My last letter

It all started with a random thought just before bed..

Me : we should have included ur name in the current place we are staying..

Mr choo: why leh ?

Me: coz at least if I die now, the house would b transferred to you without absd.

Mr choo: Are you going to die now?

Me: I dunno.. but I just felt that I'm going to die soon.. and if that happens , what are u going to do?

Mr choo: Aiya whatever happens, God is with us and He will tell us how to do.

Me: orh..

Then i started to think..  if God is going to take me home tonight, my biggest regret or probably yr greatest regret is bcoz u refused to let me sleep on yr hand tonight.. Lol.. 

Me: I love you dear.. (Better say just in case I really leave tonight)

Mr choo : I love you too..

Tears started to flow as I continued to ponder on the "if I were to die today, xxx" and before I know it, Mr choo is snoring happily in his la la land.. not that I can blame him coz he's always the first to wake up and last to fall asleep.

I'm the one who has been having insomnia for the past few nights..  happened once a while and sometimes when I'm too stressed up, for dunno what reasons.. and I've been having the occasional chest pains recently.. haiz.. mayb it's the 30s mid life crisis or dunno what la..

Anyway I've digressed.. i decided to pen my last letter, something which i used to keep in my wallet just in case..

If I were to die today, Mr choo I wanna let you know that the smartest/most correct decision I've made in my life is saying yes to you. You made my life complete. You make the best out of me. Just like a spoilt child, I can wake up( after my naps ) not in the best of my moods, snapping at you or blaming you for the least impt thing. Thank you for accepting all these and more of my nonsenses. Just like how you always try to make me sleep so that I won't have to battle with yr snores. Thank you my love. I've realized (very recently Only) that It has become my lullaby.

If I were to die today, Mr choo I hope you won't grieve for too long. After all, we will all meet again one day, in Heaven. I know that you will be able to take care of the girls even if I'm not around. I pray that they will love you and take care of you til the end of time.

If I were to leave today, please let the girls know that I love and miss them. And though departure is sad, it is not forever. I wished mummy could kiss you good night tomorrow and the day after and even on ur wedding day and many many days. pls know that mummy loves all 3 of u.

To joy, my firstborn and the one whom I'm most proud of, I love you my dear baby. You made me realise there's so much more to life when you came to my world. You showed me how fulfilling and rewarding it is to be just with you, compared to any riches to the world. I can't b more thankful for having you as my #1. I thank you for loving us as yr parents and for taking care of me and even yr sisters when they entered yr world. I pray that when the correct time is here, you will find the right man who will love you for who you are, and who makes yr life complete just like how I have found yr papa. I pray that You continue to trust God and follow God in all yr yrs to come.

To Grace, my bolster.. the last few days when you were sick , you slept with us. You were my bolster and I were yrs. Though I always complained that you made my hand aching after sleeping on it the entire night, I look forward to being yr bolsters every time such opportunities arise. You are the one who always give up yr things for yr sisters. You are the 重情重义 sister that I'm thankful yr sisters have. Your righteousness and empathy for others is something that belongs to you and you alone. I pray that God protect you and guide you along yr growing up years. Don't be too emo when mama is not around. Instead, use the love to dote on yr papa and sisters.

To my 三公主 vera, mama loves you and wished I had hugged you more. You weren't easy to handle when you first arrived. You were like a chill padi most of the time and I'm thankful we overcomed the challenges when you had yr tantrums. Looking back, you have grown so much compared to the fiesty toddler you were. You now know how to love and care for others, to verbalize your thoughts even though it is not yr natural self. I pray that You will put yr gifts to good use and use it for the greater good. Take good care of yr papa when mama is not here. He is yrs now.

If I were to leave today, God I'm not afraid nor am I 不舍得。There are more things I'm thankful for (too many to be written), compared to the regrets in my life. I believe that instead of having regrets, why not just try to overwrite the regret. Life is too short for regrets isnt it ?

感谢所有在我身命中的过客, 希望你能像我一样认识到耶稣和他的爱❤