Contentment vs entitlement

Recently I've been reading a book called " Raising grateful kids in an entitled world" by Kristen Welsh. It was recommended by Angela, probably after seeing my entries about raising my kids despite the world temptations.

It was assuring to know that mr choo and i are on the right track, insisting on the things we want our kids to know and be thankful for.

One of the first few lessons the book talked abt was that entitlement first come from the house. When we parents / adults act like we are entitled to some things, the kids will register and follow and have certain expectations subsequently in their growing up yrs. One of the examples given was how a family travel and stayed in a nice hotel, and was very happy on the first day. However, on the 2nd day, when the housekeeping failed to clean the room within the stated time, the parents started to make a fuss etc. Sadly, this is an example that we are guilty of too.

That's why during the current trip to KL for our church camp, I kept reminding myself not to expect too much from the accommodations. Uncle choo had chosen to book a cheap service apartment (without consulting me) few mths ago. I checked out the reviews and most of the reviews are actually quite jialat. We had the option to cancel our reservation and pay $150, and book the expensive hotels or juz go ahead with it. In the end, we decided to go ahead with it. Finances are tight and the cheap accommodation was within our budget. I prayed before we reach the place, and also told the kids many times that it's a service apt, not hotel standard. When we finally got to our room, it was not done up  (partly bcoz we were early). Thick cigarette smell filled the rooms, which the housekeeper assured us that it will be removed during house cleaning. I was chilled about it. Coz even though the rooms were chui, at least I don't see cochroaches flying ard (as per reviews). Midway upon loading our luggages, the housekeeper told us that another room, which is better, is ready and would recommend we take that instead.

It felt like divine intervention  when we went up to the new room. It felt like an upgrade from "hotel 81" standard to penthouse standard, to which Mr choo and i are grateful for. After settling in, I told the girls that we wasn't sure if there would b housekeeping throughout the whole stay bcoz this ultimately isn't a hotel. Thus, it's impt that we try to keep thr place as livable as possible for the next 5 days. We took turns to clean up thr place after using, making sure we don't leave food crumbs around.

It's the change of mindset, which makes us ever grateful for what we have. We were grateful for the upgrade and becoz we didn't felt entitled to housekeeping, which eventually was provided, we were even more grateful for that. Even when the housekeeping was late on day 3, it was fine.  We took the chance to do more shopping and spend time with the kids. There wasn't a phone avail in the room, so we really don't know when or if someone would b coming to clean. But if we are contented with the small things in life, anything above and beyond is a bonus. And when the kids see the parents adopting a contented attitude, they will also start to appreciate the smaller things in life.

More thoughts abt the book in subsequent posts..

I love u more (everyday)

The man gave me this yday, after he came back from his daddy-daughter camp in sch. It was heartwarming to receive notes from him and his words touched my heart. I am indeed grateful, to have him as my hubby, my partner, my best friend, my soul mate. And I couldn't agree more, that I love him more than yday and the day before. I love him more everyday. 

I remember attending a colleague's wedding many yrs ago, and during the church wedding, the pastor asked the audience for a show of hands, who loved their spouse as much as they first gotten married. Almost everyone raised their hands, except us and a few others. We whispered to each other, " I love you more, with each passing day." Shortly after, the pastor explained to the crowd that we should love each other more, as time passes. I was grateful that mr choo and i are on the same page on this. It is a commitment, a responsibility and a pledge to remember to always hold the hand, and not be distracted with other milestones/goals/whatsnot in life.

It is easy to be distracted, be it the temptations of the world, work or even kids. Some of my friends are holding on to their marriage is solely becoz of kids. It's sad, coz I'm sure there was love at the start. But over time, distractions came and before u know it, the r/s is broken and the only string holding on is kids.

I believe that the first family unit belong to us first. It's always God and us and only when "us" is strong, then will we be able to hold tightly to kids. And then the bond to kids will b strong too.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that our marriage has always been a bed of roses. We've battled several issues along the way too, and not all issues have solutions. But with all issues, we placed our focus on God. For the bible says " Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."  1 Peter 5:7

I pray that for all friends, their marriages to always stay strong and for those of whom are going thru difficult times currently, that may they cast their worries upon Him and allow Him to work in yr marriages.

Lastly happy 11th wedding anniversary uncle choo ! I (still) do ! Love u lotsa..

BGR

Was having dinner with the girls and mr choo at the food court when I saw a pair of young lovebirds sitting juz next to us. They looked like they were in P6, or at most sec 1, v much in love. I signalled to Mr choo, and he had mistaken them as siblings.

It's only a matter of time when we too have to face this. It's inevitable. But I do hope that God will protect them from the temptations of the world, and to allow them enough them to mature and bloom, in His perfect timing.

This was also one of the reasons why I chose to put the girls at a girl's school - so that they wouldn't be tempted / influenced/ 太早熟。I hope that my girls always feel loved and cherished at home, so much so that they needn't need to find love outside.

Joy started to notice the table of love birds and sensing her uneasiness, I decided to broach the topic. I told her that it's our wishes that she doesn't start dating so early. What's impt is she concentrate on her studies now. All these could always wait til she's older. She nodded in agreement.

Not sure how much of it she agreed, but praying that this would b a later than sooner topic.

The after thoughts from Osaka

It's been 5 days since I came back. Thought it would be more objective to pen this, now that the moods are more settled. 

