Received a text from a client late afternoon asking me if xxx bought plans from me for her kids. I told her to check w xxx directly as it’s P&C. Turns out that one of her kids just passed away and my client is helping out with all the funeral/logistics 🥹🥹🥹

It’s always heartbreaking when I hear news like that. And even more so after I entered parenthood. Dunno the details of what happened. Just praying for her and her family, that God be with them in this difficult times. Many a times we don’t understand why such things happen, or if we could have prevented it from happening. There’s many questions marks and even as a bystander, this piece of news is enough to want to hug my kids tonight more .. 

Eventful 24hrs

I posted this on my fb but thought I leave an entry here to remind myself how great God has been in protecting me and my household. And of coz this is a more detailed and elaborate one since this is my personal blog. The story goes like this .. 

On Tuesday afternoon on the way home walking with Joy, I twisted my left ankle and fell to the pavement. I had a bad landing and my right knee grazed the hard solid ground. I could feel the blood on the open right knee. Joy was in shock and ask me to get up but I couldn’t. My hands had also scratched the floor and both ankles were sprained; my right calf hurts badly and so does my back. I told her I needed time before I could get up. Being a veteran in falls, I know that there is no need to rush to getting up. Took my time and considered a few options:

1) call a cab / ask William to bring us home coz it’s still another 10 mins walk but where I landed was just after a highway. It was impossible to call a cab. As for calling William , for him to rescue it also meant he needs to make a big big detour before he would reach us. Option not possible.

2) call ambulance

- honestly this thought went thru my mind but it felt super guazhang plus I was due for my pump. I needed to go home pump. If I took this route, it probably means another few hrs away. Nah 

3) sit and wait til I was better

- that’s what I did and once I got up, I could lean on Joy and we began to walk home. 

I wanna shoot myself coz this pair of shoes have always make me twist my ankle. This isn’t the first time but I like how comfortable it was and how I could wear for causal / work. So I’ve been repurchasing this pattern for several yrs. As I recall now, I’ve fallen in this series for at least 3 separate occasions so yes, good bye shoes. 

Once we reach home, I washed up and William attended to my wounds. By now I could no longer walk without hurting myself. Even wearing my pants while sitting down was not possible. 

Can see the bruised ankle also ? And can I say that William was so gentle in doing the dressing but it still hurts big time. (Okie, I also happened to have Low tolerance for pain, so ya)

And becoz I was completed immobile, it meant he had to take the night shift. Joash hasn’t sttn. In fact he is more punctual in his night feeds compared to his day feeds. So I had a really peaceful night (haha.. woke up to pump and zzz straight). 

The next morning, he had to do the usual morning routine which is to drop the 3 girls at their school. In addition, it was also Joash vaccination. And bcoz I was still immobile, it meant one trip with 4 kids. I bade goodbye to time and went to zzz more.. hahaha.. I had some rest la despite the leg being super pain in certain positions. 

Then when they were done, he came to pick me up . My turn to see doc; change dressing and collected some meds. On hindsight I should have just seen a doctor on the night itself but I didn’t wanna see a locum. Aiya but today went to clinic at 11am , the doc left liaoz.. argh.. in the end went to my childhood gp..hahaha.. change and all’s good. 

By then had lunch and pick girls and headed home. Time 145pm 

330pm we left again; this time to see an ifc for Joash (yes, we concluded that ifc is required / necessary to give us sanity). Done with the sch tour but sadly sch wasn’t a good fit for us. Dropped me and Joash before he bring twins to minton for swim class. 

630pm papa and twins came home; dinner 

730pm grace swallowed fish bone and we tried to get her to swallow some rice and water. It didn’t work but she didn’t say much . Okie we wait and see. I go to the room to prepare for zoom. Joash has slight fever

745pm William asked for the dosage which I stared back at him. Coz usually the nurse will say the dosage but coz I wasn’t there, no one told him or he forgotten to ask. Tried calling pd, but he didn’t pick up. Lol..

750pm I hear a hysterical baby crying and his sisters trying their best to pacify him. Mr choo was in a dazed alrdy. He says his head is spinning aka he is fainting. I tell him to go lie on the couch. Cancelled my zooms. SOS some mommies on the recommended dosage etc. Managed to administer meds. Yeah ! By then William was gone. It’s not the first time it has happened. It’s his body telling him that he need rest. So I just let him lay on the couch. 

