This morning as I was driving to office, a feeling/thought came to me again.. in fact, it's been nudging me for quite some time.. - to give IVF a shot! Gasp! Did I really say that? Did I really want that? Or am I hallucinating again? Arrgh... this feeling's been tempting me yet again.. esp when my work has kinda close for this banding year, and I'm kinda free, after settling my existing cases... so yes, i'm free.. and yes, i'm letting my thoughts run wild again...
While driving today, I even thought about my twins! Can you believe it? OMG... it's like daydreaming.. you feel so good while at it..but the world falls apart as soon as you reach sanity. Haiz... Anyway, I concluded that I was too free now.. and maybe a holiday will help to relieve me instead... and yes, we are going to a short gateaway this Sun.. 主啊！请你救我啊！
Anyway, I brought my thoughts along to lunch with Uncle Pig.. we had shabu shabu (great! Comfort food!), and in the midst of it, he saw my thoughts wondered off.. haiz... and I told him, that maybe we could try IVF and have twins? hahaha.. it sounded completely absurd.. i mean, to have one successful is quite impossible, and to have twins? Not forgetting that we still have our normal bills and logistics and HB to trouble with...
And darling Uncle Pig actually replied.. " I know if you never try it, you will always live in regret. If you are willing, let's do it. " I told him that if we really were to do it, it would mean that he would be at the suffering end of my emotional rollercoasters, and I asked him if he was prepared for it. To which he replied yes.
You know, how things in life are, when we indeed need to try it for ourselves, then we realise and experience it, then we close the chapter and move on? “要撞墙才会知道痛吗？” It's just like in the past, when I wanted to do an exchange program in my uni days, and even though he know that I won't be able to survive, he agreed to it. He knew that our r/s would suffer if I go, but he agreed to it. During our wedding preparations, he wanted a simple quiet event, but I wanted to announce to the world, and he agreed to do it my way. He agreed to all, because he knows that if I don't do it, I will always think about it, and I will have regrets. Even though recently, I told him that I wished we didnt do such a big wedding then, he simply laughed it off and say that if we didnt had a big wedding then, most probably, I would continue to nag at him till this date.. haha.. so true... the same applies for IVF too.. i guess.. i most probably will regret it subsequently, when I suffer from the heartaches and the failures.. but if I dont do it, this thought of mine will persist on and on...
So at that juncture, I did an impulse action! I called the clinic, and they were able to slot us in for an appt this thur! Yesh! This thurs! My gynae, the ever- long waiting list. The nice receptionist was able to slot us in this thur.. and I even discussed with william, maybe we can even do in July! And if it's not successful, then maybe we will mourn in Sept-Nov... and life will restart back to normal after that? Ahhh... really impulse hor.. Maybe I'm just like Eve, who's ever so curious to taste the forbidden fruit, at the expense of the world.. haiz.. I know I'm the disobedient child, to ignore everything, and to go with my heart.. but God, I pray for your mercy and annointing. Lord, I pray that you grant me success. Lord, I pray that you have mercy on us, and give us the children that we deeply yearn for.. Lord, I know that all things are possible, if it's in yr way.. Lord, I beg you... that you give us the gift, that we want.. 主啊，可不可以给我这个小小的请求？可能我很倔强，可能我的请求很unreasonable, 可是这就是我今年的birthday request..
- Amen -
Looking forward to the appt on Thur..Lord, if it's not in yr way, I pray that you let the gynae know.. and that he won't permit us to do it.. Lord, I pray that you help us in this situation..
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Happy 5 yrs!
Today's the eve of our 5 years wedding anniversary. It seems just yesterday but 5 years has passed so quickly. Coincedentally, my bro's wedding is this sun (yes, juz a day after mine..) and we are now busy preparing ourselves, and helping out, that it kinda remind us of our own wedding 5 yrs ago.
To me, these 5 years has been fantastic. I'm blessed to know that Uncle Pig's the right person for me early, and because of this, we got married when I was barely 25.. haha.. young age, i feel, in today's time to settle down. But nevertheless, I was SURE that it was the right time, and with the right man, we tied the knot.
