emo.emo

Havent been sleeping well for the last few days.. woke up like 4am to pee and became wide awake.. 😭

Joleen said it's my pre-travel (w/0 family) syndrome..lol.. mayb thats part of the reason..but I'm really looking forward to traveling with the 2 of them.. it's our first trip together without anyone else.. hahaha.. n it's really really short.. flying off on mon and coming back on wed so that mama duties wont b heavily affected..lol.. 

Or mayb its bcoz I saw this on my darling instagram.. and this was right after we had fun and laughter over 1-to-1 supper time, after topping up her love tank.. i know she is struggling, struggling to get over the broken friendships at primary.. but I was still surprised t0 see this, right after our deliberate efforts to engage her, to be there for her. She doesnt say much abt what happened and I could only try to piece the missing pieces here and there.. e.g. when I realize that she doesnt even know where her "BFFs" are posted to or when she no longer talks abt them.. or her occasional sleepless nights/panic attacks.

It's so tough to grow up.. she felt ostracized (I guess) for her outspokeness; her mature self a stark contrast to her classmates who are still into unicorns and elsa..

She needs to know that she doesn't need the world to love her, but this knowledge is something that even I as an adult, started to embrace only in the last decade or so.. I was tempted to peep into her hp (should I?), but william felt that we should give her space, so that she has the room to grow.. 

Its tough being a parent of a pre-teen; yes, the diaper days and sleepless nights are over.. but along comes different challenges that I pray, God will guide me along as I entrust my kids onto Him. 

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord , whose confidence is in him.

Jeremiah 17:7 NIV

https://jeremiah.bible/jeremiah-17-7

Reflections reflections reflections..

This was my new yr resolution for 2019. I couldn't be more grateful by how much God has done/worked in my life for ticking most of what I've set out to do for 2019. It wont be possible if not for God. 

1) weight

- I've lost 8kg in 2019, it hit 10kg occasionally then I would feel good and happy and start feasting again.  Hahaha...like what I told yp, im happy with my current weight. It's still on the bigger side, but im satisfied. I hope I can hit the 60s, but I wont b too disappointed if I didn't. 

2) Work

- I set $550k gr last yr not believing that I couldnt achieve it bcoz 2018 was a breakthru yr. Meaning it was the highest i had ever achieved since i joined. But God has his plans. Not only did i crossed $550k, i actually cross more than that! (Its a whole entire story which I would dedicate an entry on its own)

3) Service 

- I did have small breakthroughs here, having gone for my first street evangelism - something my friends or me would have imagined me doing. 

- I also did a small sermon/sharing during the xmas party..it wasnt something I could do naturally or enjoy doing but I will do it, if that is what God sets out for me to do. 

4) Love

- the judgemental me.. hahahaha.. I try la.. hahah.. I try to bite my lips and remind myself when the "judge" in me props up; reminds myself that I'm not God and that we are after all, Work in Progress.. 

- we didnt get to visit the children home last yr, which I hope we could do it this yr. 

5)Personal development
- I did a couple of books last yr but that was it.. I wanna do the flower arrangement class this yr..

And that was my resolutions for 2019 and my progress.. thankful that I manage to hit most of it and hopefully I can start planning for 2020..hahaha..I know I'm late but i need to reflect on what happened last yr before i can move forward.. 

Lena and her apple trees..

"Supposed we are all apple farmers today and if the goal (COT) is to harvest 600 apples by end of the year, I'm probably 220 apples short and with less than 2 mths left. I look at my apple plantation and there isn't many that are ready to be harvested any time soon. There were more "botak" trees and probably less than 10 apples ready. 

If so, should I still continue to run for it this yr or should I just try again next yr? After all, the math seems impossible. 

380 apples ÷ 9 mths = ~40/mth.

How do I hit 220 in 2mths!? 

And it's not like I'm super motivated for it. I'm comfortable with what I have now; (maybe too comfortable for my own good). I told joleen, I have enough apples to feed my family. We have enough. I'm contented with what God has provided thus far. Then do I still want to do it?"

That was the conversation I had with Joleen and william on 22nd oct 2019. And that was the best analogy that I could think of at that point in time to explain my circumstances back then. 

She told me in her wise words that I should ask myself why I want to do it. Bcoz if I can find the Why? , then will we be able to move to the How..