Oh before he fainted, he told Joy to go get dressings for me coz my knee’s having a period and overflowing like crazy liaoz.. so nice to have a teenager at home.

I went to close cranky Joash. Received the following text

At this moment, my heart is 满满的感恩.. what have I done to deserve this love from her. I’m so grateful really. 

After settling the baby, came out and walked into Grace room only to see her sitting up, in darkness hugging her giraffe.. she was in pain but she knows our hands are tight. I asked her if she would like to see a doctor immediately and she said yes. Told her to get dresssed and we will head down. 

Asked William to go into the room to zzz. Joy says she will hold fort at home and call me if anything. 

Prayed that kkh q wouldn’t b crazy. Thankfully it wasn’t. The nice doctors tried to find the bone and even did an x ray but no bone to be found. Oh well, came back home but at least Grace felt more at rest. She also got a free pass at home for the next 2 days. Lol.. 

At kkh 

Came home and joy was just done preparing her bf. I had to eat something before I could take my meds so she chatted with me. Shooed her to bed at 1130pm. 

Photo update from joy while I was at kkh.. haha 

It’s an eventful 24hrs but I’m so thankful that my girls have raised to the occasion. Really. 长大了也会开始体谅家人. Really thankful. 

Going to bed now. Showered, pump and also Just fed Joash his midnight milk . Tired but God’s protection and covering is with us every step of the way. A lot of things could have gone a lot worse but it didn’t. 

Tomorrow is a long day but I’ve cancelled my work appts. So hopefully that would help. 

Praying that the right ifc comes along soon. 

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

Psalms 94:19 NIV

https://psalm.bible/psalm-94-19

Such a beautiful verse to accompany me for the night. Had fallen asleep while making grace zz for the night and only woke up 2 hrs later, feeling wide awake. The jittery her is going for her op tomorrow morning and thus has been "rewarded" with a night with mama.. I didnt think much abt the op, but probably the nervousness has hit me now. After all, with every op, there are risks involved. I do hope, this will be the end of her freak accident. After almost 18mths of follow ups, 1 of her 2 burn scars has healed completely (Praise God!) while the other has grown to become a small hill. And over time, it has led to her being very conscious of her choice of clothes and her self esteem as well. And becoz it has also started to hurt/itch occasionally with signs of growth, we decided to go for the op to remove it completely. 

Praying for God's protection on her, that there would b no complications from the op, that she will have complete healing. Praying also for an uncle, who is currently in hospital for a bad fall, that he recovers soon. Praying that God will also protect all singaporeans from the current virus; and to give wisdom to our leaders in leading us. In Jesus name I pray, amen..

不孝有三

不孝有三，无后为大。that was the last few conversations I had with my ah ma. She has passed away on Easter Sunday, peacefully in her sleep. She was 94.

When I first heard the news, I was at peace. After all, she had lived a long time and in her last few yrs, she had dementia and eventually needed help taking care of herself. I could see her health deteriorate rapidly each time I visited her.

We came back on Wed and I thought I would be fine but tears just gushed down the moment I saw her lying inside the coffin. "She has gone to be with Jesus" I told Grace. But that was all I could say in between tears.

My ah ma has gone home to be with the Lord and eventually I will see her again when my turn on earth is up. She is in a better place... I know all these as a Christian but when it happens, all the emotions still became overwhelming for me.

I regretted not knowing more abt her. I had more memories of her in my growing yrs but in the later yrs , my visits became less frequent and mostly distracted with my kids even when we came. But still I'm glad that she saw us settled down and my kids were able to spend a few yrs with their great grandmother.

Grace kept asking if we would still come back to melaka again.. which I'm not sure. I had come here every yr to visit my ah ma since I was born and suddenly , there isn't a strong reason anymore. Would we even come back again? 

And we said goodbye for the final time today, when I saw her buried in the ground and we placed the flowers in her tomb, it was the end. 

Treasure the time when yr loved ones are still around.. love one another and always let them know that u love them too..
Good bye ah ma..

Living for the NOW

Been feeling pretty emo and stressed up these few days.. I've actually wrote 2 entries abt it but they will remain in my diary for now..

