Birthday parties

You know when age is catching up with you when the bday parties tat u attend nowadays are yr children's friends instead of yr own... Haha...  

But I think all of us had an enjoyable but tiring time..
Had a good conversation with some of joy's classmates while we were there & one of the mummies, mummy C was telling me how excited her child is & yearns for another sibling.. My heart goes out to her & I shared with her abt our struggles too; like how Joy would pray for a meimei almost everyday, how every mth of trying seems futile, & now tat I'm pregnant, she seems to be updating her classmates everyday on how we are coping! Tat was also the reason how mummy C learnt tat I was pregnant.. I also shared with her how Joy was a miracle sent by God to "page" us back to His Kingdom coz unlike most couples, we didn't meet with any challenges conceiving her. She was amazed coz she herself had a hard time conceiving her child & her pregnancy was often fraught with instabilities. Thus they kinda decided not to try for another one but the deep yearning of her child for a younger sibling is so strong tat it may seem hard to refuse.. Coz I think all parents love their kids & want them to be happy. I also shared abt our IVF experience; and she was shocked tat we took the courage to embark on this route. Similar to my initial concerns, she too had thought it would b painful and 辛苦 and costly.. I think a lot of people has tat conception based on friends' friends experience or hearsay. I too thought so before and thus powdered on a gd 9mths before deciding on it. I shared with her my IVF experience, and how God continued to work his miracles around us.. I wouldn't say tat it's an entire painless journey, but it was made less painful because of God. Because God loves us. 

After the party, I was shocked myself by how much I've shared to a stranger I hardly know, but I know God muz have created this meeting for both of us. I won't say tat I'm an advocate for IVF but I hope tat thru my small efforts, people will know more of my first hand experience and not based on hearsays thus closing this choice off completely. I also felt tat God wants me to share my story with others, my struggles over the years; how i took this step & how He showed his goodness by protecting us and showering His blessings upon this household, tat He is the Creator and nothing is impossible coz He is God. 

10 Weeks Update

Went for my routine check up at the gynae early this morning, together with Little Joy & Uncle Pig... Joy was particularly in her good moods and superly excited coz she will be seeing her little siblings today. Gynae says everything is very good, the twins are approximately the same size, at about 3 cm each & very active, which is good. Thus explaining why I feel lethargic ALL the time. Today's scan is a little different, coz we managed to see the little hands and feet, and everything! Kinda surprising although Uncle Pig says it's common that they are developed at week 10... (showing off that he keeps track of the fetel growth at Baby Center)

Anyway, it's emotional, to see that they are growing well inside me. I pray that God, you protect them, and you let us have a smooth 7 mths ahead of us. I pray that we will be able to see the little ones in May, healthy, and good, and a testimonial of yr goodness... Thank you Lord! - Amen

Can you see the two twins side by side? Haha..this is the best scan that the gynae could give us for now..but more will be coming, in the mths to come..

A Little Emo

Had nothing to do while uncle pig was replying his emails.. Was feeling kinda emo n still worried after hearing abt my fren's loss.. Started to read up on stuff n thought maybe I should update my blog.. And stumbled onto my older entries.. Entries on how we started on our IVF decisions, the beginnings of our injections, blood test etc.. But what struck me most was that I did vision abt my twins even before we started this. Yes, yes! It kinda shocked me & of course I had obviously forgotten abt it.. And when I told uncle pig abt my findings, he said he knows ah.. Coz I had told him abt it before , a long long time ago. I did rem telling him tat many yrs ago, but what I had meant then was a natural twin (coz my mom was a twin & genetically I had higher chances ) not an IVF twin.. But anyway that's not impt la..

Tears streamed down as I'm reminded again by God's goodness & to count every little blessing. Yes, count my blessings.. Yes God, I know la... I'm grateful for all & I am reminded again to have faith in you & to trust you. Yes I will do tt n not let my thoughts run wild. Hopefully I can repeat it tomorrow n the day after. But that is for tomorrow to worry for...

