Grateful that I have a husband that cares abt me and sensitive to my emotional attacks. We ended the night chatting even though he say he was tired. In fact he was on his sleep machine for a while before he switch it off and turned to me.
I wasn’t even upset with him. I was just processing myself. But he took the time, to be with me, to comfort me and that send tears gushing down. 😭😭😭
Just thankful that God is in this journey.
I got to swim this morning. Really needed that dose of endorphins.
The wedding party ended. It was much better than I ever imagined!
Grateful that we managed to pull it off, with a lot of help and love from our friends.
My heart is filled with so much ❤️❤️❤️
Even though uncle choo didn’t want to do a 20th party, he still went ahead and did so much prep work so that I would be happy.
Seeing him, and seeing the love of our friends, I’m grateful. Grateful that we created core beautiful memories today.
I’m going to look at these photos again and again, cause never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this.
The wedding I had 20yrs ago, had a lot of expectations. I wanted to please everyone, and I forgot who I invited.
But today, those who came, are people whom I treasure deeply.
I even had a round 2, not because I had to but coz I want to.
Coz it’s not tiring when u can hang out w friends who doesn’t mind if I hibernate.. hahahah.. friends whom I’m v comfortable and casual w..
感恩🥹
This must be the most number of bouquets I’ve received in a week!
No I’m not showing off. Just super grateful for the love showered by many.
孩子好像长大了。 I even got a bouquet from Joy too!
I don’t quite remember when was the last time she bought flowers for me.. usually Mothers Day meant bringing the kids out for a meal, or they would write a card for me..
But this week, they have all given me gifts in their own special ways.
Grace baked cream puffs which were so nice…
Vera volunteered to take care of Joash.. they are so lovely dovely that they wanted to nap today.. and that explains why I can’t nap on my bed 🤣🤣🤣
Joash made bf for me this morning! And he even told me that he would take the train to his swim class, so that I can take the morning off to REST!
感恩小朋友好像真的长大了。就算只有今天，我也很感谢🥹
Awwwwwwww my heart is filled with gratitude.
William even send a second bouquet of flowers today, so that I wouldn’t be lonely.
Few more days before he comes back from his sabbatical. Looking forward!
Suddenly felt a dash of emotions today when I realize that both uncle choo and joy would be away for the next 10 days…
And I’m going to hold the font while they are up in their respective mountains 🥹
This is how I’m feeling now. Probably started since last night when I couldn’t really zzz..
It got so bad that I skipped my afternoon nap today..
I know it’s only 10 days and they will be back faster than I realize. Just a tingling fear abt the worse case scenario:
I know this too shall pass… Haiz.. I should mull over a cup of Nutella .. Hahahhaha.. that thought itself gave me a smile 😊
At 88, if the growing up fears/insecurities were not resolved, it will continue to surface even at this age.
And this is my MIL.
It’s Saturday and William is hosting his cousins and relatives. He has to pick her up before 4pm so that the party will start. And the plan is for Joash to nap with me during this period, so that both of us have enough battery before it starts.
Just as we woke up, and I asked Joash to go out to greet his grandma, this was what happened:
Mil: “Why didn’t you come pick me up? Is it u don’t love me anymore?”
Joash: probably a stunned look.
To be honest, I was really triggered hearing this in my room.
My thoughts playing in my head:
“Yes, my son loves me more, you have any problem?”
“What the f*** did u have to say this to my son?”
And the list goes on.
At this moment, I wanted to just head to church. Coz the girls had a choice of choosing church or stay home to host. And I presume I could too.
🥹🥹🥹
And this was going thru my mind the whole time.
I wanted to leave for church. Let me change.
As I was changing, I was reminded by how the man loved me and doing this (even if he allow, would put him in a fix).
Hiding in the room while I could hear the loud loud chattering happening outside.
I decide to honor my man, decide to be nice. Decide that no matter the triggers, I choose to be here for my man.
It’s also a reminder that I should confront all my fears and insecurities now at 45 and not let it drag til old age.
She’s my motivation to grow old to be a 快乐老人。
Had wanted to book a date with myself again, in a cafe and do my annual reflections, but time spaced me out.
Nonetheless there are so many things to be grateful for in 2025.
1. My kids and I survived 2025! 🎉 looking back, we more than survived! We SLAYED!!!
Relationships got better. I had more time with everyone, except grace. The last couple of weeks kinda reminded me that I really should spend more time with her.
