Monday, December 31, 2018

Paktor!

Rare date night, before the end of 2018..

Took this pic with my new hp - his xmas gift for me which took me by surprise..  loving every bit of it.. thankful.. loving this man more each day and thankful for him being the hero in our lives..

My 2019
I should start thinking about this before 2020 comes.. hahahaha.. maybe I'm a simple woman and right now I don't have much goals in life.. I tried to search my past entries but don't seem to have much info..  hahahah.. coz maybe i know I'm not those who make any resolutions.. Haha...

But I know there are a few areas I wanna improve for 2019.. (hopefully)


  1. Love the people whom are loved by the people I love. 
Was just randomly saying this to a dear friend/client/COI/coach (Y) that day when she asked abt my 2019 resolutions. And she said something v chim.. Haha..  that what I'm feeling is when the "judge" in me is sabotaging my thoughts etc.. how the judge is feeling unfair for me when things don't turn out the way it should be. She say its times like this when I need to tell the "judge" to quieten bcoz as much as I cant control how people react, I can control how I want to feel/react. Gave me a book title to read more on it, which I will definitely get it.

2. Financial freedom by age 50 or earlier

I thought I could reach that earlier now that I've finally paid off the twins childcare fees.. but a random listing of my expenses still seem a lot.. I've downloaded the expenses app and will start in Jan! Wanna see where exactly does my monies go to.. 

3. Serving

I'm not a kind person, in fact my love is always limited to the few people within my circle.. but I want to expand this in 2019. Life on earth is short and I should not waste the talents that God has given me. I want to change and be a better person. I want to be able to touch lives and help them; be it financially ; emotionally or spiritually. May God guide me along..after all, He has given me so much..

Hopefully I wont go crazy with the crowds / kids Tom..  happy 2018!

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Family

In the world there are many choices..  But the one and only thing we can't choose is our family members. And sometimes it just gets to me.. when someone irritates me and yet I can't cut him off my contact bcoz he is family . 😴😴😴

Just venting.. coincidentally both uncle choo and I have quite annoying brothers who have ruled over us all of our growing years.. and they both have a doting mother who dotes more on them. . Thus the differential treatment. It's annoying why we always end up doing the extra work or picking the pieces just becoz they are of a higher class.. Argh..  and over the years, the pent up frustrations and displeasure just adds up with no place to discharge. 

And pastor eveline shared this during the Xmas service which helped comfort me (a little): 

When someone punched you in the face, and u choose to walk away, this is MERCY
When someone punched you in the face, and u choose to shake his hand, this is FORGIVENESS 
When someone punched you in the face, u choose to shake his hand and buy him ice cream, this is GRACE
When someone punched you in the face, u choose to shake his hand, buy him ice cream and give him the key to the ice cream stall so that he can bless others, this is LOVE.

I’m not a saint, and I’m struggling at the forgiveness stage, trying to love my other family members bcoz they are loved by the people I love. It’s tough and I admit it. And I’m thankful that despite my shortcomings and flaws, my God, He still loves me. Praying that the coming new year, I will be able to extend my LOVE to people I find hard to love. And may all the people I know, they will get to know of the God I know.

Merry Xmas to all!





Friday, December 7, 2018

My slimming journey season 2

1st oct 2018
Weight: 90.1 kg



Today's the first session after taking a 1 mth break from it. It feels good to still lost 1.5kg during the break, despite eating and eating during the Brazil trip and catching up on some sinful foods that I've completely shelved aside the last round..  e.g. chocolates; cakes; mooncakes and fried chicken.

I feel good coming this 2nd round. I know I've learnt to eat "cleaner" and simpler over this period of time. Signed a 2nd package today. I'll do 10 sessions before going for my HK trip.

I pray that God, you help me as I embark on this journey again. It is with mixed feelings and I just wanna pray and lean on You, that You help me establish the correct eating habits and guide me with discipline. Lord, I pray that you guide me thru this round and help me withstand all the temptations. In Jesus name I pray, amen !

5th oct 2018
Weight: 89.2kg
+/- : -900 grams

I lost 900 grams from Mon, to which I was pleasantly surprised. Coz this was despite a night drinking session with my Osaka kakis and another night where my dinner was at 10pm. Couldn't b happier with the results.
I still look big despite losing 10 kg🤣

9th oct 2018
Weight: 89kg
+/-: -200grams

I thought I would hit at least 500 grams but J said that I haven't been really eating clean compared to the first round. She felt that I was more strict on myself previously. Well, the therapists did commented that despite me having 3 carbs meals , I stil lost 200 grams is a good thing. But I'm clearly disappointed.

