A heart of thankfulness

Grateful that I have a husband that cares abt me and sensitive to my emotional attacks. We ended the night chatting even though he say he was tired. In fact he was on his sleep machine for a while before he switch it off and turned to me.

I wasn’t even upset with him. I was just processing myself. But he took the time, to be with me, to comfort me and that send tears gushing down. 😭😭😭

Just thankful that God is in this journey. 

I got to swim this morning. Really needed that dose of endorphins. 

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (‭‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬‬:‭17‬-‭18‬ ‭NIV11‬‬)

Milestone unlocked

This is me during training today. Today’s my turn to conduct our collab meeting.

I thought I was better with my nerves but this morning suddenly, pang! All the nerves just slap me on my face. 

Did I crash in the training? I think I did decent enough.. in fact today was the first time I felt stomach cramps before and even after the meeting. Never happened before, but if this continues, probably going to kiss the speaker dream forever goodbye. Hahahahaha 

Angela says that nerves will never go away. I just need to acknowledge their presence and get used to it. Probably. I like this reframe. 

I thought I did well for today. Not sure if everyone felt the same? Maybe it’s I ownself praise ownself.. hahahaha.. 

关关难过，关关过。

Just grateful that today is finally over. Did the best I can for today’s training. 

I like to give trainings coz it’s fulfilling when I see people’s eye sparkle after that. And also coz it’s just a way of paying it forward. 

Maybe I shouldn’t wish that the nerves to go away. They are here coz these people matter to me. So I should maybe wish for them to be here all the time? Hahahahah.. 

Fulfilling day. Grateful. 

Going for supper with my comfort friends.. hahaha.. 

Happy birthday to me!

Decided to pen a letter to myself on my bday. After all that has happened in 2025, I’ve learnt to be a little kinder to myself. 

Dearest 我，

生日快乐🎂！I’ve grown so much over the last 3yrs. 

July is my bday month and it’s also my work anniversary as a leader. So every July feels a lot more; more grateful; more loved; more fulfilled. ❤️

What more do I want for myself? In the next 6mths, 1yr, 3yrs and even 5yrs?

I want to be able to live each day with purpose and ❤️, to be able to be a lighthouse for the people around me. 

我长大了。不再每次自责 or butcher myself for every mistake that happened. 

我要过得更充实，更开心。

Grateful to God for all the blessings He has given me. 🤗

感恩

 The wedding party ended. It was much better than I ever imagined!

Grateful that we managed to pull it off, with a lot of help and love from our friends. 

My heart is filled with so much ❤️❤️❤️

Even though uncle choo didn’t want to do a 20th party, he still went ahead and did so much prep work so that I would be happy. 

Seeing him, and seeing the love of our friends, I’m grateful. Grateful that we created core beautiful memories today. 

I’m going to look at these photos again and again, cause never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this. 

The wedding I had 20yrs ago, had a lot of expectations. I wanted to please everyone, and I forgot who I invited. 

But today, those who came, are people whom I treasure deeply. 

I even had a round 2, not because I had to but coz I want to. 

Coz it’s not tiring when u can hang out w friends who doesn’t mind if I hibernate.. hahahah.. friends whom I’m v comfortable and casual w.. 

感恩🥹

Eve of party

Tonight felt like eve of wedding night again! And I think a lot of my friends are feeling the nerves like me.. hahahaha.. 

I was just ranting to a couple of them that I felt like super nervous and they said they too! Hahahahah! And honestly, most of the hard (heart) work are all done by my beloved guests.. hahahaha.. so many of them are doing little speeches that I’m so excited abt it! And I’m so grateful and immensely blessed. 

It’s midnight and I can still hear uncle Choo doing the final prep for the deco stuff for tomorrow.. I really wanna zzzz .. can he faster come back ? 🥹🥹🥹 

After 20 years, I don’t think I can sleep without him.. hahahaha.. 

excited abt tomorrow, and also grateful for ❤️❤️❤️

The weirdest dream

I had the weirdest dream last night. 

I dreamt that HS told me that we aren’t friends; I’m just her financial adviser.. 🥹

And then the weird dream continued with news saying she passed away and I wanted to go see her.. but I had died too, and couldn’t open the “door”.. but then Joleen and Jiamin saw me (even though I was invisible to others) and helped open the door. 

It was pretty scary coz it shook me up at 5plus .. 

I asked ChatGPT and what it says sounds pretty enlightening. 

Even though our paths have drifted, but it still hurts. And I wasn’t even that super super close to HS too.. 

And the upcoming wedding party probably contributes to it too.. lol.. 

I realize that I didn’t invite many of the people that were v impt in my life 20yrs ago; not even my maid of honor or one of my emcees.. cause our paths have drifted.. like parallel lines and never crossing again. 

I contemplated inviting some of the old friends from that season; but I held back. 

I didn’t want to end up exhausted from socializing; I wanted to see friends who are important to me and friends who can carry themselves; hahahaha.. basically friends who would understand.. but ya I guess the guest list cause a sub conscious alarm in me. 

Not inviting more people coz it’s my party. I just want to keep it small, keep it within people I love now. 

Though it was still pretty sad that many of my old friendships have died.. 

I guess that’s why the 情景 of why I’m invisible to the crowd but Joleen and Jiamin could still see me.

🤣🤣🤣

This is an example how being high empathy is a pain 🫣

Day 9 of solo parenting

话真的不可以说得太早。 

One of those days when everything felt overwhelming; exhausting, and one where I just wanna whisked myself into thin air. 

Vera hasn’t been in her mood for the last few days, and no amt of “letting her do her way” has done anything to help. 

Joash is a close 2nd. 

Grace has been very sweet in attending to her twin’s needs but equally triggering next to Joash. 

Counting down to 1 last night. 

I think I’m coming down to something too.. either the hormones or I’m getting sick soon.. 

This too shall pass. Amen!