Paktor!

Rare date night, before the end of 2018..

Took this pic with my new hp - his xmas gift for me which took me by surprise..  loving every bit of it.. thankful.. loving this man more each day and thankful for him being the hero in our lives..

My 2019
I should start thinking about this before 2020 comes.. hahahaha.. maybe I'm a simple woman and right now I don't have much goals in life.. I tried to search my past entries but don't seem to have much info..  hahahah.. coz maybe i know I'm not those who make any resolutions.. Haha...

But I know there are a few areas I wanna improve for 2019.. (hopefully)

1. Love the people whom are loved by the people I love. 

Was just randomly saying this to a dear friend/client/COI/coach (Y) that day when she asked abt my 2019 resolutions. And she said something v chim.. Haha..  that what I'm feeling is when the "judge" in me is sabotaging my thoughts etc.. how the judge is feeling unfair for me when things don't turn out the way it should be. She say its times like this when I need to tell the "judge" to quieten bcoz as much as I cant control how people react, I can control how I want to feel/react. Gave me a book title to read more on it, which I will definitely get it.

2. Financial freedom by age 50 or earlier

I thought I could reach that earlier now that I've finally paid off the twins childcare fees.. but a random listing of my expenses still seem a lot.. I've downloaded the expenses app and will start in Jan! Wanna see where exactly does my monies go to.. 

3. Serving

I'm not a kind person, in fact my love is always limited to the few people within my circle.. but I want to expand this in 2019. Life on earth is short and I should not waste the talents that God has given me. I want to change and be a better person. I want to be able to touch lives and help them; be it financially ; emotionally or spiritually. May God guide me along..after all, He has given me so much..

Hopefully I wont go crazy with the crowds / kids Tom..  happy 2018!

Family

In the world there are many choices..  But the one and only thing we can't choose is our family members. And sometimes it just gets to me.. when someone irritates me and yet I can't cut him off my contact bcoz he is family . 😴😴😴

Just venting.. coincidentally both uncle choo and I have quite annoying brothers who have ruled over us all of our growing years.. and they both have a doting mother who dotes more on them. . Thus the differential treatment. It's annoying why we always end up doing the extra work or picking the pieces just becoz they are of a higher class.. Argh..  and over the years, the pent up frustrations and displeasure just adds up with no place to discharge. 

And pastor eveline shared this during the Xmas service which helped comfort me (a little): 

When someone punched you in the face, and u choose to walk away, this is MERCY

When someone punched you in the face, and u choose to shake his hand, this is FORGIVENESS 

When someone punched you in the face, u choose to shake his hand and buy him ice cream, this is GRACE

When someone punched you in the face, u choose to shake his hand, buy him ice cream and give him the key to the ice cream stall so that he can bless others, this is LOVE.

I’m not a saint, and I’m struggling at the forgiveness stage, trying to love my other family members bcoz they are loved by the people I love. It’s tough and I admit it. And I’m thankful that despite my shortcomings and flaws, my God, He still loves me. Praying that the coming new year, I will be able to extend my LOVE to people I find hard to love. And may all the people I know, they will get to know of the God I know.

Merry Xmas to all!

My slimming journey season 2

1st oct 2018

Weight: 90.1 kg

Today's the first session after taking a 1 mth break from it. It feels good to still lost 1.5kg during the break, despite eating and eating during the Brazil trip and catching up on some sinful foods that I've completely shelved aside the last round..  e.g. chocolates; cakes; mooncakes and fried chicken.

I feel good coming this 2nd round. I know I've learnt to eat "cleaner" and simpler over this period of time. Signed a 2nd package today. I'll do 10 sessions before going for my HK trip.

I pray that God, you help me as I embark on this journey again. It is with mixed feelings and I just wanna pray and lean on You, that You help me establish the correct eating habits and guide me with discipline. Lord, I pray that you guide me thru this round and help me withstand all the temptations. In Jesus name I pray, amen !

5th oct 2018

Weight: 89.2kg

+/- : -900 grams

I lost 900 grams from Mon, to which I was pleasantly surprised. Coz this was despite a night drinking session with my Osaka kakis and another night where my dinner was at 10pm. Couldn't b happier with the results.

I still look big despite losing 10 kg🤣

9th oct 2018

Weight: 89kg

+/-: -200grams

I thought I would hit at least 500 grams but J said that I haven't been really eating clean compared to the first round. She felt that I was more strict on myself previously. Well, the therapists did commented that despite me having 3 carbs meals , I stil lost 200 grams is a good thing. But I'm clearly disappointed.

I shall start a food diary, so that I can accurately track what I put inside my mouth.. Hahaha..

I started using this food diary app, which I think is pretty useful.

12th oct 2018

Weight : 87kg

+/-: -2kg!!

I was so surprised that I told J that I'm so happy that I can fly! It's the first time I lost so much in a single session ! Of coz the friendly therapists said that we should be looking at 2-2.5kg /week (at most) n I shouldn't b thinking of 2kg per session.. hahaha.. I know la.. coz weekends are usually tougher for me...so it's Okie..  I'm happy!

P/s: mayb I can eat a bit of the popcorn I bought for all the friends during the uob promo..  Hahaha..

16th oct 2018

Weight: 86.8kg

+/-: -200grams 

Feeling : thankful

I feasted over the weekend coz I was too happy with the previous 2kg lost. Seems silly to over indulge and chase the lost pounds but as much as I try to rationalize things, I ended up emotional eating again..lol.. I had satay bee hoon; my beauty hot pot; peanut butter toast etc.. I knew I had to "work" harder coming week and was pleasantly surprised that I still manage to lose 200 grams. Told the therapist that I shall do "happy weekend and clean weekdays". She said it's Okie and most impt is that I should b happy la.. Hahaha... looking forward to the 70s. Praying for discipline and strength to continue the journey..