A little Prayer

Juz received news tt a Christian mummy I known from forum has lost her child at 12 weeks.. It made me sad & often wonder why did God give a wonderful gift & yet take it away before it was due? If that was the case, won't it b better tat there was no pregnancy in the first place? As in infertility is already a big challenge on its own, infertility followed by miscarriage is even worse..
At the same time I'm reminded tat God always has the bigger picture in mind for us, and His plans will always be for the overall gd for us. Much as we don't understand why things happen the way it is, the most we can do is to turn to God, and seek him. In all times, pray for peace, .....
Here's praying to the mummy that she recovers from this soon to be able to pick herself up again..

Consolation Prayer

Father of all mercies and God of all consolation,
you pursue us with untiring love
and dispel the shadow of death
with the bright dawn of life.
Give courage to this family in their loss and sorrow.
Be their refuge and strength, O Lord,
reassure them of your continuing love
and lift them from the depths of grief
into the peace and light of your presence.
Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
by dying has destroyed our death,
and by rising, restored our life.
Your Holy Spirit, our comforter,
speaks for us in groans too deep for words.
Come alongside your people,
remind them of your eternal presence
and give them your comfort and strength.
All Amen.

9 weeks update

I don't know wats happening but been feeling nausea these few days n ultra lethargic.. But the frustrating thing is tt I can zz easily in the day time but not in the evening . I'm afraid tt when the twins come they too will hv this inverted way of zz which would make everything so difficult.
The other thing is my emo is super extreme. Losing my temper at uncle pig at the tiniest issue.. Sometimes I pity him, always serving me to the best he can n not flaring up at all..  I really appreciate it & it's not like I don't treasure this pregnancy . I do, that's y sometimes I'm so angry w myself, for not being able to calm down n b positive . Of coz, some days r better & today jz happen to b one of the more jialat days. It's kinda a torture when everyday is like today. How I wished it's apr now !

Believe in God's timing, in all times

Today while catching up on some of my IF bloggers that I've known since some time ago, I read an entry from Hillary that she's pregnant! I almost cried when I saw that entry. For someone who's tried so hard, tried so long (3 IVFs & many IUIs), it's indeed heartwarming to know that God has decided to grant them their wish, in His own timing. They had actually moved on to adoption, and was about to accept an adoption case, when out of a sudden, she just decided to buy a pregnancy kit. - just to be sure, no expectations..not remembering when her last period was.. but I guess God always has his own plans and timing for us, every one of us. My heart go out to this couple, who has spend nearly every cent on fertility treatments, and finally the courage to move on to adoption. And yet, all technologies in the world, did not manage to help them, and to think that after closing this door for a few mths later, God decided to show that He is the Lord, and the creator of all. He showed us once again, that He answers in 3 ways: Yes, No, Not Yet..

Thank you lord for all you have created for us. I pray now that you protect Hillary's womb, and grant her a smooth delivery through this 9mths. - Amen

8 weeks update

A lot of my friends have been asking me how I've been feeling since being pregnant, so I thought I did a summary based on my experience so far:

1) Morning Sickness - Managable
- I think it felt almost the same when I had joy, which is once a while, I do feel nausea, but if I were to drink some gassy/sugary drinks/sweet foods, it kinda chase it away..haha... so I think this time round, it's a lot easier coz i'm already prepared..hehe..

2) Appetite - Small, but better as time passes
- Ever since I did my Embryo Transfer, it felt like I did a stomach reduction operation and just a few mouthfuls would make me full for dinner..hehe... which is not a bad idea, since I hope to lose small weight during my first trimester

3) Cravings - A loooong list
- hahaha... actually it ties in closely with 2). Because of my small or sometimes lack of appetite, I try to eat the foods that I really like... and so far, I think poor Uncle Pig has been tasked to buy the wanton mee at Lavender Food Market..which is simply delicious! I started eating that when my mom was pregnant with Sharon, and now it's my turn..kinda amused by it..haha..

