First love

The firstborn made this for me this morning. She made a portion for herself too but hers was with scrambled eggs while mine s with sunny side up as that's my preferred way of eating eggs with toast..haha.. 

Brimming with happiness and took a couple of bites before I remembered to take a picture of it..lol.. feel So grateful that she has picked up cooking as one of her favourite past time, bcoz she (I) will never go hungry if she knows how to cook .. haha.. 

It's one of the must learn skills that kids ought to know.. Haha.. as I was telling J & Jm today in office..  bcoz I didn't know how to cook, so I always had to depend on others to feed me..hahahaha.. 

Hopefully the twins get to learn fr their big sista soon! 

P/s: this is toast with smoked salmon and sunny side .. tasty!

Staycation

Brought the girls for a staycation for the last few days coz they have been asking to come for the longest time. To them, coming to this beach/pool is the best time of their lives.

To me, this place always reminds me of the special needs girl I saw while heavily pregnant with the twins. How is she now? How are her and her family coping thus far? Would i be able to see (and recognise) her again?


She would be in her 30s now and I hope that i would be able to see her again. Back then, one of the twins were detected to have a much higher probability of being a special needs child and bumping into her just made me feel v encouraged. That no matter what, God will make things right.

In a flick, the twins are now 6 yrs old. I'm no longer carrying them. They are big and manageable now though there are times that I feel like pulling my hair.

The problems I used to think is a prob no longer seems to be an issue anymore. I used to b stressed out when I'm alone with them but for the past 2 mornings , I've managed to bring them for the morning swims on my own! Yeah! I feel so competent.. hahaha..  even though I know I'm still lacking in many instances..

I've been able to love them more even though they have (many) challenging moments; flare up not as much and be contented with what God has planned out. Thankful for these 3 princesses and the privilege of being their mama. Thank you God !

Happy 12!

The hubby and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary a few days ago. If a decade was meant to b significant in the modern society , then perhaps 12 yrs means the same in the Chinese way..lol.. like a full circle , covering all the animal zodiac. Just kidding..

If one would see my past and how my childhood shaped me, I certainly won't be expected to get married and with 3 kids ! Even my mama was surprised that I got married so young and went on to have so many kids. And all of this, is only possible bcoz of God. I grew up in a family where my dad always had many other women. His wife , aka my my mom was always v unhappy abt the marriage and how she was "tied" to the family bcoz she was a homemaker and had no means in supporting her kids etc. I rem my bro and I had to be the mediators for their quarrels during our teenage yrs. I also rem being my mom's listening ear and how she always empathise that it's impt to earn my own $, so that I didn't need to 看别人的脸色. What she didn't know was that (subtle parenting) I had decided that marriage was not for me. There were too much insecurities and uncertainty that living on my own and depending on myself was the way to go.

And that was why even after I started dating uncle pig, I always picked on him or initiated break ups. I was like a volatile penny stock, with my many ups and downs. I was without God then. We were both non Christians.

We broke up for the final time in 2004. But God knew better. We met again in 2005, after I saw the flowers he sent to office. Kinda feeling pissed that this guy is still pestering, I called him and told him to meet up. I wanted to end this once and for all.

We went to a park/beach (I can't really rem the details.. lol). What i could remember was alighting from the car and hearing God speak to me. He said that the man here is the most suitable person for me. More successful guys will come after him, but not one as suitable. And with this, I decided to marry him.. and we got married 15mths after this, on 11 Jun 2006

Amazing isn't it? Some friends say I'm mad. We got married when I was 25. My parents objected to it but I had decided. God's msg to me was clear. I had peace.

Did it mean that life was then a bed of roses ? Of coz not la...lol.. but God was the centre of our marriage life. When we had our quarrels, we prayed and looked back at God . When we faced temptations, we prayed to God. God never gave us too big an obstacle to handle. He was always with us, for which I'm grateful. Coz if I'm a normal person without God, coupled with my childhood plus not so supportive parents , we probably won't last 3 yrs in marriage..  hahaha...(my parents have since accepted the marriage.. lol..)

Thankful for God who has sent u to me, who has changed both of us, and who has blessed us with 3 beautiful daughters.

To the man who said he would b a frog, so that I could b his princess; I love you and may we grow old together..

Reading

The twins came back today with 2 bags full of library books. Bus Molly had visited their school today and they were excited to borrow books with their newly made library cards.

Since young, the twins had always enjoyed reading though their reading levels are greatly different.

At a recent PTC, the teachers commented that Vera had improved a lot since the beginning of the year; from a level 5 to a level 12. And I have to agree that I do see a mark improvement from last yr. I know that and I'm happy with it. Even though the teachers later on commented that Grace is at level 21 in her reading. Yes, and I know that it would have send many parents on red alert knowing their disparity. Lol.. I'm glad we didn't.

It's hard not to compare but we try our best. Bcoz each child is different. And rather than fret over how one is struggling with reading and not knowing as many high frequency words as her chek-cheks, we try to remind ourselves that as long as she continue to be interested in reading , she will get there eventually. What is impt is to encourage, interest her and not let her feel that reading is a chore or make her feel that she is incompetent. Building up her confidence is more impt (at least to me) than her competence.

I know that as they grow older, their teachers; friends or external influences will compare. It's inevitable. May I remember to always treat each of my child independently n to always fill them up with love and lots of love.

I'm flat, dead tired. Time now is 340pm; waiting for my 3rd and last appt for the day. Has been a hectic day for me and tom is equal hectic if not worse.

