Learning a new sport

Learning a new sport at 45 is scary. 

Especially when I haven’t been a sporty person all my life. 

I always tell my friends: 

“球太大，我怕打到我。球太小，我接不到。” 

But I didn’t want to say no to Rachel for the third time. She has been organizing it every month, for our team. Says it’s to exercise together to work towards a healthier lifestyle, and not simply work work work. She did quietly tell me that it also helps save me money coz we can do team bonding very affordabily.  

真的是让我又爱又恨的小朋友。❤️

And so I went today. Even though I played out 101 excuses to fly them at the last minute, even though I’m not sure how it would end. 

Ming started with warm up, and even before it ended, I thought I was FINISHED. 

Hahahaha… 

Then we played. Small simple exercises at the start, then eventually the respective courts depending on yr skill level. 

I actually enjoyed myself more than I expected. 

Even though my muscles still aching like crazy as I’m writing this. 

Even though none of my comfort kakis are here. 

It used to bother me a lot when they didn’t come. In fact none of my seniors came. 

But I realize that I wouldn’t have come if I was an adviser even if my boss had organized. 

And I’m completely okay with it now. 

We all have 24 hours a day. 

I spend some time out of my comfort zone today and I’m proud of myself. 

I had no expectations or disappointment on the actions of others.

I’m proud of my own realisation. And I’m enjoying this moment of ME now. 

I’m thankful. 

Thankful for the growth.

P/S: Told Rachel my social battery was flat after I parted ways with them. She asked why? Especially since it’s my own team! I told her that my mind had less than 5 sentences that’s non work related.. hahaha.. just socially awkward. Hahahaha..

Protecting Boundaries

Yesterday, one of my advisers SOS and asked if she could have a crash course today at 11am about a particular product. 

The usual me would have say yes immediately. After all, it must be an emergency. 

But I stopped myself. Instead, I suggested that she come for my afternoon team training so that I can go thru with her. 

I’ve taught this product several times in office before. But she didn’t attend. 

She said she couldn’t attend the afternoon session and will find her way out. 

It’s a struggle to say no. But 2026, I want to be more protective of my time and the people important to me. 

I don’t know when or how long it started but my priority list / time allocation for 2025 somehow became:

Advisers -> Clients -> Family -> William -> me

I said yes to any of my advisers who needed an emergency training, case study, or anything. My time with my kids suffered. My marriage too. And lastly, I had only scraps for myself. 

I was burnt out, felt like a rabbit chasing my own tail. My client appts suffered too, cause I hardly had much energy to think properly. Each appt goal was to end it ASAP. 

So after a session with my coach, I’ve set out healthier hrs and boundaries for each area that’s important to me. 

I’m thankful for the break now, so that I can think clearly. Thankful that I can take a pause and not feel guilty. 

To many more learning lessons ❤️

Small steps

 I love swimming. But I haven’t swam in mths. 

Sick. Weather. Overwhelmed. Just didn’t feel like it. 

Didn’t feel like crawling out of my comfy couch. Wanted to 躺平 til the end of life.. 

But I did it today. Walked out of all the “weeds” trying to convince me not to. 

“U have 4 appts today. U should prepare them” 

“The son will be upset if he finds out u swam without him”

“The water is too cold” 

一千个理由。 

I’m tired of being a sofa. I wanna walk towards a healthier self. Step by step. 

The first dip into the pool. 

Damn. The water is soooooo cold. 

Did my first lap. 有一点吃力喔. Argh…I’ve been a sofa for too long. 

Did 16 laps for today. Not my best. But celebrating the small win. 

I need to remember to love myself; and also to take care of this body of mine. 

Protecting myself

 I finally did what I’ve wanted to do for the last few months. I stepped down as the kindergarten teacher. 

There were many reasons why I wanted to, but I think the last straw was when new advisers were always late for trainings. The blatant lack of respect for all the trainers when we curved out time out of our busy schedule to do this. I told them few days ago “Don’t apologise for the late coming. Just arrive before 9am. If you wouldn’t dare to be late for your clients appt, then what gives you the right to do that to trainers?” 

That was what I did. 

I tried to improve the culture / their working attitude and I failed. I tried to tell myself not to let it affect me, and I failed too. So I decided to just step down and protect myself. 

我的功力不够深厚，所以我选择离开保护自己. 

Felt a sense of relief once I settled everything. I guess the cruise + recent spate of events have pushed me to focus on what’s really important in my life. Declutter my life and proritise joy.

Weekend blues

The boy who had multiple meltdowns today, for various reasons. Clearly he is overdue for his nap, but he isn’t willing to zzz. 

His other “twin” also had a major meltdown this morning too, due to insufficient zzz plus unable to regulate her emotionally during her Math revision. 

Times like this, I struggled. I wished I have the wisdom to better manage my own thoughts as well as my kids. 

If anyone told u that parenting is a breeze or is always a bed of roses, don’t believe in that myth! Yes it brings along its joy and fulfilment, but it’s never a breeze or always cheerful. It comes along with tears and frustrations, that’s why the whole parenting journey is filled with bittersweet memories. 

