Reflections 2011

Woke up at 5am today and simply can't fall asleep.. And since I can't zz, I thought I might as well do some reflections as this yr comes to a close. 

2011 has been an exciting year for me. It has seen many highs and lows of my life. The highs: 
1) Adoption
- in 2011, I became open to the idea of adoption, something tat I don't tink I would b comfortable in previously. 

2) embarking on my IVF
- in July, at the spur of the moment, I suggested to do IVF to uncle pig. It seem a daunting task even at the start of it. The struggles and pains of it, with no certainties of any results.  
- I often compared TTC to taking exams in school. Being a hardworking student in the past, I always try my best and do ok-well in my grades. But it seems tt nothing of all those prepared me for this route. It didn't mean tat getting married earlier equates to more children or starting early = easy conception. No! I realise tat even though back in sch, I could have a direct control on my grades, I couldn't control the results of my TTC journey. It's not as if I put in an ounce of hard work, I will know with certainty tat I will see the results. I had to complete surrender it to Him - something I learn hard this year. Complete surrender to the Lord. It's hard and really easier said than done. But looking back, I know I wouldn't have made it without God. Everything could have gone wrong, but it didn't. In fact , the process was smoother than we could ever imagine. 

3) Joy
- She has been more than a helper than a child, especially since we embarked on our IVF journey. I seriously believe tat God sent her here to take care of me and to love me. She has always been an easy baby since birth, and now as a 4-yr old, she takes care of me, reminds me to take my supplements, wear my shoes for me and many many things.. She's more like a sister to me, than my daughter. Many friends have asked if she would be jealous with the arrival of the twins or if we have prepared the "gift" for her (telling her its from the twins).. My response was no, we didnt need to get such gifts. Coz she's ever so looking forward to it, praying now for the safe arrival of the twins and eagerly sharing this news with her friends! Indeed I am blessed to have her. God I thank You for sending her to me, and I pray tat she continue to grow under Yr wings, to know more abt You and also share her love with others. 

The Lows: 
1) Not working as hard as I would like to
- looking back, I didn't work much for this year. I would want to do more next year, and it's because I really enjoy my work. Yes, in fact I do . ( surprisingly ) It gives me confidence and control and satisfaction when the client appreciates yr planning. It is the ONE thing tat I know how to do and to do it well. God, I pray tat You help me in my work, help me help these people, and bless me with the people who needs me. Help me provide for my family as more expenses will be coming next year. God, You know our finances, and I know tat all these are provided by You. I pray that You continue to see us thru, help us pay our bills and most importantly , help us be a light to others so tat they too can know abt You.

2) Closing the bakery
In a few days time, we will be closing the bakery. Right now, we are in the midst of packing the equipment and throwing away all those tat we can't bring back. It's a pity tat he has to give up this biz. It's a pity tat even though our original plan was to continue baking back home, looking at his current arrangements, this too has been shelved due to lack of space at home. I'm still hoping for a miracle tat someone comes in a shining amour and take over the existing lease. We have 3 more days. =)

It's been 3 hrs since I'm awake and the zz monster is here again.. Shall stop here for now