Goodbye FB..

- posted on 27th sep 2014

About 2 weeks ago , I deactivated my fb account.  Yes , I did the unthinkable. . Have decided to cut away fr social media after several quarrels with uncle pig. I was pissed that he could reply to the rest of the world on fb and yet forgot abt replying my msgs or calls.. yeah, call it crazy or whatsoever . The missing my calls/msgs were killing me..

I also wanted to cut away fr FB coz I felt that it was taking away too much of my time. It was becoming an addiction , always refreshing my news feed to have the latest update of the happenings of my circle. Shouldn't time be spend on face to face conversations ? Instead even at gatherings , it was always impt to take pics and tag and post.. I'm tired of all these.. juz wanna go back to the Dinosaur age whereby one needs to call/meet in order to know how one is..

P/s: as of today I've been fb - free for a mth plus. . Nv thought it would last that long.. it was quite nice to occasionally check on my frens via uncle pig fb.. but still happy that my acc is close for now..

Weaning #5

Thought i do an update of my weaning process, since the last I tried weaning her off was abt 6 weeks ago.

The first mth was kinda crazy, every night she would wake up at unearthly hrs crying and crying for milk. In order to make sure that she doesnt wake Vera up, I would carry her out to the living room and battle it out with her for at least an hr, usually 2 hrs. On some nights, I would be very confused. Coz a bottle usually would only take 5 mins to knock her out, while a war would usually take 2 hrs.. and it hurts when I see her cry like that..  This lasted for a whole mth, when i almost thought it would last forever.. she started to sleep through (finally!) yeah! time to open the champagne bottle.. =)

Having said that, out of the past 5 days, Grace woke up 3 times this week (before 5am) asking for milk.. I hope this cycle ends. Its better for her and me, if both of us get at least 6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep every night.. haha..Praying for God's strength ..

Joy

她长大了。。今天刚好须要在带她去上芭蕾舞课之前meet一个client..

Happy and grateful that she could juz sit at an adjacent table and have her breakfast and read her book.. although my appt was delayed for quite some time , she didn't complain abt it.. I think it's gd to bring her along at times to let her know tt it aren't tt easy doing mummy's work..

Praying that God give me wisdom to speak to her and open her heart ..

Weaning #4

Did I say that I manage to wean her off my breasts in feb this year ? This was after my Cape Town trip , which was a bittersweet moment coz I had tried a long time to wean her off but each time my heart juz melted and relented.. it was only bcoz of the long trip , thus when I got back, even though she still wanted I said no to her. . I guess it was easier coz I had a 5 days break away fr her.. she was 22 mths then ..

Fast forward to now.. I'm back to weaning her off again. . This time off the bottles coz despite being 27 months alrdy , she is still waking up at least once , if not twice a night for feeds. Vera, on the other hand, has started to sleep thru a mth earlier.  It was a struggle and still is (coz the battle is still ongoing ) bcoz if I give her the bottle she probably go back to sleep within the next 5- 10 mins. It took me 2 hrs to convince her to zzz back without a milk feed, and an hr last night.. I'm praying that today will be a complete sleep thru ..

It probably is a gd time to wean her off. . Honestly I think it's kinda overdue .. besides a fren who's child only zz thru at 3 yr old , Grace is probably the oldest "newborn" waking up every 3 hr... I was telling a client abt my situation and she too felt tt Grace is over age .. haha..

Praying for God ' s strength as I battle on for the next few days. . Praying that Grace sleep thru  coz both of us really need uninterrupted sleep , I guess. .

One of those emo days

Have you ever had days when u wondered why things doesn't seem to be working out for u ? Today is one of those days.. I had a couple of appts and all ended up with a NO .. Some of the appts were a Not yet while one of it was NO..

I'm sad not becoz I failed to close the case and earn my comms. . Of coz I will be worried in that context but today I'm worried coz I failed to convince the client who is a sole breadwinner to get even a term policy to insure himself in the event he meets any mishaps.. I'm disappointed with myself coz he has 2 v young kids.. I wondered if it was bcoz I had not tried hard enough , mayb coz I wasn't desperate enough , mayb I wasn't pushy enough.. Mayb today I was defeated even before he said no.. A lot of maybes.. One of the times when I'm not sure if letting him have his way was the right thing for him .. what if things didn't happened as planned ?