I shall start a food diary, so that I can accurately track what I put inside my mouth.. Hahaha..

I started using this food diary app, which I think is pretty useful.

12th oct 2018
Weight : 87kg
+/-: -2kg!!

I was so surprised that I told J that I'm so happy that I can fly! It's the first time I lost so much in a single session ! Of coz the friendly therapists said that we should be looking at 2-2.5kg /week (at most) n I shouldn't b thinking of 2kg per session.. hahaha.. I know la.. coz weekends are usually tougher for me...so it's Okie..  I'm happy!

P/s: mayb I can eat a bit of the popcorn I bought for all the friends during the uob promo..  Hahaha..

16th oct 2018
Weight: 86.8kg
+/-: -200grams 
Feeling : thankful


I feasted over the weekend coz I was too happy with the previous 2kg lost. Seems silly to over indulge and chase the lost pounds but as much as I try to rationalize things, I ended up emotional eating again..lol.. I had satay bee hoon; my beauty hot pot; peanut butter toast etc.. I knew I had to "work" harder coming week and was pleasantly surprised that I still manage to lose 200 grams. Told the therapist that I shall do "happy weekend and clean weekdays". She said it's Okie and most impt is that I should b happy la.. Hahaha... looking forward to the 70s. Praying for discipline and strength to continue the journey..

19th oct 2018
Weight: 86.3kg 
+/-: -500grams

I tried to go back to "clean diet" but there were a few meals where I had to eat with the client(s) and can't really "escape". Went to a client house to do claims and she called me in the afternoon to go over earlier for dinner.. lol..  she cooked bee hoon and bak kut teh and kinda burst my meal plan.. lol.. but I'm blessed by her love. People like her remind me of the real reason why I'm in this job.. hopefully I won't feast too much this weekend coz I didn't lose a lot to party.. hahaha.. I do miss eating clean too..

23rd oct 2018
Weight: 86.8kg
+/-: +500 grams

Gain 500 grams since last weighing.. haiz.. my therapist say I haven't been eating clean based on my food diary.. haiz.. mayb bcoz of the car accident; I've been eating more emotionally..  haiz.. they suggested that I stop and come back after HK if I like to settle my cravings..  Will decide on fri..

26th oct 2018
Weight : 85.1kg
+/-: -1.7kg

Finally touched 85kg! Yeah! So happy.. think the last time I was 85 was after giving birth to joy.. decided to take a break for now bcoz have been doing a lot of emotional eating and it would end up wasting the sessions. Will start again when I come back from hk la.. Hahaha..  looking forward to the 70s!

Jm did this collage for me coz I always ask them for their views in our grp chat.. hahaha..and I can't be more thankful for both of them in my life.. they have been so encouraging in my slimming journey..

12th Nov 2018
Weight: 84.6kg 
Loss/Gain : - 500 grams

Was undecided if I should restart the program becoz I still have a 1 week staycation and another 5d4n cruise coming along.

Came back here and ask the therapists. We did a weighing and I actually lost 500 grams despite the high carbs eating in hk plus the feasting after I came back.

Will do a short short one before I really start back in January la.. I hope I can touch the 70s before end of the yr. Looking forward!

15th Nov
Weight : 83.1kg
+/-: -1.5kg


20th Nov 2018
Weight : 82.7kg
+/-: -400grams

Decided to take a break for now coz the sudden hectic work has been tough on me and my diet. Plus going to bring the kids for their 1 week staycation. 

This is how i look now.. thankful that I've managed to finally see my chin.. hahahaha..and most importantly a healthier me becoz I've been able to eat healthier and the no food after 8pm has been on going, to which I'm thankful. 

Will be taking a break for now before I go back to twice a week in Jan. It actually takes close to 20kg before people realize that I've lost weight.. hahaha... guess my starting point was too high..hahaha.. 

Thankful for all that has happened..

Thursday, December 6, 2018

My slimming journey - season 1

When I first started the program, I decided to record down my measurements and my feelings/ struggles. Below is a long lengthy post... I went for twice a week as recommended and for almost 8 weeks before I had to take a break for Rio.

16 Jul 2018 (Day1)
Weight: 100.1kg 

Went for the first session of guasha and cupping. My after thoughts were it's Actually quite relaxing during the session. Almost felt asleep  if not bcoz I had to hold my pee.  Between the two, cupping is a lot nicer..hahahah.. it's like the mask after exfoliation during a facial treatment.

