Living my life as a fugitive Part 1

About a mth ago, I started to nurse Grace every morning, esp after Vera decided tt her nursing days are over. Maybe because of this, maybe because she has also started to recognize people , Grace has started to b more attached to me. Then started the nights when she will cry n cry, refusing to let daddy do the closing and I had to rush in to "rescue " .

That kinda started my closing days with Grace , about a mth ago. Initially because I was always st home for most nights, plus with our Penang intensive care, she started to wait. Yes, wait for mummy to come back to close her. Honestly it felt shiok to feel wanted, esp when I seldom spend time w them in the day. I even told my colleagues tt I was kinda happy deep down. But as the days passed, something need to be done, to change this. Not bcoz I'm tired of closing her, but bcoz I won't b home for most nights n I can't bear to her waiting for me , crossing her bedtime.

So today, after showering Joy, I " disappeared" into Joy's room, so tt daddy can do the closing. Despite hearing her cries and knowing exactly wat she wanted, I juz hide myself . It was a terrible feeling but it took shorter than I expected for her to zz, which was a great relief.

But after zz for abt an hour, she started to fuss again. Maybe cause she could hear my voice. Maybe she could sense me looking at her in her sleep . I had to secretly go out to get water, to go to the toilet n also hid in the room so that I don't give her the wrong signals again - living like a fugitive .

I really wanted to juz go to her n tske her from uncle pig, so tt I can settled her easily n we all could zz. But what happens if I do tt?? She might wake up again Tom , hoping tt mummy s around . Yes, even though I might b able to remedy the situation today , then wat abt Tom or the day after ? There was no easy way out. The separation was Antagonizing n painful. It also reminded me abt Joy s days when she would wait til 10-11 plus late at nights no matter how tired she was, even though I didn't nurse her bk then. She eventually stopped waiting after entering childcare coz it was really too tiring for her.. Haha..
I do hope tt my fugitive days would b over soon..