One of those days whereby I felt that I failed as a consultant to help others .. One of those days when I can only pray and rely on God that He knows best for everyone .. and that I tried my best , my very best to do what I felt right for my clients .. that is my philosophy fr day one.. to be a financial adviser to help others. .

God , I know You place me here for a purpose .. I pray that You give me the wisdom and words to speak to my clients and the people I meet . I pray that You help me guide them, I pray also that You guard my heart , that it remain truthful and committed in serving You. I pray that You guide me in all ways Lord,  in Jesus name I pray , amen !

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
- Psalms 139 23-24

On the lesson of telling lies

Ever since joy entered primary 1 , I've caught her telling lies on 3 separate occasions . It was hard breaking when it happened the 1st time , and it was over something very trivial.. We went thru the scoldings and canings too and still the lying didn't stop ..

Today was the 3rd time it happened and it was a back to back lying incident. . I saw her using a different 2B pencil compared to the ones we bought and upon asking her , she said that it was a gift fr a fren.. Further investigation found out that it was something she picked up at her sch " Lost & Found " section .. next I found a packet of sweets in her bag and this same packet actually belonged to a friend of mine who came over last week.. when I asked her who gave her the sweets , she say her friend again. . This time I totally lost it. . Both of us totally lost it. .

I was devastated , by how well she can tell lies one after another. . She was in a break out saying that she no longer loves me , wanna leave this place , blah blah blah. . It's heart wreaking when this comes from my firstborn , the one I pride myself as giving the most attention to in her first 5 years and even till now.. The one I pride myself as always being there for her everything , the one I pride myself never to even use iPhone or its kind for any kind of parenting. .

Coming fr my own background where caning is always the only solution , I know that i can't use the same approach any more . I'm learning yet whenever I seem to have advanced 2 steps ahead , an incident like this always sets me back to ground zero. Who is this girl that I thought I know?

Praying that God give me the wisdom and a lot of patience to guide the girls. .

Grace first hospital stay

Juz last week grace was admitted to hospital for the first time. . To be honest , having been parents for 7 years , we are so blessed that this is our 1st time staying in the hospital.. haha.. something that I'm so grateful for..

It was a gd learning experience for me and uncle pig and we were also so grateful Joy, who showed such maturity in taking care of her younger sisters - Vera who is at home and playing with grace when she came to visit her.. 

Anyway I'm thankful that it was nothing serious. I'm thankful that God was with us throughout the journey and that by the end of this entry , Grace has recovered and is back to sch. . God is so good , all the time. .

P/s: I'm using a new app to blog recently. . Thanks to jm who showed me.. haha.. blogging is much easier now and I hope I can blog more often ! Thanks jm !

My birthday celebration 2014

Had wanted to compose this earlier but bcoz grace was hospitalised almost immediately after my bday, I didn't had the time to blog abt it..

I didn't expect much this year coz we had agreed to a no frills bday celebration a few years ago.. Honestly when one reach the 30s, what's most impt is a companion for life, rather than the material things in the world.. nevertheless I was caught by surprise when he planned a bday surprise , tog with my colleagues. .

We were shopping in the morning at raffles city before leaving for our lunch venue. . I was on blindfold ! Yes, to the lunch place .. yes , and the cute couple shirt? He made me wear it that morning. . Lol.. its nice to c him fuss over me on my special day.. thanking God for giving him and the children to me.. and the wonderful colleagues who took time to come..

Till death do us part ?

10th Jul 2014
A recent lunch date with a close friend revealed that her marriage was having some issues. She had initially hesitated not to let me know coz knowing that I'm an emo - kia,  she feels that I won't be able to cope with it. How true is that . I find it astonishing , not to mention the fact that I had always find her to be a capable wife handling the household , the kids and also her work. It seems to be a happy family ever after kind of thing ..

Maybe there aren't any more happily ever after kind of stories anymore .. maybe infidelity is more common than cancer nowadays.  It seems that it's rarer for spouse to remain truthful and committed to each other tat my fren started to think of reasons why her hubby strayed , the blaming of oneself started. . but one thing was certain - she was calmer and rational than me. Given my personality , I probably will go to the workplace and make a scene.. but she didn't. . She gave the hubby 2 choices. . That they continue to be "Co - partners " in the family, to bring up the kids and separate 20 yrs later. He could continue his activities outside and she wont meddle with it...Or if he wants , they could divorce now..
When she told me all these I was pretty shocked that she could rationalise and think as a businessman. I was sad for her but maybe coz this is not my first divorce story that I've heard , I was calmer too.. though still deeply affected. 