19th oct 2018

Weight: 86.3kg 

+/-: -500grams

I tried to go back to "clean diet" but there were a few meals where I had to eat with the client(s) and can't really "escape". Went to a client house to do claims and she called me in the afternoon to go over earlier for dinner.. lol..  she cooked bee hoon and bak kut teh and kinda burst my meal plan.. lol.. but I'm blessed by her love. People like her remind me of the real reason why I'm in this job.. hopefully I won't feast too much this weekend coz I didn't lose a lot to party.. hahaha.. I do miss eating clean too..

23rd oct 2018

Weight: 86.8kg

+/-: +500 grams

Gain 500 grams since last weighing.. haiz.. my therapist say I haven't been eating clean based on my food diary.. haiz.. mayb bcoz of the car accident; I've been eating more emotionally..  haiz.. they suggested that I stop and come back after HK if I like to settle my cravings..  Will decide on fri..

26th oct 2018

Weight : 85.1kg

+/-: -1.7kg

Finally touched 85kg! Yeah! So happy.. think the last time I was 85 was after giving birth to joy.. decided to take a break for now bcoz have been doing a lot of emotional eating and it would end up wasting the sessions. Will start again when I come back from hk la.. Hahaha..  looking forward to the 70s!

Jm did this collage for me coz I always ask them for their views in our grp chat.. hahaha..and I can't be more thankful for both of them in my life.. they have been so encouraging in my slimming journey..

12th Nov 2018

Weight: 84.6kg 

Loss/Gain : - 500 grams

Was undecided if I should restart the program becoz I still have a 1 week staycation and another 5d4n cruise coming along.

Came back here and ask the therapists. We did a weighing and I actually lost 500 grams despite the high carbs eating in hk plus the feasting after I came back.

Will do a short short one before I really start back in January la.. I hope I can touch the 70s before end of the yr. Looking forward!

15th Nov

Weight : 83.1kg

+/-: -1.5kg

20th Nov 2018

Weight : 82.7kg

+/-: -400grams

Decided to take a break for now coz the sudden hectic work has been tough on me and my diet. Plus going to bring the kids for their 1 week staycation. 

This is how i look now.. thankful that I've managed to finally see my chin.. hahahaha..and most importantly a healthier me becoz I've been able to eat healthier and the no food after 8pm has been on going, to which I'm thankful. 

Will be taking a break for now before I go back to twice a week in Jan. It actually takes close to 20kg before people realize that I've lost weight.. hahaha... guess my starting point was too high..hahaha.. 

Thankful for all that has happened..

My slimming journey - season 1

When I first started the program, I decided to record down my measurements and my feelings/ struggles. Below is a long lengthy post... I went for twice a week as recommended and for almost 8 weeks before I had to take a break for Rio.

16 Jul 2018 (Day1)

Weight: 100.1kg 

Went for the first session of guasha and cupping. My after thoughts were it's Actually quite relaxing during the session. Almost felt asleep  if not bcoz I had to hold my pee.  Between the two, cupping is a lot nicer..hahahah.. it's like the mask after exfoliation during a facial treatment.

We were also briefed on the meal plans n the kinds of foods we should/shouldn't eat. The consultant did say that it's on a best effort basis so it's not like die die need follow la.. no food after 8pm 🤣🤣🤣 I will try my best la.. Hahaha..

I told S that I feel like my limbs were aching after that; like how I would generally feel after a swim. Hopefully this is a good sign.. Hahaha. .

20th Jul 2018

Weight: 98.3

Feelings : high!

I went for my 2nd session yday. They took my measurements. I lost 1.8 kg and 1% of fat.. I'm quite happy with it..  coz I know if based on my own efforts , losing 1.8kg take a huge effort.. like mayb swim 3 times a week for 2 mths plus conscious eating to see it. The consultant did tell me that I won't expect this at every session la.. and I shouldnt b disappointed when that happens.

Overall, I'm still learning how to stop eating when I'm NOT hungry and not only stop when I'm so super full. I'm enjoying my food still.. but making a conscious effort not to take flavoured drinks and chewing slowly..

24 Jul 2018

Weight: 98.8kg

The weekend feasting make the weight come back again.. weighed today before going for my 3rd session and was sad to realize that all of the weight loss were back 😣also gain back 0.5% fat. Damn

It wasn't easy to diet when I'm with the family. Its hard to say no when the chef has cooked up a storm. Even though I try my best not to overeat but I still end up feeling damn full after each meal.. argh.. 

Mayb I shouldn't b weighing myself so religiously. I rem seeing 98.3 on sat and feeling so super high.. haiz.. must have been too complacent thereafter and ate like no tomorrow.

The thing abt dieting is.. when thou is eating healthily , thou is convinced that healthy food taste nice too.. problem comes when thou takes a bite of sin (aka less healthy food), and realize that it taste heavenly.. 🤣

Will go back to green and white healthy living again. Thou shall not weigh myself til the next session.

Praying that the Lord gives me enough wisdom and discipline to stick to it.

"For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." -Matthew 7:8 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.7.8.NLT

30 Jul 2018

Weight 96.8kg

Feeling: excited

Today is the full 2 weeks weighing. Lost 3.5kg thus far. Super happy with the results though the consultants say I could do more if I can replace with my veggies and fruits. I will try, but all in moderation. Don't want to end up being all emo abt it and go on an eating spree. I still want to enjoy my foods and b happy.

Thankful and may I continue to be discipline in choosing the right foods to eat.

3rd aug 2018

Weight: 95.6kg

Feeling : guilty 

Went for my session yday and I lost 1.2kg fr the last session and 4.7kg thus far. The consultants were delighted. I was happy too. Had 2 rounds of durians this week and was glad that it didn't affect much of the weighing.

