your sheep, so that more can come to know you. In Jesus name I pray, amen!
A huge case that I’ve been following up has flew.
My heart shattered💔
It’s heartbreaking coz I was really depending on it to hit my TOT. My garden is barren, the few people I’m texting doesn’t seem ready.
The irony of it all slapping at my face. Just like how I try to motivate my audience, and then here I am, feeling downcast.
I woke up from my nap abruptly deciding to count my blessings.
So here goes:
Happy nails to an otherwise tough week..
I saw this bible verse on Joash artwork from church on Saturday. Trying my best to remind myself of God’s promises though at this moment in time, it did little to comfort me.
The last week has been extremely tough.
I had a heart to heart talk with Joy to brtter understand her condition. Turns out she has been in extreme pain for longer than I thought. When I asked why she never once told us abt it, her only reply to us was she didn’t want to be an additional burden to us coz our hands are full with the other 3 kids. My heart broke once again. 😭😭😭 My sensible teenager who thought it’s better that she just swallow her pain so that she doesn’t cause further trouble to us.
I ended up killing myself for the first few days bcoz of this.
“Had I not paid enough attention to her such that she didn’t think it was safe to speak up?”
“Why didn’t I notice the signs?”
“What kind of mom am I when I don’t even know what’s the name of her illness?”
“Why have we given her bad genes?”
“Why can’t I be the one suffering?”
心很痛
And then the financial mom went to check her coverage. My planning for my own kids or my clients’ kids have been consistent. Get H&S for them and a basic whole life plan and they can always top up the rest when they start work.
But this will no longer be an option for her. Her condition meant she can no longer buy any insurance.
Has my planning been flawed? On hindsight I should have gotten an additional huge term with convertibility, so that the parents / kids have a chance to top up without health assessment.
This I shared with my client during the Saturday review. I ended up tearing during the appt, which was so unexpected. I had spoke too much that my wound hurts.
In fact the last week I ended up crying everywhere when some of my friends asked. Haiz.. I was a total wreck.
I felt that I had failed in so many areas: 做妈妈也没做好，做我唯一会做的工作也没把它做到完整。
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
Psalms 40:1-2 NIV
Praying for God’s healing upon her and wisdom to ride thru this journey together. Praying that I will be out of the woods soon. Amen!
Happy Mother’s Day to (me and) all the 伟大的妈妈! It’s so challenging to be a mama these days. A mama these days means wearing many hats - to be able to parent the children, work like one has no kids, be able to cook, do art and craft , provide tuition for the kids, and be put to scrutiny on social media for non impt people to judge and criticize! Anyway I’m on a social media fast for now (not sure how long it will last, but will enjoy this moment for now) as part of the “protecting myself” movement. Hahahaha.. I think it’s part of strengthening my own mental health and trying to protect my subconsciousness and time. Coz I know how much time is wasted scrolling through socials endlessly.
Anyway today is not about that. It’s about being grateful for every single day of my life. I’m thankful for God who spoke to me in a vision 4yrs ago that He would give me a son. I didn’t believe it at that moment, although His voice was clear. I got pregnant shortly after and Joash was borne the following year. No one thought that we would have more kids, coz infertility has haunted us for yrs. And it’s only possible becoz of God. He chose to bless us with this little boy who sometimes drive us crazy to the point that I had to remind myself that Joash is a gift from God.
The Birth of Samuel
There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.
Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord.
Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year.
Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “
Not so, my Lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”
Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.
Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.””
1 Samuel 1:1-20
I remembered this was the msg preached then. I could totally relate to Hannah, who felt tormented by her infertility. In fact, this msg carried me for many seasons before we had the twins. When I heard it again 4yrs ago, it carried a very different feeling. I wasn't downcasted. I was thankful for the many blessings in my life. But I asked God, if He would give us our last kid, if He think that we would be up for it? And He said yes. And that was it.
Thankful for the Lord, who never sends the wrong order but in His perfect Timing.
Happy weekend my friends!
2 more days before I see the people from US.. lol… so glad!
It’s really quite nice. Has free air con + wifi + no people!! Hahahaha.. the only thing is that can’t really chit chat here coz it’s pin drop silence. But I’m thankful coz there are power plugs for my laptop too.. hahaha.. and I’m within walking distance to rescue my kids if there’s anything.
