10 days & counting

My dear blog,
it's been 10 days... 10 days late... happy but mixed feelings.. didnt dare to be too happy for fear of a bigger disappointment. But it has been 10 days.. seem so angonizing, and long.. but roughly around the 7th day, (after umpteenth times of struggling with myself to buy a kit or not), I've decided to get one if its at least 2 weeks late...Why don't I just get one now? It's only a few dollars ah.. and it could solve all my agonies immediately... well, it could also realise my disappointment immediately. So for that reason, I've decided to wait till 2 weeks ba.. I thought I would be super high, and having those self-thought nauseas especially since it's been so late, but no.. I didnt. I told myself that I will trust God's timing and whatever He directs, I will follow.
This time round, I have peace, and I'm thankful for that. I guess this is call complete surrender ba..really just leave it to Him ah..haha...At least now, I can sleep and not think about it.. while juz a few days ago, I was still in jittering mode, not able to eat, think or zzz.. so for this I'm thankful.
Lord, I also pray that you heal hubz and protect him, guide us thru this round of investigation and I pray that the doctors will have the wisdom to do a proper diagnosis. Lord, we surrender this to you. In Jesus name, I pray
- Amen -

Pre-Adoption Process

Ever since hubz and I have decided to embark on our adoption process, we've also started to tell our friends about it. And so far, the responses have been pretty wide and mixed.. From the " Wow! That's a HUGE step & that's so nice of you guys" to the "Huh? Why don't you guys juz stop at 1?" or the " Huh? Why don't you guys just TRY HARDER?" Excuse me, but if you haven't realise, We've tried hard enough!!! (Haha... sometimes I juz wish i can tell them straight in the face.) 
Anyway, I'm still trying to find a balance ah.. between telling them the truth about our current state, or just say diplomatically "Yup, we will stop at one." A friend recently told me that I should juz tell them that we are stopping at one, coz that will kinda stop the questionnings, which i explained would in fact aggravate the whole bag of questions like " Why do you just stop at one?"; "Wont tat be lonely for Joy?"; "Kids are wonderful, and Joy's such an easy child. I'm sure the 2nd one would be the same" ... blah blah blah... maybe sometimes I juz feel tat we can put a vacuum around our house so tat we'll be invisible, and thus oblivous of all these.. but of coz, i do meet nice pple (Thank God for these wonderful angels!) who understands, whose presences and not questionning comforts us.
But I guess all things happen for a reason, and I feel that God puts us in this situation currently, is because I will be able to share to people, how even in challenge situations, we must always trust God, and have faith. It's just like how because of God, hubz and I came back together after a full circle and I learn how to love, and how to appreciate someone who can complement me, and that we are a perfect jigsaw fit for each other,despite our flaws. And I've shared that with my colleagues, and clients about this mircale that God has created. Maybe right now, God wants me to open the hearts of people who are in the same/similar situation like me, and are having difficulties to either seek help, or trust God.
Dear God, I pray that you use me, in your mighty ways, so that I will be able to touch the hearts of people whom have not known you. They might have received knocks in their lives and forgotten about You, or they might have never learnt about You. Lord, I just pray that I will be able to be a blessing in their lives, that through me, they will know about You, and to learn to trust and have faith in You. Lord, I also pray for patience when I talk to people, that I will love each and everyone of them (even though I'm still juz human)
- Amen -

p/s: This gotten be one of my longest entry..haha..maybe of mixed feelings of period coming soon,  more pregnancy news and also coz hubz soundly asleep and I cant!!! Hahaha... but yes God, I know that you are guiding us in every step! :)

我爱麦当劳！

Just had some happy food for supper! - hot fudge sundae!
Happy happy! Also felt better n will leave all the worrying to Him!


Had a pleasant surprise today coz hubz bought durians for me!! So happy abt it.. Haha.. Guess I'm easily satisfied.. yummy durians... for me!

Also made him a cake for his birthday.. Meant to b a surprise but smart guy forgot to bring his hp n came bk for it n caught us by surprise ! I juz pray tt he likes the cake ..

Simple orange cheese cake that I did for him... haha... but it turned out to be too cheesy for him... the whole chunk is still in my fridge...

A secret..

"人生能有几个十年？ 步入第四个十年的我，心想我的人生还有几个十年？是一个？ 两个？ 还是很多很多？ 这只有上帝知道。因此每一天早上，我很感谢上帝恩赐我在这世上多一天。我很感谢上帝赐予我的一切。我不富裕，但我知足常乐。感谢上帝赐予我一个很爱我，很支持我的太太。 她为了让我专心发展我的业务，她扛起了这个家的重任。＂

不小心从老公的手机看到以上的msg on his note pad,不禁流下眼泪。这四十岁的大叔是那么地疼我啊！even to the extent of playing "words with me" via iPhone juz bcoz I didnt hv many kakis.. It warms my heart to see his subtle thoughtfulness and how even though he doesn't like tat game at all, tried his best to entertain me. 
Lord I'm grateful for this man tat you've provided for me, and joy too.. And I pray tat u protect them n bless them with gd health. In Jesus name I pray 
-amen -

Counting the days

For people with extremely regular circles, it's a mental torture when the period doesn't come on time.. Technically speaking I'm 3 days late.. Can u imagine the torture of counting every now n then? 

I told hubz abt it n his reply was "leave it to God la.." 
Easy for someone to say when he checks it everyday too!! Haha .. So much abt taking it easy.. 
It gets to the extent tat I dream abt it at times!