The gist of it was mainly bcoz the biz has been quite quiet since the start of the yr and when tat happens it means that I have a lot of spare time in my pocket, which also means that the mind has a lot of time to wonder and when it does, usually it doesn't always look on the bright side.

I started to evaluate myself..  started to hate myself bcoz I only had 2 tasks in my life:

1) childbearing (which I'm done with it!)
2) bring $ home

And yet I couldn't fulfil the one thing that was tasked to me. All the people I know had a zillion tasks required of them and they go on with their lives and fulfil what's required. What's wrong with me!? What would become of me if even 2) seem impossible to me ? Am I still worth living ?

Those thoughts kept circulating me and haunting me these few days. And of coz the phobia of if the biz is quiet, eventually bills would b hard to cope and what happens next ?

I told mr choo my struggles and as usual , his reply was cool . . We could sell 1 house or both and downgrade. I could stop work if it always left me being insecure and he could go out to work. The thought of not working was scary enough coz me for one had no hobbies and two, doesn't really enjoy doing household activities. (Joy is actually better at it than me to b honest. I do hope the twins start following her footsteps in time to come.) And that would make me a more useless person if that arrangement pans out.

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy and believe in the work I do. What I'm jittery abt is the "what if all the people I need to help are done? I've completed all of them and there aren't anyone left to help or meet? What would happen? Could I actually do this til I'm 60? " or the "when is my next pay check going to come? Is it enough to pay the bills ?" These thoughts always come and attack me when the spirit is weak. And I always pray and ask God..  why did He choose to put me here? Why do I have to go out of my comfort zone to meet these people? Or suffer the insecurities of not knowing when or how much my pay check would be ? Why ? Why? And even though time and time again, God has ALWAYS and certainly showed me and reaffirms His way, the me is vulnerable.

I prayed and prayed so much these 4 days but I had no solution. But While driving to my appt tonight, God spoke to me again. He says to live in the now and not worry for the future. He said if the birds don't need to worry, then why am I fretting? Why not live in the NOW, and spend some time alone with the kids? It seems so simple and I heard this bible verse so many many times. But it gives me so much peace today when I felt God speaking to me.

Shan't think too much and let things flow in its own timing. Will take things one day at a time.

Spending the morning with the twins and probably bring them for breakfast before dropping them in school instead of the routine bus. Since I'm free now, why not? If not now then when?

Penning my thoughts now so that I can refer to these when another attack comes..

P/s: praying for a friend who is in the midst of a complicated pregnancy. May the Lord be with her when she makes her decision and gives her strength to overcome the grieve and emotions. I pray that God you heal her and protect her.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles , so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Another day...

Something happened today.. I told a prospect that it probably be better if they find another adviser more suitable for them.

Met this sahm who wanted to get H&S for her #2. She requested to meet at 9am coz her hubby needs to leave for work early and thus it's best to do the paperwork before that. She asked some qn over whatsapp which i replied. She said hubby has decided on thr plan. Told her that he needs to be around to sign. arrived at 820am and the hubby left at 825. I only got to know his name. Said he can't stay for 5 mins to listen. Ok then so be it. Mayb something cropped up etc. I continue the appt with the wife and covered all the areas needed. I asked why not getting the H&S for #3 (newborn) as well since it wasn't a concern financially. The wife said will discuss with the hubby.  I said Okie..  Anyway I needed to come down again and explain how it works so we probably can decide then.

Wife text me in the afternoon asking me to go down again tom early morning , which I declined as I have a packed schedule the next day. I suggested tue night instead. She said Okie. Then few mins later, texted me to just drop the forms on tue night. Which I declined immediately. I can't. (Later license kena chop). Told her I needed to meet the payer at least once to explain the features etc.  She said Okie. Then texted me again telling me not to say anything abt buying for #3.

I felt v uncomfortable by then. The cumulative order taking or lack of trust or dunno what. Told her frankly that:
1. Need meet payer to explain
2. Need highlight that payer has 3 kids and only wanna insure #2 (#1 alrdy has an existing plan), so no I can't keep quiet abt it. But we can just say #3 to kiv for now.

Wife said that hubby dislike meeting insurance agents and thus she is just thinking for my sake.

