Sweet memories

"如果这份工作这么容易，早就大把人排队做这行了。就是以为这份工作不是每个人都明白它的意义和重要，所以直有我们在做啊!"

I recall a senior comforting me when I was in between sobs. I was disappointed then, having joined this industry with the purpose of helping others. But certainly not everyone sees the same as me. Just kena rejected by a referral call and being "scolded" by my mentor for my (poor) telephone skills. I was disheartened. I wasnt even intending to sell anything to anyone. I just wanted to tell everyone the importance financial planning is!

为什么这么难呢? 难道进这行是错的吗?

Thoughts of leaving? Yes! (All the time, in fact). But I'm reminded by her words this morning as I make my way for my appt. Precisely bcoz few see the importance, thus we need to educate. Bcoz not all are informed, that's why we must 敲锣打鼓 to notify!

Thankful that she shared those encouraging words to me when i was young.

Indeed, even after being here for >16yrs, it can be tough at times. But yes, let's reflect on my initial beginnings and 如果我的热忱还在， 相信的观念依然，那我们就奋斗吧!

#感恩

Devotion

Starting a 1 month devotion for myself. Today's read is on how as mothers, sometimes we yearn to have some quiet time by ourselves, to enjoy our coffee by ourselves but more often than not, even before the coffee is ready, the kids are yelling for our attention/help. Praying for God to be my caffeine, to refresh me, to awaken me every morning. Renew me, as I embark on today's challenges.

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.40.31.NIV

Having a cuppa sinful hot chocolate; planning to make some appts before heading home. If anything, I'm trying hard not to think or worry. There are times when I doubt my self worth, especially in moments like this when I don't have much work. There are times when I think of V, how she must have struggled and how I should have been more aware and reach out to her. Won't things have changed, if we all had..  

Maybe I should go take up some classes, to take the mind away. J probably felt it coming and comforted me when I came in today. I'm ever so thankful for her, who has always been an encourager in my life. If not, I probably wont have lasted that long. 

Maybe I should go back to swimming too.. so that it clears my mind. 

Surrendering to the Lord, for His wisdom n guidance, that in His perfect timing, all will come in place. 

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
Colossians 4:2 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/col.4.2.NIV

P/S: I went for a swim this morning and it felt so good.. I've forgotten how good it was to swim. Thankful ! Today is a brand new day! Happy weekend !

Bible verses

Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord ; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:27‭-‬31 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.40.27-31.NIV

Sleepless nights

Haven't been sleeping really well since I came back from the trip... haiz.. thought I had overcome that..  but jet lag / insomnia seems to come back to visit an old friend.

There are struggles / battles/ challenges that I need to overcome. Praying for strength and God's wisdom. Praying that I will not stumble, nor will I look left and right but only at my Lord, for accomplishing His will is most impt. Lord I pray that I will continue to have faith, I know that you are my Maker and certainly You will never give me a task too huge for me to overcome. But Lord, I pray that You be with me, as I overcome my addictions, as I try to be a better person, I pray that You give me strength to do what is right. In jesus name I pray, amen.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:1‭-‬2 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.51.1-2.NIV

Norway/ Denmark

Enjoying my cup of coffee while waiting for my next appt.. its relaxing and I'm thankful for it. To be able to enjoy the peace, the coffee and just simply listening to the music.

I've been back since Saturday. The weather was so cold in Norway and Denmark that I was literally buying winter clothes every other day while I was there. There were only 2 things worth buying there - strawberries and winter clothes.

* Bergen; Norway. Pretty mama and me with my new trench coat 

The rest of the things either cost more or could b purchased here at the same price. Such was the result of globalization. We saw many hand knitted sweaters/ souvenirs in Norway but they were so expensive that the practical me wont be able to differentiate it over a "made-in-china" equivalent. Sad truth of globalization.

*风景是美的

*不记得这是。。。

*while waiting to enter the restaurant. We had to take a boat to a private island for this lunch, which was my best meal for the whole trip. Hahahaha.. 

*postcard!