We were also briefed on the meal plans n the kinds of foods we should/shouldn't eat. The consultant did say that it's on a best effort basis so it's not like die die need follow la.. no food after 8pm 🤣🤣🤣 I will try my best la.. Hahaha..

I told S that I feel like my limbs were aching after that; like how I would generally feel after a swim. Hopefully this is a good sign.. Hahaha. .

20th Jul 2018
Weight: 98.3
Feelings : high!
I went for my 2nd session yday. They took my measurements. I lost 1.8 kg and 1% of fat.. I'm quite happy with it..  coz I know if based on my own efforts , losing 1.8kg take a huge effort.. like mayb swim 3 times a week for 2 mths plus conscious eating to see it. The consultant did tell me that I won't expect this at every session la.. and I shouldnt b disappointed when that happens.

Overall, I'm still learning how to stop eating when I'm NOT hungry and not only stop when I'm so super full. I'm enjoying my food still.. but making a conscious effort not to take flavoured drinks and chewing slowly..

24 Jul 2018
Weight: 98.8kg
The weekend feasting make the weight come back again.. weighed today before going for my 3rd session and was sad to realize that all of the weight loss were back 😣also gain back 0.5% fat. Damn

It wasn't easy to diet when I'm with the family. Its hard to say no when the chef has cooked up a storm. Even though I try my best not to overeat but I still end up feeling damn full after each meal.. argh.. 

Mayb I shouldn't b weighing myself so religiously. I rem seeing 98.3 on sat and feeling so super high.. haiz.. must have been too complacent thereafter and ate like no tomorrow.

The thing abt dieting is.. when thou is eating healthily , thou is convinced that healthy food taste nice too.. problem comes when thou takes a bite of sin (aka less healthy food), and realize that it taste heavenly.. 🤣

Will go back to green and white healthy living again. Thou shall not weigh myself til the next session.

Praying that the Lord gives me enough wisdom and discipline to stick to it.

"For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." -Matthew 7:8 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.7.8.NLT

30 Jul 2018
Weight 96.8kg
Feeling: excited
Today is the full 2 weeks weighing. Lost 3.5kg thus far. Super happy with the results though the consultants say I could do more if I can replace with my veggies and fruits. I will try, but all in moderation. Don't want to end up being all emo abt it and go on an eating spree. I still want to enjoy my foods and b happy.

Thankful and may I continue to be discipline in choosing the right foods to eat.

3rd aug 2018
Weight: 95.6kg
Feeling : guilty 

Went for my session yday and I lost 1.2kg fr the last session and 4.7kg thus far. The consultants were delighted. I was happy too. Had 2 rounds of durians this week and was glad that it didn't affect much of the weighing.

But the first emo eating had arrived today. Feeling tired of always choosing between the same various healthy food.. I had yong tau food for lunch and fish soup for dinner. The fish soup was one that I had enjoyed previously but no longer works for me now. I couldn't even finish 70% of it. I was craving for something shiok.. Lol..  like laksa which was just next to it..lol.. but I didn't order. Mayb I should have done that instead. Bcoz if I had done that, i wouldn't have taken a slice of panda cake after cg today and asked Mr choo to make supper after that! 

Yes, this is the first time I had supper since I started the program. The kimchi stew was good.. I've been craving for something spicy for a while and it did fill me up to shiok shiok..lol..i could even fill my stomach expanding a little ..lol.. I need to stop this expansion else all the previous efforts would go to waste..feeling guilty and I hope that when Mon comes I won't cry in regret..lol.. 

God pls help me withstand all these temptations..help me b discipline and choose wisely . . Healthy living thus a healthier me.. 

6 Aug 2018
Weight : 95.9kg
Feeling : sad

Even before coming for today's weighing, I knew I gained weight. I had after all, chosen to eat the normal stuff over the last few days. More than that, I was tired of healthy eating coming to the 4th week. I was also concerned how sustainable this diet plan would b after the whole package ends. I told the consultant my concerns n they assured me that the reason for the huge volatility in my weight was bcoz during the sessions, the body would b more sensitive to the food we eat. But once we stopped the sessions, the body would revert to normal and thus we needn't eat that clean after that.

I cried when she was explaining all these to me. It's tough..this whole slimming thing is tough. 