By here , I was tired alrdy la.. Told her if this is the case, probably they could do it with their original adviser (the one who sold to their #1) or go to the particular insurer directly. Told her that this is a long term r/s and if trust and honesty isn't there right from the start, it's v hard to move forward.

Maybe it's the command of going tom morning (place isn't anywhere near my house btw), or the "don't ask" command, or the fact that I can't even have 5 mins of his time despite reaching there way earlier, but I just didn't have the peace to want to continue the r/s forward. 😐

Maybe some people treat financial planning as if it was going to Mac Donald. It's supposed to be fast, and can always order delivery etc. Jus click whaf you wan, and delivery comes in 20 mins.

But this is not the way I work. To me, financial planning is impt. In fact, more impt than ur work or meals. How you do it now will impact if you even need to work or have food on the table in the future. It's like a visit to the doctor. Allocate time to look at it (now) or it will b too late when you want to.

I'm not cherry picking the people I meet. My friends /colleagues know that the clients I have are on extreme pay scales. Some earn as low as $2k/mth while others are much more. The only thing I ask of them is to treat me with respect. I will b honest in highlighting their loopholes and we can discuss and see how to work things out. They don't need to take up my recommendations if they don't want to. But we need trust to move forward.

I felt bad letting the referror down. (This was a direct referral). Mayb I was pokey today. Or mayb I was just over reacting. Mayb things happen for a reason.

Nevertheless I hope the couple find someone they trust and suitable for them.

Saw this on my bible app and thought it was something I needed greatly..

for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Proverbs 2:8

大年初一

This is one of the few CNYs when the whole extended family is staying in sg.. not heading back to the kampung bcoz my mama is sick. In fact she has a heart surgery right after cny. Although it's considered a big op, I'm still thankful given the circumstances. 

She had always complained of bloatedness / gastric pain and many a times I've nudged her to do a detailed scan but she always brushed me aside. The pain got so bad last week and she had to be rushed to the hospital. It was gall bladder stones and she needed 2 ops to remove all of it. On the day of discharge, the attending doctor noticed her irregular heartbeat and suggested she undergo further tests. And it was revealed that her heart was not beating regularly. There were occasions where it stopped for 6 seconds. The normal person stopped for <2.4 sec. Imagine our shock. A 3 day staycation turned out to be a week long and most likely she would need to do a pacemaker right after cny. 

Despite that, I'm thankful for the circumstances. The doctor also said that the irregular heartbeat could go undetected for a long time and most of the cases when it happened, the situation would be a lot more serious etc.. 

This episode also reminded me (again) that the most important things in life is health and family. What does it matter if one has all the riches in the world but no life/family to spend it with ? 

There are so many things to be thankful for this CNY and I just wanna pray that may everyone has health and time with loved ones..

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. Psalms 143:10

My busy schedule..

Just came back not long ago from work.. I'm exhausted..  felt that my brain couldn't function properly towards the end of the day..  mayb I'm really old liaoz..

my schedule for today is as follows:
10am appt @ sengkang
12pm review appt @ sembawang
2pm head back office for paperwork
430pm review appt @ Siemens
- got caught in the heavy jam and rain that I had to reschedule
530pm pick joy from tuition and head home
630pm dinner at home
730pm appt at sengkang
- the 10am appt had a change of mind..wanna switch to another proposal so had to meet again in the evening
830pm appt at seletar

I was zoned out by the time evening came and even dinner failed to perk me up..lol.. looking at the schedule it did seems hectic.. But if i were to look at it from the sales prospective, there wasn't much harvest..most of the appts are at the planting stage I guess..

True be told.. I'm exhausted with the packed schedule..and I ask myself why on earth did i packed myself like crazy.. i know i should b thankful that I have 满满的 appts..but I know I'm not as sharp when I stretched myself.. and I also don't like to rush my clients.. or appear tired in front of them.. 😉

Praying for wisdom and God's guidance.. praying for God's strength as I begin this mth of planting.. praying that I remind myself to breathe and pray even in the midst of the hectic days.. it's important to put Him first.

