Exams week

It’s the exams week for the twins and it only dawned on me after allowing them to watch Running Man, during the Sunday afternoon (which I kena a huge scolding from joy). I should have given them another practice paper to do (said the teenager) so that she could mark it before their science paper on Wednesday. I appreciate her help, even though she herself is trying to study for her O levels. And this is for science. 

I was the supposedly Math tutor, but the busy me had forgotten that exams was round the corner and didnt have time to go thru any exam papers. Thus the mad rush on Mon and Tues - trying to drill and practice any topics that they might be weak at. 

I’m guilt tripping myself. I know. I hate the me now too. I wished I had 48hrs, so that I could do my work, take care of my babies, tutor my kids and bring them out for fun activities. My personal work schedule was crazy for the last 2-3 weeks. I had abt 15 appts / week, which was the norm last time. But bcoz of the additional work commitment, it meant that my weeks have become shorter as there are more meetings that I need to attend. And the last thing I want is for my clients to give me a pass, just bcoz I have 4 kids or my babies to say “my mgmr has no time for me bcoz she’s running her own personal sales etc”.. I don’t like to receive such discounts. I chose the portfolios and I need to be able to manage it as if I’m just holding this portfolio only. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to any of my stakeholders just bcoz I choose to take on multiple roles. Mayb it’s just me. Mayb I’m being too hard on myself. But my stance has always been to try my very best, and not to give myself excuses. 要做就要做到最好，不然就不做。

Need to have better control of my time, to set time aside for each portfolio, and not wait til it becomes amber / red before we come fire fight. I don’t like not doing my best. I believe that if I try my best and still fail, at least 我对得起自己。And it can become an inspiring story for my kids and my babies too. It can be a win win scenario for all. What I hope the kids learn is to persevere even if the going seems tough; even if what we are doing seems irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. This is grit. Just like how I used to dread doing Math w Vera, it has now become our weekly bonding time. We have come a long way and I’m thankful that things turn out well, even though there are still tough moments. It’s the overcoming challenges despite how difficult it seems, that makes it all the more sweeter.

This week the kids take centre stage. This week we try to conquer the exams. Next week we go back to normal revisions, and cover topics that mama fail to go thru before exams. It’s fine. Studying is for knowledge, not just pass the EOYs. And may you bring this wisdom along with you as u grow. May you try to explore different areas even though you might not be good at initially. 

“At the start you don’t need to be good. To be good, you need to start”