I went for a run this morning bcoz it’s the best way to get endorphins without calories.. lol.. and as much as I enjoy swimming, jogging is the only exercise that my kids will allow me to go without causing an uproar. The toddler would never allow me to swim without him. Plus the sun makes swimming in the mid day an equal challenge to my face which is already filled with age.. hahahahaha..

Also I like to do things which I find it hard to accomplish. It’s a form of discipline. It requires hard work to resist taking the easy route. It requires discipline to continue. 

Hopefully I’ll be able to do this for the next 29 days! 

Me!

Send this two off in the early morning and headed for gym. The twins offered to go to school on their own while my helper will bring Joash to sch . Thank God for a great helper! We can do this ! 

Trying not to let my emos run all over the place. Haven’t zzz well for the last few days coz Joash has been waking up at the wee hrs and doesn’t zzz back til few hrs later. Was so tempted to get an almond croissant or eat happy after my BFT, but I managed to stop myself. I need to detach my feelings from eating..hahahah.. I don’t need to rely on food to balance my emotions. I could use healthier outlets. May God grant me the strength to pull it thru

My cross stitch has been a great distraction.. lol.. takes my mind away from all the anxiety.. just need to find someone to adopt it when I’m done! 

My goal for the next 2.5 weeks :

1) spend more time with the twins 

2) pick didi up from school and bring him for the late afternoon swims 

3) exercise 4x a week 

4) complete my cross stitch 

Maybe I should do a solo trip. Hahaha.. just thinking out loud. Todays just the first day of the week.. Jiayou Lena! 我可以的

休息是为了走更远

Enjoying the peace before crazy works begin again. Taking a breather this season, coz I think I fully deserve it, and becoz I don’t want to risk another burnt out. 

Swam for the second day straight even though I had packed my gym bag. It’s hard to go back to BFT in the morning, coz the thought of “pant like crazy” is enough to scare me.. esp since I haven’t been going for a while. 

2024 I want to take a more gradual pace at work. No one need to get their cases approved at 1am coz the ops cutoff timing is 11am. Remember to rest so that I have enough brainwave for what’s ahead. 

There isn’t a need to prove anything to anyone. I will do my best to share my business practices, but whatever the outcome I’ll leave it to God. 

Went to orchard to return my Apple Watch bcoz I can’t really appreciate its functions. Thought I will just get a simple watch that tells time and is waterproof. So I returned it since it was within the “free look” period. Then passed by a jewellery shop and end up buying a ring that cost much more than the monies I will be getting back 🙈🙈🙈

Decided that today will be the day where I treat myself well, so I went to get a nice lunch. I visited this place several times when I was doing my cupping sessions. But sigh.. the cost of eating healthy is not cheap.. I rem I used to b able to get this close to $20 but now it’s $30!! And I didn’t even make it into a lunch set. It was just the salad bowl nia.. and I certainly didn’t feel full despite polishing it clean. Oops! 🙊 granted that my appetite back then was tiny and I’m nowhere near. I do hope to lose some weight before cny .. hahahaha.. we shall see !

Emo me

All 4 kids will b home today - no school. William will be attending the PLMGS founders day concert in the morning followed by D&D at night. I have 4 zooms and 1 management meeting today. 

Feeling emo last night when I realize this. Why does he get to attend his social events while my schedule for the next 2 weeks are either work or math tuition. 😩 

I feel so unbalanced but I didn’t wanna damper his spirits. I know he has been looking forward to such events and he enjoy meeting his friends. 

I told J that my schedule will b crazy all the way til Korea coz I don’t really have that many slots for my own personal sales. There’s meetings and meetings that will overrun (for sure). 

I wanted to go to the gym but I’ve fallen sick since I got back. In fact, I was coughing so badly the whole of last night that I barely zzz. 🥹🥹🥹 And not able to sweat it out in the gym probably allowed the negative hormones overstayed in me. Haiz. 

I have no solution for what I’m feeling today. It’s crazy packed and I don’t wanna yield down to cakes and chocolates. Trying to take control of my eating habits. Enjoy the food minus the emotions. 

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

Emotional eating

Did I eat this bcoz I went to the gym or did I go to the gym bcoz I had this? Hahahaha… seriously don’t know which comes first. 

Been doing a lot of emotional eating, and I’m not sure if it was gym or the new mgmt role that led to it. Gym has been fun actually. I drag myself there every morning but I feel great once I’m done with it. And it gives an immediate release of all the pent up unhappiness/tension/anxiety. The thing is, then the rest of the day will be me telling myself “I deserve to eat xxxx bcoz I went gym today…” hahahahah.. and then the next morning I’ll tell myself “I should go gym today bcoz I had xxxxx yday” 

Feels like a rat running in cycles. 

