Pre trip blues

Feeling super lethargic. Haven't been sleeping well for the last week. The twins zzz with me last night (coz I'm flying off tonight) and I just wanna spend more time with them. They have been especially sensitive, especially as the trip is approaching. I suspect the tween is emo too, but she doesnt express it. I feel bad that I'm still working today- the day I fly.

Feels like cancelling the appts for today. It's a huge temptation coupled with the lack of sleep though i doubt i could rest even if I'm home. I shall chop chop finish my work today and head home ba.

Praying for journey mercy and that the kids and william would be fine at home. Each time I fly, I feel like it's the last time I get to hug and kiss them and say I love them.. I know I v guazhang but one can never know.. praying for peace and strength God.. in Jesus name I pray, amen!

Sleepless nights

I'm going to fly off to Egypt with my mama for another convention in a couple of days time.

William could sense it - the jittery plus emo emo and the fact that I kept picking on him the last few days (at least according to him). I thought I had managed it quite well this time round, till the sleepless nights came visiting again. I tried cutting off caffeine entirely, packing my days with appts such that the mind doesn't even have time to wander. In fact, for the next 3 days, my appts start as early as 9am, even on Wed, the day I fly.

Praying for good sleep, praying that I have the energy to spend time with my kids before the trip, that I wont miss the family too much. Feeling guilty that i probably packed too many appts coming week, but we did many activities this week. I brought them to the night safari, we swam (again)and we even washed the school shoes together coz I was quite irritated with the dirty shoes..lol

Praying that the trip would be fruitful, that I would be able to spend time with my mama - the only reason why I'm travelling. Praying for good weather and peace, in Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Been feeling jittery and fearful this whole morning that I succumb to "satay bee hoon" for lunch today.. currently waiting for the new appt to arrive. It's the new appt that always makes me all jittery and chicken. And this new appt is unlike the usual ones I meet (though those give me butterflies in my stomach too). The one today is not a direct referral but one that is still referred by my client la.. have been doing solely direct referrals for a few yrs but this referral was given bcoz I asked my client. For all who ask, shall be given! Hahahaha

Not sure if the appt would work out coz the prospect sounded quite defensive. Well.. we shall see.. hopefully he wont go complain to my client later..

Praying for God's wisdom upon me, that I will be able to help all that I meet and share my knowledge with them. Praying for courage as well.. I know it's weird to feel so jittery for an appt, especially when I wont feel this way for closing appts..lol..but yes praying for courage..

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/deu.31.6.NIV

Lazy Thursday

Mama duties today after a hectic morning. Took uncle choo's first "bus" with the girls and reach office by 7am. Printed some documents and collected a chq from client at yishun at 8ish before heading to another review appt at 930 at potong pasir. By the time it was done, went to office again to submit all the paperwork. Headed home to take a catnap before fetching the girls from school. 

Papa choo took the car to bring his mama to the doc so today was my first time taking public with the twins from school. Thankfully we manage to squeeze into the first bus... hahaha..

Moments when they are sisters and not sworn enemies..

To be honest, I'm exhausted bcoz I only manage to zzz at 4am (intoxicated by coffee) and what better way to exhaust their energy than to swim! 

Probably becoz the other kids are still in school so we have the whole pool by ourselves..

Thankfully I'm done with work for today. I told them that they can swim for as long as they want till it rains or when they quarrel big time. Going to miss this place when we move out end of the year.. 

Thankful for the time to enjoy my kids, breathe and the happy moments. Now that I'm going to scale down this yr, I wanna bring them for swimming more frequently and to also make use of our zoo passes next week! Yeah!

Something new

Tried something very interesting today at Hoshino, one of my fav Jap cafe..

We went for coffee appreciation! Hahaha.. thanks to Jiamin who found this lobang.. I didnt mind attending coz the workshop came along with my fav pancakes ! Hahahaha

The trainer explaining the technique of making drip coffee

Us trying the technique..  honestly I still dont quite understand how to make..but never mind. Hahahah.. at least I tried!

My coffee drip at the end! It must look like a well to b considered good..

Trying my coffee.. not bad..hahaha

And the highlight of it all! Hahaha.. v nice pancake..