4) Sugar Rush
- It seems similar, in the sense tat during both pregnancies, I tend to have cravings for sugary stuff.. especially this pregnancy. Cause ever since Uncle Pig started baking, I kinda stopped having cakes (really sick of them), but now, during pregnancy, yes I'm enjoying them again! Yeah! Happy... and during a random search of I can't rem what also, I stumbled upon PCOS (which is me!) & their strong craving for sugar/carbs... haha.. no wonder! haha.. aren't I smart? you can read more from the article here...
http://www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/article-pcos.aspx

5) Mood swings - Light Emo
- On the whole, I think I'm alright.. I've started working, and wouldn't postpone my appt unless really necessary. However, having said that, something small, like my bro saying a completely senseless remark will throw me in tears, and sobbing for hours.. kinda drama.. and i know it's not his fault either... or when Uncle Pig starts throwing in some new biz ideas, it will make me breathless and easily irritable..hopefully all these will be over soon!

6) Tiredness - Super!
- I think this is the category where I'm really stretched to the max.. coz ever since the start of the IVF cycle, i've been taking afternoon naps, coz usually by mid day, I will feel like zzz... and zz can happen like almost any time of the day...juz hopefully i don't doze off when I'm working

7) Tummy - Big
- Now that I'm 8 weeks, my tummy always feel like it's 8mths preg...yesh, really! some of my friends tried to console me by saying that maybe bcoz its twins, thus the bigger size..but even if twins, at this stage, they are only about 1 cm big EACH! yes, can't imagine when they are full grown and how my tummy will look like...with all the stretch marks...eee....

8) Smells
- I think this is the part will strongly aggravate my nausea. Even though I'm good on most days, but strong smelling objects/environments/cabs will make me feel even more nausea, and simply awful.

9) Cramps
- lately, as in the last two days, I'm slight cramps on my tummy... i hope it will go away soon.....not really cramps but maybe pain.. and i was really afraid of losing the twins.. not sure if i'm over-suspicious but Uncle Pig says to have faith and when I prayed this morning, God told me the same too. To have faith in him. So I shall obey.

okie, i tink tat's all for now... my eyes cant open le..need to go zz before i pick joy later... to be updated again ba...

Missing Singaporean in Athens, Greece - Kouk Leong Jin

This morning we woke up with alarming news. One of our long time friends is missing in Athens, n uncontactedless for several days. He just got married abt two weeks ago, and I've kinda seen him grow up from a boy to a young man coz he was my brother's sec sch friend and they hv always maintained contact.. Although I don't know him well, but my heart goes out to his family members. Lord, I pray tat u protect him from any harm, tat he will be able to establish contact soon with the local police. Lord, I pray for peace in his family as they travel to Athens to find him, and understand the situation more. Lord, I pray for a miracle, tat he will be safe, despite being missing for >5 days. Lord, I pray for people in Athens, who may know some info to come forward to provide help, and I pray tat he meet some gd Samaritans who will take gd care of him, and bring him to safety.

Lord, I know tat not many people read my blog, but I hope that those who do, can help by clicking on the link below, and pasting it on their fb profile n thus sharing with more people. Thank you , and Amen

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Missing-Singaporean-in-Athens-Greece-Kouk-Leong-Jin/227251480665138

Another sleepless night...

Don't know if it's the coffee I had this afternoon or the pure excitement but I cant seem to fall asleep again! Maybe also a bit stressed tat since everything's kinda sink in, it also mean tat I've got to start working now! Haha... Coz if the twins r here by apr, technically I only have 6-7 mths to work... Ahhhhhhh! Really pretty scary ah.. Esp tom is 1st Oct, so yes, it's back to work.. No more slacking... Muz at least do my very best and trust that God do the rest! Haha... Right now I'm praying tat God will help us in our situation, tat I work sufficiently but not too overwork thus straining myself, tat I have better control of my emotions (n I know it's not gonna b easy with the swings) so tt I can focus n work..haha.. I do love my work most of the time n I'm glad God has placed me here, much as I always wonder y but I'm thankful for his plans... I'm also praying tat I don't gain too much weight, in fact I hope to lose some in my first trimester coz I'm too big to start at the beginning.. It's juz like an already inflated balloon n u insist on pumping additional gas.. Haha... Ya, will try to curb my appetite n the sweet stuff... And hopefully do some exercises in the 2nd &3rd trimester..haha...need to keep reminding myself to curb... Haha... Hard but i will do my best! :)