Saying goodbye for my deeply sensitive child

One morning while Vera and I were spending our special one on one, I told Vera excitedly that we have finally found a buyer for the bunk bed. Her heart sank. She was under the impression that the bunk bed was going to her brother’s (which was the initial plan until we realize that his tiny room wasn’t able to fit). Our mistake for not updating her too. I honestly didn’t expect that we would be able to find a buyer so fast. 

Anyway, my deeply sensitive child was feeling super super sad. You could see the deep anguish in her eyes and overall body language. She wasn’t sulking or throwing a tantrum etc. She was just sad and quiet. The me one year ago would probably say “ Can you not be so drama? Just tell me what’s wrong with you etc!!” .. 

This was what I did. I patted her on her back, look at her eye to eye and said the following:

Me: “My dear, I know you are feeling sad over the bunk bed. I know you are EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to it. And farewells are hard. I know. Shall we do a farewell party for the bed? We could take some pictures with it, say a prayer, and do a sleepover together this weekend?”

Vera: she shrugged 

Me: You can think abt the ways we can do the farewell. Just like how we recently held a funeral for yr shoes (too small) and my slippers. 妈妈知道你不舍得离开你的床 but Unfortunately, our new place does not have the space for it.

I gave her a moment to digest. 

She agrees to the sale. (Coz I was prepared to tell William not to do it if she really can’t handle)

By lunch time, she was fine. 

These were photos we took the night before the movers came. I was unfortunately unable to be around due to a late night zoom 🥹 but I’m glad that William and I both acknowledged her feelings. 

When I came back, I ask Joy why she wasn’t in the picture, she 🙄🙄🙄 and said “it’s just a bed Mom”. 

Every child is unique and special. I’m starting to enjoy my time with this special child. 

Fast forward to today, the movers came and over dinner we had a conversation.

Me: “so vera what do u feel now?”

Vera: mummy! My room is so big now!!! I’m so happy! 

I’m so glad that we turned something sad into a teachable and sweet memory for all of us. She has taught me how to be more sensitive towards her feelings and emotions, something all of us used to brush off easily. 

Feeling proud of my progress as a parent. Wouldn’t have been possible if Shu hadn’t given me some pointers on how to relate to deeply sensitive kids. So thankful that our paths crossed 🥰

Me

After my emo rant that day, I decided to go back to exercising. Coz exercise makes one happy. Ditched my parenting duties and went for a Swim that night. No guilt coz I know I need to be mentally well before I can care for my kids. 

And the swim was good. Joash slept easily according to my helper. 

And I finally decided that I should give BFT and me a chance.. hahaha.. after being nudged by my friend a 1000000x times.

Thank you for persuading me to come and insisting that I take the trial after that.. lol.. she just assumed I would and told the staff to do the paperwork when I was still panting after the exercise. 

But it was greatly appreciated. Coz otherwise I will give myself another week of excuses not exercises. Thank you for going the extra mile for me today. We shall see how this goes. Either u get tired of coming to this outlet instead of yr usual outlet or me running out of steam.

JM asked me if this was better over the PT that I took few mths ago. My reply was this: “It’s like how we ask our kids to do 作文 at home vs in sch.. in sch coz everyone does it so they will die die complete.. at home a lot of excuses etc. I’m that kind of student.”

I felt good today. I did something I was uncomfortable. I could have cancelled coz Joash woke up at 5am; or bcoz I wasn’t feeling up to it but I’m glad I didn’t. Little wins. 🤗

Haywire emotions

Been feeling super annoyed and depressed and emo coz the MIL is here. Somehow every time she’s here, my hormones go haywire. I need to have control of my own emotions instead of bursting for legit or stupid reasons. 

A part of me know that whatever she does or believes in, I shouldn’t let her affect me. That’s why I should control my own feelings. But I’m not God. I have a lot of flaws, especially when it comes to managing that side of the family. 

I just can’t forget how biased she is, against the father of my kids and against my kids too. How she used to call my kids “ 哭包” or other names, despite us reminding her that they actually have real names. It frustrates me too, when I see how she dote on Joash now - a classic example of how 重男轻女 the people of her generation is. I’m just thankful she isn’t the primary caregiver or stays with us long term, otherwise it would be so hard to insist on our parenting decisions.

