Happy New yr..

And this wraps up our last/first staycation 2017/18. As much as this pic feels like a lovely picture of a family of 5, behind it was a Vera who was sobbing (bcoz she had tied a ribbon on her teddy bear and thus staining it real badly), 2 sisters who were tired of coaxing her and a papa who was carrying tons of small plastic bags /luggage just so that the girls could use their tiny luggage bag. (Roll eyes..sorry it's my fault for agreeing to their requests.. )

I wished I could just say that it was a beautiful staycation and the kids were in their best best behaviour but more often than not, the reality is more like this..

Lol..this is after crying for an hr (I think) with the other two happily playing with each other. And honestly that was the best i could hoped for.. Coz it would b more heart wrecking if the other two had bothered and cried along with her. She was upset of losing over a game of monopoly. The twins are at the age of "sore-losing" and despite us repeating not to play again if no one was prepared of losing. (Hard parenting)

The girls also bickered a lot on this trip and it was as if their r/s moved 3 steps forward only to see them stepping 2 steps backwards.

I guess this is what it feels like being a parent. Sometimes you feel like on top of the world, but sometimes you feel like you have nothing. My post today is not to shame anyone but to offer some realities of life.. sometimes not all moments of life is instagram-able. There are challenging moments too.. and that's why it makes this whole thing so sweet.. just like how I tell my friends that God gave Vera such a sweet innocent face is bcoz if she was anything less, I probably strangled her long ago, given her challenging moments. And when I said challenging, it is challenging. But we definitely came a long way from the initial times.

If one were to just judge from the pic above or from the fact that she cried for an hr, it probably scar anyone who ever wanted to have kids. But if i look at the Vera then and now, I'm grateful that she has come a long way. I'm thankful that we have come a long way.

We definitely have scaled some of our tallest "Mt Everest", thought we never ever made it thru; cried buckets and prayed buckets.. we are not there yet.. we have our shortcomings too and sometimes even the smallest spark will cause a fire. But we are in this together, with the Lord as our saviour and guardian protecting over us.

There were happy moments on the trip too.. like how Joy would brush her teeth together with Vera to teach her how it is done properly.. or how Grace woke up at 3am eavesdropping my conversation with William.. or how Vera ended on my bed last night. The honest fact is..i do enjoy the kids co-sleeping with me..hahahaha...

We are a family and I pray that God give us the wisdom to guide the girls, the courage to say no to them (when needed) and the heart to listen to them at all times. Despite all these trying moments, I love you all.. let's all try to make the best out of it in this life..

Praying that all my family and friends have good health for 2018..

Silent night..

It's Christmas and everyone are sound asleep.. and I am the only one still wide awake..

I was curious to know what i was blogging abt a yr ago and I saw this .. we have officially shifted over for 1 yr.. time seems to zoom past without me knowing.. all the little adjustments that we had to make with the shift, seems tiny now.. I'm fully adjusted to staying here.. and the only thing that I missed probably is the big fridge and kitchen that Mr choo used to have. I missed how he used to cook big meals and we would invite our friends over..  beside that, I think all is good here.. the tiny place makes cleaning a breeze.. we've managed to maintain what we have / need. All of us have lesser clothes now though I think it's still a lot. We see a lot of each other here.. hahaha.. the girls relationship have improved so much.. they have realized that we are all kinda stuck together for a while and let's all learn to compromise. Yes, I think the word here is compromise. They have learnt it well and I'm thankful for it.

Compared to the ungrateful brats that we have a few yrs ago , the girls have really improved so much.

They opened their presents this morning.. there weren't many bcoz I was tired of organizing Xmas parties and having gift exchanges for the sake of doing it. Christmas holds a very special meaning now to us , compared to the commercial gifting seasons that ads are trying to convince everyone to buy and buy. Less is more and Christmas is really abt Jesus, my Lord and saviour.

What matters to me now is having my family with me. I have nothing lacking and I hope that my kids will continue to appreciate the blessings they have and be willing to share it with others.

Merry Christmas to all my friends and may joy, peace and health be with you.

Back to origins..

This was where it all started..  Haven bakery

The log cakes he did for cell party

As Mr choo is busy baking his log cakes for tomorrow cell grp party, I couldn't quite recall how haven bakery started it's humble beginnings. You know, over time, memory comes in bits and pieces, here and there.. Lol.. and the baker wasn't sure either so I did a small search..

It all started when the engineer turned stay at home papa decided to take some baking course since joy has settled down in childcare. He was bored at home and his supportive wife (ME!) told him that he should do something that he would not have the time to do it, if he had a full time job. And so he did. The course turned out well and he even went on to take a professional course with the school there after.