Managed to do some work - finally sorted out my ad placement for secretary job. It’s work that takes too much time so I’ve been procrastinating it again and again. Finally got it sorted out. Hopefully the right person comes along. May God provides me with wisdom in choosing the right person ; and may He lead me to the right person for the job too! In Jesus name I pray, amen!
All 4 kids will b home today - no school. William will be attending the PLMGS founders day concert in the morning followed by D&D at night. I have 4 zooms and 1 management meeting today.
Feeling emo last night when I realize this. Why does he get to attend his social events while my schedule for the next 2 weeks are either work or math tuition. 😩
I feel so unbalanced but I didn’t wanna damper his spirits. I know he has been looking forward to such events and he enjoy meeting his friends.
I told J that my schedule will b crazy all the way til Korea coz I don’t really have that many slots for my own personal sales. There’s meetings and meetings that will overrun (for sure).
I wanted to go to the gym but I’ve fallen sick since I got back. In fact, I was coughing so badly the whole of last night that I barely zzz. 🥹🥹🥹 And not able to sweat it out in the gym probably allowed the negative hormones overstayed in me. Haiz.
I have no solution for what I’m feeling today. It’s crazy packed and I don’t wanna yield down to cakes and chocolates. Trying to take control of my eating habits. Enjoy the food minus the emotions.
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.
Went to the gym this morning. Figured I needed the distraction and the release of happy hormones to calm myself down. I will be doing a sharing coz it’s my scheduled turn. It still gets to me, like what will happen if advisers feel meh after hearing me, or worse walk out halfway of my presentation. And the nerves eat me alive. The last time it was me l, I was too busy with other things, that I didn’t have time to let the nerves do their job. Hahahaha.. I guess this is going to be the norm, more sharing, more presentations and more talking.
When will I ever get used to this? When can I stop emotional eating whenever an event like this happen? I told Angela that I was so nervous that I think I can eat a cow for breakfast! I even told myself that I’ll order my comfort toast on top of the usual eggs +kopi. Carried my battlepack to Hong Lim and realize my fav breakfast uncle is on a holiday! And he will only b back after I fly to Athens 🤪🤪🤪
And I legit went to see if there were cheat options. It would h nice if we could really have some beef soup for breakfast.. hahahaha.. Oh well, and then I had this.
Having a bit of issues with some annoying person (not work related), and I feel that she should deliver what she promise on her end, but she has gone radio silence 😫😫😫 Situation like this, I struggled. Struggle to make sense of it, struggle to be the bigger person and WAIT. 道理在我这，可是我又能如何。Just reminding myself that God is in control. He is watching me and over me. Lol.. (there’s a difference in the meanings if you understand what I mean.. hahaha). It irks me when I’m not in control. And I’m not a patient person. But I guess this is a chance for me to learn.
Sep seems like a short mth for me coz there’s the 1 week sch holidays then I’m flying off to Athens last week of sept. There’s 101 things to do but time isn’t on my side. Hahaha.. Praying that I stay focus as I meet the challenges ahead!
The night before flight and my anxiety levels hit the roof. Going to take a long flight to Istanbul with the 2 men followed by a domestic flight to Cappadocia with a very tight interval - less than 90 mins separating the two flights. And if we miss that flight, we will miss the pre arranged cab to the hotel.
Praying that God gives us favour tomorrow; that He will make things right for us on the trip. That even if we really miss everything, the most we just stay 1 night in Istanbul and be late for the convention. Yes, worst case scenario. That didn’t seem so bad, if we put all things into perspective. What’s impt is to enjoy the trip; enjoy the fellowship and companionship ya..
trying not to let another morbid thought enter my tiny brain. But this always happens whenever we didn’t travel as a whole family. What if the plane crash? What if blah blah blah.. tuck my girls to bed this evening coz I was so guilty if the plane crash. Call me silly but today is one of those days where I regretted saying yes to this trip. Even though Istanbul and hot air balloon are one of the things that I really hope to tick on my list.
Praying that we all survive the long flight. That we survive the connections. Tom wouldn’t be as bad as how I planned for the UK flights, but the connection Tom is tight. Praying for God’s safe covering on this trip.
