Entering week 22

This is me and my buns at week 22. I feel that I look more pregnant than my weeks count. I think irregardless of gender, I always look BIG when I’m pregnant..hahah.. gonna enjoy this pregnant look bcoz this is really going to be our last bun!

Went for our detailed scan last week and everything is in order. Baby is still there and it’s a boy as confirmed. Lol.. I don’t know why but everything still seems like a dream to me and up til the scan, I still didn’t feel like announcing the pregnancy news for fear that I would lose my child. Yes, despite the “Trust in the Lord with all yr heart....”

Some updates on me and my pregnancy journey:

1) Cravings 

- it’s definitely william taste buds this time round. I’ve been eating so much carbs over the last few mths then the whole of my 2yrs of slimming journey. Dinner last night was carbonara with lotsa potato wedges while a typical breakfast nowadays would either be mee rebus or Bak chou mee or prata. 

Believe me, I’ve tried to eat healthier or cleaner but nothing makes me happier more than carbs.. sigh.. I told william that this pregnancy has pushed all my boundaries everywhere. Right now, my goal is just to press on til week 38, then when baby is out, hopefully my own taste buds would finally be back. And we will try work out the losing weight part then..

2) Baby movement 

- He’s definitely starting to kick more at nights. Just yday, Vera was delighted to feel his kick before she went to bed. And can I say that Vera has been so sweet to me these few weeks. She has been insisting that I do my meds every day and reading to him at nights etc. Suddenly our little princess doesn’t seem so little any more! 

Grace would write notes to remind me if I was home late so that I would still come back and take them.. I feel so spoilt by their love suddenly! These are moments when I don’t mind having another kid but we never know how the dynamics would b when the baby is here eventually.

Another photo of me looking overly pregnant.. lol

3) baby shopping

- we have gotten more or less all our baby stuff. I just need to decide which breast pump I’m going to get. I’ve shortlisted the spectra s1 but now I can’t quite decide if I should get the parallel imported one (with no warranty) or the local set which cost double but has with 2 yrs warranty. William says I should just get a local set coz he doesn’t want any repair problems to sprout up subsequently. And it’s not like we couldn’t afford it. Yes, he’s slightly pissed that I’m wasting my brain cells mulling over this $100-$200 issue. He says I should just use the time to zz or concentrate on my work. Fair enough. But What happened to the man that used to shop at 3 different supermarkets comparing the prices for his groceries ! Hahahahaha.. it’s funny how much we both have changed since our single hood days!

4) Delivery plans

- I’ve finally come to terms that we are doing a c sec, not trying a VBAC becoz the gynae and PD both discouraged it. My Pd says to pop more painkillers after birth if I really feel extricating pain rather than risk a ruptured uterus. Oh well, I guess this is it la.. to do a c-sec plus I could also clipped my tubes in the same procedure. And I really should be clipping them right ? 

5) Sleepless nights

- it comes occasionally like today. Woke up at 4am thinking abt the pump and couldn’t go back to zzz. Thus I started this entry. Praying that I have better sleep especially since tomorrow is a long day for us. 

6) Constipation 

- I thought with carbs eating, I would be less constipated. Prune juice worked for 4 weeks but I could feel that it’s losing it’s effect. Where does all the food go to if it doesn’t come out ?

7) Binge watching 

- I’ve been binge watching past seasons of Sex and the City ever since I found them on MeWATCH! Lol.. they used to b so popular last time! It was good to catch on them after a hectic January work schedule. There’s only 2 kinds of me - the >20 appts a week Lena or the no appts kind. There isn’t any in between.. lol.. I like the adrenaline rush when it’s 20 appts yet I end up so exhausted after that. So generally I try to work 2 weeks and clear all outstanding on week 3 and rest completely on week 4. I hope this new schedule works.. hahahaha

Think I better go try catch some zzz. I can’t believe that it’s 5am now ! Omg .. and I probably still wanna go Lor mee with william later at 7am! 

God, I pray that You guide us in every step of this exciting journey. I know this is You working in us. I pray that You strengthen me whenever I feel weak. God, thank u for all ur blessings . In Jesus name I pray, amen !

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/pro.16.3.niv

Just a little update abt what happened this morning ..after having my Lor mee for bf, mr choo dragged me to baby hypermart saying that he wanna show me another pram that he was considering. I was like .. “what!?” Why do we need another one ? 

Hadn’t we just bought the Mac claren, which is still in a box, just 2 weeks ago? I mean yes this is the lightweight yet sturdy 1 hand close pram going at $199 only, but the thing is we don’t need two prams when we only have 1 baby!? Lol.. I was bemused coz u could see from his eyes that he was seriously considering it. I didn’t know how to say no. Granted that even if we have 2 prams, it’s still way cheaper compared to the one pram that some of my friends are having.

In the end, he snapped out of it and decided one was enough. Lol..like a little boy who didnt manage to get a puppy for a pet.. recording down so that I can remember his excitement.

Weekend

The little one is at week 21 and the size of a large banana. My tummy has started to expand and I’m more comfortable in maternity clothes than ever before. Ever since we know the gender, Vera has been extremely thoughtful towards me..lol.. as it is I’m currently lying on her lap, listening to her read me stories to me and the little one. She’s also the one who makes sure I eat my day and night meds everyday, drinks my prune juice and let me rest whenever possible. On some days, I’m so thankful and blessed for the extra love showered.. hahaha

Going for our detailed scan tomorrow.. being the 4th child, I’m less anxious abt going for the scans. I try to delay / extend them by a bit bit so that we wouldn’t need spend so much on scans.. hahaha.. it just didn’t feel as necessary. 