Both of us are not perfect, we have our shortfalls and of course, things that we dont always see eye to eye on.. But nevertheless, I still feel that God is kind enough to bless me with him, cause although he's not the perfect man, he's the man most suited for me! Perfect! I remember 5 yrs ago, that I was not overly involved with the wedding preparations. In fact, he did most, if not all of them. I told him flatly that I only wanted to marry him, and nothing else matters. (So sweet right, haha..) And because of this, I had the luxury of concentrating on my work, while he focus on the details and the preparations. He only gave me 1 task : Rem to appear on 11th Jun.. haha..
Fast forward 5 years, and now, he's busily doing our much overdue housework, while I'm juz blogging.. When Joy's about 1 yr old, he decided to quit full time so as to take care of Joy and also to serve God in his ways. I supported him, and became the breadwinner overnight. To a certain extent, I feel blessed. Bcoz he takes full charge of all the other things again, so that I can concentrate once again on my work.. compared to some of my other friends, I'm thankful to God for bringing him to me.. bcoz i cant imagine my life without you, nor if I had to do housework based on the social norms. God knew what I need, and provided someone, who could take care of me, love me, and bring the best out of me. Truly, if I had to be a full-time housewife, I think i would go crazy! If my hubby were someone who expect me to do the chores, I think life would be miserable..Haha.. but God knows and God provides, when we ask.
God, I pray that we continue to seek you in everything that we do, and that I pray that I will be able complement Uncle Pig, as his lifetime partner, his companion, his soulmate and everything. Lord, I pray for wisdom in settling our Baby Bakery.. you are the provider of everything, and I just pray for wisdom to lead the life in yr plans...
Uncle Pig, although I know you will not be reading this.. but I just wanna you to know that I appreciate your efforts in taking care of the family all these years.. and I know that this is juz one of the many 5 years to come.. I love you !
To me, these 5 years has been fantastic. I'm blessed to know that Uncle Pig's the right person for me early, and because of this, we got married when I was barely 25.. haha.. young age, i feel, in today's time to settle down. But nevertheless, I was SURE that it was the right time, and with the right man, we tied the knot.
Both of us are not perfect, we have our shortfalls and of course, things that we dont always see eye to eye on.. But nevertheless, I still feel that God is kind enough to bless me with him, cause although he's not the perfect man, he's the man most suited for me! Perfect! I remember 5 yrs ago, that I was not overly involved with the wedding preparations. In fact, he did most, if not all of them. I told him flatly that I only wanted to marry him, and nothing else matters. (So sweet right, haha..) And because of this, I had the luxury of concentrating on my work, while he focus on the details and the preparations. He only gave me 1 task : Rem to appear on 11th Jun.. haha..
Fast forward 5 years, and now, he's busily doing our much overdue housework, while I'm juz blogging.. When Joy's about 1 yr old, he decided to quit full time so as to take care of Joy and also to serve God in his ways. I supported him, and became the breadwinner overnight. To a certain extent, I feel blessed. Bcoz he takes full charge of all the other things again, so that I can concentrate once again on my work.. compared to some of my other friends, I'm thankful to God for bringing him to me.. bcoz i cant imagine my life without you, nor if I had to do housework based on the social norms. God knew what I need, and provided someone, who could take care of me, love me, and bring the best out of me. Truly, if I had to be a full-time housewife, I think i would go crazy! If my hubby were someone who expect me to do the chores, I think life would be miserable..Haha.. but God knows and God provides, when we ask.
God, I pray that we continue to seek you in everything that we do, and that I pray that I will be able complement Uncle Pig, as his lifetime partner, his companion, his soulmate and everything. Lord, I pray for wisdom in settling our Baby Bakery.. you are the provider of everything, and I just pray for wisdom to lead the life in yr plans...
Uncle Pig, although I know you will not be reading this.. but I just wanna you to know that I appreciate your efforts in taking care of the family all these years.. and I know that this is juz one of the many 5 years to come.. I love you !
Thursday, June 9, 2011
开心早餐！
今早被香喷喷的爱情早餐弄醒。。。
看到他一大早就起来准备，让我非常感动。这时的我很希望每天都会有home cooked breakfast! 啊！如过我不需要与别人分享他，那该多好！还是把生意卖了吧 & concentrate on taking care of joy n me? Tsk tsk...
看到他一大早就起来准备，让我非常感动。这时的我很希望每天都会有home cooked breakfast! 啊！如过我不需要与别人分享他，那该多好！还是把生意卖了吧 & concentrate on taking care of joy n me? Tsk tsk...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Love Thy Neighbour
The Greatest Commandment
34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
- Matthew 22: 34 - 40
Today, I've been prompted to write something about Love Your Neighbour. In the bible, God repeatedly tells us to love our neighbour, as He loves us. Love your neighbour as yourself.