But the first emo eating had arrived today. Feeling tired of always choosing between the same various healthy food.. I had yong tau food for lunch and fish soup for dinner. The fish soup was one that I had enjoyed previously but no longer works for me now. I couldn't even finish 70% of it. I was craving for something shiok.. Lol..  like laksa which was just next to it..lol.. but I didn't order. Mayb I should have done that instead. Bcoz if I had done that, i wouldn't have taken a slice of panda cake after cg today and asked Mr choo to make supper after that! 

Yes, this is the first time I had supper since I started the program. The kimchi stew was good.. I've been craving for something spicy for a while and it did fill me up to shiok shiok..lol..i could even fill my stomach expanding a little ..lol.. I need to stop this expansion else all the previous efforts would go to waste..feeling guilty and I hope that when Mon comes I won't cry in regret..lol.. 

God pls help me withstand all these temptations..help me b discipline and choose wisely . . Healthy living thus a healthier me.. 

6 Aug 2018

Weight : 95.9kg

Feeling : sad

Even before coming for today's weighing, I knew I gained weight. I had after all, chosen to eat the normal stuff over the last few days. More than that, I was tired of healthy eating coming to the 4th week. I was also concerned how sustainable this diet plan would b after the whole package ends. I told the consultant my concerns n they assured me that the reason for the huge volatility in my weight was bcoz during the sessions, the body would b more sensitive to the food we eat. But once we stopped the sessions, the body would revert to normal and thus we needn't eat that clean after that.

I cried when she was explaining all these to me. It's tough..this whole slimming thing is tough. 

God , pls give me strength to carry on, and not give up. Not for vanity or anything, I just want a healthier self. In Jesus name I pray, amen

10th aug 2018

Weight 94.9kg

Feeling Okie

After the emo last session, I decided to be more conscious with what I eat. Trying not to expand my stomach by stopping when I'm not hungry. I was glad that I didn't over eat even at the recent bbq that happened 2 days ago. Have lost 5kg thus far and it's not even been a full mth. Thankful for all these and may I continue to be discipline. #healthyliving

16th aug 2018

Weight 93.9kg

Weight lost : 6.4kg

Feeling : thankful

I actually didn't lose any weight today. Was already 93.9 on Monday session. I wasn't surprised cox I had way too much carbs over the last few days and if anything I'm thankful that I didn't gain any today. This is the full 1 mth. I've lost 6.4kg in a mth and 5 cm off my tummy! (Clap clap) really didn't expect it and i really can't feel it. 

If anything, no one has yet to notice a smaller me..lol.. So much so that I always doubt if I really lost so much or did the consultants readjust the scales before it..hahaha.. 

I told joleen today that even if I were to bounce back subsequently the one thing I'm glad that I manage to change is stop eating after 8pm. I used to have late dinners/ suppers but for this whole mth I've managed to keep to this. 

Really enjoy eating healthy and may I stick to it! Of all the salads I've tried, the ones from Salad stop! Remains my personal favourite.

24 aug 2018

Weight : 92.2 kg

Weight lost: 8.1kg

Feeling: thankful 

Lost 1.7kg since last week. As the sessions are coming to an end, the consultants are asking if i would like to get a 2nd package. I had after all witness the results first hand and even though I've lost so much, I am still very much obese. I still have 6 more sessions left and if I want to enjoy the 10% discount, I need to decide by the 4th session. 

To clarify, they didn't push or hard sell la. They just laid down the different options and let me think thru it. I hope I can reach the 80+ kg category soon. I know even though I had "aim" to lose 20 kg by the end of this package, I now know that it's not possible la. I wasn't v strict with sticking to their meal plan anyways but I'm happy with the results so far. Perhaps I should list down the different options and it's respective pros and cons before deciding.

1) sign another package and I can either start right after my rio trip or take a 2 weeks break and start again in oct. Target is to lost another 6-10kg fr it so that I can hit the 70s kg category by the end of it.

2) sign a maintainence package which probably is once every 2 mths.

- objective is to maintain the current weight and probably start exercising again to lose the balance.

3) stop everything completely and see if there's any rebounce or if I can do it on my own efforts. 

If you ask me,  I would prefer option 1. Becoz I know it's tough to do it on my own efforts. The PCOS shit is not in my favour and I want the weight to drop to a comfortable level before I can cruise. Mayb also bcoz this way I would b so used to green eating that even without any monitoring, I would go for salads anytime. I'm also worried that I would go to party eating once I'm left on my own devices. After all, Mr choo' s eating habits are not that healthy either. 

But would I be too reliant if I do 1)? Would it be too much to ask? And should I tell him abt it? I've sounded S out and she isn't too keen to get another package but my starting line is too high. Anyway if I do 1), should I take a break and start in oct ? Coz this way then I can see how the body reacts on its own in the next 2 weeks. I would also be able to eat a bit of the forbidden foods la.. I've been craving for cakes, durian, or ramen! Lol... Still thinking abt it. Will decide after end of next week la.. 

27th aug 2018

Weight: 92.8kg

Feeling : excited

I gain 600 grams since last session. Damn. It must have been the curry fish head and red bean ice cream yday night. Had hoped that I would maintain or lose 100 grams even with the feasting but guess it's not possible. I'm not overly sad or disappointed compared to the last time my weight went up. I had expected it. I still hope to reach the 80s mark before rio although now it will b more challenging. 

Have decided to make the decision after i come back from Rio. In this way, I would be able to see if I could keep the weight off and continue losing with the normal eating. Can't wait for the last session to end..lol.. praying for God's wisdom.and guidance.

