Battles

This post is for the friend ; the colleague and the sister who always felt that she was never enough for the kids or anyone. This post is for me.

The twins have been bickering all day since yday. I was alone with them coz William went camping with joy. I felt overwhelmed. It was as if I had settled a fight an hr ago and now they are fighting again. Countless battles.. too much for me to handle that by the time we came back 'from dinner, the girls had bickered (again). I blew it. The argument was for something meaningless.. Vera said Grace use the pen to poke her repeatedly while Grace complained that Vera swing her hand and hit her. Does this sound so ever familiar?

I was tired.. tired of them taking everything for granted..  and I said that if they can't stay tog as a family, it probably would b a better idea for them to stay at the orphanage. All three of them. If they can't even tolerate each other in making the beds, then staying at the orphanage with just mattresses and dozens of kids would b better. If they so loved to fight each other , then there will b many fights that they can embark on outside.

It broke their hearts. It broke mine too. They cried ; I cried. I realize I probably shouldn't said that. But I've said it. #emotional blackmail. I regretted it. I probably have scared them more than I wanted. Note to self: not to use this again.

We hugged tog. Explained to them again that we are a family and that we need to appreciate each other and take care of one another.

Made them zzz and I felt incompetent. I felt that I don't deserve them at all.
I felt overwhelmed. I wished that perhaps God shouldn't have blessed me with them. So much emotions.

I prayed to God that He help me overcome my incompetence, that I will grow to be a better person, day by day.

I went to my bible app and saw the following..

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. -Proverbs 13:3 NIV

I know I'm still a Work-in-progress. I hope that by sharing my struggles, will encourage others (& me) who might be feeling the same. We all have our struggles. We all have our battles to fight n instead of wishing that one is as capable as xxx etc.. let's all take 1 battle at a time , improving ourselves day by day. May God give us the wisdom and courage to carry on each day.

P/s: blogging this down so that I can use it when I don't feel as good.