6 yrs already !?

And it is twins 6th bday today.. been feeling full of emotions this past week.. they are 6! How time flies.. 

I vividly remember this pic.. the day just before I was admitted to hospital. The big belly, the pain from carrying it and lack of sleep certainly didn't show in this pic..hahaha.. was still working that day, not knowing that the next day routine check up would mean meeting the twins!

The delivery was easy as it was a c-sec as advised by the gynae given the risks involved back then. I was more concerned if one of them would b a special needs child more than how I delivered them.

The twins still at the operating theatre..vera on the left while Grace on the right.. 

D+1 Vera on top, Grace below..

It was tough in our first yr with them. We had joy, who was still a preschooler (and struggling with her many emotions); and a pair of infants who would wake up at different timings for their feeds! I remember telling my friends that we almost died during the first mth cox Grace was a 2hrly bb while Vera was a 3hrly bb. And if we gave them their last feed at midnight, Grace would wake up at 2am, while Vera at 3am, followed by Grace at 4am and both would meet together at 6am! This is not even counting the time I take to pump, or the occasional time when Joy wakes up feeling sick etc.. whenever I think back, I thank my blessings that we survived the whole of it. If anything, it made our marriage stronger than before. I guess God certainly wanted to prepare us  for what we prayed for, and thus the twins only came 5 yrs after joy came into our lives.

Us slinging one of them each.. our fav way of bringing them out..

I remember using my legs to rock them to sleep while I'm pumping on the sofa.. papa choo was on the way to pick joy fr her childcare back then. . How did we manage , I don't know.. hahah..

Their 1 yr bday party, to celebrate more of "our graduation" than their bdays... hahah.. it was hard to get a photo where every one was focused.. haha.. 

Their PG days at mindchamps.. those cheeks.. so tempting to squeeze them..hahaha

Their smiles.. made all the tiredness worth it (*I guess)

Them at 2.5 yrs old..

Us at a playground dunno where..hahaha.. love their long hair.. twins at 3.5yrs old ..

Us last yr when papa choo went camping with joy.. can't rem why Grace was so grumpy..

The choo family celebrating the twins bday at mac last week.. seeing all the pics made me feel so blessed.. some of the twins friends parents saw joy that day and say that "我熬过来了"。。 I guess so.. I'm sure there will b new challenges but as long as God is with us, we will manage it thru !

A close up of the 3 tier cake that papa choo made for his 2 princesses..The cake we quarrelled abt.. hahahah..

Rants

"Given a choice, I rather order a cake fr outside."

That was what i told him.. I had enough of him always scrabbling to complete the cakes til the wee hrs each time we had a bday celebration. Why can't he have a better projection of the time he needs ? And he has been baking fr 11am til 7pm and when we came to pick him up for dinner, I asked him casually if he had completed all of it, his reply was " there s still a lot left to b done, of coz."

I was peeved. Coz obviously , I had seen the sponges cakes baked after i came back with the kids after lunch. When we woke up fr our naps, I saw even more of it... how many is he even intending to make ? Didn't we agree on a small party ? Never mind. I volunteered to fetch the girls to church so that he could finish up n meet us for dinner. I thought 4 more hrs would b enough for him to finish assembling the cake and start on the cupcakes. Vera didn't wan to have the same cake as Grace and had chosen cupcakes with the baby shark theme. Picked him up for dinner and asked him his progress.. he said that the cake was creamed but not decorated yet. Cupcakes project not started.

Imagine my shock. Settled the girls for bedtime. The OCD me had alarms ringing all over my head. That is why I'm not supportive of his bakes. Bcoz he always always have problem managing TIME. Each time few days before the impt bake, I will urge him to at least get his raw ingredients ready in advance , check if he needed to top up any of his baking items etc but he would assure me that he knows what to Do. And each time I will believe him. That he knows best since this is his area of specialization. If it takes so long , why not start earlier ? I volunteer to print the baby shark images for the cupcakes but he say he will settle. If it takes so long, why did he even bake a cake for cellgrp on Fri? I've never like to micromanage but each experience always says otherwise.

He says that progress is slow bcoz of our tiny kitchen and he needed to clean and pack up so that we won't come back home to a messy and oily house. Told him perhaps it's best that we move back to the old place so that he can have a proper kitchen to do his work while the rest of the house is not "messed" up. I mean seriously, I don't mind staying at either place. But he was the one who said tiny house has it's merits. Whatever la.

