Day 9 of solo parenting

话真的不可以说得太早。 

One of those days when everything felt overwhelming; exhausting, and one where I just wanna whisked myself into thin air. 

Vera hasn’t been in her mood for the last few days, and no amt of “letting her do her way” has done anything to help. 

Joash is a close 2nd. 

Grace has been very sweet in attending to her twin’s needs but equally triggering next to Joash. 

Counting down to 1 last night. 

I think I’m coming down to something too.. either the hormones or I’m getting sick soon.. 

This too shall pass. Amen!

My after thoughts

Penning my thoughts after my solo convention. Decided to go for the convention on my own, coz there were quite a few of my advisers who qualified for the first time. And I wanted to be there with them, despite the fact that William can’t come along. 

I got home sick even before the trip started. The hormones just hit me as I embarked on my >20hrs journey. Cried myself silly that the airline crew came to ask how was I when they noticed that I hardly touched my food. They probably saw the tears and offered me some KitKat! Hahaha.. that was really sweet of them. 

But despite the homesick, the companionship was awesome. Met new friends, got to know some existing ones even better. 

This is the irony of a convention I guess. If I had brought my family along, I wouldn’t have been that home sick, but that would mean I wouldn’t have been to hang out so much with my new found awesome traveling kakis. 

I never thought I would show my vulnerability to people other than JM & J. But here I am happy to forge deeper relationships with these two. 

Grateful for the 3 of them. They tolerated my shortcomings, my inability to read directions; or book an Uber, or simply pack my bags. They embraced my emotional rollercoasters, gave me a safe space when I just needed time alone on my own. It’s not easy to find friends like that, where I can be so comfortable with. Coz I’m not easy to 相处。

I didn’t realize how much I’m going to miss the time we spent together until I started penning this. This trip must have been a gift from God, who send these 3 angels here, so that I could enjoy myself fully as an individual, as me, not mama choo.. 

Doing a mask on the plane and missing the nights where we chatted and put on masks!  We probably did more masks for the whole of this week compared to the last 1yr. 

Looking back at my Mexico photos, I realize we didn’t take that much pictures together. But the memories will always stay with me. Thankful for new found friends. Thankful for stepping out and trying something different.Thank God for everything!

After two movies, I didn’t feel like watching anymore. Another 3 more hrs before I reach Tokyo, and continue the second leg to LAX. 

Without realisation, I started crying. 

Emo came knocking. 

I miss my family. I miss William and the kids. I tried to numb the pain by buying crazy at Changi just now. Bought a stash of make up and skincare essentials, but it did little to cheer me up. 

Barely touched my lunch and the friendly airplane crew kept checking if they could give me a replacement meal. It’s nice to be taken care of, especially when it’s usually me taking care of my kids.

Oh God, I miss home so much, though the mooncake and Kit Kat did help provide some comfort. 

I ended up chitchatting in the family chat with the girls. They would have been delighted to be on the long flight. To be able to watch unlimited TV for so long, is a dream come true for Vera.. lol.. 

I know I’ll be fine once I meet up with the ladies. I know I’ll end up enjoying myself, enjoy the little break, enjoy the uninterrupted sleep etc. 

Will try to do some work, work that I haven’t been able to touch when it was crazy hectic last week. 

Emo-ing

 The last few days have been tough, especially when the appts have died down. 

I finally manage to start packing for the trip. And it is so tough. To pack and leave the family behind for a week. 

The crazy thoughts started on Friday - that mayb I should try to skip it entirely. Thinking of 101 ways to skip it legitimately. The thoughts probably got so loud that I ended up telling to a colleague in the lift! And he wasn’t even that close to me.. 

Why don’t I wanna go? 

1. Coz I feel that I haven’t spend enough time with the kids, be it the teenager; the psle twins or even the toddler. 
2. I haven’t work enough for this mth/quarter/season. Work has been crazy hectic but not all work translate to my personal sales directly. Work now has many meanings: personal sales, coaching, training, attending mgmt meetings etc and the list goes on. I checked my last two weeks schedule and everyday was filled with meetings.
3. I felt like I made the wrong choice to go. 
4. Packing is a chore. I always seem to bring the same few sets of clothes there. I’m afraid that people recognise that I’m always wearing the same clothes.. sad truth 

Before I go on and on abt it, I stumbled onto a post abt choices and how time is finite. And because of this, we shouldn’t waste time in doing things that we doing enjoy / being stuck in situations that we felt forced to. 