30th aug 2018

Weight:91.5kg

Weight lost from last session : 1.3kg

Weight lost thus far: 8.8kg

Feeling: thankful 

Went for my 2nd last session before a 3 weeks break.im looking forward to it. I still wanna touch the 80s mark or at least as close as I could on the last session. Really thankful to the consultants who had helped.me thru these weeks. They are also v excited that im "graduating" soon. Making a list of the foods that I've missed so much.. haha.. but all in moderation. Can eat but rem to stop when I'm not hungry. Don't polish off the plate.

Finally one of my colleague commented yday that I seem to have lost weight..hahaha.. satisfaction.. need to lose more la.. since it's not that obvious.. hahaha 

4th Sep 2018

Weight: 91.6kg

Weight lost/gain : 100 grams

Lost thus far : 8.7kg

Today is the last of my session. I know I've eaten way too much over the weekend coz of the staycation and cellgrp gathering. Tried to eat clean on Mon but guess it wasn't enough. I wasn't disappointed coz I know if we look at things on a whole , I've lost 8.7kg in 7 weeks; stop snacking and stopped late night dinners/ suppers. I'm glad I tried this. Hopefully the 3 weeks break will not make me on a rollercoaster too much.. hahahah.. 

Have alrdy eaten durian twice this week.. and I had satay bee hoon for dinner today.. hahaha.. need to take note of stopping when I'm not hungry and not "brake" only when I'm so freaking full. I need to b in control. God help me to be healthier and let me be in control that I won't go into emotional eating. Thank you God for everything.

My slimming journey (prelude)

Been contemplating if I should post this series of drafts for a while.. Coz this is another part of me that I struggled with for years - obesity. (Scared people will judge me and think im vain; or its really a personal struggle for me etc). And as I look back at the "slimming draft entries", I can only say that God was with me thru the whole journey and It's becoz of Him, that made it all possible.

Anyway this was composed in Jul and I finally mustered the courage to let it see light.

- Written on 15th Jul 2018

I'm writing this down today bcoz tom i will embark on a slimming journey. I've decided to start a slimming package with absolute slimming after much consideration.

Why do i want to do it? Isn't all these gimmicks part of a scam ? Just out to cheat $$ without really providing much value. When I first shared my intentions with uncle pig or my BFFs, all their initial reactions were the same.. to ask me not to do it ; that perhaps we can exercise together or motivate one another thru healthy dieting. 

I did , I went swimming religiously after moving here. I tried to eat healthier; making a conscious effort not to overeat etc.. but the odds were stacked against me. I have PCOS- where one of the side effects were acne; insulin intolerant and weight gain. I was delighted when I shed off my first 10 kg, but after that, the weight just couldn't come down. Even though I convinced myself that as long as i enjoy exercising and eating right, all these will fall in place with time. 2 yrs have passed just like that. And as time passes, it just gets more and more difficult.

But why Absolute slimming?

A few of my ex colleagues have tried it and were all v happy with the results. I didn't rush into it when I first got to know abt this. That was 2 yrs ago. I was sceptical. I know.. weight lost is easy but to keep it off, is harder. And so far, most of them have managed to keep it off.

A recent lunch date with S and she said she's going to check it out. Both of us are chubbies..lol.. big all our lives. And we've tried so many methods before but none could pull it thru. I remember we even went swimming at bishan swimming complex for a few weeks before the enthusiasm died off. 

My bday treat from S on that fateful day.

She checked out the rates etc and decided to start on Mon. The consultant wasn't pushy; gave her the details and let her go. Both of us were surprised. Lol..

Anyway so I was keen but Mr choo wasn't. He was sceptical but he said I would make the final call. I shared with him my struggles and how PCOS tormented me. He said yes. But I was still afraid. Afraid that if this doesn't work out, then I'm really gone.  This is like my last resort. And right now, I just wanna pray to God. 

Dear God, you said that in all things, look to you and you will provide. God, I pray that you guide me thru these 2 mths journey that I will have the discipline to make it happen. That I will be able to have good results for the slimming program. Lord , u know my needs and u understand me more than myself. Lord, I pray that this would b a starter kit, for me to understand my body better , to be able to keep my tongue away from (food) temptations. God , my intention is not to lose till i become skinny skinny, but I just want to become healthier (lose 20 kg maybe) and if it is successful I do want to bring mr choo into it as well. God, I pray that during this time I will also be able to share about you to S too.. That she will come to know more abt u thru me. Lord, if this is in yr way, pls help me. Help me like what u did when I tried my IVF..in Jesus name I pray, amen!

P/s: I checked online abt it and basically it combines tcm etc la.. thus increasing yr metabolism and removing all those toxins.  I hope that I will b able to succeed. I just need a starter kit to remove all those fats that's been with me all my life , and still continue to exercise and eat healthy (maintainence kit) thereafter.  I hope I'm right. God, help me. Give me strength and courage and discipline.

Day 2-4

And the last few days passed by in a flash..if anything, I've been  sleeping at 10ish for the last few nights for which I'm grateful.

Had wanted to do Adventure Cove on Tuesday but the weather was cloudy. So we did plan B - slappy cakes !

They have been asking for it for the longest time but we were hesitant.. coz it's not cheap.. so this is one of the rare treats we gave this week.. 

They had a lot of fun..we spend 2hrs making pancakes there.. lol..

Headed for vivo for movies and took more pictures.. hahaha.. so nice..and free.. so we took a lot..

Grace with her fav princess - Cinderella..  she didn't get to take at Disneyland previously so was super thrilled to find this at toys r us..

And this is my fav characters ... hahahah.. pleasant surprise..