Did I enjoy myself in the trip? Yes and No. No bcoz I was too home sick towards the middle part of the trip. The guilt was always there, for leaving the kids with Mr choo all by himself, although neither him nor the girls mind. In fact, the twins hoped that I could go on another trip soon, so that they would have gifts when I come back. I also didn't sleep well throughout the trip, waking up earlier than the official alarm on all days. I was ready on most days, before the official alarm rang. Such was my life. Not too adaptable with different beds. On the first night after reaching home, I slept very well, in fact I had to crawl out of bed coz I have to bring the girls to school (mummy duties). :) But I was glad to be home. 

But yes, I also enjoyed myself la.. did some fun things with my traveling kakis, which I have not done before. Like wearing a kimono, and walking a lot and a lot.. actually much more than I thought I could.

I really like exploring the streets of Kyoto in this kawaii kimono.. haha..

Also drank a lot of sake while I was there.. coz both of my traveling kakis are quite gd with their alcohol.. lol..

While we were there, we also tried some of the very nice Japanese foods, 

 Fluffy pancakes at Hoshino coffee, which happens to be available in Sg too.. hehe..

 The Takoyaki is by far, the nicest I've tried. And they serve in sets of 9pcs!

but honestly, bcoz we can more often get very authentic Japanese foods in Sg, there weren't much that I remembered that I would go back for. 

Was feeling very gloomy by the time we visited the Osaka castle.. but yes, the castle and scenery was very nice.. juz me la...

On the flight back and couldn't be happier actually...

Thank God for journey mercy while I was there. I'm thankful that I have opportunities to travel, without worrying much for my kids and stuff.. probably won't want to do it again bcoz my mind's not ready for traveling at the moment. Probably will have to remind myself that I'm not suited for holidays like that. Either the village goes together, or I stay in sg la.. but nonetheless, thank God for everything and all the blessings. 

Parenting thoughts

I sincerely hope that this true and that my girls will grow to appreciate 妈妈的苦心。I always believe that :

1) we should always always shower abundant love to the kids. And love shouldn't have a correlation with behaviour/ results / achievements. I want to remind myself that no matter how the girls perform,  (be it in their academic or non academic areas or subsequent career in life), we will love and hold each of them tightly til they are ready.

2) Love should not equal to Gifts. At least to Mr choo and I, we want to believe that the most precious gift we can give the child is our presence, not present.

The current holiday with my 2 other khakis juz highlighted how different our parenting styles are. The Amt of gifts they buy for thr recent trip for their only child , is definitely a lot more than what I've gotten for all my 3 girls combined! Maybe bcoz we are currently at a minimalist phrase, so be it ourselves or the girls, we have adopted a "do u need this? Or is it something that is a want only?" attitude. So yes, all the kawaii toys / accessories / stationery are hard to resist but at the end of the day , I know my girls will b sick of using/ playing them within a year . If so, then it will end up as trash again and we have recently threw away a lot in order to move into the current place.

Maybe it's juz me, my worry for my girls is that when we over indulgent in providing for too many things, when they grow up they might find it hard to adapt to a normal lifestyle?

#2 cents worth

Osaka 2017

It's 7pm now and we are still on thr plane. The twins would hv known by now that mama is away again , for another of her many many holidays.. the guilt is insane. I'm going osaka/ kyoto with 2 of Joy's childcare mummies. Yes it's a mummies only trip. Feeling jittery coz it's the first time I've been on a girl's trip ever since dunno when. I don't really enjoy travelling but becoz the khakis are great - we clicked very well and have been gd friends ever since - thus I gamely agreed on this trip when one of them suggested it. The trip unfolds in a couple of hrs. Praying that everyone will be fine at home, the girls won't b too upset, Mr choo would b able to cope (I know he always can), journey mercies, and I won't be too home sick. My dear 朱宝宝， 妈妈很快就会回来的。爱你们!

It's hard to say goodbyes.

I saw her from the corner of my table and shortly after, she walked over.  With a chocolate cupcake and a short note, she came over and told me that she's leaving. I actually only knew abt it a few days earlier that she has left. It did break my 💔 when I first heard the news. Questions like why did she quit? Certainly we can still do this job a little bit while focusing on the little one, or like perhaps we can juz hold the advisory license for a little bit longer til things settled? To the eventual why didn't she say goodbye to me before she left ? And the list go on la.. 

I didn't know I would be that affected. After all, being here for 14 yrs, many people have come and left. When we first started, there were only 12 of us in the  team, and now, only me and J are ard. Maybe bcoz it's the emo week, mayb it's bcoz I juz faced a client-misunderstanding-issue (resolved at press time, thank God!); or maybe it's becoz I admire her courage to leave and pursue her dreams or maybe I'm juz needed a reason to feel emo..

Anyway, I was really glad that she came back today, so that I could say goodbye to her, to hold and to hug her. She told me her reasons of leaving, and the peace God gave her when she finally made her mind. I know, I knew, it was final. And I'm happy for her. I could see the smile in her eyes  when she told me. 

We said our goodbyes and before I know it, she had already left the office.. perhaps this would be the last time I see her here..I saw her transformation, from a young lady to being a Christian, getting married and becoming a confident mama. Wishing you all the best in yr future pursuits my dear.. praying that God continue to guide you in His ways.