Is fidelity extinct nowadays ? What happened to the marriage vows we took on D - day? For better or worse , till death do us part? I checked the statistics online and based on 2012, the no of divorces were abt 25% of the marriages in that year. . That seems to be quite low considering the stats ard my circle..

I was perturbed and even had a fever when I got back ! Well, praying for all married couples to guard their marriages like a hawk and to always always not take the union for granted. .

My Blog..

Recently a client of me asked for my blog address coz she knows of a Christian friend who is exploring IVF and would like to know more about it.. I was very happy to hear that.. that I would be able to share my experiences with someone else.. but just as I was trying to text my blog address to her, only did I realise that I have not visited this site for soooooo long that I have problems recalling the html... haha... oops!

Anyway, also bcoz of this, I did a search entry of my IVF posts and stumbled upon my struggles back then.. God has been so gracious and kind... He has protected me throughout my IVF Journey, and becoz I am only human, we tend to forget this when the struggles become not so struggling... I was unable to control my tears when I re-read the posts in the office.. thankfully no one saw it... :p

Well, I just wanna do a prayer to those who are trying at this moment in time..

Dear Lord,
I pray that You bless the womb of these couples, as it is their intention to multiply. Lord Jesus, nothing is impossible in Yr Name, if it is in Yr Plans. Lord Jesus, I pray that You comfort these people, as they try, months after months; some even longer.. Lord, the journey seems so long and difficult and harsh, but if You are there with us, then it seems so do-able.. so Lord Jesus, I pray that you carry our burdens and blow life into their wombs... May they be able to see light at the tunnels soon. . . in Jesus name I pray, amen...

lena is feeling emo and sad..

Yes, I'm going on another trip again.. and alone without the village.. The days that lead to the final D - day were erectic and cranky .. somehow uncle pig could fill the vibes and all he did was being tolerant and tolerant.. 

I'm truly blessed to have him .. He really made the best of me, and if he didn't , he will cover my flaws such tt no one will know.. aw...

I'm going to Cape Town with my colleagues , bringing along my parents as well.. had wanted to encash the tickets if not for the fact that my parents were extremely keen in South Africa .. and I thought since they were still fit and healthy and if it's within my means, shld bring them travel whenever I can .. 

Having said tt , I still cried.. and cried hard did I when I made grace zzz tonight.. she was being extremely sweet today when she kept pointing to my eyes and say "eyes" and saying "high 5" with her raised palm.. miraculously all 3 girls zz before 9 pm and uncle pig was able to send me to the airport.. and here I am composing this post while making my way there..

Dear God, I pray that You protect this household while I'm not ard. . I pray that You grant me a good trip there with my parents too.. and thay the girls be obedient and cooperative while I'm not around.. God I'm thankful for all the blessings you have given me and I pray that You protect me thru this trip.. its been more then 10 yrs since I flew to somewhere so far away fr uncle pig for so long.. The last was NL.. and that was before knowing you God.. In Jesus name I pray, amen! 

Precious Sundays

Lazing in the car coz Vera is asleep and we are supposed to be attending a baby shower of his relatives. . 
I took the excuse to be the "car attendant " coz I was simply tired of socialising his relatives for the entire month of cny. They have reached my threshold for the year and any excuse to avoid is greatly appreciated. 
Our relatives gatherings are kinda different. I only see most of my relatives on cny/funerals/weddings while for him,  before I came into his world, his relatives parties/gatherings can average abt twice a mth! Yes, u can say they are quite closely knitted. But not really actually. . Which is the part tt I don't understand. . Why do people hang out together simply bcoz they are distantly related? For me, my weekends are v precious and shld strictly be spend on people worth spending on. No time (strictly) shld be spend on socialising with people that aren't impt at all..

Yes I'm emotional. .yes I'm pissed.. its true when they say when u marry him, u marry the entire kampung!  So yes, this is just a ranting post.. and much as I don't like, I hv to tolerate tt the way Cantonese greet their granny and mama sounds the same..it gets confusing and I'm jus pissed..
Argh. . Shall stop for now else I don't think I can breathe. . 

P/s: just change my hp recently and wanna test if it's easier to blog via this too..