#backtobasics #prayer #God

Bible Verses

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,

    and he will establish your plans Proverbs 16: 3

While waiting for my appt to come , I saw this verse on my bible app.. So beautiful.. indeed, whatever I do, as long as I put God first, He will make things work at the end. When things become too difficult for me, this verse is the perfect comfort to me. Love my God. 

Feeling nervous and praying that God give me wisdom.to say the right things to my appt later. Haven't met this client for a review for a few yrs after i did her CI claim. Praying that God give me the tact to say the right words to comfort her and may I be able to encourage her. Or who knows, she might be the encourager for me. 

Happy New yr..

And this wraps up our last/first staycation 2017/18. As much as this pic feels like a lovely picture of a family of 5, behind it was a Vera who was sobbing (bcoz she had tied a ribbon on her teddy bear and thus staining it real badly), 2 sisters who were tired of coaxing her and a papa who was carrying tons of small plastic bags /luggage just so that the girls could use their tiny luggage bag. (Roll eyes..sorry it's my fault for agreeing to their requests.. )

I wished I could just say that it was a beautiful staycation and the kids were in their best best behaviour but more often than not, the reality is more like this..

Lol..this is after crying for an hr (I think) with the other two happily playing with each other. And honestly that was the best i could hoped for.. Coz it would b more heart wrecking if the other two had bothered and cried along with her. She was upset of losing over a game of monopoly. The twins are at the age of "sore-losing" and despite us repeating not to play again if no one was prepared of losing. (Hard parenting)

The girls also bickered a lot on this trip and it was as if their r/s moved 3 steps forward only to see them stepping 2 steps backwards.

I guess this is what it feels like being a parent. Sometimes you feel like on top of the world, but sometimes you feel like you have nothing. My post today is not to shame anyone but to offer some realities of life.. sometimes not all moments of life is instagram-able. There are challenging moments too.. and that's why it makes this whole thing so sweet.. just like how I tell my friends that God gave Vera such a sweet innocent face is bcoz if she was anything less, I probably strangled her long ago, given her challenging moments. And when I said challenging, it is challenging. But we definitely came a long way from the initial times.

If one were to just judge from the pic above or from the fact that she cried for an hr, it probably scar anyone who ever wanted to have kids. But if i look at the Vera then and now, I'm grateful that she has come a long way. I'm thankful that we have come a long way.

We definitely have scaled some of our tallest "Mt Everest", thought we never ever made it thru; cried buckets and prayed buckets.. we are not there yet.. we have our shortcomings too and sometimes even the smallest spark will cause a fire. But we are in this together, with the Lord as our saviour and guardian protecting over us.

There were happy moments on the trip too.. like how Joy would brush her teeth together with Vera to teach her how it is done properly.. or how Grace woke up at 3am eavesdropping my conversation with William.. or how Vera ended on my bed last night. The honest fact is..i do enjoy the kids co-sleeping with me..hahahaha...

We are a family and I pray that God give us the wisdom to guide the girls, the courage to say no to them (when needed) and the heart to listen to them at all times. Despite all these trying moments, I love you all.. let's all try to make the best out of it in this life..

Praying that all my family and friends have good health for 2018..

Bible verses

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
 - Isaiah 43:2

Random rants

still waiting for my appt. He texted me saying that he will be late. argh.. feeling feverish. Mr choo jus texted me saying that Grace is feeling lethargic again. seems like her fever only went away when she's home. or maybe she's feeling the same as me- emo and suffering from post- travel blues. 

so tempted to cancel on my appt, but I can't coz it's back to back appts. Meeting a 730pm appt for closing, followed by another friend/work/casual appt at 830pm. If I have to cancel, I need cancel both. The thing about canceling is.. it means I need to meet them again.. times like that, I ask God.. am I really suited for here? If yes, why do I still dread meeting people? Or is it bcoz my "work" brain has been switched off for too long that it can only think in the negative way when left on its own?

I went for 3 appts yesterday and only reached home at 11pm. I was exhuasted. I know I didn't do well for all 3 (It was 3-0 again). Then I started to blame myself, maybe I shouldn't have crammed my days to be so packed and leaving me gasping for air. Or maybe I'm still recovering from my flu and all the feeling-drowsy and high mode? 

