Saying goodbye to the milk factory

 

Send these photos to a very nice friend who offered to help me sell them away. 

It’s final. The milk factory is closed. Did my last pump today and I’m happy. I’m glad that this is all over. I thought I would b more chilled about the whole bf thing this time round but no, it still affected me a lot and I’m so glad it’s finally over. 

Time to look forward to more exciting stages in life. It’s the school hols and we have a few things planned for the kids. We did a staycation at equarius last week and this week, there’s another staycation (just me and the twins only). 

I wanna spend these few weeks with the girls before I start working full steam in jan. 

To be honest, I’m very excited about what lies ahead. J is happy in his school, we are all settled at our new place, and now that I’ve closed the milk factory, this means more time and energy for more exciting things !

Handling over the keys of minton back to the landlord this week. Praying that nothing urgent crops up or nothing stupid screws up. 

We did the MRI yday.. like finally and it wasn’t a walk in the park. Firstly both of us couldn’t zzz the night before but we didn’t tell each other.. lol 

Anyway, on Friday morning brought the big baby for his MRI. You could see that for all the things he could do for his family, medical appts isn’t one that he can just go. Which is fine. It’s an opportunity for me to sayang the big giant I guess. Anyway, long and short of the story, he had to be sedated bcoz he freaked out again. I’m trying to be the emphatic wife but hor, I had to bite my lips several times just to remind myself not to say the wrong things.. 

We finally did it. The appt took 3 hrs plus. Next wed going to see the doctor. Praying that the results would be clear and that the dizzy spells are just due to fatigue or “gaming too much” (his own words). 

I slept so well last night. Could go back to zzz immediately after settling Joash motn feeds. So thankful! 

Brought the twins to their enrichment class today. We took public and literally crawled from woodleigh to Delfi! Enjoying my breakfast at Starbucks now bcoz I’m down to 3x pumps a day! Yeah ! First time on a Saturday where I don’t need to blog while pumping at the nursing room at forum. 

I need to focus on myself and my well being; instead of the pump! Going to eat clean again and lose the excess weight. (The emotional roller coaster and sleepless nights did nothing to help)

But today is good bcoz I had good rest last night. 🤗Beautiful Saturday! 

Flip prata

As expected, I started to flip prata again and wondered if extending my pump sessions was the right thing to do. Today was the first day when J had to drink FM during the day time. It’s not a big thing la, I know FM is equally nutritious. Just that it was an “argh” moment when the IFC called and ask if we had accidentally forgotten to bring a bottle lesser than usual. Hubs then told the sch to do FM when it wasn’t enough. 

I don’t know if I made the right choice or not bcoz I sound like a broken record. It’s tormenting me. And I was just telling J that I don’t know what I should do. To continue extending and eventually close the milk factory or just to go back to excessive pumps. 

And I tell u..she always gives the best advice and without judgement too. She says instead of doing the Chart, I should really focus on WHY I WANNA BF? Coz if I can find the WHY, I will be able to find the way to do it. Simple words, with wisdom. My 军事 for everything.. hahaha .. here goes : 

1) feeling of bonding / latching 

- I really enjoyed the times when I latched Grace. I can’t explain what it is, and why bottle feeding is different, but it is. Don’t get me wrong, we can still be very attached to our kids with bottle feeding. 

This time round, Joash didn’t latch as well. Especially now that he’s in ifc, the chances that he will latch is only the occasional motn and even that would always end up with both of us half asleep.. hahahah

2) “FAIR”

- I did it for the girls and I thought it would only b fair if I did it for Joash as well. 

3) BM nutrients are better ?

- it’s a ? bcoz Vera who drinks the least BM also happens to have the least number of doctor visits. Grace on the other hand, frequents kkh and the PD a lot more compared to her sisters.

4) Weight lost?

- again this doesn’t apply to my case. I didn’t lost much weight, be it for the twins or this time round. Any weight lost during Joy’s time came back with a vengeance once I stopped breastfeeding. So honestly, if weight lost is a keen thing, I should stop breastfeeding (so I wouldn’t emotional eat) and go for my cupping sessions. 

这样看起来, my why isn’t v strong leh.. hahahah.. chey.. why did I even wanna bf ? Lol.. and guilt trap myself .. hahahaha

Will just let J latch for the rest of this journey, but if he doesn’t wan I wouldn’t force. And I’ll just continue my extension la.. hahaha.. 