Having been on so many trips, the conclusion is that most places (europe) looks the same. It's the people that matters and I'm glad that everywhere we go, we are always a big group. I didn't need to worry abt sharing a table with strangers or engaging in meaningless small talk.. my mama is the social one who knows more people on the trip than me. There was once when she was talking to some other adviser and that person commented that she has seen my mama before on previous trips, but she has never seen me before..lol.. ya, mama is the qualifier while I'm the AP. Hahahahaha..  but I'm not complaining. .

*this was a surprise.. sakura!

*more sakura

* with my pretty 小师妹

*all photos were courtesy of my friendly colleagues who were so good at taking IG-worthy photos that I decided just to be thick skinned and ask them take for me throughout the trip..hahahaha

And so the 1 week trip ended faster than I thought. Didn't experience any jet lag on either legs for which I'm most thankful for. The flights were so comfortable, mainly bcoz mama paid for the biz class upgrades.. first trip where I was sleeping most of the time on the plane..

I'm looking forward to the Vancouver trip in June with William..  its scary to think of the many trips I'm having this yr but let's just enjoy the moment and let whatever happens, happens

Meltdown

This post was meant to talk abt the Europe trip that just happened but drama happened at home..  haiz...

Vera had a meltdown just before sleep time this evening. She came out of her room saying she was thirsty and cant find her water bottle. I asked her if she had left it in the car, but William said that she brought it up. I told her to search for it if she wanted a drink. She used her eyes to do a search and was done in 1 min. She cant find. I was busy. So was William. And most Importantly, I felt that enough was enough. She wasnt trying hard enough to find her things coz we were rescuing her all the time. I told her either she can go thirsty or ask her water bottle walk up to her and say hi. And thus began the 2 hrs episode.

I was determined to finish my work and go to the room. I was drowsy. Both of us were sick. And we had a long day. William brought me for 2 doc appts, 1 work appt and we brought the kids for Jewel preview. We must have been crazy to put so much on our plate. I know the easiest way is to simply give her a cup and quench her thirst so that she can go zzz but enough was enough.

Her papa ask her to bring her school bag over so that they could search for the bottle together. She refused, crying on the floor saying that the bag was too heavy. (It was the same bag she carried everyday to sch by the way). This took abt 15 mins before papa threw the bag to the kitchen (much further from her now). And ask her to bring over. Repeat heavy bag drama for another 15 mins. By now I had finished my work. I couldn't stand the way she bullied her papa. I threw the bag out of the house and near to the common rubbish chute. I was very angry. She was rude, and giving a lot of excuses. I wanted to skin her alive. (Honestly yes I would, if I could)

The fit of anger made me wanted to throw the bag into the rubbish chute but practicality it means we need to do a lot of repair work after that. . I carried thr bag and came back to the house, leaving her out of the door. I threw the bag into the balcony. Wanted to throw it out of the balcony but no, later kena killer litter. She came back in with papa. Papa did the repair work. Told her to apologise and hug me. She say she hated me and most likely wouldn't give her the bag. She was right. I was chilled with her bringing nothing to sch. Let her face the music tomorrow in sch and let her do the explaining.

Drama of making her apologize and hug me took a while (another 15 mins). But it dawned on me that this drama took a shorter time than previously (read vera meltdown). Okie, the temperature cool a little. Hugged her back. Explained to her that if she doesn't wan her bag, she doesn't need to have it. We can bless others. In between sobs, told her to collect her bag from balcony and proceed to papa station.

Papa went thru her stuff with her. Her bag was heavy bcoz she had too much junk. She always said she packed her bag, but clearly junk is stil there. Cleared the junk. Couldn't find the bottle.. gua gua.. she has calmed down a lot by now. Went to bed. Guess I will go look in the car later.

Thus the end of this drama (Finally). Papa choo is ironing now while I started this entry at the fit of my anger. I'm of coz more calmed down now. It wasnt a proud mama moment and I know I could have dealt with it in a better, calmer way.

Praying for God's wisdom and patience with the girls, it hasn't been easy. Once a while I tell my friends that its easier now, but episodes like this made me step back again. Praying for God's protection and healing among our family. All 5 of us are sick, just in different degree. William, joy and I are down with cough and flu while the twins seem to have some diarrhoea since  coming back from their friends party yday. Praying that God heal all of us soon. It has been really a long while since all 5 of us are down. Praying that God providence in my work too. In Jesus name I pray, amen!