Breakthrough

 

Going to shelve this ppt tonight coz I finally completed the sharing this morning! 🎉🥳🎊

I’m glad it’s finally over. No matter how badly or great I did. Hahahaha.. 

I know I’m well loved coz some of the colleagues texted me the night before or in the morning and send me their love and wishes.. hahahaha.. 

I even did a zoom trial a couple of days ago with 2 people so that they could give me some feedback. 

I definitely was less anxious  this time round compared to the last few rounds. 

I know this isn’t something that I could do it at the snap of my fingers. Not this topic. lol. But I’m glad that I did it nonetheless. In time to come, I know I can pat myself on my shoulders and say, “At least I’ve tried.” 

Wrote this before the start of the meeting to remind myself that it’s going to be fine! Hahahaha… 

I contemplated asking more people to switch on their cameras but I was also afraid that seeing them over the screen would send more fears to me or if I couldn’t cope managing the engagement. But I’m thankful for those who did. Hahahah.. thank you my lovely angela .. hahaha.. 

Thankful this has come to an end. Thankful that this was a zoom. Hahahah.. if only the lunch was nicer.. oh wells.. 

Overcoming

625am Wondering if I should get up and make myself ready for the 715 gym class. The struggle is real. William asked if I wanna sleep in, which I’m so tempted to. But if I do, my membership goes to waste. Which brings me to the next question. Should I cancel my membership? 

Gym or its classes have never been my thing. But I find classes easier coz as long as I pull thru the 1hr session, I’m done for the day. With my home gym, chances are I’ll just do cycling which sadly that doesn’t target the whole body. And I’m also afraid that once i cancel the membership, I’ll probably give up the home gym option in a couple of weeks max 

The other thing abt the membership is the companionship or people there. It’s a mixed experience. Some people are generally much nicer while others are clickish and judgmental. Mayb my choice of words are too strong. But sometimes I rage when they pass some comments. 

Honestly the reason why I’m doing gym still is bcoz I like the stamina it gives me. Sadly I hadn’t lose any fat / weight. I tend to overcompensate myself after each session and if the main objective is to just lose weight, I’m better off sticking to my cupping sessions. 

The next deduction is coming Monday. I should make a decision before that. Let’s see if I change my mind after the class. 

The truth will set you free

Today I felt free for the first time. I was not pressured by the need to bring the kids out over the weekend, or the need to prove anything. (I know many a times, it’s my mind at work). 

But today, I had the aha moment. That I am who I am. 

Yes there will always be more interesting mamas who does art and craft or baking with their kids, or mamas who bring their kids on outings every weekend or public holiday, or mama who simply provide the best gifts for her kids at bday parties. I’m not any of those. I’m just me. I tire easily when doing outdoors or play dates or just crowded places. I need naps like a baby. And I need my time away from my kids. 

And this is me - uniquely created by God. 

There isn’t a need to feel sorry for not being able to do it all. 

I felt a pat on my back when I finally realised it all. I felt enlightened.

I know it’s not much. And eventually the negative voice in me will start judging me in days to come. But at this moment, I just wanted to celebrate me - the free me. 

The one who allows the kids to watch tv so that she could take a break, the one who doesn’t do much revision w her kids or don’t even remember when their exams are. 

Life is too short to worry abt these. Let’s celebrate life. Celebrate this moment.