Closing the milk factory

 

I did this yes/no table while waiting for my zoom appt to start. I’ve said it a couple of times that I wanna stop breastfeeding soon and going to extend my pumping hours. As of last mth, I was still pumping every 3hrly and at least 8-10 times a day either latching or pumping.. it’s exhausting and crazy. So I started to stretch to 4hrly but once I do that, the volume drops. Which I am not surprised bcoz storage cup small ma.. then I’ll be like okie go back and forth, then the lack of 😴

So being a mathematical person, I wanted to list down all the reasons for and against. And clearly, the reasons to stop are more justified. I just need to do it NOW and not let the guilt eat me alive. 

And coincidentally the zoom appt I had yday.. my client also said the same .. to stop and not b guilty. Bcoz only with rest,  can we go a long way with our children. 

Praying that I dont like the stupid guilt overwhelm me. If I stop breastfeeding, I’ll be able to do many fun things .. like traveling next yr ; go adventure cove with the girls in Nov when we go for our staycation; more time to focus on my work or even sleep for extended hrs at night… 

Yes let’s just do it !

Just as I thought he has stopped latching.. this is really what I enjoy abt breastfeeding… 

Weaning #5

Thought i do an update of my weaning process, since the last I tried weaning her off was abt 6 weeks ago.

The first mth was kinda crazy, every night she would wake up at unearthly hrs crying and crying for milk. In order to make sure that she doesnt wake Vera up, I would carry her out to the living room and battle it out with her for at least an hr, usually 2 hrs. On some nights, I would be very confused. Coz a bottle usually would only take 5 mins to knock her out, while a war would usually take 2 hrs.. and it hurts when I see her cry like that..  This lasted for a whole mth, when i almost thought it would last forever.. she started to sleep through (finally!) yeah! time to open the champagne bottle.. =)

Having said that, out of the past 5 days, Grace woke up 3 times this week (before 5am) asking for milk.. I hope this cycle ends. Its better for her and me, if both of us get at least 6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep every night.. haha..Praying for God's strength ..

Weaning #4

Did I say that I manage to wean her off my breasts in feb this year ? This was after my Cape Town trip , which was a bittersweet moment coz I had tried a long time to wean her off but each time my heart juz melted and relented.. it was only bcoz of the long trip , thus when I got back, even though she still wanted I said no to her. . I guess it was easier coz I had a 5 days break away fr her.. she was 22 mths then ..

Fast forward to now.. I'm back to weaning her off again. . This time off the bottles coz despite being 27 months alrdy , she is still waking up at least once , if not twice a night for feeds. Vera, on the other hand, has started to sleep thru a mth earlier.  It was a struggle and still is (coz the battle is still ongoing ) bcoz if I give her the bottle she probably go back to sleep within the next 5- 10 mins. It took me 2 hrs to convince her to zzz back without a milk feed, and an hr last night.. I'm praying that today will be a complete sleep thru ..

It probably is a gd time to wean her off. . Honestly I think it's kinda overdue .. besides a fren who's child only zz thru at 3 yr old , Grace is probably the oldest "newborn" waking up every 3 hr... I was telling a client abt my situation and she too felt tt Grace is over age .. haha..

Praying for God ' s strength as I battle on for the next few days. . Praying that Grace sleep thru  coz both of us really need uninterrupted sleep , I guess. .

Weaning Trial #3

- Drafted on 4th Apr 2013 -

Today Grace drank a 7oz fm n zzz liaoz.. No fussing n nv ask for latch.. I hope this is a Gd start to weaning ! Feeling sad yet happy at the same time . It's a bittersweet moment coz now Tt my supply is so low, I'm hoping that w a full feed, she will b able to zz through also. It's been so long Tt the twins have been waking up that I almost forgot Tt they shld have been sleeping through ! 

Weaning Trial #2

- Drafted on 7th Mar 2013 -

Reached home at 11pm today and was super anxious to know the status of uncle pig 's closing.. The result ? Grace zz at abt 8pm, after struggling for only 15 mins . She drank a total of 6 oz for her closing feed too! Happy happy...

But just upon reaching home, she heard my voice n woke up again. Nursed for a while n went back to zz; w a smile in her sleep .. So happy.. Maybe this is a step nearer to weaning

Weaning Trial #1

Tried to give grace the bottle when she woke up at 10pm for milk. And this was juz after I pumped. U know she's not satisfied despite latching n decided to make a bottle of milk for her. Her answer? She tried 2 mouthfuls n spit the tit out. She rather go hungry . My grace, my fussy grace. Another bittersweet moment. 
Oh God, pls forgive me for being happy abt it. I've promised uncle pig to stop liaoz.. But sometimes .. Well.. U know.. 
Will try again, and hopefully the time is ripe.