I probably felt compelled to go coz I had no choices. But is that really right? I think I can really get an MC if I want to and skip the whole thing. Just that mere thought kinda change my perspective 180 degrees. 

Perhaps I should think of why I wanna go? 

1. Jiamin will be there besides fun Angela! Hahahah.. and I wanna celebrate their success with them. And mine too! 
2. It will serve as a good break for me too. 
3. It will b good if I can speak to 2 other practitioners not in my company. My client, L, told me, to start small. Don’t make myself over stimulated. She taught me some tips and it will be nice to put them into practice. 

They say the truth will set us free. I do hope that I’ll be able to sleep well tonight, esp after I’ve aligned my thoughts. 

God, pls heal me completely. The lingering cough, esp during the nights are extremely tough. I’m starting to stress that it will affect JM sleep when we reach Mexico. God, guide me, in yr ways, show me the things that I can’t see. God, give me yr super powers so that i can reach out to people! In Jesus name I pray, amen! 

The twins and I

On the 2 hr bus ride back to the port. We are into the 4th day of the cruise. Decided to do a 6D5N cruise with the twins and my mama since william will b going Osaka with Joy and I can't work much since J is on leave too..

My sleeping beauty who zzz 10 mins into the bus ride, on both ways of the trip. Thank God! Hahaha...

Thankfully we manage to do some shopping with the twins buying quite some stuff too. Hahaha..

Checklist: After you - simply loving their desserts.. 

Sugar treats motivation

Thankful that these few days on the cruise have been awesome. Stopover at redang on the 2nd day and even though the twins didnt want to disembark initially, I just wanted them to see the beautiful beach. And I'm glad that we all enjoyed ourselves that day too..

Pretty!

The weather was pretty and so were their moods.. thankful that they have been pretty cooperative all these while.

The tattoo they made at redang..

Bento for lunch on board! 

Ice cream again! Becoz it's only $1.50 per scoop, so we had to have it everyday. Hahahah.. we later realise that we could have it for free at the palace lounge..🤣

While on this cruise, there were many times when the twins only wanted to stay at the kids club 0r in the room bcoz the last few times when they were here with their grandparents, they literally had TV / sweets buffet.. but bcoz I'm here this time round, I wanted them to try out more things. Thus we went to the beach and shopping at BKK today..

Lovey dovey.. may they continue to be close buddies even when they grow up 

I also managed to have many one to one occasions with vera. Usually when Joy / papa choo is around, they are her default choices to go to. But this past few days, we probably hang out tog more often than for the whole of this yr. I now know that she doesnt like prawns or soya milk, but she loves beef and lobster. Shes more of a meat person and her love language is quality time now instead of touch previously.

Thankful for the opportunities to create memories with my family. Looking forward to tomorrow's activities on the cruise.

*******

*waiting at the lounge for the twins to finish their "kidzania" activities*

Hello captains!

Them as butlers..

Seriously, I'm dead tired by late afternoon and there are probably a few more activities before this end.. its their 3rd time doing it but its still pretty fascinating for them, which is good enough for me.

Thru the activities, Grace is always the vocal one, willing to say her thoughts and views to the trainers while Vera is the reserved one. She is able to vocalise, but given a choice she would stand behind her sister and wait. It's something that we already knew, and slowly but surely, given the right opportunities, she would be able to grow her confidence.

*Pizza making*

*cheers to fruit punch*

We did 1 last swim; had dinner and packed our bags. It was time to go home tomorrow. The kids are at the kids club for one last time while the dowager is doing her final sprint at her casino, trying to recover her losses. I finally have some me time alone in the room. Yeah!

Overall this trip has been fun, they have been amazingly cooperative; and even though there were little spats, they always managed to patch up without much interference. I'm glad that we came for this trip. It was good bonding for the girls and me; n for my mom with me/them too.