I know I said that this week will b light duties but things just happened.. dropped the twins in school today; after which William and joy send me to wdl where I had 2 appts. (1130am and 1230pm) Picked me up at 2pm and we had lunch. Drove me back to office so that I could pick up some documents before dropping me at kovan now for my last appt. Joy was still sleeping in the car when I alighted. Guilty that the two of them had to round around with me but William felt that it was necessary bcoz 1) I would b exhausted before my appts ended ; 2) good that joy knows that mama work is not easy peasy. The kids need to know that mama earns 血汗钱..lol..

Though there weren't any new revenue from the appts , it was still a fulfilling day. I love to share my knowledge with the people I meet, to help them in their financial situation. :)

I just wished that I had more energy to do more but brain dead is how I'm feeling now. When I was in the office just now, jm helped me printed the documents beforehand so that I could just pick and go. (So thankful) and in the midst of our conversation, I told her that I'm sorry..coz my mouth is talking faster than my brain reaction..😅😂😂

Tom schedule is 8am/10am/12 noon... thankfully they are all within walking distance.. and I hope I can cope with the admin aftermath thereafter.. 

Looking forward to the church conference and staycation next week.. I can do this.

Ended the appt at 430pm and William fetched all of us home. I know he's tired too.. taking a breather before the twins come back fr school..  we are going for waffles today coz it's 50% off on Tuesday!

Thankful for all that God has provided and as long as this is the place He wants me to be at, I will continue to serve Him til the end.

I need a nap NOW..😉

Brought the girls down for a swim today while papa choo is busy preparing dinner.. enjoying my pockets of me- time while recuperating from my cramps..

I'm thankful that they have each other to play with while I can just watch them fr the bench.. May their sister-ship grow over the yrs so that they have each other to rely on, even after me and papa choo are no longer around.

Next week is a light duty week for me, primarily bcoz J is overseas and I would have to manage my own paperwork if i close any cases. Will take this coming week to bring the girls for late breakfasts, fetch them to school and enjoy the slow pace. Was just telling William this morning that I hope to scale back my workload in the years to come and his reply was "already very slow pace already , what to scale back?"  Lol.. guess he can't stand me sticking around him..lol.. 

Actually what I meant was I hope that in time to come, I won't be working bcoz I need to pay the bills. Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy my work but working without worrying abt the bills takes the pressure away.

I find it very stressful when I was struggling to pay the bills. It's not like I have a lot to spare now, but I'm definitely more breathable now than a yr ago. And bcoz the last couple of yrs have been extremely tight for us, we started to streamline between what's necessary (need) vs what's ideal (want). It's funny that given my profession, I should have known abt this long ago. But like all typical Singaporeans, we tend to want more in life; a bigger house ; a bigger holiday; a bigger car etc..and over time, the Wants always seem like a Need that needed to be fulfilled. And it was exhausting just trying to breathe, to be out of the rat race. I'm not trying to shame blame anyone but I'm just sharing my current thoughts.

 J always shudders when she tally my expenses for the mth. I can only say that it was by pure faith and trust (God) that we survive. Bcoz the last few yrs had been so tight for us, (plus I'm not the kind that will pressure the clients to get a plan bcoz my pay depends on it), we really cut down on a lot of things. I started to measure the cost of buying based on the cost of my working hrs. E.g.  Buying another toy meant that mama needed to work for another hour in the office; eating out on an expensive meal meant 2hrs; going on a big trip meant that I probably need to slog for 2 weeks etc..  and over time; I realize that rather than buying another toy to compensate the kids for my away time ; buying an expensive gift for myself to "de-stress" ; why not cut down all these frivolous spending?

I end up with more time for the kids; less stress abt the work bcoz I don't have so much credit card bills to pay.

The goal for the choos or at least for me, is to live simply. And that is what I hope we can teach the girls too.. to always be thankful for the Presence and companionship of one another; and may they appreciate the blessings they have in life.

Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. - Psalm 119:18 

Battles

This post is for the friend ; the colleague and the sister who always felt that she was never enough for the kids or anyone. This post is for me.

The twins have been bickering all day since yday. I was alone with them coz William went camping with joy. I felt overwhelmed. It was as if I had settled a fight an hr ago and now they are fighting again. Countless battles.. too much for me to handle that by the time we came back 'from dinner, the girls had bickered (again). I blew it. The argument was for something meaningless.. Vera said Grace use the pen to poke her repeatedly while Grace complained that Vera swing her hand and hit her. Does this sound so ever familiar?

I was tired.. tired of them taking everything for granted..  and I said that if they can't stay tog as a family, it probably would b a better idea for them to stay at the orphanage. All three of them. If they can't even tolerate each other in making the beds, then staying at the orphanage with just mattresses and dozens of kids would b better. If they so loved to fight each other , then there will b many fights that they can embark on outside.

It broke their hearts. It broke mine too. They cried ; I cried. I realize I probably shouldn't said that. But I've said it. #emotional blackmail. I regretted it. I probably have scared them more than I wanted. Note to self: not to use this again.

We hugged tog. Explained to them again that we are a family and that we need to appreciate each other and take care of one another.

Made them zzz and I felt incompetent. I felt that I don't deserve them at all.
I felt overwhelmed. I wished that perhaps God shouldn't have blessed me with them. So much emotions.

I prayed to God that He help me overcome my incompetence, that I will grow to be a better person, day by day.

I went to my bible app and saw the following..

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. -Proverbs 13:3 NIV

I know I'm still a Work-in-progress. I hope that by sharing my struggles, will encourage others (& me) who might be feeling the same. We all have our struggles. We all have our battles to fight n instead of wishing that one is as capable as xxx etc.. let's all take 1 battle at a time , improving ourselves day by day. May God give us the wisdom and courage to carry on each day.

P/s: blogging this down so that I can use it when I don't feel as good.