Why not order a cake fr outside? Why am I freaking out ? Bcoz each time he spend the nights baking away, he lacks rest and his ears start ringing, his head start spinning and he starts falling asleep while driving.

It's hard to be encouraging of his bakes when episodes like this happen each time. The CG friends say I must be so fortunate to have a baker at home. But truth be told, he has never bake casually or spontaneous. It has always been for the celebrations. I actually had hoped tat after haven bakery was closed, he could still do some leisure bakes.. the kind with no deadline but at his own leisure, not during the wee hrs at night.

Yes I understand that the papa wants to do a nice cake for his beloved daughters. But lack of sleep also meant more irritable and I'm sure the girls would kena fr him tomorrow bcoz of today's OT. I'm not sure if the cake or the scolding would leave a deeper impression in their minds subsequently.

#rants #midnightbaking #bakerwifedunneedsleep

And it is back to reality. Back to juggling life with 3 screaming kids and tonnes of things to do... I can't quite decide if I missed them or the getaway more.

It was nice to finally see them after being away for 9 days. Grace cried for a few nights while we were away and my mama had to think of many ways to coax her to sleep. 三年学好，三天学坏. Think in the midst of trying to prevent WWIII from happening at her place, she just gave in to them. Hopefully we wont have too much problems doing the re-training in the weeks to come. Nevertheless I was still glad that she and the girls survived ! Hahaha..

About the trip
It was nice to revisit Italy again after 15 yrs. Nothing much has changed since then. The places of interests were the same. The gelato were there, the crowds etc. What i noticed during this trip was that Rome seemed to have aged so much. She wasn't as clean as before. It seems that spore has moved forward in a span of 15 yrs while rome has stopped. Many monuments were covered with dirt n there were always traffic jams. Each time I travel abroad, I come back feeling appreciative of the place we lived in- Singapore. Though she had nothing when she became independent, a span of 50 yrs made her transformed into a city of greenery, good security and good governance. One can say all abt the lack of speech / freedom but this is the only place that I know where we can go out at 2am and still be able to find good food SAFE. Hahaha..

It was nice to travel with the group of colleagues.. haha.. it's rare when most of the kakis made it for this trip. Some , like me, had skipped it for a few yrs bcoz of family commitments etc. Though the itinerary or planning by the people upstairs always seem v jialat, the companionship certainly helped covered the loopholes. If u ask me, most of the time I enjoyed myself only bcoz of the friends on the trip, not the food or the sights or the shopping. And bcoz we were such a big grp this time round, there wasn't any occasion where I had to make small talk with strangers (those awkward moments)

It was also one of the few times in many yrs where Mr choo was with me- to be a witness of my achievements. Many a times, he could only see the pictures or trophies when I bring it back. But this time round, he was there as a partner. It was nice to have him around. Though I'm not sure if he would say the same thing.. Hahaha.. cox it felt that he was still "working" on the trip, having to take care of me and pack and everything. . Hahaha.. I told my colleagues that I have 3 daughters but my hubby has 4 bcoz he had to take care of me..hahaha..

It was good to spend some time together , just eating gelato at the Spanish steps and watching the people walking. No rush for anything. Just taking our time to enjoy the ice cream and presence and chatting away.. it would be nice if we could do it frequently but the girls have alrdy said that our next couple trip would only b when they are 20 yrs old.. hahahaha.. perhaps it's easier if we just do a weekend getaway next time.

Had walked so much during the trip..i probably walked more for this trip compared to the whole of this yr.. Hahaha..  there were 2 days when I crossed >27000 steps when I hardly hit 5k/day in sg.

Thank God for his Providence and allowing us to go on this trip.. thankful for the many blessings He has provided..

And as I splured my hokkien mee on the 2nd leg back to sg, I can't contain my happiness.. I'm finally heading home.. hahahaha.. 5.5hrs more.. yes I can do this.. shall listen to Mariah Carey and Celine Dion for the rest of the flight coz I can't decide what movies to watch.. Hahaha..

The mini moon was great..but probably too long..  I missed my comfort food, my kids, my bed and everything abt sg..