Vancouver/ Seattle

Finally some time to pen my thoughts before my next appt. Been wanting to blog abt so many things but always end up with opening paragraphs and then got distracted.

~ The trip ~

The trip was good. It was my first time to Canada and Seattle, and boy did I enjoy myself! The food was soooooo good, definitely better than the typical European countries that I've visited thus far.

Welcome dinner

Dim sum breakfast 

Omakase

And their extensive Asian cuisine made this Chinese girl so comfortable. I was happy to have dim sum, Chinese zicha, and even Japanese soba and sushi! I could come here again if I have the chance coz this was the first time I didnt need open my cup noodles! Also the first time I gain weight after coming back from an ang moh country. 

The extension to Seattle was good too! It was an adventure that the typical me won't consider usually. A client of mine happened to be studying in Vancouver and offered to host us during our extension. I didnt think much before accepting coz the thought of having a local guide was too good to reject. I'm glad I didnt. We had a great time! (despite the initial awkwardness) coz after all, we weren't exactly friends to begin with. But I'm glad that we got to know each other better during this trip. 

Me and my 2 lovely hosts!

Our nice house!

I also got to stay in a nice HOUSE with a fireplace! How cool is that, for a Singaporean city girl! I'm glad I didnt do my extensions at the expensive Fairmont but at cosy affordable air bnb.

I was very fascinated by the automated fireplace but my friends say nowadays all the houses use this. Hahaha..

I'm so glad I tried this while I was in Vancouver! It's so nice and most importantly no q! 

Sitting on the floor of Walmart coz I was too tired from all the walking but mr choo wasn't done yet.. #super unglam but dont care

The unit of the air bnb we stayed on the last night is our wedding anniversary! Oh my 天!

And the 8 days ended faster before I realized. The kids were good with my mama. Told William that perhaps we could do a longer trip next year, now that they are older..

so we came back with 3 full luggage coz uncle pig did ALOT of shopping.. hahahah

Also gave uncle pig a surprise by changing our flights on the trip back. I thought it was a good treat since it was our wedding anniversary.. I slept throughout the 2 flights but he clearly enjoyed the experience.. hahahah

Osaka 2017

It's 7pm now and we are still on thr plane. The twins would hv known by now that mama is away again , for another of her many many holidays.. the guilt is insane. I'm going osaka/ kyoto with 2 of Joy's childcare mummies. Yes it's a mummies only trip. Feeling jittery coz it's the first time I've been on a girl's trip ever since dunno when. I don't really enjoy travelling but becoz the khakis are great - we clicked very well and have been gd friends ever since - thus I gamely agreed on this trip when one of them suggested it. The trip unfolds in a couple of hrs. Praying that everyone will be fine at home, the girls won't b too upset, Mr choo would b able to cope (I know he always can), journey mercies, and I won't be too home sick. My dear 朱宝宝， 妈妈很快就会回来的。爱你们!

lena is feeling emo and sad..

Yes, I'm going on another trip again.. and alone without the village.. The days that lead to the final D - day were erectic and cranky .. somehow uncle pig could fill the vibes and all he did was being tolerant and tolerant.. 

I'm truly blessed to have him .. He really made the best of me, and if he didn't , he will cover my flaws such tt no one will know.. aw...

I'm going to Cape Town with my colleagues , bringing along my parents as well.. had wanted to encash the tickets if not for the fact that my parents were extremely keen in South Africa .. and I thought since they were still fit and healthy and if it's within my means, shld bring them travel whenever I can .. 

Having said tt , I still cried.. and cried hard did I when I made grace zzz tonight.. she was being extremely sweet today when she kept pointing to my eyes and say "eyes" and saying "high 5" with her raised palm.. miraculously all 3 girls zz before 9 pm and uncle pig was able to send me to the airport.. and here I am composing this post while making my way there..

Dear God, I pray that You protect this household while I'm not ard. . I pray that You grant me a good trip there with my parents too.. and thay the girls be obedient and cooperative while I'm not around.. God I'm thankful for all the blessings you have given me and I pray that You protect me thru this trip.. its been more then 10 yrs since I flew to somewhere so far away fr uncle pig for so long.. The last was NL.. and that was before knowing you God.. In Jesus name I pray, amen!