Had to go for the 1-for-1 Starbucks promo..hahaha.. and they were thrilled with their chocolate chip frappe.
#sugar overload

Went to ACW on wed and was blessed with a beautiful weather til 2pm when the park closed due to lightning. Both William and I were glad actually.. coz were feeling exhausted by then after taking so many many rides..

Came back and the car workshop called and say our car is ready (finally!!) And in good timing too.. means that we didn't need lug our luggage to take public when we check out on Fri.. hahaha..  thank God for the blessings..
The girls have been more cooperative for the last few days.. there were less bickering, to which I'm thankful .. going back home tom.. time flies.. hahah

Our staycation begins !

And so the long awaited week long staycation began today, right after a morning appt with a client and crawling back home to meet with the rest. We had lunch at compass one, before mr choo dropped us at the hotel to check-in. He needed to return the replacement car before crawling back.

I was feeling jittery when he left. Coz I always felt incompetent when I'm alone with the girls. It just seems that all things that could go wrong would happen when I'm alone with them. Or mayb they are just more obedient when their dad was around. Shortly after we got our room, the start of bickers happened. In order to keep them occupied, I suggested swimming. Joy prefer to stay in the room and enjoy her quiet time while i brought the twins to swim. Trust me, it's easier this way too..

Scorching weather.. omg.. Vera turned black after the swim..

Showered them and we had snacks. The man is still not back yet.. I kept tracking his GPS coz they were bickering here and there.. Haiz..  mayb this staycation is going to be longer than I thought..

Bought a box of "Joy" after dinner coz this would b our breakfast for tomorrow.. Joy was thrilled with it bcoz of the name. Told her that a box is so expensive.. and she retorted that she s priceless... 🤣

In happier times

WW2 broke out shortly after this pic. Both of us were tired that the girls weren't grateful for what they have etc.. so much so that Mr choo deflated the air bed and started packing. It breaks my heart when they start sobbing hard but if this is the message we need to send across, then let's get it done. Finally ironed out all and all are sleeping now.

Hopefully tomorrow will b easier..  May the Lord be with me and give me wisdom and patience, and may the Lord Grant us good weather for tomorrow.

Giving thanks

I will give thanks to you, Lord , with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. Psalm 9:1 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.9.1.NIV

Started this entry while waiting for my 4th appt of the day..how beautiful God's words are..

The hectic work led to binge eating and craving for sugar.. omg...
Resting on the sofa at home now, ending my day with 5 appts.. it seems a lot but truth b told.. tomorrow I have 7!😲😲😲

Most of them are not revenue generating but bona fide..  updating my clients abt the coming changes affecting them in 2019. It's tiring but I know it's the right thing to do. The clients are appreciative. Praying that I will have the stamina to reach out to all who are affected. Praying for God's wisdom and strength to pull me thru bcoz there is a time constraint.

Life without wheels

The replacement car came yday (FINALLY!!), almost 1 mth since the accident happened. I thought I wouldn't say this but having gone car-less for 4 weeks, I've concluded that we probably need the car much more than I thought.

Though it is still a lot easier to commute by public to office and a  few places, there are also a couple of places where car-less is an issue. E.g. picking up Grace mid day from her childcare for her kkh follow ups or when she had the high fever a few days ago and had to be picked up...we try to take public (not cabs) most of the time and let the kids experience what life is without a car.

The car repairs are still in the midst of it. If we are fortunate, we would be able to see her before 2019.

Nevertheless, this encounter has at least confirm that we are still car-dependent, at least til it expires. I hope it also allow the girls to appreciate the "tiny" car they have, (Coz they were pretty upset when we downgraded to this car) coz it beats having no car. Probably will aim to go car-lite and hopefully we can achieve car-less by the next cycle.

P/s: the replacement car is only for 10 days before we go back to normal. But at least we can finally bring the newspapers to Ikea for recycling; gigi to the vet; return the luggage to my mama and I have a packed working week so the car will come in handy.. thankful!

Looking forward to our staycation with the kids end Nov and our mini moon in Dec!

P1 Orientation

一眨眼今天是小朱们的 P1 orientation. 感觉时间真的过的好快，仿佛昨天我们才和乐萱来参加她的 P1 orientation.  现在的她已经小五了，很早就到学校准备今天的活动。看到今天的她，我很感动，也很感谢学校这些年对她的教育。

Yesterday Grace had a spike in fever at the late afternoon. We decided to bring her to kkh (just to make sure) and Joy took up the task of bringing Vera out for dinner. When we got back, they had already had their dinner, bought breakfast for the next day and even showered. Vera even told me that when they reached the coffeeshop, she suddenly had to poop. Joy had to bring her to the toilet, ask for tissue paper from a stranger (coz they didn't bring) and rushed back to the coffeeshop to jaga the food in case the cleaner kept it away. I was shocked that the small task turned out to be an adventure. Both of them didn't think too much of it, but me the emo mama, couldn't help but be proud of both of them.

Thankful for the many blessings that the Lord has showered upon our family. And may the twins enjoy their next phrase of life as much as their big jiejie.

High tea

We celebrated JM bday last week at my favourite high tea place. A pity that it's the Xmas food edition and it just wasn't as nice as their normal collection.

随着年龄大了，可以很舒服聊天的朋友变得少了。很感谢还有你们俩的陪伴。很开心认识到你们，也很感谢你们常常在我需要advice时，帮我提出建议。

Wishing you a blessed bday and may you always be healthy and happy with yr loved ones !

HK Trip

And we are back..  from the magical land.. this was the last character photo that we took moments before we boarded the airport shuttle.

Did the twins enjoy it? Absolutely! For both William & I, it probably didn't seem that magical after coming here for so many times. It was also a pretty expensive experience to pay for.

