Bible verse

 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Rough Monday

We had many episodes yesterday afternoon. I tried to be as understanding as I could, but she is struggling. Struggling to understand her own internal feelings, struggling to regulate herself, struggling to verbalise her thoughts. 

I tried but it was tiring. There were so many explosions that by the end of the day, I gave up too. I let William took over. I was frustrated. Frustrated bcoz I felt that he wasn’t doing enough. Why is it always me who has to manage the girls, when he is the homemaker or my co parent? The words were at the tip of my lips - “I will stop work and you can go out to work. We will live with whatever you can provide.” 

Instead, I bit my lips and prayed. Prayed for patience and prayed for peace. Prayed that God help carry us thru when it all seem impossibly difficult. 

I hid in Grace room after dinner coz it was too difficult. Cried while I was trying to do some not important work. Well, at least work brings food on the table. I have no idea why he seems so busy with his iPad and it has no contribution to the household. I wouldn’t b as pissed if he was sleeping, to be honest. 因为休息是为了走更远的路。 I’m tired that my work always suffer the brunt of it all. Perhaps wfh isn’t viable anymore. Perhaps going to office is a lot easier for me, for him for everyone. At least I wouldn’t see him on his iPad all the time. Or replying msgs to his jewel grp chat when he isn’t even 村长 anymore! I sold the place and just waiting to see when he intends to exit the annoying chat.. 

Not going to lie when I say that today has been one of the longest weekend in a long time. I don’t remember the number of times I broke down today. It’s tiring. Trying to contain the sick boy home; being missy to the old man, and making sure the twins don’t end up killing each other. Or even if they do, at least they wouldn’t wake up the men in the midst of it. 

But it’s also bcoz of this tiring situation that I’m thankful for the girls. They all tried their best to step up. Grace volunteered to go kovan market to get coconut water for the family as well as dabao char kway teow for the uncle. Uncle didn’t have much appetite and was craving for something 重口味. Like Friday, we briefly told her the way and off she went. Vera who was negative, wasn’t keen on taking that adventure. She did bring Joash on a pram ride just downstairs in the late afternoon. 

I’m thankful that I have very mild symptoms. Besides having a blocked nose and feeling groggy all the time, that’s about it. The uncle heart rate has turned irregular and he’s also having problem sleeping / breathing. Yes I’m worried for him. At the same time I’m frustrated bcoz he should have started the meds on day 1. (I feel that my recovery was better coz I took all the meds etc). He kept forgetting abt the meds and argh… anyway told him that if he still feels very jialat tomorrow it’s better that he visit the GP (just in case). 

I’m thankful for the girls + helper who helped so much. But at the same time, I felt so lonely and helpless holding the fort at home. Haiz.. this too shall pass. I know. Praying that the two men recover soon. 

“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”

‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭16:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The uncle is sick. His turned positive a day after mine. And u can see the difference in our symptoms. Mine’s largely mild, and I probably am functional 80% of the time. He is trying his best to still help, but pls la just zzz okie…

Can I also say that I’m so thankful for our new helper! She’s holding the fort at home now and has been Joash main caregiver when both me and William are down. Thankfully I taught her how to go ntuc few weeks ago!! If I had waited for William to do it, I think even up to now also she dunno where it is lo.. hahaha.. 

She just came back from a massive grocery run. Going to cook lunch for the family! Yeah! 

We will overcome this ! 

Nightmare

As of yesterday, only joy and our helper remains Covid negative. The good news is Grace art kit turned negative yday too! Amen! 

And she requested to go for English tuition since she is officially free to roam; which I gladly agreed. 

But comes the next problem. Grace can go to sch on Friday but there isn’t anyone who could bring her. I asked if I could get a cab for her, but she says she can take public on her own. Gave her the instructions and we can only pray that she will figure things out on her own. Had an argument w William over this too. If he had started training the helper &/ kids on how to go and come back from sch earlier (the deadline was by end jul) then we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all. I was pissed and frustrated and everything just snowballed and my final words were “I hope if you die, we all die together”. 

Such mean and hurtful words. Yes I realise too. I guess fears crept in and took over. Then dreadful thoughts conquered my mind; like what if he really passes then what happens; especially since Joash is still so young etc. wah, once u let fears enter, they conquer and control. And i feel so horrible. 

I open my bible and this was what I saw. It’s assuring. And rather than let fears take over, I’ve decided to let God take control. Whatever. Surrender to Him and let Him be the captain of my ship.

Have kissed and make up with William too. Being old isn’t something he can control. We will just treasure every living day as a gift, that’s why it’s called present.

On a side note, this morning Joy brought her to the train station but they are headed for different directions. Grace is currently on the bus to school. It’s nice to have the girls step up and take on bigger roles I guess. Maybe training the helper to pick the girls isn’t impt anymore.

Today we will only have the 2 young kids home the entire day. (Coz grace will be having lunch in school before heading to nex for her Chinese tuition.) It’s also the first day where I don’t have any scheduled zoom appts. Hoping that I can spend more time with vera and see if she gets better. She has been having so many episodes these few days (before positive and even after) that I suddenly don’t know what’s wrong w her or me. I thought we were on a two steps forward but it seems like a three step backwards now again. Well, I guess we will just have to see, monitor and adapt. 

Covid party

Covid officially entered our home over the long weekend,  Grace woke up with fever and cough and as our usual protocol, we did an ART and it showed positive almost immediately. Gave her some meds. 

We all did our tests and only she got it. Vera was clearly upset bcoz I decided to cancel our party plans. Was supposed to attend a gathering and even though we were all negative, it just didn’t feel right to still go. She sobbed big tears. The last min change + disappointment was too much for her to cope. I gave her a big hug and patted her. Stood with her while she cried. Then we chatted. We talked about a lot of things and I ended with a prayer for her. 

Once I was done with her, I went to comfort grace. She was feeling miserable - for being the one who brought Covid home and the reasons mama had to cancel all the plans. I told her that it wasn’t her fault and she might not even be patient 0. And it didn’t really matter who is actually. What matters is that she should try to drink lotsa water and recover. 

Aiyo, my 2 girls.. by noon I was exhuasted but feeling accomplished. Coz I managed to diffuse their bombs without me having an explosion myself. 

I think I did well today. I told the girls that we shouldn’t give in to fears. And nothing else matters as long as we are together as a family. 

I’m thankful that I manage to use this as a parenting lesson as well. Coz kids pick up the underlying message faster than what we want them to learn. What and how we react to situations will form part of their learning journey and childhood. I hope one day as we reflect back on today, my kids will remember the cool things we did, despite having Covid. That we had ice cream and lotsa tv and suduku! Hahahha..

P/s : Joash woke up motn with a fever. Carrying him to zzz as I type this entry. Keep us in prayers! 

 

Tired

I’m exhuasted.. lol.. I think hermit crab has hit her social quota for the mth. And I know I still got a handful of gatherings coming up over the long weekend.. faints .. 

Dont get me wrong. I enjoy all the gatherings while I was there. But there’s also a part of me which needs her peace and 4 walls to retreat back to. And currently I’m yearning for that. 

A look at my work schedule and I said a silent prayer. My appts for Friday are as follows: 10am (sk) ; 12 (zoom) ; 1pm Chinatown ; 330 and 530pm zoom. I don’t know how I’m going to manage. We will see how it goes. Brain is malfunctioning so heading home liaoz. 

Just went for a swim. Haven’t been swimming for so long!! It felt so good after that ! Shall do it more frequently from now on.