Had a sudden gush of emotions today when FB reminded me our family state 5yrs ago. I had a bad fall then, Joash was sick, William fainted and then to top it all, Grace had a fish bone incident. 

I remembered crying out loud wondering when would all these end. The feeling of being overwhelmed and no extra help. 

Fast forward to now, as I look at the fb memories, I suddenly wished that my kids were babies again. 

Suddenly wished that Joy would still be the sensible teen not the independent adult she is now. 

I miss her. We video called last night. She was in the mountains trekking by herself. So adventurous and so free. So happy for her. 

We are planning a road trip to Msia. Now that she isn’t around, it’s easier to plan trips (coz her schedule is usually the most difficult to plan) and focus on the other 3 kids. 

The trip was a good break for me, for us. But as it nears the end, it suddenly dawned on me that Joy will be flying off soon. 

That thought crippled me just before the gala. Such that I wanted to skip it. I needed time to decompress my thoughts. 

I told William that I wanted to skip it. I wanted to run away. Cried badly. Cried like a baby who dropped her cake on the floor. 😭

其实还是很不舍得🥹