L.O.V.E

About two weeks ago, Grace told me that she missed the One on one date we did last December and asked if we could do it again now that J is in ifc. I couldn’t find a reason to say no and thus began this week’s one on one date. 

Honestly, going out with her is comfortable. She is independent, reliable and her moods are stable. We went to Jewel, had lunch followed by a movie. It was nice to chit chat and check on this little girl and how this year, she made new friends and her current BFF is Kate and both of them are bookworms. 

And today I brought the other twin for her one on one. To be honest, I felt jittery for a few days. Because she isn’t as easy? Mayb 一物克一物，如果我是石头，那她一定就是我命中的布吧。

Thought we took the bus to PLQ instead of the train coz the latter would require us to change once. Bad choice coz she was whining throughout the bus ride.. haiz.. the morning barely started and I’m tired already. It was a lot of “I want this, I want that.” and by the time we finished our lunch and movie, I just wanted to go home.

Can see her sian face on the bus? Anyway I came home and took a nap and felt so much better. I wished I could be as comfortable with her as I am with her other two sisters. Maybe time will tell. Maybe I need more practice.  

Going on my date with Joy coming Monday. And that wraps up the Dec holidays and 2021.

Season for change

Some friends are like wine, the longer the friendship, the stronger it gets. Some friends, on the other hand, are only for a season. 

I don’t have many close friends to be honest. I’m not a friends keeper. I don’t make a lot of effort in maintaining relationships and I know it’s me, my fault. 

And now, seriously, I don’t have the time to even balance work, family and rest. Maintaining friendships or going out on dinner gatherings are really not my top priority. And I’m tired of trying to explain to my friends to be honest. It’s not like they don’t have kids too. They do, just that their kids are teenagers now and not in the needy phrase. So they have forgotten abt how tiring this stage is? It’s easy to say “need to correct J schedule la..” or things like “both of u need to sort it out else both of u will b tired exhuasted”… 😴😴😴 easy to say lo.. got more 建设型的solutions吗？

The thought that I’m going to meet them for dinner in a couple of hrs time is making me emo shit now.. argh.. coupled with the little sleep I had over the last 2 weeks.. rage I tell u.. I tried to zzz now but physically tired but mentally crazy.. 

I need to remind myself just to decline such gatherings politely in 2022. 

Update: the dinner didn’t go as bad as I thought it would be. There were some normal convo / updates on each other happenings. I did enjoy myself tonight. But when they suggested another gathering before end of the year, I declined politely. Told them at this juncture, I really need to catch up on my work and if there’s any spare time after that, it would have to all go to my family. 

There, i said it. And it wasn’t even as hard as I thought it would b. 

Rant

I’m dead tired. So is William, though he doesn’t say. The last 2 weeks, J has been waking up every hr once it cross midnight . Initially I thought it’s because he’s hungry but even after we feed him at 12am, he can continue to wake up at 1am, 2, 330,5am etc. I tried letting him zzz on our bed just so that we/ he could have a longer undisturbed sleep but even this didn’t help in any way. 

I don’t know how long this will last and seriously it’s going to be less than 3 weeks before school starts. 

I told William that mayb we should consider letting the twins share a room so that we can let the helper + J take the other room. He just replied “this is out of the question.” I told him I can’t function properly the next day when I can’t even have 5 hrs of sleep. He says he will take the night if it comes down to this. I can work. But honestly this isn’t healthy either. His health is not great. He hasn’t young anymore and his fainting episodes plus needing to ferry tue girls to sch etc.. 

I’m really out of solutions. I even considered hiring a part time nanny or another helper etc but all these were brushed away by him. 

Praying for strength and God’s wisdom on this. He has our backs. He knows and He will never give us too big a problem to handle. Reminded myself all these and praying and surrendering to Him. 

The lack of zzz has also led to crazy eating these two weeks.. argh.. that is another topic on its own. Oh well

Update: it’s 1230am and honestly, I’m waiting for the little fellow to start his “party”. I did try to zzz tonight but mayb im too stimulated that I can’t fall asleep! We increased his day feeds to 180ml today, and his fav diaper from the correct source arrived today. (I switched a diff source previously even though it’s the same brand) that’s the only 2 things we did differently today, plus a lot of PRAYERS!! Thank You God for answering our prayers! 

Hfmd

Recording J first (and hopefully last hfmd) episode so that we can always look back at this entry eventually and laugh.. 

How it started

Day 1

- woke up in the morning feeling feverish. Gave him some fever meds and it came down before coming back up at late afternoon. Last dose was at midnight.

Day 2

woke up with no fever though he kept crying on and off motn. He was also complaining quite loudly though we couldn’t understand his language 🤣

Send him to sch since he has no fever. I thought it probably was a random one day fever or teething fever. 