And thus I did my search for the whys.. this was what I wrote in my journal then:

Why COT? Why not?

1. Breakthru for my work

- 2018 was a breakthru here for me, my best yr since joining this industry. And if I could hit COT in 2019, I would have improved/ better my best yr. 

2. Challenge to myself 

- to be honest, I just worked for 2018 not chasing anything. Just did the best I could, have fun sometimes and the results was unexpected. But for 2019, I want to challenge myself, make it intentional and push myself. If I don't push myself while I'm young, then when? Dont live life with regrets. I don't want a situation when time passes, I look back and ask myself, why didnt I do it?

3. Good testimony for others

- if God is willing, He will make it Himpossible. The goal is so huge that it can only be possible bcoz of God. I wont be able to do it based on my own efforts. Its impossible. 

- Sometimes we need an extra boost of faith to see the miracle.

- When we are faced with a God sized dream, Jesus wants you to see how BIG His father is.

- When God gives us a dream, He will provide the resources to fulfil the dream. 

Lord, it's all about You and not about me. Use me for the expansion of Yr kingdom, that more will come to know You when they see yr works in my life. GOD, the task is too huge and often I'm reminded of how small/little the harvest is. But Lord, if it is in Yr Will, I will do it. I will work as hard as I can, to harvest too! In Jesus name, I pray, Amen!

And with that, I tried the best I could, to run the final lap. 

It has been weeks since then. And I cant tell u how amazed and in awe I am, to testify that not only did I managed to harvest the 220 apples that I thought was impossible, I actually did more than that! And it's all possible only bcoz of my God, Jesus Christ! 

No one thought it was possible. At least I didnt. But each time I was tired, Joleen will say, just do my best and let Him do the rest. And so, that's what we did. Thank you God!

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 10:36 NIV

https://hebrews.bible/hebrews-10-36

The big move

Struggling to decide if I should open this as a supper snack.. lol.. its the first night in our new place.. the whole of Dec flew past in a flash.. there are still a couple of boxes that we need to unpack, things that we need to buy for the new place, and cleaning up jewel before we lease it out.. tonnes of things to do but we are so thankful that we managed to pull it thru.. that at least the logistics would b easier for them to go school tomorrow..

our iron man has just started his iron duties.. 

Thank God that we managed to find this place. Even though it wasnt our #1 choice, but God knows what's best for us and we will take this as the best for us. We are still figuring out what we need to get for the place; e.g. the kind of cupboards we should get for storage; should we get good proper ones or just flimsy kind to tahan for the 2 yrs; should we change our dining table coz the old one seems so tiny in the big space now etc..

our shoes bcoz we havent gotten a shoe cabinet.. hahaha.. we also havent gotten our tv yet... hahaha..I'm seriously deciding not to, bcoz they have been squabbling over which program to watch etc..no tv = no quarrel?

Thank God for our superman, William, who has been the main person doing the packing and unpacking. This is the first time I'm around when we shift. The last move, I was overseas with Joy and by the time we got back, we were alrdy staying at Jewel. I'm a visual person so a lot of things I cant imagine unless I see it in place.. lol.. but he knows exactly what to get and where to place etc.. to which I'm so thankful for him in our lives..

I hope I can fall asleep tonight.. coz I rem I struggled to fall asleep the first time at jewel too.. and I'm excited abt Joy and her new school too...praying that she adapts well to the environment there; that she learns to balance the 10 subjects workload; thankfully sec 1 no more exams! Hahhaha... yeah! Praying that she meet nice people who will treat her well and forge long term friendships! 

So many things to be thankful of.. new yr, new start for everyone.. happy 2020!

Hokkaido (final)

And we came back last week from our winter holidays. Overall the girls were in their bestest behaviour.. not sure if its bcoz the winter made them more lethargic or having to take public transport, but they didnt seem to have so much energy to pick on one another while we were there. In fact, they all helped one another, for which I'm thankful.. Hahahah..

Becoz some, if not all of us, were sick, the trip was further scaled down..so that we could just enjoy each others presence..had wanted to go to more places but the weather was either too cold, or the girls simply took too long to get ready..  I'm not kidding when I say we probably take 2 hrs to get ready each day...lol..

白い恋人 was one of the places we did coz all of us were fans of the famous biscuit. The girls also did some baking while we were there but it's really a tourist attraction la..