God , pls give me strength to carry on, and not give up. Not for vanity or anything, I just want a healthier self. In Jesus name I pray, amen

10th aug 2018
Weight 94.9kg
Feeling Okie

After the emo last session, I decided to be more conscious with what I eat. Trying not to expand my stomach by stopping when I'm not hungry. I was glad that I didn't over eat even at the recent bbq that happened 2 days ago. Have lost 5kg thus far and it's not even been a full mth. Thankful for all these and may I continue to be discipline. #healthyliving

16th aug 2018
Weight 93.9kg
Weight lost : 6.4kg
Feeling : thankful

I actually didn't lose any weight today. Was already 93.9 on Monday session. I wasn't surprised cox I had way too much carbs over the last few days and if anything I'm thankful that I didn't gain any today. This is the full 1 mth. I've lost 6.4kg in a mth and 5 cm off my tummy! (Clap clap) really didn't expect it and i really can't feel it. 

If anything, no one has yet to notice a smaller me..lol.. So much so that I always doubt if I really lost so much or did the consultants readjust the scales before it..hahaha.. 

I told joleen today that even if I were to bounce back subsequently the one thing I'm glad that I manage to change is stop eating after 8pm. I used to have late dinners/ suppers but for this whole mth I've managed to keep to this. 

Really enjoy eating healthy and may I stick to it! Of all the salads I've tried, the ones from Salad stop! Remains my personal favourite.

24 aug 2018
Weight : 92.2 kg
Weight lost: 8.1kg
Feeling: thankful 

Lost 1.7kg since last week. As the sessions are coming to an end, the consultants are asking if i would like to get a 2nd package. I had after all witness the results first hand and even though I've lost so much, I am still very much obese. I still have 6 more sessions left and if I want to enjoy the 10% discount, I need to decide by the 4th session. 

To clarify, they didn't push or hard sell la. They just laid down the different options and let me think thru it. I hope I can reach the 80+ kg category soon. I know even though I had "aim" to lose 20 kg by the end of this package, I now know that it's not possible la. I wasn't v strict with sticking to their meal plan anyways but I'm happy with the results so far. Perhaps I should list down the different options and it's respective pros and cons before deciding.

1) sign another package and I can either start right after my rio trip or take a 2 weeks break and start again in oct. Target is to lost another 6-10kg fr it so that I can hit the 70s kg category by the end of it.

2) sign a maintainence package which probably is once every 2 mths.
- objective is to maintain the current weight and probably start exercising again to lose the balance.

3) stop everything completely and see if there's any rebounce or if I can do it on my own efforts. 

If you ask me,  I would prefer option 1. Becoz I know it's tough to do it on my own efforts. The PCOS shit is not in my favour and I want the weight to drop to a comfortable level before I can cruise. Mayb also bcoz this way I would b so used to green eating that even without any monitoring, I would go for salads anytime. I'm also worried that I would go to party eating once I'm left on my own devices. After all, Mr choo' s eating habits are not that healthy either. 

But would I be too reliant if I do 1)? Would it be too much to ask? And should I tell him abt it? I've sounded S out and she isn't too keen to get another package but my starting line is too high. Anyway if I do 1), should I take a break and start in oct ? Coz this way then I can see how the body reacts on its own in the next 2 weeks. I would also be able to eat a bit of the forbidden foods la.. I've been craving for cakes, durian, or ramen! Lol... Still thinking abt it. Will decide after end of next week la.. 

27th aug 2018
Weight: 92.8kg
Feeling : excited

I gain 600 grams since last session. Damn. It must have been the curry fish head and red bean ice cream yday night. Had hoped that I would maintain or lose 100 grams even with the feasting but guess it's not possible. I'm not overly sad or disappointed compared to the last time my weight went up. I had expected it. I still hope to reach the 80s mark before rio although now it will b more challenging. 

Have decided to make the decision after i come back from Rio. In this way, I would be able to see if I could keep the weight off and continue losing with the normal eating. Can't wait for the last session to end..lol.. praying for God's wisdom.and guidance.

30th aug 2018
Weight:91.5kg
Weight lost from last session : 1.3kg
Weight lost thus far: 8.8kg
Feeling: thankful 

Went for my 2nd last session before a 3 weeks break.im looking forward to it. I still wanna touch the 80s mark or at least as close as I could on the last session. Really thankful to the consultants who had helped.me thru these weeks. They are also v excited that im "graduating" soon. Making a list of the foods that I've missed so much.. haha.. but all in moderation. Can eat but rem to stop when I'm not hungry. Don't polish off the plate.