She will be here with us for at least 2 weeks. Coz She needs to go for an eye op and it’s better than she stays with us for this period so that someone could attend to her needs. It frustrates me too, when the other son seems non committal on the whole entire incident! So much for doting on the other son. 😖

Omg 😳.. I know all these feelings I have bottled up, isn’t healthy for my own well being. I know. And I’m not helping William in any way, if I continue to be bitter and angst over it. But It’s so hard. 

My only solution is to pen this so that I reorganise my thoughts before I go home tonight. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.     

− Reinhold Niebuhr

Praying that God carry me in this journey. I honestly don’t feel like going for the gathering tomorrow coz I have no wavelength to make small talk or b understanding. I’m tired. I just wan my personal space back. 

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭42‬:‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.42.11.NIV

Validation

This Video came just at the right time when I was trying to think of how to compose my thoughts.

The comparison is real. I get demoralised whenever I see parents bringing their kids to do this and that, and then I look at my kids who seem to not be doing as much coz their parents (us) hands are always full with things, or simply bcoz I’m easily exhuasted. Uncle pig says we do occasional zoos only bcoz such activity requires too much energy and after that I’ll be so exhuasted. He is not wrong. I wish he was. 

I know I’m not a lousy parent. I just engage my kids differently. I don’t do the Montessori stuff with my kids, or bring them outdoors as often. And sometimes the social media just made comparison much easier to see and harder not feel lousy. 

The irony of it all is I never compare myself for work. Never. 

I need to remind myself to realign my thoughts, and that the dynamics of every family is different. It brings to the next point of validation. Our actions shouldn’t need to be validated by society or social media. Why do I wanna set a bar so high and make myself emo crazy over something like that ? 

I should b contented with the blessings I have in life. That no matter what happens, I do want the best I can give to my kids and the best is enough. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Me & You

To the man who is willing to b a frog, so that I could be his Queen. Happy 17th wedding anniversary! There isn’t much celebration today coz both of us are still exhuasted from the msia trip. I think ever since the girls have gone to primary school, we actually seldom celebrate on the actual day especially if it’s over the weekend. 

回想到当时年轻的我们，我很想和我24岁的我说谢谢。谢谢你勇敢地做这个决定，谢谢你不顾父母的反对也一定要嫁给这位大你十岁的大叔。现在的我们过的生活很简单，很开心。希望能与你一起到老。

Change is uncomfortable

So glad it’s finally over. Hahahaa.. pat pat.. no matter how badly I did, or how uncomfortable it was, I’ve finally done it!

Treated myself to some cakes after the event. Was asked to do a short short (3mins) sharing in front of the whole agency. I died. Lol. Coz public speaking and me not friend. Actually speaking in general is exhuasting for me. 

I seriously can’t find a flattering pic of myself. But oh well, hopefully in weeks to come, I’ll look more and more like the me in the screen and not the one on stage…hahaha

I did wanna give up many many times. Like why did I need to step out of my comfort zone, to do something so challenging. After all, just speaking to my clients on its own is a walk in the park nowadays. But I chose to do this, bcoz I sincerely hope to help the next generation of advisers up their skills, so that they can be more confident in front of their clients. Or to provide support whenever they felt like quitting. 

An adviser that used to be under me many years ago, came to talk to me just now during the lunch. She is happy that I’m taking up a mgmt role, she felt that I’m more than ready and capable to take on this role. And coming from her, I’m so grateful and humbled. I can’t promise that I wouldn’t like the vulnerable/ emo / insecure me self doubt myself but I’ll try to do the best I can to take charge of my whole emotions. After all, this is the growth I had wanted, the change that I wanted to take on. Change is uncomfortable but it is the only thing that is constant. 

Angela gave me this today. So happy to receive this! Hahaha..she’s one person who have grown so much from a small PA to a capable FA and mother of 3. Someone who wears many hats but never gives herself enough credits.. I love you ya.. 

And not forgetting my small small circle of friends who always reassure me whenever I self doubt myself.