Random rant / update

 I finally completed my PT sessions yesterday! 🎉🎊🥳 Took almost 6mths to finish 20 sessions; a bit too long but   I had a bit of traveling and a lot of procrastination to blame.. hahaha.. did the PT result in weight loss? Not really. Less than 1kg nia.. lol.. did the PT result in me being fitter? Definitely. I can do my squats and exercises much better compared to 6mths ago. Would I continue another round? Probably not.. coz as much as I see the physical benefits of the sessions, it gave me so much emotional baggage that I either end up emo baking the night before or crazy eat the next day or both. 🤣🤣🤣 but I’ve tried and I should give myself a pat for that. 

Has been so busy this whole week that I didn’t have time to be emo baking. But the date is coming. Flying off on Sunday. Finally packed most of my stuff into the luggages. Uncle pig did most of the work. I was the sulking kid who wanted to put more clothes in but there really isn’t much space.

I’m trying my best to do well emotionally, but some days are especially hard. 

My favourite therapist would often ask us the following questions whenever we have our fears / anxieties.

1. What is the worst that might happen?
2. What is the best that could happen?
3. Given yr wisdom and logical mind, what do u think is the most reasonable outcome out of it?

1. The worst that could happen is I end up snapping at my mom for everything that she does, and complaining to uncle pig while on the trip. The 3d2n alone time in Paris with her is causing me a lot of anxieties as well. Would I end up killing her or perhaps by the first few days, I just wanna be alone and away from her.

2. The best that could happen is both of us enjoy this trip entirely; a solid mother daughter bonding time, where I appreciate her for who and what she has done and vice versa. 

3. Honestly I don’t know. I do hope that traveling w a bunch of fun colleagues mean that it’s not just me and my mom 24/7. I want to honor her, for the sacrifices she’s made for us, the things she’s done so that we could have a better life. I probably should rem this and look at it whenever I feel like snapping. 

Still waiting for my client to arrive. She’s late and it’s pouring outside.Let’s look forward to seeing the beautiful sights in Iceland and happy shopping in Paris. Hopefully I don’t get too lost in Paris and may God protect us on this trip. Journey mercies ❤️

“But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.”

‭‭Jude‬ ‭1‬:‭20‬-‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Emo blues

I’m so exhuasted from winter shopping. Went shopping for a pair of waterproof pants for Iceland. And either the pants are tight or not flattering. 

Was just ranting to my BFFs abt it. Then one of them went to dig out her winter clothes and bringing over this weekend just so that I could borrow if the size fits . So grateful for friends like them. 

Had a cake and some coffee but the calories were totally not worth it. Should have just gotten llao llao.. hahaha

Traveling anxiety

I’m officially in the emo + sleepless state. Started to have flashbacks of eventful crying many yrs ago, when I cried uncontrollably on the way to pick my parents to the airport. I was bringing them on a holiday but without the kids or uncle pig. I cried so hard that my eyes were still swollen when we reached. The twins were less than 2yrs old and grace was still latching to sleep that time. After that incident, it got much easier and I had clearly forgotten how hard it is to leave a baby at home. 

Fast forward and now I’m bringing my mom to Iceland in less than 2 weeks. This time without the baby boy. I know he is in good hands with uncle pig and the girls helping around. But the mums guilt is intense. The anxiety was killing me alive. I know the trip would b nice for my mom, coz it’s our first trip since Covid closed all incentive trips. She’s been looking forward to it. And I know that I should bring her around while she is still healthy and mobile. But post retirement, she has turned to be rather critical of me especially, and I’m not even sure if I can handle her for the entire 9days. I’m hoping the colleagues would provide some form of distraction and I’ll bring a book along to distract myself from her criticisms. 

Work is still pretty quiet but I’m at peace. I know that He is in control. 

Praying that I’ll be able to spend quality time with her on this trip, and maybe share the gospel with her too. Praying for journey mercies and that I’ll be able to sleep well on the trip. 

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.40.1-2.NIV