And so he started baking cakes for me to bring to office for the colleagues to test and critique. It was still pretty much trial and error. A few months later, it was the Xmas gifting session and I told him that perhaps he could help me bake a few so that I could give to some of my clients and friends. And thus it all started, at the balcony of our old place, where he started his first proper order - log cake. Both of us couldn't recall how much he baked for his maiden order but 1 thing led to another. One of my clients, upon tasting the log cake, likes it so much that she insisted that he bake for her son's 1 yr old cake. The theme was Thomas the train.

The engineer in him conceptualize the cake in the middle of the train tracks so that Thomas could go around the cake. I believe he was the first to have thought of it back then and it was a hit! And the rest is history.

The late night bakings; the smell of cake; his signature strawberries and his pursuit for details all floated in my mind as he started preparing for the party tomorrow. It all seemed like yesterday when it first began.

And it is only by God's grace that we could weather thru all the highs and lows, the challenges etc..to which I'm grateful for. Coz each challenge is a lesson for God to mould us, to use us, for bigger things in life. I pray that God, you use this man, use his skills, to touch the lives of others. Though it might not be possible for him to do it on a biz scale, I do hope that we could use his skills to bake for the underprivileged or for some communities etc. I do not know who or what, but I know, my God, you know what's best for us. And may we be able to use the most of our abilities to touch the lives of others we meet. - amen

Bible verses

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
 - Isaiah 43:2

Happy brunch

This was what I woke up to this morning.. uncle pig cafe brunch.. Lol.. so nice and easily much better than those hipster cafes. That's why we rarely visit those cafes outside coz it's mostly overpriced and overhyped. 

I asked him if he had plans to open a brunch place or something but he says overheads and rent will kill the biz. I offered doing it at our place but our place is too tiny to have a decent seating.. Lol... it's a pity that even though he can cook pretty much a storm (Okie I'm biased..lol), he can't put his talent into good use.

It's the school hols now and my week has been sparse. Took this chance to just stay at home and spend time with the kids. I like staying at home and doing nothing.. Lol.. waking up naturally to this breakfast and just having nothing to do. Pure bliss.. Lol.. 

We took this at taka yday..it was those free pics at a tiffany booth..love how it turned out.. 

#happyfamily #happymoments

My PK..

Why can't they sell self confidence over the counter? $50 / 2hrs ? Only for super crucial events? 

That was what I asked joleen, after my PK appt.. to summarize, last week client called me. She sounded quite upset. Apparently, she met up with her friend who had recently became a banker / sales consultant and together with another senior, they tried to pressure my client to buy a plan. My client was v uncomfortable abt it and called me for S.O.S. She asked if I represented that company as well, to which I said yes. She asked if I know abt the plans well, to which I said yes too. It was taught to us a few mths ago when it was launched so it was fresh in the mind. Here comes the uncomfortable part. She wanted to meet me and the banker/her friend together. She wanted me to explain to the banker why it was not appropriate to her, especially since we only had our review 2 mths ago. In fact, for the past 3yrs though we had met regularly for reviews, I had not recommended her any plans. Reason was simple. Her cashflow was tight, too tight. Any more commitments would b uncomfortable. Or at least that's what I thought. But when someone comes along and says/package/sell a plan until that it sounds too good to be true, then probably can consider?

So anyway I was supposed to meet both of them and it's not the kind of appts that I enjoy. I don't see the purpose of meeting coz the client agreed (after my explanation) that financially it probably isn't the right time to commit to more plans now. And the client understood and agreed.. then why do we stil need to meet the banker? Especially when the client isn't even comfortable to let her friend knows what she has.

My client felt that the banker and his senior weren't professional when they propose plans even without asking what she has and didn't disclose the fine prints when she asked further. And she wanted her friend to learn since he was new in the mkt..

Seriously I'm not that kind of super confident adviser la.. and I'm not the kind that use IPad or laptops one..im.thr down to earth, dinosaur agent who stil use pen and paper. Bankers are the packaged agents that always look glam and pro kind.. and I was like the exact opp.. even though the facts were in my favour, I was dragging my feet to it..

I spoke laymen terms.. why it was not suitable etc.. I didn't package my words but I'm thankful the client was on my side. She texted me this when I reached home.