Sometimes I ask myself, actually I only have 1 task and that is work and I'm feeling all so emo and shitty abt it.. I'm not even like those gungho mamas who juggle parenting/work/household on my plate. I have only 1 thing on my plate and I'm complaining about this and that.. argh.. why? why am i so emo about things? I need to get control over it. I prayed to God and looked at my daily verse and saw this:

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,

    who daily bears our burdens. - Psalm 68:19

Dear Lord, You are my Lord and Saviour and I entrust all my worries to You. Maybe I don't understand the why, but I trust that all will pass and that You know what's best for me. In You, I trust. I just need to believe that all is for the better me. In Jesus I pray, Amen!

P/s: While I was preparing for my appts yday in the office, I realise that my vision has become blur again. I randomly told Joleen abt it, and she told me that I had told her a mth ago and I probably should go have it checked again. Called my eye specialist and made an appt for Friday afternoon.  Praying that it's not anything serious. 

Church camp 2017 part 2

I was so deeply touched by God's word during thr church camp and there's so many things I wanna share abt it that I decided to write part 2 to this.

Of the many sessions shared by the various pastors, there was one in particular that was close to my heart and I hope that by writing it down, I will be able to refer to it when needed.

Embolden & empower to make life changing decisions by Rev Ong Sek Leong

What is life?

• It is a series of decisions made along the way periodically.

3 kinds of people:

1. People who don't want to make decisions
2. People who make decisions @ their own pace
3. People would rise to make all the decisions in life bcoz they trust God

Sometimes we want a blueprint from God but God seldom gives us a blueprint.  God gives us a game plan. It is not God’s nature to give you all the details.
Blueprint : details of all situations
Game plan: general parameters

God is in the process of making us and developing us as a person instead of bringing us to the destination. God don't give us a GPS to bring us to the destination, but He gives us a compass. 

4 parameters 

1) HOW u live is more impt than WHERE U live

• Genesis 13: 12-13
• The condition is more impt than yr location 
• Lot chose to leave God and stay at Sodom (wicked place) and eventually his decision impacted him & his family in a worse manner 
• Implication of How you live is more impt than where you work at.

2) AFFIRMATION of your spouse is more impt than the OFFER of yr bosses

• 1 Peter 3: 4,5,7
• Condition of yr family is more important that yr work/bosses offer
• Affirmation = condition of the heart, decisions that's felt and not directed/imposed
• Consider the feelings of yr family first, before you make any work decisions
• God put yr family together
• Verse 7: prayers will not be hindered

3) OBEDIENCE is more impt than PASSION

• Acts 16:3
• Acts 16: 6-39
• Passion is fundamental. But in the pursuit of passion, there is something more important than God-given passion, which is God, himself
• That's why always stop and ask.
• " Am I doing the right thing and am I doing it right?"
• Obey God
• Reality we faced may not match our vision
• Paul had passion, but God asked him to stop. And he obeyed (twice)
• Obedience can be very tough, and sometimes contradicting
• Obey even if You seem to be going from a bad place to a worse place
• Eg. Paul ended up in prison, but it turned out to be worthwhile coz he managed to preach and saved others

4) RIGHT decisions is not always inspirational

• Hebrews 11:6
• Without faith, it is impossible to please God
• Optimism vs faith
• Faith is believing God is there. When someone has faith, he doesn't need to know his environment. He just need to know God is in there.
• Very often when you seek God's direction, optimism itself is not enough
• Enjoy the process of reaching, not just the destination

In summary, God may give us a holy ministry, but He knows that we may not be that holy. And we may make mistakes. We may even be lost halfway. 

Genesis 28: 16-22

16 When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” 17 He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.”

18 Early the next morning Jacob took the stone he had placed under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on top of it. 19 He called that place Bethel,[a] though the city used to be called Luz.

20 Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear 21 so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord[b] will be my God 22 and[c] this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”

Let God be the centre of yr life. Live by the 4 parameters of God. Thankful that I managed to be there to listen to the sharing. And hopefully, that even though I might not be able to bring my friends to church, I hope that I can bring the church to my friends. :)

How much does it cost to have a cuppa these days?