Finally one of my colleague commented yday that I seem to have lost weight..hahaha.. satisfaction.. need to lose more la.. since it's not that obvious.. hahaha 

4th Sep 2018
Weight: 91.6kg
Weight lost/gain : 100 grams
Lost thus far : 8.7kg

Today is the last of my session. I know I've eaten way too much over the weekend coz of the staycation and cellgrp gathering. Tried to eat clean on Mon but guess it wasn't enough. I wasn't disappointed coz I know if we look at things on a whole , I've lost 8.7kg in 7 weeks; stop snacking and stopped late night dinners/ suppers. I'm glad I tried this. Hopefully the 3 weeks break will not make me on a rollercoaster too much.. hahahah.. 

Have alrdy eaten durian twice this week.. and I had satay bee hoon for dinner today.. hahaha.. need to take note of stopping when I'm not hungry and not "brake" only when I'm so freaking full. I need to b in control. God help me to be healthier and let me be in control that I won't go into emotional eating. Thank you God for everything.

My slimming journey (prelude)

Been contemplating if I should post this series of drafts for a while.. Coz this is another part of me that I struggled with for years - obesity. (Scared people will judge me and think im vain; or its really a personal struggle for me etc). And as I look back at the "slimming draft entries", I can only say that God was with me thru the whole journey and It's becoz of Him, that made it all possible.

Anyway this was composed in Jul and I finally mustered the courage to let it see light.

- Written on 15th Jul 2018
I'm writing this down today bcoz tom i will embark on a slimming journey. I've decided to start a slimming package with absolute slimming after much consideration.

Why do i want to do it? Isn't all these gimmicks part of a scam ? Just out to cheat $$ without really providing much value. When I first shared my intentions with uncle pig or my BFFs, all their initial reactions were the same.. to ask me not to do it ; that perhaps we can exercise together or motivate one another thru healthy dieting. 
I did , I went swimming religiously after moving here. I tried to eat healthier; making a conscious effort not to overeat etc.. but the odds were stacked against me. I have PCOS- where one of the side effects were acne; insulin intolerant and weight gain. I was delighted when I shed off my first 10 kg, but after that, the weight just couldn't come down. Even though I convinced myself that as long as i enjoy exercising and eating right, all these will fall in place with time. 2 yrs have passed just like that. And as time passes, it just gets more and more difficult.

But why Absolute slimming?
A few of my ex colleagues have tried it and were all v happy with the results. I didn't rush into it when I first got to know abt this. That was 2 yrs ago. I was sceptical. I know.. weight lost is easy but to keep it off, is harder. And so far, most of them have managed to keep it off.

A recent lunch date with S and she said she's going to check it out. Both of us are chubbies..lol.. big all our lives. And we've tried so many methods before but none could pull it thru. I remember we even went swimming at bishan swimming complex for a few weeks before the enthusiasm died off. 
My bday treat from S on that fateful day.

She checked out the rates etc and decided to start on Mon. The consultant wasn't pushy; gave her the details and let her go. Both of us were surprised. Lol..
Anyway so I was keen but Mr choo wasn't. He was sceptical but he said I would make the final call. I shared with him my struggles and how PCOS tormented me. He said yes. But I was still afraid. Afraid that if this doesn't work out, then I'm really gone.  This is like my last resort. And right now, I just wanna pray to God. 

Dear God, you said that in all things, look to you and you will provide. God, I pray that you guide me thru these 2 mths journey that I will have the discipline to make it happen. That I will be able to have good results for the slimming program. Lord , u know my needs and u understand me more than myself. Lord, I pray that this would b a starter kit, for me to understand my body better , to be able to keep my tongue away from (food) temptations. God , my intention is not to lose till i become skinny skinny, but I just want to become healthier (lose 20 kg maybe) and if it is successful I do want to bring mr choo into it as well. God, I pray that during this time I will also be able to share about you to S too.. That she will come to know more abt u thru me. Lord, if this is in yr way, pls help me. Help me like what u did when I tried my IVF..in Jesus name I pray, amen!

P/s: I checked online abt it and basically it combines tcm etc la.. thus increasing yr metabolism and removing all those toxins.  I hope that I will b able to succeed. I just need a starter kit to remove all those fats that's been with me all my life , and still continue to exercise and eat healthy (maintainence kit) thereafter.  I hope I'm right. God, help me. Give me strength and courage and discipline.