Have settled the pram, cot, uv sterializer, bb tubs and some clothes. We were surprised not to find Maclaren prams at the bb fair and a check with some friends and I realize that it’s no longer a popular brand. The features most parents look for prams are : reversible facing, lightweight and 1 hand close which explains why Maclaren isn’t a popular option. It was definitely one of ours and uncle choo was delighted to find it still available at the old bb hypermart shop we used to go .. hahaha.. and at a fraction of its hayday price as well! 

Oh well, I guess we are just old school la.. haha and since he’s the main user, it really didn’t matter to me personally which pattern he gets. I probably sling the baby if I’m going out with him by myself.. hahaha

The state of our house is in a mess now, with baby items and clutter etc which uncle pig says will be cleared before cny. I really hope so. 

Lunch at sushiro today, a surprise treat for the girls coz they missed the Japanese sushi when we were in Hokkaido. Beautiful weekend.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/psa.55.22.niv

Time alone with God

 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/jas.1.5.niv

When I look back at the emotional rollercoasters I had during my first trimester, I didn’t know what came to me. Why I had behaved the way I did, or why my thoughts were always clouded with negativity and pessimism. I’m thankful for the support I received from my family and friends who knew I was struggling. I’m sorry that they had to put up with my nonsense and when I said nonsense, it’s really terrible nonsense. 

Coming into 19th week of my pregnancy, I’m a lot better now; be it emotionally or physically. I’ve started to do some work as well as trying to do my TAWG again. 

I’m fearful of what lies ahead, especially if I would fall back into the post natal depression pit. Thus I’m trying to record all these little victories so that when the time comes, I would b ready. Praying that God grant me wisdom to overcome my challenges, that I wouldn’t be consumed by my own self when the battles come. Praying that I always stay rooted in His word and remembering that He is with me in every step of my journey, in Jesus name I pray, amen! 

P/s: meeting a couple of friends for lunch this week.. yeah ! Happy moments 

Random

 ““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/jhn.14.1.niv

God, it has been a sleepless night yday. I’m lost and dunno how to start; plus the short deadline is making me crazy mad. I’m reminded that I managed to hit my goals despite giving birth to the twins in 2012; despite struggling with 3 kids and without much help etc. And surely, it’s going to be a lot easier since we only have a newborn to manage this time round. God, I pray that you grant me the faith to believe it all , the discipline to carry it thru and the wisdom to carry on my advisory. 

The lack of harvest has finally humbled me. Each year at the start of the year, the qn of where or how much the harvest would b; and if there’s no harvest; what would our plan B be? 

But God, I don’t have plan B. You are my only plan . Guide me along, that I b steadfast in you, that I wouldn’t waver in fear, nor would I compromise my ethics for the goals. It’s only meaningful if I achieve it without compromising on principles. God, help me to help my clients. In Jesus name I pray, amen !

Reflections 2020

I wanted to do this earlier but somehow I got lazy / tired to even pen something. I know I've hit the goals I've set out for 2020 but its still good to reflect on them

1) Work 

Looking back at 2020, I managed to hit TOT, something I never thought possible. In fact , I hit much more than TOT! In total I probably hit about 9 rounds of MDRT! And its all possible bcoz of God who made it Himpossible. 

I don't think I worked a lot harder more this yr but somehow God just opened the cases for me. And I'm thankful for how He has showed time and time again, to always trust in Him and wait upon Him. 

2) #4

We went for our scan on the last day of 2020. The twins went along too, bcoz they wanted to be the first to know the gender. We are having a baby boy! 🥳

I never thought it was possible to be pregnant again; at least not naturally; after being infertile for more than 10yrs. I didnt think God would grant me my desire when I prayed / cried out to Him for another child. I felt like Sarah in the bible but God proved again that nothing is impossible in His eyes. 

But yet carrying this child hasn't been a ride in the park. I felt ungrateful and emo when I was first pregnant. I'm a lot better now (PTL!) and I pray that thru it all, this is a challenge to make me a stronger and better person. 

Was just recalling with Uncle Pig that just a few mths ago, I was still having the crazy thoughts of pursuing a 2nd degree / doing some cosmetic  surgery / getting a car just for indulgence. But God had bigger and more meaningful plans. He didn't want me to get a Merc just bcoz I could afford it; He wasn't done with me here at my current marketplace. And I shouldn't be wasting my talents. 

3) family 

The girls have finally come to terms with #4 addition. They have started to be more understanding and patient (twins especially) towards me, to which I'm thankful. I hope they wouldn't react like what Joy did when the twins first arrived. But oh well, that is a problem that we will face when it comes.

Resolutions for 2021

1) Double TOT

- I heard it loud and clear few weeks ago, when I was still struggling with my nausea and emo. I know I said to my colleagues that I intend to just chill out for next year and enjoy the new family addition; be a SAHM; n smell the roses 🌹.  

But after resting for close to 2 mths, I know I'm well rested and ready to go..haha... It still seem like a daunting task esp since I dunno how much I could work in 2021 but I am no longer afraid of the big goals. I know I only need to do my best and He will do the rest. Its just so easy. If He is willing, everything will fall in place, according to His plans. 

2) Weight

Yes, the amt of food I've been eating is so scary and I pray that when all of this is over, I'll be able to go back to clean and sane eating. I certainly do not wish to see my weight going back as per previously.

I'm thankful for all that He has provided for 2020. I couldn't have asked for more. Praying that the delivery would b smooth; n that we would adapt well to parenting again. Praying that God gives me rest (havent been sleeping v well lately) and also remove my constipation..haha..I've resorted to drinking prune juice but that hasn't been of much use..

Goodbye 2020, Harlow 2021