The twins said that they wanna come again next yr bcoz since joy has been here twice (But I didn't correct them bcoz correction meant another Disneyland trip)

I was glad that the ratio was 1:1 bcoz they had different goals in mind. Vera wanted to take pictures with all the characters while Grace just wanted to cheong for all the ride. I did 4 roller coaster with her and another 4 iron man with her; not counting the other challenging rides.

Vera with princess Aurora aka sleeping beauty.

Mickey and Minnie was probably the longest queue.

The weather was beautiful and we also managed to take most of the rides in under 20mins of queuing, to which I'm thankful. Overall, the cost of spending in Disneyland is high. We only got some discounted tops which were going at 70% off. The one im wearing cost Only S$10. The normal price clothes were out of my reach.

Having ice cream after their many rides.

I also managed to meet up with my exchange program friend, Iris. We were both exchange students in a foreign land - NL, where she took really good care of me, who was too home sick during the initial weeks of the program. I was really thankful for her bcoz if not, I probably flew back home and had to retake all the papers in sg and miss my graduation.

Managed to spend the last day morning having dim sum and chatting away.

Both our families 

We also managed to take the HK flyer which was going at a great discount! HKD20 for adult and HKD10 for kids.

Vera was so happy to have taken this bcoz she has been nudging me to bring her to the one in sg but it was too expensive in my eyes.

Really glad that we manage to spend time with both of them and it's back to work before William and I go for our mini moon penang cruise. Really looking forward to that too.. Hahaha..  thankful for all the blessings that God has provided.

Dim sum @ 一点心 which was very affordable. Just had to be there early to skip the queue.

Happy day!

Accidentally saw this while heading for my airport appt..  I had forgotten that llao llao is at the airport.. lol.. it's after all my favourite yogurt ! Hahahaha..  I know I will have to get it even though I'm trying to eat healthier..  Hahaha..  it's comfort food.. and it's a lot healthier than eating chocolate cake mah.. hahahaha.. 

I felt like a kid unleash on candyland. Probably bcoz I'm already on holiday mood. The village (minus joy) are going to HK this Sun; their first trip to Disneyland and I get to meet some of my friends whom I haven't met for yrs.

So thankful how this mth turned out. I know I was feeling Emo and unsure since I came back fr rio . And it was indeed a quiet October for almost 3 weeks. But certainly and surely the Lord has plans and not only did He provides , He does it in mega fashion. So grateful for all that He has provided, be it for my work; the protection on Grace and us on the car accident.. so many blessings; so many things to be thankful for.

I pray that more people will get to know my God and how he heals and protects; and how with Him, I have nothing to worry about.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Hebrews 10:36 

Bible verse

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/1pe.5.7.NIV

Just as I needed this verse.. been emotionally eating consciously or unconsciously.. haiz... probably too stressed over the recent happenings.. Will just lean on Him and surrender all to the Lord..

An unforgetttabe experience.

"Pls pray for us coz we juz got into a car accident. Waiting for ambulance.."

That was the msg I send to my cg and joleen minutes after the air bag punched into my face and smell of "fireworks" filled the car.

We were on our way to church when it happened. The last I remember was using mr choo hp and trying to click some credit card promo and the next thing I knew was both air bags were released n joy was crying in pain.

We were the 3rd car in a chain collision. Not too sure what happened as all the Things happened too fast.

We weren't traveling v fast as the right lane was closed for gardening. Hadn't had the chance to go back to see the video.

The paramedics came and attended to us. Joy and I had minor cuts and bruises. Went to SKGH for more assessment and was discharged 4 hrs later. The pain and aftermath shock would probably come later.

Joy is still in shock. After all, this is her first car accident.

Looking at how damaged the car is, I can only thank God for his protection on the 3 of us. There are so many things to be thankful for:
1) twins are at my mum's place at time of incident
2) beside the minor cuts and wounds that Joy and I suffered, we seem otherwise Okie.
3) we didn't wait for a long time at SKGH. In fact, Joy was the only kid at PAED. She said 3 doctors and 2 nurses assessed her. I wasn't with her when we reached the hosp as all 3 of us went to different depts to be taken care of.
4) Joy had 6 stitches on her chin. But that was it. Thankfully not on her face or eyes.
5) all 3 of us were belted. Otherwise she probably would have flung out from the impact.
6) thank God for seat belts and air bag.

God protected us from any major injuries. In fact we could walk over to compass one to get Koi for Joy (hopefully that will relieve her traumatic experience) and took a cab to my mom's place after that.

As much as I shudder to think what s going to happen to the car and the possible huge claims coming up, I need to remind myself that thankfully no one was hurt (major). Not the other car ; nor us. Thank God for his protection and covering. Praying that Joy will be able to sleep tonight.

She still try to smile just so that her grandma won't be worried. Thank God for her maturity.

Bible verse

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/jer.29.11.NIV

This verse came in handy, at a time when I'm trying not to panic in the midst of the drought, to relax and enjoy the serenity. That even though the cases are not coming in, that even when it seems that I have no one else to meet. It is Okie. Coz if this meant the end; that the people I needed to help has all been settled, then Yes, I will accept it. If not, then I too will gladly accept the break, the time to be home for dinners with the family ; to bring the kids out for a slow breakfast before heading to work.. yes, I can enjoy this. After all, everything is in His plans. I will surrender all to Him and take things at His pace.

Goodbye Sept...

It's been 3 weeks since I last came to church. It's good to be back and I can only be thankful that I'm back. After all, there are so many things to be thankful for.

1) Brazil
- the trip turned out to be much better than I expected. Despite the super long flights, the good food definitely helped compensated for it. There wasn't much to see in Brazil actually. The places weren't that safe for us to roam on our own and there really wasn't much to buy besides the havanianas slippers and Melissa shoes. (Yes, those were on super discounts and for someone who's trying to reduce her footwear, I too couldn't resist the temptation and bought a few pairs.. ) But that was it. If anything, it made me even more thankful for the environment we have in sg, where we could go out at nights and come home safely.