We didn't buy a lot of stuff..  some food to give, mainly clothes for the man and the kids. I gotten 2 blouses for myself and 2 pairs of earrings and that was it.. Hahaha..

The colleagues bought branded goods coz it was cheaper than sg.. some more than others..  I had wanted to get a pair of pink jelly shoes fr a big brand but stopped myself coz it was $200. Expensive considering that it was jelly shoes.. lol.. but cheap (according to the branded friends) bcoz of the brand it was from. In the end I decided not to bcoz I had enough shoes and I wanted to b out of the brand race.

I am contented with all that God has given to me and didn't feel that I needed anything. This post isn't meant to put anyone to shame but simply to remind myself that God has blessed me with so much so much that I'm contented. There wasn't a need to buy a piece of Italy to make myself happy. I am full of joy.

Of coz I wasn't always like that. When I was younger, owning a piece of Prada or Gucci or xxx was like the much needed accomplishment. I didn't know if it was to satisfy my own trophy list or was it to show the world that I'm able to afford it. But I believed then that if I could just make it mine, I would b happy. And every trip to Europe meant bringing a piece home.  It was always chasing a bigger brand or a more expensive bag and it was never ending. It was overwhelming. And over time, the obsession meant needing to work even harder to support the lifestyle. It was stressful. And it was silly. I told William 2 days ago, while we were eating ice cream that, I used to believe that if I earned $10k/mth , I should b entitled/allowed to spend $3k on things that make me happy. 辛辛苦苦赚钱就是要享受的啊. The me now believes that as long as I'm happy, it doesn't matter how much i earn. I am Okie with earning $7k if that meant I was happy with the work I do and time for my family.

I'm not sure what or when was the change. But indeed God has changed me over time.

It might sound cliche but no amt of buying can bring happiness. Only contentment gives joy. And joy comes from within. Joy comes from God.

In fact, I didn't even realize it if I hadn't thought so long over the jelly shoes..lol.. it was something I could easily afford. But do i need it ? Probably not.

Thankful for the many blessings in my life and the many lessons God has taught me over the yrs.

May I always remember to be contented.

Mini moon

Feeling emo.. on the cab towards the airport.. the start of our mini honeymoon..  the twins requested that I make them zzz.. which I agreed.. have been a long time since I do closing.. they didn't take a long time to fall asleep.. but I was reluctant to leave.. 😢😢😢

Hope I survive the trip...

Currently in Dubai having completed one flight..  waiting in transit for the 2nd flight..  watching my man take his forty winks before we board again and enjoying my cuppa coffee and scrambled eggs.. relaxing trip without the kids, only the 2 of us. I had forgotten how nice this feeling was.. to be able to enjoy the coffee slowly, to walk around and not rush thru everything or needing to attend to 1 or 2 of the girls.. I guess i can get used to this.. 

Kena caught in the act trying to take a selfie of him sleeping..hahaha...

不孝有三

不孝有三，无后为大。that was the last few conversations I had with my ah ma. She has passed away on Easter Sunday, peacefully in her sleep. She was 94.

When I first heard the news, I was at peace. After all, she had lived a long time and in her last few yrs, she had dementia and eventually needed help taking care of herself. I could see her health deteriorate rapidly each time I visited her.

We came back on Wed and I thought I would be fine but tears just gushed down the moment I saw her lying inside the coffin. "She has gone to be with Jesus" I told Grace. But that was all I could say in between tears.

My ah ma has gone home to be with the Lord and eventually I will see her again when my turn on earth is up. She is in a better place... I know all these as a Christian but when it happens, all the emotions still became overwhelming for me.

I regretted not knowing more abt her. I had more memories of her in my growing yrs but in the later yrs , my visits became less frequent and mostly distracted with my kids even when we came. But still I'm glad that she saw us settled down and my kids were able to spend a few yrs with their great grandmother.

Grace kept asking if we would still come back to melaka again.. which I'm not sure. I had come here every yr to visit my ah ma since I was born and suddenly , there isn't a strong reason anymore. Would we even come back again? 

And we said goodbye for the final time today, when I saw her buried in the ground and we placed the flowers in her tomb, it was the end. 

Treasure the time when yr loved ones are still around.. love one another and always let them know that u love them too..
Good bye ah ma..