We are supposed to move next Monday but both William and I weren’t super impressed with the renovations and how it look on a whole. Not sure how it’s going to pan out, but it was a sad moment for me yday bcoz a part of me probably regretted engaging my gf to do this and trusting her wholeheartedly. The overall look just didn’t gel and the extreme case would b to tear down most of it and either redo, or get ready made ones. I felt horrible. 

I’m the kind of client who, if I trust you, I trust you entirely. I don’t look at the fine prints or if everything make sense. If you as a professional tells me it’s going to b great, I expect it to b at least good enough for u to stay. Haiz.. William is meeting the reno people again later to discuss. 

Another part of me felt that I wished I was more competent in this area then mayb we could shoulder this reno project today. It’s all on him and I think he is feeling even worse than me now. 

Of coz there is the other part of me who tries to console him and say as long as we are staying together as a family, it really doesn’t matter how or what we stay at lo.. oh well.. 

praying for God’s peace and wisdom as we battle our own challenges. It’s the end of July and Aug comes with its own challenges. This week seems easy for me. I’m tempted to fix some client appts, but I wanna leave time for my family+babies+shifting. So we see how la. 

We often say every child is different. It just dawn on me that every adult is also different, and they are probably a lot more difficult to mould than kids. 主啊，请赐给我力量和智慧。

Random rant / update

 I finally completed my PT sessions yesterday! 🎉🎊🥳 Took almost 6mths to finish 20 sessions; a bit too long but   I had a bit of traveling and a lot of procrastination to blame.. hahaha.. did the PT result in weight loss? Not really. Less than 1kg nia.. lol.. did the PT result in me being fitter? Definitely. I can do my squats and exercises much better compared to 6mths ago. Would I continue another round? Probably not.. coz as much as I see the physical benefits of the sessions, it gave me so much emotional baggage that I either end up emo baking the night before or crazy eat the next day or both. 🤣🤣🤣 but I’ve tried and I should give myself a pat for that. 

Has been so busy this whole week that I didn’t have time to be emo baking. But the date is coming. Flying off on Sunday. Finally packed most of my stuff into the luggages. Uncle pig did most of the work. I was the sulking kid who wanted to put more clothes in but there really isn’t much space.

I’m trying my best to do well emotionally, but some days are especially hard. 

My favourite therapist would often ask us the following questions whenever we have our fears / anxieties.

1. What is the worst that might happen?
2. What is the best that could happen?
3. Given yr wisdom and logical mind, what do u think is the most reasonable outcome out of it?

1. The worst that could happen is I end up snapping at my mom for everything that she does, and complaining to uncle pig while on the trip. The 3d2n alone time in Paris with her is causing me a lot of anxieties as well. Would I end up killing her or perhaps by the first few days, I just wanna be alone and away from her.

2. The best that could happen is both of us enjoy this trip entirely; a solid mother daughter bonding time, where I appreciate her for who and what she has done and vice versa. 

3. Honestly I don’t know. I do hope that traveling w a bunch of fun colleagues mean that it’s not just me and my mom 24/7. I want to honor her, for the sacrifices she’s made for us, the things she’s done so that we could have a better life. I probably should rem this and look at it whenever I feel like snapping. 

Still waiting for my client to arrive. She’s late and it’s pouring outside.Let’s look forward to seeing the beautiful sights in Iceland and happy shopping in Paris. Hopefully I don’t get too lost in Paris and may God protect us on this trip. Journey mercies ❤️

“But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.”

‭‭Jude‬ ‭1‬:‭20‬-‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Did something meaningful today and I feel so proud of myself..haha.. ownself praise ownself. 

It’s been so long since my last donation -2010. I used to do it regularly with William back then, coz our church would organise it twice a year. But ever since he became a diabetic, I stopped doing it as well. Coz the inertia to do something on my own was huge. Plus I was on a lot of meds for a few years while trying to conceive the twins. And when the twins came along, it just got so tiring to breathe, let alone come here. 

It isn’t painful. The staff here were so nice and so gentle in doing everything. Going to make this a regular event, coz 施比受更有福. Thankful that I could give life to someone else in need.

Emotional eating

At this rate, any $$ earned from closing the night appts wouldn’t be able to pay for the PT sessions. I know I shouldn’t be eating at this hr, but it’s another “I’m so dead tired from work & certainly I should b allowed to treat myself better ya?” 

Haiz.. this probably explains why I gain >10kg in my 1st year in the biz. Note to self: I want to start my clean eating regime. Else mayb it’s better for my health that I don’t work.. hahahaha.. 

Enjoying my quiet lunch and comfort food. I love marche. It’s one of the food joints that can feed my village affordability. 

Going to say goodbye to such comfort food soon. Decided to eat clean again after my bday.. haha.. going to start a new regime then. Haven’t quite decided on which option but I think I should do something for myself. I don’t buy expensive things for myself, whatever I earn, is used mostly to feed my village. I want to do something for myself; to make myself healthier, so that I can do more with the kids as I age. 

God, be with me as I embark on this new journey. I’m excited yet afraid. But I know U are in control, and U will be with me every step of the journey. Amen!