If anything, I have to give credits to them for ever so willing to q for food.. probably bcoz seats were always avail while queuing.. the good thing abt traveling in japan is there are no misses when it comes to food. Whatever we had, was always good or super good..hahah..

Pictures while queuing 

Otaru - beautiful small town. The place where we took a cab back to the train station coz we were too cold and tired by the end of the day. The girls were so grateful for the ride.. did it made them more appreciative of our car when we came back to sg? I wished.. hahaha..

Asahiyama Zoo - I realized that in recent yrs we tend to visit the zoo when we are overseas. My favourite gotten be the penguins. Majestic and in control, they weren't intimated by the many cameras. It was a pity that the penguin parade was cancelled that day. But nevertheless, we were thankful for the smooth journey.

The highlight for me personally has got to b the Doraemon park at the airport. It was like a dream come true, to be able to take photos with the crops/ sets while we were there.. n I'm glad that the girls obliged.. hahaha..

And this wraps up our trip. The girls first time seeing/playing in the snow; Joy mastering sking and uncle choo finally buying a real winter jacket while we were there. It was really a nice experience, and we are considering if we should bring them for another ski/ winter holidays next yr. But we shall see la.. 

hkk day 3-4

Thank God for papa choo, for being the anchor and compass today! We finally managed to see a doctor today bcoz there wasnt any at the ski resort.. lol..there is so many things to be grateful for today.. grateful that it didnt snow! Yeah! Bcoz if it had snowed, travelling from the bus station to the sapporo hotel would have been crazy! Grateful that papa choo is so good with his directions! We didnt need to do any 冤枉路 and we manage to take the train and walk to the hospital.

The hotel staff was v helpful in checking if the hospital had any translator around. Bcoz in japan, there are pretty strict abt this. U basically cant see a doctor unless u know japanese or there is a translator for u. All in all, the excursion at the hospital took an hr! For which I'm thankful. So thankful that William could entertain the twins while me and joy went to see our respective doctors. (Coz the hosp insisted she should go to paediatric even though she looks v much like a full grown adult) 

Had a good ramen after that and some light shopping just to top up on some lip balm etc.. actual itinerary probably starts tomorrow.. william says it's going to b light light coz we are still sick but I do feel so much better hrs after I had the meds.. yeah! Thank God for his protection on us! 

grace having a nose bleed after we got back and vera being her nurse..

then there is finally the powdery snow yday bcoz it snowed ! (Finally!) At least before we leave the ski resort, we could experience the powdery snow.. the kids were thrilled by it..n if they are happy, I'm happy.. hahahah.. 

see how cold we have become! 

HKK Day 2

It hasn't been an easy day caring for 2 sick kids and trying to prevent the healthy lonely one to be infected but we just wanna pray and give thanks that for all things, God has a plan and we only need to lean onto Him and Believe that in the end, everything is gonna b okie..

Us in the morning when Grace's fever had gone "shopping" (in her own words) 

The weather was beautiful, not too cold. It was bright and sunny. I know the girls are disappointed that they have yet to see Mr. SNOW yet.. and to be honest, I was getting a little worried too, that we would miss out like our last trip to Korea. But william reminded me again that it is all in Lord's hands and that He would know what's best. So simple and sweet. Indeed, it is always best to focus on God and His plans than our own. And with that, this little anxiety is too, gone with the wind.

我的避风港，我的oppa..hahaha

Joy had a full day of ski class, and I'm thankful that she managed to enjoy herself and really learn how to do it. By the end of the class, she could take the chair lift to the higher mountain levels and ski down. I'm glad she enjoyed it, even though we almost had to forfeit the whole lesson coz she was unwell. But she said she could n wanted to do it. I reminded her that she could end it anytime she felt the need to.

this was the only photo her coach took for her..lol.. oh well.. 

像发烧的小孩吗?

probably the only free activity in the resort..  the twins took so many times of it..lol..

if anything, the food at the ski resort has been mind blowing... hahaha.. I've been to 2 ski resorts (korea) and the food were "attraction" standards.. but the food here is soooooo good.. that it kinda made me forgot how expensive this winter holiday is. Hahahaha..  thankful la.. that food is good..

Give thanks to the Lord , for he is good; his love endures forever.

1 Chronicles 16:34 NIV