Really wanted to report sick and cancel the trip. But William nudged me not to; so did Angela. 

I’m so thankful for the many angels around me; people who know me so well, people who will guard and protect me. It’s as if they know my emo is acting up again, and thus they send well meaning messages, just to check on things.

I wrote a post about Joleen today and text her to thank her for being her in my life. I think I gave her a shock more than a surprise. She asked if everything’s Okie etc. it send a chuckle into my heart and how fortunate I am, to have the love showered upon me by so many people. 

I’m still the emo me. But the me now wants to use whatever I can, to inspire and touch the lives of the people around me, to impact their lives and create a more meaningful purpose. 

所以我还是去了。

What a month!

INTENSE is the word for my last four weeks.

I’m so thankful that I’m in a better place now. 

A client was upset with me (still is), and I’ve let go of it. 我没有错。我也解释了。It’s a long relationship, and he’s been with me for many years. So I’m sad about how things have turned out, but I’ve come to peace with how it is.

Ever since I did the Gallup strengths assessment, I’ve been more aware of my values and strengths; and how it torment me when certain values aren’t aligned with my core beliefs. 

The previous me will just 转牛角尖 & 想不通。

But now I could identify what’s the conflict etc, and why it’s tormenting me, and what are the things I can/cannot control. 

Another thing happened at work, but that has been resolved too. (Finally)

But that did cause a lot more tension in my little world, as I battled my own big emotions.. hahahaha.. 

I guess this is growth. This is the part of me that is still learning. 

I wanted to tender, cause I felt that the values weren’t aligned. 

I’ve always been someone who voices out as long as I don’t agree with things. And I did. Not because the event happened in my garden. It didn’t concern me directly or indirectly. But I still did it anyway. Cause CONSISTENCY is one of my top 5 strengths.. lol.. and I’m the kind if it’s not consistent, then sorry I can’t work with you anymore. 

I can’t. I just can’t. And that tormented me for days. Cause I didn’t have a plan B. 

Am I really going to sell my house and change our living standards just coz I can’t close two eyes? 

The torment and conflict 🤣🤣🤣

William says the family is willing to, cause there is no purpose in anything if I’m not happy. But even if we do that, what am I going to do in life? What skills do I have out of this?

Did a lot of soul searching and deep thinking during the last few weeks.

I had a huge ironing session - to clarify many things.   

Glad that I had a good talk with him. It repaired our relationship and also clarified many misunderstandings. All the “he say I say things”, and how we all have the same values of wanting to make the company a better place, but because of our roles, our priorities can be different. 

William and Leonard says I’ll drown in corporate life. 

I think I already did. 

This is me attending an event last week with new friends met this year. 

Happy and thankful that I stepped out of my tiny bubble, and didn’t let fear stop me from enjoying the learning. Thankful for the new friendship forged too.

 我不开心🫣

A dear cousin passed away last night and I went to her wake last night. 

I used to be very close to her - coz she was a big sister that I admired. Played the piano very well, had good grades and she was very kind. 

As we grew up, we drifted. And even when she was going thru her chemotherapy few years ago, I didn’t reach out. I didn’t know how to. 

“Are you feeling okay/better/alright?”

All these sound so redundant and extra. It adds additional stress to the person who’s trying to get well. So I never contacted her directly. I do get updates from my mom who sees them pretty regularly. Even when my mom told me that her days are numbered, I struggled if I should text her. What would I say? I went anyway, after Joleen and Jael encouraged me to. And they didn’t want me to live with regrets. I’m glad that they did. Else I’ll probably feel a lot worse than now. 

I remember getting her flowers that day. She was very energetic when I went. She talked abt her pains, her course treatment etc. i remember leaving the house, thinking that my mama had exaggerated her condition. (But I was glad she did). 

I guess that day has been one of her better days. I hope she’s in a better place now, away from all the suffering and pain. 

There’s a lot of emotions going on for me and I don’t necessarily know how to express and identify each of them. 

“How does one pour out from an empty cup?”

“What’s my purpose in life?” 

“Can I take a break from living?”

“Can I take a break from wearing the many hats?”

A thankful heart

The birthday came and left. My heart is filled with gratitude for all the love and messages received. 

Birthdays hold a different meaning especially as I grow older.

When I was in my 20s or younger, birthdays meant big celebrations; loud parties 🥳. My goals then was to just earn as much as I can, so that I can prove to my parents that this career was right. 

When I was in my 30s, I just wanted more TIME for my family. The balance between being there for the kids vs having a decent career was what drives me. 

Now that I’m in my 40s, I just wanna bask in the current moment - to enjoy what’s on my plate, my friends, my health and my time now. 

When I read some of the msgs written by my kids @ work yesterday, my heart is filled with gratitude. Almost wanted to cry 🤣🤣🤣 让我又爱又烦的小朋友。

Thankful for the opportunity to lead, to inspire, to support them, to see each of them grow in their baby steps. And that fulfils me. 

With a grateful heart and a tummy full of yummy cakes! Thank you God!

Small victories!

Just wanna record a fulfilling day for me. 

Finally launched my first e-book online! Although there was quite a few hiccups here and there, I’m glad that I managed to pull it thru! Like how I spended more time than I expected in drafting the book, doing up the web link and then friends say they didn’t receive the copy. Somehow the web link had some glitches! And I couldn’t resolve it coz by then I had a team lunch with my work kids followed by our team bonding event. 

I’m happy that they enjoyed the event. Everyone who came managed to know each other a little better I guess. 

I was the only one who went on to fix a work appt in office! Kinda regret my decision.. lol.. coz I was so sweaty and smelly by the time the team building. . 

Thankfully the clients came on time and I even managed to close an unexpected case from that appt! Praise the Lord!! 

Thankful for a great Thursday! My heart is full. 

If anyone would like to download my e-book, here’s the link too: https://mailchi.mp/lenafinancemama/first-finance-book

I struggled to think if I should post this - be it on my LinkedIn or here. But this is my safe space. So here it is. 

一分耕耘 一分收获

Behind the glamour and recognition, there are so many people quietly supporting me to where I am. The hubby who took full shift of the kids just so that I could work without guilt and fear. The colleagues who cheered for me and pulled me along when I doubted myself. My cheerleaders who simply listened and cheered as I fought my way thru. 

My goal this year is TOT. Not COT. So yes I’m behind schedule. Hahaha.. I know. 

Why did I wanna do such a crazy goal?

Cause I believe actions speak louder than words. Because I feel that this is my way of showing my kids@work that everything is possible, as long as they try. 

If God is willing, I’ll do my best and trust that He will do the rest.

2 rounds done, 4 more to go! Let’s go! 🎉

A day as a finance mama

I saw my young adviser run towards the office glass door. I  was shocked. After all she had text me earlier to say she might be late. (I’m still trying to accept late comings.)

As I start my training, I still see the beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. 

Have I pushed them too hard? Did I drive fear so much that she ran in just so that she wouldn’t be late?

My CEO says today’s times are different from my era. I should learn not to be that difficult. Maybe he’s right. I should be thankful that people still bothered to come. 

Anyway I’m thankful that she has a great attitude towards training, learning and everything. I’m quite flattered by the way. 

I’m learning too. Just like flying a kite. When to let loose and when to hold tight. 

May God give me the wisdom and patience as I teach these young kids.