#Backpost 28/2/17

Juz ordered a cuppa hot chocolate @ this cafe -- $8! So expensive.. haiz.. client had suggested this place though I was really hoping that she suggest friendlier places like Starbucks (which happened to be having 1 for 1 this week) or TCC (where I still have some credits there). Even J.Co which is juz opp seems like a better option. Then my next immediate thought was : " I better close my appt later!" So bad! lol.. I corrected myself before sinking further.

God, I pray that You grant me wisdom in the appt later, I pray that You give me the right words to say to the appt, to help them manage their finances. God, guard my heart that I say not only the right things, but the things that You will be proud of.

On a separate note, I wanna pray for a friend who has lost his father. I pray that You console the family, and provide support & comfort. I'll be attending the funeral later and in all honesty, I'm a little nervous. Nervous coz I haven't see this friend for > 5 yrs; we kinda have a strained relationship ever since he divorced his wife who happens to be my fren also. Nervous becoz funerals are occasions that I don't really know how to react. Decided to go despite all reasons becoz I hope I will be able to give some support and encouragement to this friend. Praying that God help him cope with his sorrows, in Jesus name I pray, amen!

Psalms 27:14

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalms 27:14

Was feeling feverish and lethargic after I woke up from my nap. I still hv 2 more appts to go tonight. Mr choo say I should reschedule them and rest at home. Looking at my schedule, I told him that I don't have a slot for them to be rescheduled. Looking at my schedule, it seems that I can't afford to fall sick these 2 weeks. I'm not complaining. I'm thankful that I have a intense 2 weeks ahead before we go on our cruise. But at the same time I am worried that I don't hv the stamina to last these 2 weeks.

Hoping that the fever subsidies and I will b well enough to conduct the appts later. Praying for God s strength that He heals me and cover me in these times.

A little prayer

Always like the empty pockets of time when I could pray to the Lord , reflect upon the past week and enjoy a little of "me" time..

While waiting for my appt today, I penned a little prayer always reminded of what God has done in me and my household..

"Dear God, I pray for patience and strength as I carry on with the work. I pray for the right mindset in approaching my appts and I pray for the right attitude. No fear, no self doubt; with a willing heart to help all that comes my path; a humble heart to treat all with dignity and respect. Lord, it always seem arduous to begin a fresh week, with nothing. But many times, You have shown me the miracles and Yr ways; and many times, I stand in AWE of yr presence.  I pray that as the yr comes to an end, that You help me help all that comes my path, I pray that You encourage those who are struggling, that they b reminded of Yr presence and great love, that You are the answer to all questions and doubts. LORD, I pray that as I collect the keys to the new place, that You help me make things right. If this is the place for us to stay, I pray that You walk ahead and pave the way for us. Lord, if the plan is to sell, I pray that you bring the buyer to our doorstep; that we all will KNOW, it is from You. Lord, yday while talking to a colleague, he ask if I'm running for banding; which I wasn't. Nor was I running for any deadlines and he commented that life muz be good to be so stress free. It only daunt on me when he said that. Lord , I want to continue to believe that my purpose is You and I wan to look up to You. Wherever You point, I follow. Thankful for being in an environment where I don't need to chase after targets or any material possession, bcoz You are all I need. Thankful for Yr providence. In Jesus name I pray, amen."

I will say of the Lord, " He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." Psalms 91

10-5-0?

- Posted on 29th Jul 2016-

Something happened that day & I might be pregnant. The initial feelings were " Yeah! #4!"; followed by " How are we going to cope?"; "Can we really handle another one? Diaper bag again! ???"

Of coz, all these were just wild thoughts and nothing has been finalized yet. Will know by Joy's birthday if it happens. (Muz be crazy). The inital hopes quickly turned to fears within a day. Even when a colleague brought her baby to office, it did lift my spirits up for a while, but only for a while.

Right now, I pray Lord that God, You know the shortfalls, the situation, I pray that You know best for me & whateven happens, I will obey. I pray that Your Will be done; and may all things be right in yr eyes! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

* By today, I'm glad to inform that it's just a false alarm. :)

Prayers

Came home very late today bcoz of work. . So late that even uncle pig has fallen asleep on grace bed, while for grace, she was found sleeping diagonally right in the centre of my bed. I lifted her and adjusted her to b right next to me and took many glances at her. I put my finger under my nose to check if she was breathing. I couldn't feel her breath.. or mayb I didn't know how to do it. Juz as I was wondering , I heard her snores... 😅 yes all my 3 kids snore.. juz to what extent. I kiss her n kiss n continued to kiss her, wondering if she would wake up and look at me. I wondered if all these was juz a dream , a wonderful dream or is it for real that I am now a mother of 3.. and my gem is juz sleeping next to me. It seems so surreal that I am so blessed , to have all and so unworthy to have all of these. 