2. My marriage. Thankful that God protected and guarded over our marriage. We got lazy over the years, but I’m thankful that we managed to talk abt it and putting more effort into it now.
3. Work. If you ask me 2 years ago, if I would be able to lead and grow the IWM today, or to even lead with such confidence, I wouldn’t have thought possible. Ever so grateful that I stepped into this unfamiliar turf, and grew so much! Learnt so much over the last 1 year and got so fulfilled growing with them. Even if I were to drop dead today, I’m thankful for all that I’ve done. Hahaha.. morbid but ya.
4. My work kids. The final figures aren’t out yet, but I know the few that has confirmed hitting their best year ever. Proud mama moment.
So thankful for the opportunity to lead, inspire and touch lives. God, I’m so grateful for you, for sending angels to guard over me, when I was fearful, when I was tempted, when I was unsure. God, I pray that You continue to lead me, as I lead your sheep, so that more can come to know you. In Jesus name I pray, amen!
I love swimming. But I haven’t swam in mths.
Sick. Weather. Overwhelmed. Just didn’t feel like it.
Didn’t feel like crawling out of my comfy couch. Wanted to 躺平 til the end of life..
But I did it today. Walked out of all the “weeds” trying to convince me not to.
“U have 4 appts today. U should prepare them”
“The son will be upset if he finds out u swam without him”
“The water is too cold”
一千个理由。
I’m tired of being a sofa. I wanna walk towards a healthier self. Step by step.
The first dip into the pool.
Damn. The water is soooooo cold.
Did my first lap. 有一点吃力喔. Argh…I’ve been a sofa for too long.
Did 16 laps for today. Not my best. But celebrating the small win.
I need to remember to love myself; and also to take care of this body of mine.
Joy lost the scholarship again for the second time.
It was heartbreaking. Heartbreaking not because of the loss but coz the officials told her that the appeal was accepted, raise her hopes only to have the medical team to reject her a second time. (Her medical condition deems her unfit for military even though she passed all her physical tests with flying colours.)
She cried even harder this time round. It’s as if the floodgates were let loose. In her desperation, she said she isn’t going to apply for any more scholarship. Just going to get a local degree. Get a normal job. All the 气话。🥺🥺🥺
No amount of consolation would touch her. She just cried inconsolably. I could see it eating her alive. She just kept going on and on abt how much time she wasted preparing for her UK application and scholarship interviews and in hindsight she shouldn’t even try.
My heart broke together with her. It’s not like her to give up when things don’t go her way. So her reaction was 💔💔💔
There was nothing we could say to console her. I know eventually, this would seem a minor setback when she lives a full life to 80. But now, this was everything she wished and worked for. It was her everything.
We could only cry together with her, hug her, give her a safe space to rant, to cry, to feel all her emotions.
I’ve always felt NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Not good enough when I first lead the team, not good enough when I first joined this advisory business, not good enough even in my teens and earlier.
But I never asked myself why I felt this way before.
Until I did the discovery call with Rae. And she asked.
Why do I feel this way when I have so many accolades? When will I ever feel enough? When did I first felt not enough?
It led to many aha moments.
I realized that my first memory of it was when I was in my primary school, my smart sibling would always do so much so much better (without studying), while I would study and revise so much and barely passed.
This was my first memory of it.
And I realized that it was so silly as I look back.
And yesterday, I finally asked my advisers “Why did you join me? Why didn’t you choose someone else more capable? Have you regretted? your choice?”
A few were shocked. They thought I was the obvious choice.
“Producer, leading a team, mother.. how many are there that fits this profile? Why are you asking this!??” one of my Kia asked.
I was shocked by her reply. Coz she’s also a producer.. and I was humbled and touched by her words.
I am good enough.
I might not be the most handsome or earn the most. But I am enough for my tribe, for those who voted for me.
As I look at the chile qualifiers for my team, I am proud.
We have so many of us this year. Even when so many are still walking out of maternity etc.
So thankful for the change in perspective !
我是最好的。Im doing the best i can, as a mother, as a wife, as an adviser and lastly as a FSD!
I am super proud of how far I’ve come.
I’ve just done two rounds of training. I did well. Let’s not go down the critical “can be better” route.
From now on, I want to be nicer to me, myself.
I’ve done well. Thank you for putting yourself out there, when you didn’t need to. Thank you for challenging yourself to do what you never think possible. Thank you for stepping out of yr comfort zone.
我很棒❤️