Suffering from overstimulation.. not sure what time I’ll zzz tonight.. 🥹
Went into office to do work, before ending the day with a 630pm face to face appt and 830pm zoom appt. The zoom only ended at 945pm. By then I was exhuasted. My only consolation is that William was around the area to pick me up. He left the helper to do the closing tonight. And Joash took a loooooong time to zzz.. but I know this is for the good of everyone in the long run. To train another person up to do the night closing; so that we could free up our time; so that if William needs to go for his evening gatherings, we know that the kids are in safe hands for the night.
My dinner / supper. I know I shouldn’t eat so late and so sinfully. But the emo brain is telling the logical side that I deserve to treat myself today. Today, I helped 2 separate clients plan better for their future. The revenue I earn is zero. I explained the plans to the first appt and told him in view of his current circumstances, he really should build up his emergency cash. He was so grateful that he wanted to give me a treat which I politely declined. The second appt was to apply hospitalization plans for a premature baby; but sadly the baby is still in the midst of many many follow ups so we discussed and felt that it probably would b better to wait for now. But even though the revenue is zero, I know I’m doing the right thing. The right thing for their circumstances. And I know if God were to page me now, He will be glad.
Such is a fruitful day. A lot of friends think that I have an easy job; a glamorous one sometimes. One that chit chat a bit and gets paid vacations regularly. And when I’m feeling angst by their remarks I wanna reply the following
Me: “If it’s so easy, why don’t you come do it?”
Fren: “aiya I missed the boat Liao or I’m too old”
🙄🙄🙄
Or things like
Fren : “你真好命，everything William settle. U only need to work”
Me (when I feel hormonal) : “ you think it’s so easy to bring income home?!”
Both situations; I wanna say.. but no guts la.. lol.. I wanna say it’s not that it’s easy ; it’s that I make it looks easy. Of coz God provided; but it’s still a lot of HARD AND HEART WORK!! If it’s so easy, then everyone would b financial adviser Liao leh..
anyway it must b bcoz PMS la.. that’s why I’m hormonal.. but ya, hopefully God gives me the wisdom to reply such comments; or the wisdom to zen it ..
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
Psalms 107:1 NIV
https://psalm.bible/psalm-107-1
Trying to remember dearly that God knows best. And even though we have our differences, he is the best fit for me. These few days have been challenging. William and I have been arguing, not those big big fights, but small squabbles. Just not sure if the small squabbles will eventually snowball to something bigger and explosive.
Trying to speak kindly, but it’s not always easy. I know I can choose green (kind) or red (angry) words/sentences. Green promotes harmony while red evokes confrontations. But it’s not always easy when the words rush out to slay. Lol.. just like how I’m silently blogging now while he’s struggling to book the Melbourne tickets.. I offered my help, but smeared it sarcastically (my bad) and he’s offended. Okie lo, then u ownself do lo..
I’m not sure if I’m easily triggered bcoz my PMS (kinda early) is coming, or bcoz he wouldn’t be around on Friday bcoz he has PSSG D&D or if it’s other things that’s causing my anxieties.
Contrary to popular beliefs, I do have anxieties and I am only human. Leaning on God’s wisdom and assuring myself that He knows what’s best and whatever that comes along, are situations to mould me to a better person.
Took a week of break away from social media. I guess seeing all the posting from everywhere kinda cause me a lot of mums guilt; that I wasn’t doing enough for my kids.
I’m not one who bring the kids to the outdoors every weekend. I’m not one who bring my kids for trial class. I’m not the one who does baking or craft work with them. I can’t even say I can confidently do solo parenting when William serves for church or his activities. And to be honest, seeing all the postings on all the capable mamas do so many many things for their kids kinda led me to have a lot of guilt.
I know I have other abilities that I should be proud of. I know I know. And I know there are so many other things that I should give thanks to too.
The one week fast did help me refocus myself with my kids. In fact, time became plenty when we take social media out of the picture. Suddenly I had time to notice the number of people eating at the hawker centre; or how much white hair William has currently; or the little details that I overlooked (bcoz I was so busy catching up on other people’s lives)
Penning this down to remind myself that my validation should not be based on the number of likes / posts I get/do on my social media. My validation should be with my creator, God. I’m only accountable to Him and He knows what I need. He made me for a greater purpose and He makes no mistake.
“The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.”
Proverbs 23:24 NIV
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalms 23:4 NIV
