Goodbye 2015, Harlow 2016

As the yr comes to a close, I can't help but be thankful for the many things that has happened this yr.

Joy was a lot more stable this yr compared to when she was in P1. Compared to the constant tantrums and frequent lying incidents where I caught her last yr, this yr it seems both of us have adapted well. I try to spend more time especially during the holidays with her. After all she is juz an 8 yr old. But being the firstborn, we always tend to have bigger expectations of her; that she be independent, be mature enough to take care of her sisters, be responsible n polite; and the list goes on n on..I'm thankful for her in my life and a lot of times as I look at the past photos, I often am reminded that she is the one taking care of me rather than the other way around. Academically she did very well this yr too. I just hope that all of us won't b too caught up in the exam race that we forget that the tests / exams r juz stations in life but it doesn't end our lives.

Grace
She's the one that will kiss me more often than the other 2.. still innocent and bubbly , mama juz hope that u will take yr time to grow up. And I pray that you will look at joy as yr role model. She's also the one that has visited the hospital more frequently than the others, i'm thankful that she being the braver one is not afraid of all the misfortunes that has happened in 2015.

Vera
The little princess of the family, I have to constantly remind myself that she isn't that little anymore.  That even though she's the mei Mei of the family , she is actually only 1 min younger than grace. . 😂 she has come v far from the colicky baby in her 1st yr. She is still demanding and at times I won't have the confidence to manage her. And for this , I'm thankful for uncle pig. .that bcoz of his stern dad personality, the kids won't dare step on too many lines. .hahaha.. ever always so thankful for him to be in my life.

In the past , I'm always worried when the yr ends.. coz it means that for the coming yr I need to find new biz n sometimes the future didn't seem that clear.. but in recent yrs I'm no longer afraid or jittery. I know God is here and He will be with us in all circumstances. He's the only 1 constant in my life and no matter how rocky the future might b, He is here. And that's what it all matters.

Recently met up with some ex-colleagues and someone asked if I've qualified for this xxx incentive or that xxx incentive coz he just started his "run". To which, I've already qualified 2 tickets each to the incentives. . I don't know how it happened and my only explanation is God allowed it to happen. I wasn't tracking on either of the incentives but was notified few weeks ago when I've achieved it. I pray that God will give me the right words to speak to the people, so that they won't think I'm crazy or extreme, but it is really a fact that all is becoz of Him. And we really only need to entrust and believe that He knows best. It's like going into an investment not knowing where or what it's investing in but u know it's 101% guarantee that is the best for u. 😊

Right now I wanna pray for 2 of my friends' parents who have recently had stroke. One of them is still in the hospital while the other is discharged and recuperating at home. The recovery path is long and tedious . I wanna pray that Lord , you strengthen the family members and give them hope . You carry them in their woes and I also want to pray that they recover soon. In jesus name I pray, amen.

Wishing all family and friends a happy new yr and may the new yr bring you joy, hope and peace.

Prayers

Came home very late today bcoz of work. . So late that even uncle pig has fallen asleep on grace bed, while for grace, she was found sleeping diagonally right in the centre of my bed. I lifted her and adjusted her to b right next to me and took many glances at her. I put my finger under my nose to check if she was breathing. I couldn't feel her breath.. or mayb I didn't know how to do it. Juz as I was wondering , I heard her snores... 😅 yes all my 3 kids snore.. juz to what extent. I kiss her n kiss n continued to kiss her, wondering if she would wake up and look at me. I wondered if all these was juz a dream , a wonderful dream or is it for real that I am now a mother of 3.. and my gem is juz sleeping next to me. It seems so surreal that I am so blessed , to have all and so unworthy to have all of these. 

And the fear in me grew , that one day this might all end. Before I let the fear grow deeper , I juz wanna pray and b grateful for the many blessings that God has given to me and my family.

So many things have happened since my last blog entry and I won't hv stumbled back to my blog if I wasn't looking for some encouraging verses for a friend who was having some struggles in her work. Indeed, life is always a lot easier when we r closer to God. As I looked at the no. Of entries that I've made in the respective yrs, I'm also guilty of not giving God enough "air time". Of coz God being God, he doesn't complain or becomes jealous or do funny stunts. But looking back , much as the struggles of infertility had occupied me previously , I was strong becoz I had God. As things come to past , human being human, forget and become distracted.  Mi included. I hope this will b the start of many intimate entries back with the Lord again .

At this juncture , I just wanna pray for this friend who is angry abt the many ups n downs happening at her workplace , I pray that God you remove the hatred and the angst in her, n let her realign her goals and focus back to you. Man always disappoint and fail us, but God is the only one who never fails.  I pray that You give her wisdom to manage the relationship between people, n give her favour in Man.

I also want to pray for my friends who are having issues, be it with work / family / relationships that God you lift them and carry them in their walk with You. I pray that they will come to know You n have peace in them.

I also want to pray for a friend who has recently come back to You , that You guide her in her small spiritual steps and use her well in her workplace . I pray that You speak to her and let her experience Yr presence every day. As I see her taking her small baby steps , I am also reminded of my own baby Christian walk many yrs ago. As she seems Me as a role model , I am even more touched and encouraged of God's presence thru her. Indeed, let us walk together and come closer to you Lord! -Amen

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your compassion and unfailing love, which you have shown from long ages past. Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins.
- Psalm 25:4-11

The day I thought I will say goodbye. .