The session started off quite boring as the trainer gave some history of coffee beans, Hoshino etc.. but it soon got more exciting when we could try the different blends of coffee..

I probably had too much of it, thus being awake now at 140am 😫 seems like only I have this effect coz the trainers said they could drink even at night etc.. so can jiamin.

Only 3 attendees.. Haha.. the rest are staff

Overall quite nice experience, dont mind trying latte art or if they have the pancake workshop even better.  Hahaha

Hopefully I can zzz soon coz tomorrow is hectic workday before picking up the girls from school..

I will say of the Lord , “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:2 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.91.2.NIV

Overcoming Limitations

"Dear God, I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I hadn't intend to attend the class, bcoz I felt that I wasn't ready (but one would never be ready ya?). But God, time and time again, You have pointed and directed. I'm still tempted to skip the coming sat class for various reasons. Lord, strengthen me. Help me, give me strength to overcome my weaknesses. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!"

This was what I penned in my journal last week while waiting for my appt. I was afraid, not of the appt but of the classes I signed up at church. I had signed up for some bible classes in church and only attending part 1 of it did I realize that part 2 encompass street evangelism! Omg!! I contemplated skipping it entirely and doing it another time. But I know I shouldnt whine like a baby. Joy and william had attended the classes on their own and Joy has done street evangelism so many times before. I felt ashamed that I wasnt a great role model for her. Thankfully she has our Abba Father to look up to.

                         *********

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”  At once they left their nets and followed him.
Mark 1:17‭-‬18 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.1.17-18.NIV

Then I read this and thought of my inertia to move forward in my spiritual walk. The procrastination/inertia is real and I admit that it is often easy to just switch off God's voice and look at earthly demands. But a conversation with a client reminded me that one day, when I meet God, He's going to look at my "basket" and would He still he pleased with what I have/have not achieved on earth?

"If you focus on yrself, you will never step out. If you focus on Jesus and His love for the unreached, then actually it is never about you. It is all about Him."

"See the bigger picture. When u think about His love for you and the other people, His love will compel you to do beyond yr limitations"

And that was what she said, which I thought made perfect sense and logic.

And thus I went. I had peace. Of coz, I prayed very hard too. Lol.. after all I'm just human. J was surprised when I told her that I'm doing street evangelism on Friday. I think my friends would all b, knowing how "sheltered" I am usually.

But I did it. And I had no regrets. It was a small breakthrough for me in my world. Hahaha.. I paired with another auntie (stranger) who was also an introvert, but we both agreed that since we are going to do it, we should make the best of it. And before long, the 1 hr activity ended. We had approached 12 people, shared the gospel to 3 people and 1 would b coming to church! Yeah ! I felt so proud of myself after that. It wasnt as difficult as I thought it would b. My church friends said it should b similar to my line of work, but I told them I've never prospecting on the streets before! Hahaha.. but yes I'm grateful for the chance to do this, a chance to share with others about my God.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28‭-‬30 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.11.28-30.NIV

Lesson to learn

Woke up by the man stomping into the bedroom and changing back to his home clothes. Time: 830am. He had intended to bring the twins out on an excursion since we had a whole Sunday to ourselves. Gave them instructions to change and get ready but when the man was ready, the twins were still in their own world; grace reading and vera drawing. That was it. The man told them they are not going out anymore and came back to the bedroom.

Thus began the long episode of crying and crying. Haiz.. there was an interval for bf at home and the twins (and me also) probably thought that they could go after bf. After all, it's rare we have a whole Sunday on our own. But the man wanted to imprint this lesson in their minds. After all, this was getting too frequently.

The twins realized that they r not going after all, cried even louder and longer.. at this point, I was tired. I was tempted to use my "priority pass" to ask the king for a pardon. But I too realise that I shouldn't.

Peace has resumed. We are all back to our home clothes. Crying has stopped. Episode ended faster than I thought. It seems a long day though its only 1030am.

God, I pray u grant me the stamina t0 last thru today. I pray for wisdom as I figure this topic of parenting. I pray for strength, in jesus name I pray, Amen!

P/s: as I draft this entry, episode 2 has started..  God pls save me.. 😣