Did God meant fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Or did HE also include everyone, saved on unsaved? Several times in the bible, he says that loving our neighbors is part of God's plan to evangelize them. Our love demonstrates what God and His kingdom are like. And much as evangelizing them is important, the key in His commandment is to Love everyone as stated in here:
God’s Love and Ours
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God - 1 John 4:7
So certainly when God says to Love our Neighbour, He meant to love everyone, and especially non-Christians, cause it is through our actions that will bring them near, and our actions will also reflect what God and His kingdom are like.
But how or what should we do? How can we go about doing it? And does that mean imposing our stands on them? No...The first thing we should do is to pray for them. As a human, we are limited in how we can help them, but God is unlimited in how He can help. The greatest thing we can do for them is seriously pray for them.
God can do more for them in 1 miniute than we can in a lifetime. But God does not force His blessings on anyone without an invitation.
Lord, I pray that much as we hope and pray for our neighbour's salvation, we have to continously remember that yr commandment was to Love All, as ourselves and I pray that it is through our actions that draw people nearer to you, and not further away from you. Lord, I pray for wisdom to say the right things to them, and I also pray that you open their hearts, but most importantly, I pray for patience. Patience for the harvesters to harvest the fruits, and faith that the fruits will be ripen in your timing.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Blue Day...
Just received a text from a colleague telling me that she's pregnant.. have gotten news of it a few days ago but just felt weird then that she didnt let me know herself.. but yes, she told me today ah.. and i'm happy for her..
and each time an incident like this will always tempt me to consider if I've even tried ALL ways to be pregnant? I mean, what if I would have strike on my first try with IVF? What if TCM works for us? What if and what iff.....
Much as I'm tempted, but 我已经把我的心情收拾好了，也不是很想在度地然它受伤害。可是又有一部分的我觉得如果我没有施竟我知道的所有办法，我是否会后悔能？
就这样想着想着就让我非常的辛苦。。。
Lord, I just pray that you give me strength and wisdom to decide what's best for us. Lord, I pray that you grant me wisdom to decide on the route most suitable for us, for my frail heart, cause you know me best and I know that each challenge you give us, is never too big. Lord, I pray that you guide us along.. each step and let me know which way bah... In Jesus name I pray,
- Amen -
and each time an incident like this will always tempt me to consider if I've even tried ALL ways to be pregnant? I mean, what if I would have strike on my first try with IVF? What if TCM works for us? What if and what iff.....
Much as I'm tempted, but 我已经把我的心情收拾好了，也不是很想在度地然它受伤害。可是又有一部分的我觉得如果我没有施竟我知道的所有办法，我是否会后悔能？
就这样想着想着就让我非常的辛苦。。。
Lord, I just pray that you give me strength and wisdom to decide what's best for us. Lord, I pray that you grant me wisdom to decide on the route most suitable for us, for my frail heart, cause you know me best and I know that each challenge you give us, is never too big. Lord, I pray that you guide us along.. each step and let me know which way bah... In Jesus name I pray,
- Amen -
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
女人的矛盾
Ever since our quarrel tat day , uncle pig has been treating me extremely well.. On mon we went for buffet lunch n he offered to go bk home early to tidy the house n cook dinner if I could pick joy bk..n he even did housework!! N on tue he offered to exercise w me, followed by Pirates of the Carribean (Gold Class!!) ... Much as I'm enjoying all the attention n time spend, it juz made me more anxious abt his biz.. Is he able to even cope w it or is he doing the "be a good lover" for these 4 mths n hopefully I will give him some leeway?
So guilty tt I even hv these thoughts... Arrgh.. Much as I'm trying juz to enjoy this moment together w him, I can't stop worrying for him.. Such is the paradox of women.. Complain when the men forgets , but worry if theres another agenda when he treats u slightly better .. Okie gotten stop here coz movies starting
So guilty tt I even hv these thoughts... Arrgh.. Much as I'm trying juz to enjoy this moment together w him, I can't stop worrying for him.. Such is the paradox of women.. Complain when the men forgets , but worry if theres another agenda when he treats u slightly better .. Okie gotten stop here coz movies starting
Lunchie
Had lunch with one of my ex-colleagues last week.. She's in a similar situation as me , juz tat she's juz beginning to start to her course of fertility treatments while I've already at almost the end of it.. Thot I met up w her to lend her some support n encouragement..