Sch called at 12pm saying that they found ulcers in his throat. Settled the twins at home before picking the little one and sending him to PD.

Certified hfmd and given 1 week mc

I said a silent prayer that God helps us tide this over. The 2 nights of fussing had been a toll on us and I dunno how we going to manage another 7days. Oh God.. I know hfmd was inevitable but I didn’t think it would b that early. 

I still had 2 zooms and both my clients could hear J cry loudly in the midst of it.. haiz.. William took most of the night duty bcoz I had an early morning zoom. 

Whatever way it takes, as long as u zzz

Day 3

His fav past time nowadays to try pluck the leaves of the Xmas 🎄 

Took over J once my zoom was done. Went to pick the twins from church and thought we bring J for a car ride as well. Halfway there, the car broke down and thank God a sister helped pick the twins and brought them out ! 

Managed to settle the car and drove home. By then, both of us were exhausted with a cranky baby who has started to cry at the top of his voice. His cries these 2 days have crossed his usual volumes, and I think with the development of new skills, he now know that he just had to look at the person and cry, and that person would come over automatically as though it’s a magnet or magical wand.

Why aren’t u on yr play mat my dear son?

Day 4

We barely slept the night before. J doesn’t wan me to coax him to zzz. I’ll try to pat / carry him to zzz once he stirs but it just make things worse. Most of the time, William had to wake up to wrap up.

Doesn’t wanna drink or eat today. It’s the day where we just kept making milk and try and try. 

Sweet dreams my dear boys 

Naps are 20 mins or lesser and seriously we really showed hand liaoz.. and I don’t know how we going to correct all these bad habits after he recovers. I’m praying that today is the peak coz he’s super super fussy today. Cry so much that I wanna tell him mama will buy him a sports car if u stop crying and start napping. 😂

He’s zzz for the night. Praying that he doesn’t wake up tonight. Vera just vomited after dinner and complaining of chest pains. We might need to bring her to kkh tonight.

Day 5

- he slept from 8pm-230am before crying. I’m so thankful for that. Gave him some painkillers and milk and he went back to zzz. Only me and William were on standby mode bcoz we wanted to be sure before we go back to zzz. 

Today is definitely easier compared to yesterday. He still isn’t sleeping as much as he should, so still cranky. Praying that we have passed the peak and it’s going to be 雨过天晴！

I even had time for some me time outside because William didn’t need to serve in church today. Thankful for the break. Going back soon!

Emo 😢

Feeling emo and sad. I know I’ll recover by tomorrow but let me rant for now. 

Joash is down with hfmd - the fever was the starting of the hfmd symptoms. By yesterday afternoon, his throat had a couple of ulcers and we were informed by the school to pick him back. Oh well. I guess this is unavoidable as long as we intend to put him in ifc / cc. I just didn’t expect it to be that fast. 

The thing that’s affecting me big time was the phone call I received today evening. 

Dowager :How’s baby?

(Guess she saw William fb post)

Me: okie lo, cranky cranky. By the way, so Saturday how ah? Still can go over yr house for dinner?

She: aiya he will recovered by Saturday de la.. kids very fast recover one. 

(She says so because she clearly is a hands off grandma and have no idea how long hfmd last)

Me: what if he doesn’t recover by then ?

She: then u all don’t come lo..

我该说什么呢？Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed? Yes. I thought I would b numbed by now. But I guess it still hurts even though it’s expected. Im not even expecting her to say she will come and help us for a few days or what. I wanted to be angry and cut them away. 

😭😭😭

This too shall pass. 靠别人不如靠自己。

Random

The first time he has a fever and it’s not due to vaccinations.. woke up this morning with a fever which shot thru the roof to 39+ later in the evening. Besides the fever being the only indicator that this boy is sick, he’s still eating well, drinking well and super energetic! 

Probably bring him to the PD Tom just to b sure everything’s fine. 

There’s many challenges ahead but we will get thru it all, step by step. 

Finally sold my pump today! Yeah ! Finally saying goodbye to that chapter; to that black hole. Thank u Angela for selling it for me. I was afraid that I would gostun and touch my pump again after the staycation.. but thankfully it didn’t happen.

Have started to fix a few appts for this week and next. I’m really looking forward for the next phrase ! Him starting his solids and me going back to work.. 

A colleague asked me recently how I managed to hit my TOT so early this year while she was working till the last day for her COT.. honestly, it’s all only possible becoz God is with me. And I’m excited to let God draw the plans He has for me for 2022! 

 

Random things

Me: “Uncle, if Joash and I drop into the big sea, who will you rescue first?”

- me looking intently into his eyes wondering how he would answer.. hahaha

Him: “Seriously, if that happens, I think u need to rescue me also.” 

(Cause I’m the better swimmer) 

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

#wifesetttrap #smartreply #甜言蜜语