Look up, lift up

Went to the girls school this morning to witness Joy's perfect installation ceremony. It was a very touching moment as I see the girls rise up to be leaders and role models for their fellow peers.

Indeed, I'm very grateful for how the school has groomed Joy to be who she is today. Confident, helpful and always willing to share what she has. This yr would b her last yr in the Prefect Exco, so parents were invited to attend the ceremony. 

Though the school doesn't pressure the girls academically, I'm thankful that they have been moulding the girls in character. Coz that's what I believe would pull them thru later in life. 

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord , the Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;  indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand;  the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;  the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121:1‭-‬8 NIV

https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.121.1-8.NIV

It takes more than a village..

The twins each had an episode over the weekend when I was alone with them. It was tough to maintain my stand, b firm and yet not lose my temper. William will b doing a course in church and I will b the sole parent for 3 Saturdays straight. When I picked William in the evening that day, I told him that I almost died or felt like killing myself. I cant imagine how I could survive the next 2 Saturdays on my own.

I cant really remember the details on why or how each episode happened but usually its lack of sleep then misbehaviour then corrective action etc. Parenting is tough. It's much tougher compared to being parents of my parents era. N sometimes I wonder if I had made the right choice in having so many kids.

I came home today to find vera in the midst of a battle with Mr choo. Grace was crying her guts out becoz she was afraid that papa would really throw all of vera belongings out of the house for lack of obedience. Awww..

An hour later, it was a battle with grace; coz she had spend on unnecessary items at the bookshop (again). All the justifications / excuses were tabled out to explain why she needed to buy. The battle lasted abt 1 hr with me trying to calm.her down before we do explanation. It was tiring. 

Vera fell asleep on the sofa halfway thru.

It's only Monday but I just felt that the week is so tough. I need an ice cream! God, help me and Carry me thru this week. I love my kids but lord, give me the wisdom and patience to love them like the way you love us. In jesus name I pray, amen !

Just went for 2 appts today; not really work worthy but I went ahead nonetheless coz I didn't have much people to meet anyway.

It has been a super quiet 6 weeks. If Rio was quiet, then this must be dead quiet!

Instead of feeling panicky, I know that theres a season for everything and perhaps this is the season for me to recharge, restrategize and even focus on areas that I've neglected in the past. It's hard to surrender completely to the Lord, but I'm trying.

N we went to the library today! Just me and the twins. It wasnt planned. Just decided to do it since the twins have finished reading their current books and were bored at home. I was free and decided to spend some time with them before picking Joy from her tuition later. In a way, I'm thankful that i could enjoy moments like this with them without being distracted. That's the joy of parenthood, isn't it ? To be able to enjoy them fully and taking what comes in its stride.

I know that God has plans for me and my family. I know that He's moulding me to become a better me tomorrow compared to  the me yday. I know that and I just need to wait patiently and no matter what comes along, God is with us, and all things will come in place, in His most perfect timing. With Him, all is possible.

Lord, I pray for complete surrender and faith in You. I pray for peace and contentment. I pray that You guide me this 2019, to achieve what I think is the impossible but "Himpossible". Lord Jesus, use me to fulfil what You want me to do. Make me your lighthouse so that all who see me, see your works, and all who see me will know my Maker and Creator. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Random

这是我狼狈的样子。新买的梳子不知为什么把我的头发全都困在一起。。haiz.. waiting for Mr choo to rescue me from the mess.. I did consider just cutting off the bunch of hair but that would leave a hole in my head..  he's cutting the comb bit by bit and hopefully the damage would b  minimal But the comb sticks the hair like bees to honey..😭😭😭

Though I'm in a mess now I'm still thankful for him to come save me. 因为有他所以我很放心。

过了十分钟,我与梳子的决斗终于结束了。

My breakthrough

Brought the twins for an excursion today after dinner bcoz the man had to go for his village meeting. Ever since our showdown that day, I decided to change my perspective/mindset. And surprisingly, it made me felt better than any of the evenings when he wasnt around. Instead of acting out like the evil stepmother and pushing more chores to "Cinderalla" so that he couldn't go for the "ball", I decided to be the understanding spouse who takes the kids for a few hrs so that the stay at home parent who had been taking care of my kids for so many yrs could take a breather. It was the right thing to do and one that I couldn't come to terms with in the past.

But I did it today. And I'm so proud of myself. Little victory. And it is so liberating, to defeat the voices inside me and embrace it.

This is the book I'm currently reading, which helped me fight the voices. I have yet to complete it but yes, it has been mind changing thus far.

We didn't do anything fancy. Simply took the kids to the library to borrow books and ice milo at Macdonald's after that. It was also refreshing to spend some time talking to them, as they update me abt their p1 events in sch.. very soon they will no longer be in this phase so its impt to engage them intentionally so that as they move towards their teenager phrase, they will always rem to come home and share with us their happenings.

I'm excited and thankful for the new perspectives. And before I knew it, the man is back from his meeting. 

Thank u God for all the things. Thank u for all the blessings.

I did this since it's the 10yr fad thing nowadays.. but didn't have the guts to post on fb..hahaha.. had to grab a less flattering 2009 pic in order to make myself feel better..hahaha.. my joy; she's no longer a toddler but a fine girl that I cant be more proud of. Thankful that she came into our lives.. she has taught me so much abt parenthood and life.. may the Lord continue to guide her in her growing years and may she always feel loved in our household, in Jesus name I pray, amen!

Emo

Just ended an appt with my client.. feeling all emo and moody.. I need a solid chocolate snack..like now..

It was a death claim, my #4 death claim. I thought I would be calm and stable. But as I walk out of the office, I started to recall the time when this couple married ; how we met for lunch reviews; had their first kid; talked abt breastfeeding and parenthood..  then did her CI claim etc.. we all thought that she was cleared of cancer.. since we just celebrated the 5 yr mark in jul.. but it came back in Aug with a vengeance and with such speed that no one was prepared.

I cant imagine how life continues for him and his young daughter now that his soulmate is not around. There are so many things that need to b ironed out but nothing is more impt than the overall well being of the little one.

There isn't much I can help them, other than processing the claims. I feel so helpless and affected. I shouldnt be. But I cant help it. Hopefully this feeling will go away sooner than I think. Its times like this I wonder if I'm suited for this job.. the emotional rollercoaster affects me; a lot, each time this happens. Praying that God comforts the family and that He gives me a solution..

Treasure the people around us. What's most impt is our presence not presents.