“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/eph.2.10.niv

Such a timely reminder.. last night, I freaked out, upon realisation that uncle would b 60 by the time baby J is 10. Call it slow, but I didn’t realize that we would spend all our working yrs on kids rearing.. I know I prayed for #4, becoz I probably felt more “free” in the last 2 yrs now that the girls are easier.. but uncle said that he had planned for a helper to come, so that we could spend time traveling the world like I always wanted since our youngest are 9.. but I felt that he was getting more involved with his CCAs more .. u know what I mean ? 

Anyway, I don’t know what I’m talking abt.. and the fears crept in, with me blaming myself for wanting another kid when I can’t even take care of myself.. haiz..fears of the post natal depression and me screaming at the girls etc.. all  flooded my complicated mind..hormones hormones hormones.. I hate it..

And so this verse is so timely. I remember telling myself that God is the pilot of my plane, and He is my safety belt, as we go thru the valleys and mountains of my path... it’s assuring to know and be comforted that I only need to surrender completely to Him and enjoy the ride that He has planned.. 

Week 28

Finally it’s week 28, the start of the 3rd trimester. Everything seems so fast yet so slow at the same time! I can’t wait to deliver, to be honest but my friends have reminded me that it would mean the start of many sleepless nights, crazy logistics and breastfeeding woes. “I must have forgotten that phrase of life” they say, which I don’t deny. Everything seems hazy and gone in a blur. Or maybe I’m an optimistic at this moment. It can’t be that bad, managing 1 newborn, 2 sweet twins plus 1 turbulent teen?? I’m not sure, but God is with us, til the ends of our time. 

It’s exciting, and I’m counting down to the last 9-11 weeks. We’ve gotten most of the items (I think) and besides the food items plus washing of bb clothes, I think we are there. 

Probably I’ll list down some of the symptoms I’m going thru now..

1) contractions 

- this is the first pregnancy that I’ve experienced (false) contractions or Braxton Hicks. It’s kinda interesting to feel something different despite being my 3rd pregnancy.

2) movement 

- baby J has started to kick, sometimes quite intensely. I’m trying to see if I could record a video of it bcoz sometimes I felt that I could almost feel my tummy do a double bounce! Hahaha

3) physical 

- my legs have started to swell just a little, which I’m thankful for bcoz I rem the last 2 pregnancies, the feet always swell so much by now that nothing would b able to make me more comfortable.

- I’ve started to feel a bit of pelvic pain since last week, which probably comes with the weight gain etc. I’m alrdy thankful that I’m only feeling the pain (now) bcoz I rem with the twins I was in so much pain that I couldn’t walk/sleep pretty early in the pregnancy term. 

- my current weight is 85.3kg. I’ve gain a total of 12kg.. probably reach 17-20 by the end of the term. I took so long to hit the 70s but it’s so easy to gain back.. not sure if I would even be able to lose that eventually. We shall see. 

- physically I do feel more tired. I’m trying to finish all my work outstanding now and not fix any crazy schedule by end of mar. That’s what I always say but i always end up having 3-4 appts a day recently .. hahaha.. thankful that william has been super supportive and driving me to the Appts. 

4) Appetite

- I’m still crazy into carbs and atas bread.. lol.. been eating a lot of sourdough lately.. baby is clearly papa’s taste buds. I’m just praying that when baby leaves me, he brings his taste buds along with him ! I miss my clean eating .. hahahah.. 

5) Ligation?

- william and I went thru this discussion recently. R we really done with kids? I guess so. Have told the gynae to do it together with the c sec. but on the other hand, making it irreversible always make me fearful. But yes, I guess we are done. I’m afraid I chickened out of this and risk having #5!! Hahahah.. I’m a confused woman not knowing what I want.. hahaha

That’s all for now I guess. Thankful for this gift from God. It wouldn’t have been possible without Him. This is a miracle baby from Him. And I need to remember that’s all that matters.

Going for our baby moon next week.. haha..just a short staycation for both of us while the girls are at grandma’s. Looking forward!

My favourite bible verses

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/jas.1.2-4.niv

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:26-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/111/mat.6.26-27.niv

These are my 2 most favourite bible verses and every time I’m out of options, I’ll go back to them and pray that God is with me, as He continues to mould me into a better person. 

Have been feeling emo emo recently and a friend reminded me that God will never give me more than I could handle. How true that is. How beautiful it is, to be reminded by angel-liked friends! 

Just gotten reminded to completely surrender to God, and that no extra ounce of fear would be able to change/help in any situation. 

Joy is going thru a phrase now, similar to what my sister went thru when I was expecting Joy. Looking at Joy now, reminds me of how Sharon didn’t want to be a part of the pregnancy journey at all. She refused to carry Joy at birth and even when she became a toddler. As time passes, there were times when Joy asked me if her aunt hated her. Coz even the toddler her then, could sense it. I couldn’t understand and didn’t have the courage / wisdom to broach the topic. And now, I see history repeating itself again. Coincidentally both of them have the same dob and the same age gap. 

It got quite into me seeing Joy's indifferent attitude, that it was eating me alive. I wanted to confront her, yet I know that would only make things worse. I want to give her time and space to move forward, but would we eventually see light at the tunnel? What if, no amt of time and space would make her move forward? What is going thru her mind? Why is it that she can be so warm and enthuastic talking about her church/school life in one moment, and change to cold/indifferent immediately, when we asked if she would wanna come for the gynae check up? Would the twins become like that too when Baby J is finally here? 

Those questions bothered me for a few days, but I decided that enough was enough. I took a deep breath, and was reminded that our God is here, and He will never give me a task too big for me. I just need to focus my attention on Him, and everything will fall in place. Rather than be negatively affected by the teenager's attitude, I will believe that God will soften her heart in His perfect timing, and that each challenge is a lesson for us to learn something.