Week 9 Update

The last 2 weeks had been rough.. I had wanted to update earlier but I thought I wait til I'm less emo / blue before I do a check in.. and I guess it didn't happen. And so this is gonna b probably one of the more emo post.. 

I thought I could overcome the nauseaness by arranging more appts.. I had a total of 40 appts (zoom and f2f) over the last 2 weeks. N by the end of it, I was exhausted. Burnt out. I wanted to cry. I didnt know what I was doing. Why was I so hard on myself. Why don't I enjoy this pregnancy more and spend some time with the 3 girls instead of gorging on work!? I was either on the work desk, or resting on my bed in between breaks. I told J that I'm going to stop work for now. Stop fixing any more new appts. I told my boss that Im going to focus on just being a mama next yr as well.. though Angela says that she highly doubt so..🤣

I was thankful that it is finally November. My coming week is more relaxed, with some causal outings as well.

Besides the work burnt out, I was emo emo too.. there was once when I honestly resented being pregnant. It felt like when I was pregnant with joy. Happy yet disappointed. Blessed yet wished otherwise. I felt sad. Sometimes the emotions become so overwhelming that I cry alone at night. Coz I didnt want to appear being a wimp in front of william or the girls. There was only a task that was required of me. Rest and be well. And even that, seems so tough these days. 

I am reminded that I need God in my life, no matter how tired I am coz He is my strength and refuge. And I shall put my eyes on Him, as He path His ways til the end. 

In lighter news, 

I saw this on Joy hp today. This was probably in 2009 when we brought her to Tokyo Disney land. Omg. I was so fat! I always thought that its the IVF / twins pregnancy that made me ballooned but here, I was already a 🎈.. omg.. and yes, the fear of it happening again is real. I told William that probably we will forget the me now bcoz if we skip the 2019-2020 part, my size would remain a consistent upward trend. 

Where did the cute Joy go! 🤣🤣🤣 She's more like a sister now than a daughter. I honestly pray that #4 will b more like Joy and to be honest, am a little afraid if #4 takes after V*** 🙊🙊🙊

I do find this pregnancy very similar to my first pregnancy. The nausea; emos; tiredness etc.. I hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. praying that the nauseaness will flee soon! Like pls..real soon