I guess at times when we want something to happen so much tat we ignore all the tell-tale signs tat it aren't happening n focus on the exact things we want to happen.. My mood swings, pimples r here signaling a negative.. Yet it's not here yet- period.
God, i pray tat u will keep the thought away n let us focus on You alone. (much as I'm so tempted to buy a kit to test, hubz feels tt we shld "take it easy") God I leave it all to u la.. If it comes, it comes.. We trust tat u will plan in the best way possible for us n no amt of worrying will add even an hr of one's life
(Matt 6:27)

Busy week

It's been quite a hectic week even though there was not much wk.. After hubz celebration on tue , we also did a mini cupcake decoration for cell on wed.. The response were quite gd n the kids were all so delighted w it.. 
The colours for the cupcakes were pretty nice too .. Hopefully we get to conduct again! 

Despite the relatively happy news early week, we had arguments also.. He's stressed abt his doc appt coming fri.. N he also feels tat his body is going thru some 'changes' which is adding on the stress.. Lord I juz pray tat u give us strength n wisdom in overcoming this situation.. I pray tat u give us a gd report when fri comes.. Tat u heal him of all ailments. Lord I believe tat u have not forgotten us or forsaken us, tat everything happens bcoz it is in Your plans n what we can do is to do the best we possibly can n leave the rest to U . Lord we entrust this in Yr hands 
-amen- 

Post on 14th mar

Had a pleasant surprise today coz hubz bought durians for me!! So happy abt it.. Haha.. Guess I'm easily satisfied.. 

Also made him a cake for his birthday.. Meant to b a surprise but smart guy forgot to bring his hp n came bk for it n caught us by surprise ! I juz pray tt he likes the cake ..

Will try to load pics of the cake soon

Venus vs Mars

The difference between hubz n me:
He always has a budget for IT gadgets.. With the current IT fair, he has at least suggested a camera, gps, monitor display, pc... So many things but none of which interest me. And when I randomly mentioned abt spending a nite at Raffles hotel to celebrate our wedding anniversary, his reply was "No $$" 
The stark difference in budget allocation between Venus n Mars..maybe God created us this way so tat we can say no to each other's indulgences.. Haha..

Pregnant again?

Pregnant again? With the emergence of FB u come to know the happenings of Yr immediate/secondary circle almost immediately. I'm been plagued with another pregnancy news again.. N she didn't even tell me she was preg when I was telling her abt her fertility issues a few mths ago.. Not tat I wish none of them would b preg but I juz wished tt I didn't know abt it.. Tt mayb I will only know when their kids hold their first bday or eventually when they entered childcare.. Haha.. Much as I'm really happy for them, it reminds me of my barren womb.. 
Anyway this fren was saying how she's addicted to pregnancy, n I was like "huh?" Did I so badly want to b pregnant or I only want a 2nd child, a companion for joy? Much as I enjoyed bf-ing joy, is it gonna mean I'm loving less to my second adopted child? Gasp! Actually it really didn't matter if the child's gonna come fr my womb or not! Wat matters is tt I now believe my heart has the capacity to love another child, irregardless if whether it had come fr me.. 
I guess all these is in God's timing.. N if I had tried adoption a few mths ago I would not own the decision.. But yes I own it now.. Juz like how my r/s w hubz all started.. It's like a full circle! Oh my God, I'm so amazed at how things come together!
Shall started the adoption process once hubz medical stuff r settled. Thank God for His timing.

James 1:21

God u planted a message to me yesterday morning and almost quite immediately, during the evening CG, we are talking about this verse in James. Lord, is that an affirmation from you about the morning message? Is it You who is speaking to me? If yes, can You affirm to me again? Lord, much as I'm sadden by the message, but if it is in Yr way, then I'll follow. Much as I cant comprehend why, I shall follow. If this is in yr way, I wil accept it faithfully.

So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls James 1:21

A little prayer

Hubz juz went to c a doc for a recurring ear prob.. N doc says tat it might b something serious.. Lord I pray to u tat u heal him of all illnesses n tat u smoothen the diagnosis cycle. He will b going to the polyclinic tomorrow to get a referral letter n I pray tt the waiting time to c the specialist will b shorten, tat it will juz b days n not weeks/mths before we eventually c one.. Lord I pray for strength n wisdom to carry us forward in this situAtion.

Our mission on earth

Wats my mission on earth, God? Wat is my purpose in life? Shld I continue wkg here or shld I change to another place ? But if I don't wk here wat else can I do? Something disturbing happen y'day but I shan't say here.. 

Anyway y'day sermon was on mission on earth.. Tat sometimes instead of focusing on wat we wAnt, we shld focus on God's plans for us.. Juz like I Shan't focus on my infertility issues so much tat it totally consume me, n instead focus on God's purpose in me.. Wat does he want me to do on planet earth? Otherwise I will end up super bitter with Him for not granting the things I so badly want (so true right) n feelings of bitterness, disappointment will all be there.. It's also y sometimes we c two similar situations happening with two not so similar outcomes? Then u start to ask God y did u grant them when they ask but not me when I've prayed fervently for so long? You can refer to the bible when Jesus at his last moments prayed for the suffering to b removed fr him, but he also said something " in God's way, if it pleases u" 
Right now mayb He doesn't hv plans to give me another child, maybe He wants me to be a testimony to others in similar situation, maybe he wants us to focus on our wk, on joy.. So we shld juz realign our goals again..