The day I thought I will lose Grace.. yes a frightening experience indeed.. when the little girl decide to climb over the bench and fell into my mama's fish pool. I won't hv notice if not for the fact that Vera shouted her name in alarm and I couldn't see her.

My instinct was to walk out and check where the cheeky girl had gone and to my astonishment, she was "swimming back float " in the pond and gulping mouthfuls of water in between.  I jumped into the pond and rescued her. Both of us were in total shock and I knew that it would b a complete different story if Vera hadn't shouted her name or if I hadn't reacted immediately . Things could hv gone a completely different way.

She is better now but still in shock. She cried a little when we put her to sleep.. kept crying and saying she doesn't want to fall into the pond again. Juz in case one is thinking it's juz a shallow small pond , my mama happens to have one of those that's more than 1 metre deep pond.. so yes I'm in total shock.. but I'm so thankful that God protected her. I want to believe that it's our Saviour who rescued her and it was a quick reminder for me (especially) not to always complain .. complain abt her not sleeping through , having bad tantrums and not willing to share etc.. All these juz pales in comparison when this incident happened. It's like a wake up call from God to remind me like .. " hey!! Didn't You requested for more kids juz a couple of yrs ago ? Why the many Complains now ?"

Yes , I hear it. . And yes I should juz relax and embrace whatever that comes along. . Suddenly joy's checkpoints and tests doesn't seem that impt.. I even started to think what would life be without anyone of them ? Be it the kids or William .. I'm scared... and I know I will not know when .. but God, our almighty God will know.. and it will be at His perfect timing.  And today is not that timing . Thank God for that . Thank god for everything .

Sometimes things happen because we always focus on what seems important, and missing out on what's truly important .

The pic on the left was taken when the twins were a few mths old while the one on the right was taken in Jan 2015 when we did a staycation. How time flies. I pray that God give me the wisdom and patience to guide each of the girls so that they will grow up to be yr worthy servants , in jesus name I pray , amen! 

Goodbye FB..

- posted on 27th sep 2014

About 2 weeks ago , I deactivated my fb account.  Yes , I did the unthinkable. . Have decided to cut away fr social media after several quarrels with uncle pig. I was pissed that he could reply to the rest of the world on fb and yet forgot abt replying my msgs or calls.. yeah, call it crazy or whatsoever . The missing my calls/msgs were killing me..

I also wanted to cut away fr FB coz I felt that it was taking away too much of my time. It was becoming an addiction , always refreshing my news feed to have the latest update of the happenings of my circle. Shouldn't time be spend on face to face conversations ? Instead even at gatherings , it was always impt to take pics and tag and post.. I'm tired of all these.. juz wanna go back to the Dinosaur age whereby one needs to call/meet in order to know how one is..

P/s: as of today I've been fb - free for a mth plus. . Nv thought it would last that long.. it was quite nice to occasionally check on my frens via uncle pig fb.. but still happy that my acc is close for now..

Weaning #5

Thought i do an update of my weaning process, since the last I tried weaning her off was abt 6 weeks ago.

The first mth was kinda crazy, every night she would wake up at unearthly hrs crying and crying for milk. In order to make sure that she doesnt wake Vera up, I would carry her out to the living room and battle it out with her for at least an hr, usually 2 hrs. On some nights, I would be very confused. Coz a bottle usually would only take 5 mins to knock her out, while a war would usually take 2 hrs.. and it hurts when I see her cry like that..  This lasted for a whole mth, when i almost thought it would last forever.. she started to sleep through (finally!) yeah! time to open the champagne bottle.. =)

Having said that, out of the past 5 days, Grace woke up 3 times this week (before 5am) asking for milk.. I hope this cycle ends. Its better for her and me, if both of us get at least 6 hrs of uninterrupted sleep every night.. haha..Praying for God's strength ..

Joy

她长大了。。今天刚好须要在带她去上芭蕾舞课之前meet一个client..

Happy and grateful that she could juz sit at an adjacent table and have her breakfast and read her book.. although my appt was delayed for quite some time , she didn't complain abt it.. I think it's gd to bring her along at times to let her know tt it aren't tt easy doing mummy's work..

Praying that God give me wisdom to speak to her and open her heart ..

Weaning #4

Did I say that I manage to wean her off my breasts in feb this year ? This was after my Cape Town trip , which was a bittersweet moment coz I had tried a long time to wean her off but each time my heart juz melted and relented.. it was only bcoz of the long trip , thus when I got back, even though she still wanted I said no to her. . I guess it was easier coz I had a 5 days break away fr her.. she was 22 mths then ..

Fast forward to now.. I'm back to weaning her off again. . This time off the bottles coz despite being 27 months alrdy , she is still waking up at least once , if not twice a night for feeds. Vera, on the other hand, has started to sleep thru a mth earlier.  It was a struggle and still is (coz the battle is still ongoing ) bcoz if I give her the bottle she probably go back to sleep within the next 5- 10 mins. It took me 2 hrs to convince her to zzz back without a milk feed, and an hr last night.. I'm praying that today will be a complete sleep thru ..

It probably is a gd time to wean her off. . Honestly I think it's kinda overdue .. besides a fren who's child only zz thru at 3 yr old , Grace is probably the oldest "newborn" waking up every 3 hr... I was telling a client abt my situation and she too felt tt Grace is over age .. haha..

Praying for God ' s strength as I battle on for the next few days. . Praying that Grace sleep thru  coz both of us really need uninterrupted sleep , I guess. .