And the fear in me grew , that one day this might all end. Before I let the fear grow deeper , I juz wanna pray and b grateful for the many blessings that God has given to me and my family.

So many things have happened since my last blog entry and I won't hv stumbled back to my blog if I wasn't looking for some encouraging verses for a friend who was having some struggles in her work. Indeed, life is always a lot easier when we r closer to God. As I looked at the no. Of entries that I've made in the respective yrs, I'm also guilty of not giving God enough "air time". Of coz God being God, he doesn't complain or becomes jealous or do funny stunts. But looking back , much as the struggles of infertility had occupied me previously , I was strong becoz I had God. As things come to past , human being human, forget and become distracted.  Mi included. I hope this will b the start of many intimate entries back with the Lord again .

At this juncture , I just wanna pray for this friend who is angry abt the many ups n downs happening at her workplace , I pray that God you remove the hatred and the angst in her, n let her realign her goals and focus back to you. Man always disappoint and fail us, but God is the only one who never fails.  I pray that You give her wisdom to manage the relationship between people, n give her favour in Man.

I also want to pray for my friends who are having issues, be it with work / family / relationships that God you lift them and carry them in their walk with You. I pray that they will come to know You n have peace in them.

I also want to pray for a friend who has recently come back to You , that You guide her in her small spiritual steps and use her well in her workplace . I pray that You speak to her and let her experience Yr presence every day. As I see her taking her small baby steps , I am also reminded of my own baby Christian walk many yrs ago. As she seems Me as a role model , I am even more touched and encouraged of God's presence thru her. Indeed, let us walk together and come closer to you Lord! -Amen

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins.
- Psalm 25:4-11

A little prayer...

John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

Right now, I juz wanna pray for a friend , a very close friend that God you heal her wounds, you protect her from more hurts, that You heal her both emotionally and physically. Though we may not understand the reason why, or when she will conceive again, but Lord, I pray that You'll be with her, in these moments of sufferings and indeed, tough times. I pray Lord, that You give us the rainbow soon. We know You are the Healer and the Creator of Mankind, and nothing, yes nothing is impossible in yr eyes. Lord, then I pray that You heal my fren of the wounds, that You breathe life again in her womb, that she will be able to experience motherhood again. And that we will be able to testify your goodness.

Lord, the wait is long and tiring. I pray that You carry my fren and her entire household, that they will experience your goodness, yr promise. Lord, it is hard to carry on w/0 your presence, so I pray that You be with her , let her know of Your presence; protect her like a mother would protect her young, hug her and give her warmth. I pray that she will only look to you for comfort, for strength and have faith in You. Indeed, it is always easier said than done- to believe in the unseen for seeing isn't believing but believing is seeing! Lord, I pray that all things will come to pass, and she will see light after the tunnel real soon, In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Relationships can be so fragile..

Had lunch with a very old friend today. Had always wanted to catch up with her but bcoz all of us were busy with our own lives, we only met at major occasions like weddings etc.. I initiated today's lunch bcoz I suspected that something was going wrong between her n hubz. Both of them were my personal friends and crossed their paths at my 21st birthday party, dated and got married.. It was a long relationship that span more than ten years and I was delighted when it was finally their turn to walk the aisle a couple of years ago.. But relationships can be so fragile at times. There was another woman in the picture, they started  barely a few mths ago and hubz is now sure that "she" is the one and wanna end the marriage. My heart sank when my friend told me this. She was still in love with this man, wanna forget him n give each other another chance. But the decision was not mutual. It seems so unbelievable. 

Right now, I juz pray that she will pick things up soon, that the wounds would heal soon although I think it always take time. Oh God, I pray for this couple, that You fix their relationship , that You carry her and You heal her wounds. I pray that she/they will turn to You, to know you and I pray that in the midst of all these, something gd will come out of it. In Jesus name I pray, amen.