Besides the fertility medicine, she's only taking an injection per cycle.. Not really intrusive yet n really at the tip of the cycle I told her.. I also shared w her the technical as well as emotional parts of it when I was at her stage.. Right now, she's juz feeling ultra emo abt the whole thing, which is something I can completely relate to! She asked how did I even survive the whole of the 2 yrs juz trying when it seems so difficult for time to pass each cycle.. I'm relieved .. Not relieved tat she's going thru it now.. But relieved tat this is really a thing of the past for me.. Tat I can relate as a bystander n not as one who's still in it.. It juz seem only recently tat I was like her.. Waiting.. Waiting for it to happen.. Ovulation.. Then the test.. Then ovulation n the cycle repeats again n again.. Such tat we give up almost every other thing in life juz for it to happen.. Not exercising for fear tat the embroy might not b stable ; not traveling ; not willing to expand my biz, not changing joy's bed (coz if no.2 were to come along, then maybe a double deck bed would be more practical) and the many many things that we daren't do coz if no.2 were to come along.. blah blah blah...I'm juz thankful tat in the midst of my frustration n struggles, God was always there for me.. Tat He drops a verse or two juz to brighten my spirits up, tat He drops angels ard me to comfort me when I needed them.. He was there all the time n to which I was truly grateful.
I juz pray now for thus friend of mine, tat she be strong n draw close to God in the midst of this.. Coz much as we r in similar situations, she juz felt tat God shldnt hv subject us to such agony esp when we were willing parents to b; like y cant God juz give infertility to pple who don't even wanna hv kids n those who want , let them hv plentiful w/o difficulties.. To which I share w her James 1: 2-4, which im glad tat I always kept it in my hp..
Lord, I juz pray tat she will look to you in all situations ba.. Coz much as i wanna share, lord I pray tat u open her ears n heart, tat she know tat in all situations , we should know tat it is in Yr plans n even though we don't understand now, what will b achieved is tat we will grow to be stronger n better .. - Amen
- which reminds me tat I should blog abt another sermon tat I attended recently.. Will b posting tat shortly.. Hehe...
Besides the fertility medicine, she's only taking an injection per cycle.. Not really intrusive yet n really at the tip of the cycle I told her.. I also shared w her the technical as well as emotional parts of it when I was at her stage.. Right now, she's juz feeling ultra emo abt the whole thing, which is something I can completely relate to! She asked how did I even survive the whole of the 2 yrs juz trying when it seems so difficult for time to pass each cycle.. I'm relieved .. Not relieved tat she's going thru it now.. But relieved tat this is really a thing of the past for me.. Tat I can relate as a bystander n not as one who's still in it.. It juz seem only recently tat I was like her.. Waiting.. Waiting for it to happen.. Ovulation.. Then the test.. Then ovulation n the cycle repeats again n again.. Such tat we give up almost every other thing in life juz for it to happen.. Not exercising for fear tat the embroy might not b stable ; not traveling ; not willing to expand my biz, not changing joy's bed (coz if no.2 were to come along, then maybe a double deck bed would be more practical) and the many many things that we daren't do coz if no.2 were to come along.. blah blah blah...I'm juz thankful tat in the midst of my frustration n struggles, God was always there for me.. Tat He drops a verse or two juz to brighten my spirits up, tat He drops angels ard me to comfort me when I needed them.. He was there all the time n to which I was truly grateful.
I juz pray now for thus friend of mine, tat she be strong n draw close to God in the midst of this.. Coz much as we r in similar situations, she juz felt tat God shldnt hv subject us to such agony esp when we were willing parents to b; like y cant God juz give infertility to pple who don't even wanna hv kids n those who want , let them hv plentiful w/o difficulties.. To which I share w her James 1: 2-4, which im glad tat I always kept it in my hp..
Lord, I juz pray tat she will look to you in all situations ba.. Coz much as i wanna share, lord I pray tat u open her ears n heart, tat she know tat in all situations , we should know tat it is in Yr plans n even though we don't understand now, what will b achieved is tat we will grow to be stronger n better .. - Amen
- which reminds me tat I should blog abt another sermon tat I attended recently.. Will b posting tat shortly.. Hehe...
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