At the Selaron steps where there were alot of pickpocketing and we had to stay within our grp.

I did spend A LOT of time with my mama.. probably too much such that towards the end of it, I only wanted to be alone , to recharge. There were many moments where I could see the similarities between my mama , me and Vera that was tormenting me alive. We were the typical "女人" where "anything" actually meant a lot of things. It was really frustrating when the Dowager meant more than what she means and exhuasting to always try guess what she actually wants. I even text mr choo in the midst of the trip, thanking him for having the patience to take care of 3 generations of us! It made me more appreciative of him and also my mama, who seems to have aged. Yes, 我是要对她好一点的。

2) Grace

This was what she looked like, and I'm just praying that her wounds would recover soon. Time will heal everything and I hope there would b no complications.

The girls and their cousins were playing sparkles at my mama house on sat night. And a freak accident happened. Part of the sparkle flinched from Joy' s stick and landed onto Grace chest. The brave girl felt something burning and with her hand, she removed it, in the midst of the darkness. When we switched on the lights, the damage was done. 2nd degree burn on her chest and hand.

My heart crumpled When I saw the wounds. She was a brave Girl, but the pain was unbearable. The spark burnt her dress and onto her tender skin. There were 2 holes. So it has been a hectic week, bringing her to kkh every other day to change the dressing and monitor the recovery. The doctor said that the recovery would probably take weeks / months and it is v.impt to make sure that there is no infection. No more water games; no more outdoor activities.

While we were at kkh 3 days after the accident.

Even though her pain threshold is the highest among the 3, it is still a very painful process.

Both of them waiting at kkh A&E now though her appt should be coming Monday. She went for her friend's bday party this morning and I even reminded both of them to be careful and to stay inside the function room at ALL times. But when I picked them up, her dressing were wet. I checked with my PD and he say it's best to change it NOW. Thus both of them are at kkh while I'm in church with the other 2.

And this is only the first full week. I'm not sure how we can manage the long recovery process. Just need to pray and believe that God is with us and He will protect us.

Of coz, there are still things to be thankful for, despite the accident. It could be a lot worse if the spark / splint had been on other parts of her body. That's why I'm trying to remain calm.and thankful. There are days when I'm calm and steady but there are times when I just wanna kill myself for such accidents.

3) work
- it has been a quiet 2 weeks, so quiet that I kinda regretted going on the trip. The inertia to come back to work is HUGE and any attempts to try to kickstart the engine seems fertile. I can't rem what we talked abt, but I was telling J that despite being here for so many yrs, The ?? Are always there..  "if we are suited for this job ?" ; "what happens if there aren't any cases to close?" ; "can we really be here for long ?"

 Leaning onto the Lord and believing that everything happens in His perfect timing. I will do my best and let Him do the rest. N if the day comes when there's no one else left that need my expertise, then perhaps I shall do something else...

A thankless job

" How much is the mgmt paying for doing this thankless job?" - that was the thought racing thru my mind tonight as I struggled to find the remote control for my tv program.

Ever since he became the village head, the hrs that he spend either on his WhatsApp grp chats or the number of meetings he had to handle..  seriously makes me wonder why don't he just apply a job there instead? N tonight is not one of the scheduled meetings he had pre-booked me for , but he went to attend anyway, since I was at home tonight.

And I'm grumbling now bcoz I can't find my tv remote control and thus can't watch the show that I've been chasing for weeks.. argh.. so spoilt hor.. haiz.. I did text him to ask him where it could b and he suggested a few places but it was not there. Instead, I found the places to be covered with dust and dirt that it's disturbing. Given the small space that we are staying now, I certainly thought it would b easy to find it and I certainly didn't expect the hidden dust/dirt. I might not be hands on abt the housework but I can be pretty OCD abt cleanliness if u know what I mean. If you are free to go for yr CCAs, I would expect you to be done with yr basic tasks/ requirements.. yes I sound like the evil stepmother and he probably is the modern "Cinderella" .

Feeling sulky abt the situation and hopefully I don't spread poison when I see him after he comes back from his meeting. It's coming to 11pm, almost 3 hrs since he left. I hope I will cool down on my own. Of coz the evil thought of just ending the rental lease did come to my mind each time such things happen. Yes, I'm evil. Yes, I'm spoilt. Yes, I know that I should better take control of my own emotions.

Praying for God's wisdom and patience to guide me thru this thunderstorm. Been feeling jittery after I came back from the trip.  Even though it was better than I expected , the working momentum came to a halt and the few appts that I had fixed prior, had mostly been postpone til oct. This is one of the (many) reasons why I don't really like traveling. It brings the work momentum to a full stop and the inertia to kickstart the engine is HUGE.   

Praying for Faith and believing that all things happen in His perfect timing. Yes I can do it, if it is in His plans. Yes, I need to let go and surrender completely. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/rom.12.12.NIV

Me!

Having my last coffee and toast now, before i go for a week of ang moh food again. Had porridge for breakfast and Thai food for lunch , n this is tea break. I will certainly miss my sg food.. for sure.. haiz..

Praying for journey mercy for the trip, that I will have ample rest on the flights (it's a loooooong flight) and that I will be able to spend time fruitfully and purposefully with my mama. I pray that the Lord will guide me in this trip, that I be able to touch the lives of others who I might meet. May God give me the words to encourage them and let them know abt His goodness.

Indeed, it has been a very fruitful mth, for which I'm thankful for. And it can only be bcoz of Him, my God.