I didn't do much for the appt.. didn't wayang wayang .. I told joleen after the appt that I won not bcoz I was the more gungho adviser but bcoz the banker kept going on and on abt how good their investment/life/retirment plans are... like best in the market..  🙄 seriously..  for all the different class plans , the banker confidently said that they are the best in the market..  🙄🙄

I told joleen after that how could anyone had that kind of confidence and say that kind of statements when it wasn't even exactly true..why can't I be more confident abt myself? I told her I wish I could get self confidence OTC.. Lol.. jm said that though we don't have self confidence, we believe in the work we do and it was always in the best interest of the clients and not my pockets.  In this case i was blessed that the client was on my side. For which I'm grateful. I always believe that as long as we speak the truth, we don't need to rem a thing. Coz the truth don't change. I believe that as long as you plan with the clients best interest at heart, then there is nothing to fear.

My last letter

It all started with a random thought just before bed..

Me : we should have included ur name in the current place we are staying..

Mr choo: why leh ?

Me: coz at least if I die now, the house would b transferred to you without absd.

Mr choo: Are you going to die now?

Me: I dunno.. but I just felt that I'm going to die soon.. and if that happens , what are u going to do?

Mr choo: Aiya whatever happens, God is with us and He will tell us how to do.

Me: orh..

Then i started to think..  if God is going to take me home tonight, my biggest regret or probably yr greatest regret is bcoz u refused to let me sleep on yr hand tonight.. Lol.. 

Me: I love you dear.. (Better say just in case I really leave tonight)

Mr choo : I love you too..

Tears started to flow as I continued to ponder on the "if I were to die today, xxx" and before I know it, Mr choo is snoring happily in his la la land.. not that I can blame him coz he's always the first to wake up and last to fall asleep.

I'm the one who has been having insomnia for the past few nights..  happened once a while and sometimes when I'm too stressed up, for dunno what reasons.. and I've been having the occasional chest pains recently.. haiz.. mayb it's the 30s mid life crisis or dunno what la..

Anyway I've digressed.. i decided to pen my last letter, something which i used to keep in my wallet just in case..

If I were to die today, Mr choo I wanna let you know that the smartest/most correct decision I've made in my life is saying yes to you. You made my life complete. You make the best out of me. Just like a spoilt child, I can wake up( after my naps ) not in the best of my moods, snapping at you or blaming you for the least impt thing. Thank you for accepting all these and more of my nonsenses. Just like how you always try to make me sleep so that I won't have to battle with yr snores. Thank you my love. I've realized (very recently Only) that It has become my lullaby.

If I were to die today, Mr choo I hope you won't grieve for too long. After all, we will all meet again one day, in Heaven. I know that you will be able to take care of the girls even if I'm not around. I pray that they will love you and take care of you til the end of time.

If I were to leave today, please let the girls know that I love and miss them. And though departure is sad, it is not forever. I wished mummy could kiss you good night tomorrow and the day after and even on ur wedding day and many many days. pls know that mummy loves all 3 of u.

To joy, my firstborn and the one whom I'm most proud of, I love you my dear baby. You made me realise there's so much more to life when you came to my world. You showed me how fulfilling and rewarding it is to be just with you, compared to any riches to the world. I can't b more thankful for having you as my #1. I thank you for loving us as yr parents and for taking care of me and even yr sisters when they entered yr world. I pray that when the correct time is here, you will find the right man who will love you for who you are, and who makes yr life complete just like how I have found yr papa. I pray that You continue to trust God and follow God in all yr yrs to come.

To Grace, my bolster.. the last few days when you were sick , you slept with us. You were my bolster and I were yrs. Though I always complained that you made my hand aching after sleeping on it the entire night, I look forward to being yr bolsters every time such opportunities arise. You are the one who always give up yr things for yr sisters. You are the 重情重义 sister that I'm thankful yr sisters have. Your righteousness and empathy for others is something that belongs to you and you alone. I pray that God protect you and guide you along yr growing up years. Don't be too emo when mama is not around. Instead, use the love to dote on yr papa and sisters.

To my 三公主 vera, mama loves you and wished I had hugged you more. You weren't easy to handle when you first arrived. You were like a chill padi most of the time and I'm thankful we overcomed the challenges when you had yr tantrums. Looking back, you have grown so much compared to the fiesty toddler you were. You now know how to love and care for others, to verbalize your thoughts even though it is not yr natural self. I pray that You will put yr gifts to good use and use it for the greater good. Take good care of yr papa when mama is not here. He is yrs now.

If I were to leave today, God I'm not afraid nor am I 不舍得。There are more things I'm thankful for (too many to be written), compared to the regrets in my life. I believe that instead of having regrets, why not just try to overwrite the regret. Life is too short for regrets isnt it ?

感谢所有在我身命中的过客, 希望你能像我一样认识到耶稣和他的爱❤