- Luke 5:5-6
This was what J send me a few days ago. She said that she thought of me when she read it and I couldn't agree more. There are times when I felt that there weren't any more cases left, or probably I won't be able to hit the special incentives. Coz I felt like Peter, who had cast his nets all night long, but there were nothing. But I wasn't disappointed. I kept continuing, becoz I believe that it was my mission to help people, in their financial planning. It could b via this or it doesn't have to be. The most impt thing is to be able to help them. I just continued doing what was right, and what God would be proud of. And finally, this week , all the cases came. And they came in large amts.. and from people I least expected. The number of cases plus the amts far exceeded both our expectations. And We can only affirm that it's all God's work, not mine.

May whoever that reads this be touched and know of His goodness, amen !

Bible verse

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/ecc.3.11.NIV

Lazy sunday

Feeling all emo and shitty.. probably bcoz the rio trip is coming next sat. . Haiz.. long long flight .. it would have been better if I'm someone who enjoys traveling but sadly I'm not.

Afraid that I will either blast at mr choo or the kids at the slightest thing.. Haiz..  so is the volatile me.. my mind struggles between having a Cadbury chocolate bar and eating healthy..lol... badly need the chocolate to calm me down but I know that aren't a permanent solution. And after that, the calories would stay with me permanently.. sigh. . Something happened at work and I felt incompetent when the client enquire abt an insurance out of my specialization..

Dear God, I pray that u carry me thru this week.. that even though my emotions are struggling, help me battle them.. overcome my demons and may I continue to shine and be a light to others...in Jesus name I pray , amen!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12 NIV

真的长大了

Ever since Mr choo became the village head of our condo, he has been busy with all the night meetings.. haiz.. and tonight is one of those nights when our appts clash. His meeting starts at 7pm while mine starts at 9pm. Plan was to have dinner with the girls then he will run off at 7pm. I will head off at 8plus and hope that he comes back soon.

I offered to push my appt to a later slot so that the girls can zzz first. Joy says to go ahead with my appt and she will do the closing.

I reached home by 10pm and was pleasantly surprised. All 3 of them have zzz with papa choo not in sight. (His meeting over run and he hasn't got back)

Thankful that things went well.  真的长大了。

Bible verse

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord ’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/pro.19.21.NIV

Have seen the client in the morning.. she's v optimistic and determined to put up a fight... she's going to see the doctors on Mon and discuss the course of treatment. I'll b meeting her again, to do the nominations and admins of the existing policies.

Death is inevitable. It happens to everyone and one day my turn will come. As much as I try to remind myself, the feelings of despair kept coming back. I wished I could do more for her and her family. I wished I had been more insistent and convinced her to top up her insurance coverage when she was still able to. I wished I had stopped her from working so hectic when she recovered fr her treatment. I wished I had done more.

Trying not to let things that I can't control affect me too much. It has affected the few appts yday and I'm hoping that I pick myself up before the 230pm appt comes along. I need to b professional abt it. They are still clients who will need my advice and recommendations. I need to stand up. Praying for strength to carry on the rest of the day, praying for wisdom and words to touch the lives of people I meet. God, help me help others. In Jesus name I pray, amen

Feeling emo..

A client whom I'm supposed to meet for review texted me that she has cancer relapse - stage 4 brain cancer. My heart sank. I had just done her CI claims abt 6 yrs ago and since then she has been in the pink of health with the doctors clearing her during the yrly reviews.

I thought we had long send the enemy away. Why and how did it suddenly return? I remember doing 2 Critical illness claims in 2013 - both were women below their 40s. We went thru the chemos together, the claims etc and life went back to normal.. so i thought.

The other client had a relapse last yr - stage 4 also and had gone thru 2 rounds of surgeries. When I saw her last mth, it was as though she was skinny to the bones but she was determined to fight this battle. I hope she wins.

When the msg came saying that this client has a brain cancer relapse, my heart paused. Why did both of them have to suffer from this and again? I'm meeting her tomorrow morning as per arrange and I'm praying that God will grant me the wisdom and right words to touch her and encourage her.

Moments like this make me realize that we wont always be with our loved ones. Seize the day and remember to love and hug our family today as we leave for work etc.

Bible verse

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/zep.3.17.NIV

Bible verses

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. Hebrews 10:35 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/heb.10.35.NIV

Just when I'm feeling perplexed and a lack of confidence from some appts, I went to my bible app and saw this today. So on point and thankful.

My philosophy has always been simple. If i do my best, and in an upright way, then I will surrender the rest to God. Praying for wisdom for the upcoming appts and may I have the abilities to help them to the best of my knowledge..

Sisters

Had to leave home early for a morning appt at wdl and William offered to drop me there before sending Vera for her art class. But when we woke up this morning, Grace was still v much sound asleep with joy. We decided to let them continue their beauty sleep and (hopefully) pray that they won't kill each other before I came home.

My appt over run and I arrange to meet them directly at compass one for lunch. They would have to train there and meet me. After which, I would have to let them head home on their own bcoz I had another appt at 2pm. That was the plan.

When I saw them at the eatery, both look refresh and Grace was super dolled up, wearing her fav clothes, with hair nicely braided.

I asked her how was it, staying with chek chek and she enjoyed it. (It was her/our first time)

 In fact her chek chek even made rosti for her , and they did some reading together. Everything was lovely dovely.  I guess that's why they say " Two's a company and three is a crowd".

Had wanted to head our separate ways after lunch if not bcoz Grace spilt her soup on me and my bag. Had to go home with them to change.

So thankful for Joy, that she stepped up in this last min arrangement. We didn't prepared them beforehand. They only got to know abt it after seeing the handwritten note papa choo left. It's heartwarming to see their sisterly love.

May they continue to love and cherish each other's company even as they grow up.