Moments with joy

The time has come.. when I'm at a cafe with joy while she does her homework.. 老娘是个陪读妈妈。。。 hahahah.. seriously?!

Our 下午茶@ CBTL coz Starbucks was already packed with students by the time we reached...😂

Decided to come here today bcoz the house is still In the midst of reno plus the study rooms in the condo are all packed with adults (not sure why), so I decided to bring her here. Especially since I'm not working today.. So might as well spend time with my firstborn..

It's the CA2s now, so cafes are usually crowded with kids studying..i know some of my mummies kakis are busy doing revisions with their kids in preparation for their CA2s. Thankfully for joy's school, CA2 is not graded.. aka practice paper week..or rehearsals la.. as I was telling joleen abt it few days ago..

And for us, as long as she does her best, we will leave it to God to do the rest.. it's not so much of making sure she get distinctions for all her subjects, but more importantly for us, it is the attitude that she must have, to be willing to learn what is being taught in sch. We are not tiger parents and unlike most of her classmates parents, we don't pressurized her for her academic work. She did tell me that her classmate cried in class when she got 98 for her science. I was like why!? Tears of joy ah ? "Obviously not la", my joy explained.. she (the classmate) will be scolded for not getting 100 coz the mama expects the kids to get ONLY 100, nothing else even though 98 was already the highest in the corhot.  I was like wow... (Joy got 92 for the same paper and I was pleased with it. Thought it was a good score leh..no meh?!)

I asked joy what were her thoughts on this and if we should have such benchmarks on her too ?  She just shook her head.. took the chance to explain to her again , that what we are hoping at the end of the day, is for her to enjoy learning. Enjoy investigating the "why" and "how" of the questions rather than so focus on the marks of the tests. Anyway, I've digressed.. hahaha...

I pray that she will always have the confidence in doing her work, the curiosity to ask why and the courage to fail.

Times like this make me appreciate my time with her..catching moments of her before she grow too big..

Conversations with joy..

Joy: mummy, is "unaware" a real word?
Me: yes it is
Joy: mummy, then is "unawares" a real word?
Me: no I don't think so.. why ?
Joy: mummy, you sa-lah (wrong). Unawares is a real word
Me: Huh?? Then can u 造句 with it?
Joy: " I was caught unawares by the news that John is coming"
Me: wow..okie.. but is that the right sentence structure ? It sounds so weird..

According to her, she wrote this in her sch compo.. and when her classmate did "peer marking", her classmate underlined it highlighting the mistake. Joy told her it was not wrong and her classmate decided to ask their teacher. But before they can ask the teacher, there's a "ask 3 before me" rule.. meaning they have to find 3 other friends to ask and if after asking, there is stil a dispute, then they can ask the teacher. So the two of them went on to find 3 other classmates and the verdict was still 4-1. 4 of them were of the same view (as me) while joy was otherwise.  So they went on to see the teacher. In the end, the teacher said joy was right. I was shocked.. wow..my girl's ang moh more steady than mine. Lol..

Me: wow.. Joy, then how did u know that there was this word?
Joy: Oh , Mrs pang (her tuition teacher) taught me in class.
Me: Then can i go attend her classes too? I think I need to brush up my English too..
Joy: No.
Me: why!?
Joy: mummy, look here. (Pointing to her right)
Mummy: Huh? Why? Stil in disbelief/daze
Joy: mummy, look here. (Pointing to her right again).
Mummy: I looked at what she was pointing and say what ?
Joy: mummy, look here (Pointing to her left this time)
Mummy: what? (Eyes not following her)
Joy: mummy, you are not "teachable" anymore bcoz if you can't follow simple instructions like that (yes the point here and there ), means that you have become an adult and you won't be able to absorb what Mrs pang says.

#chimtothemax

Not sure if I'm gullible or what, but what she says has it's degree of truth. Initially I was "wow" by her ang moh and how convicted she was by her choice of words in her compo. But I was more "wow" by her theology after that. Sometimes kids grow up so fast that we don't know. Thankful that I had the chance to talk to her abt random things and thus had an insight of her thoughts or the thoughts of tweens..lol..

Hectic week part 2

This is the state of My house currently.

The floor that was completing removed, together with the wardrobe after end of day 1.

His work desk in the day while supervising the work to be done. 

This is the start of hectic week 2, with the commencement of the major reno works. There are many reasons to feel frustrated, disappointed and angry. But as I sit here while waiting for time to pass before going for my appt, I can't help but be thankful. Thankful that Mr choo is here to oversee all the things, thankful that he is a great packer. Thankful that he is so Zen and able to see the overall picture. I'm a visual person, meaning I can't really understand things unless I see the physical outlay, which usually by then would b too late to make any major changes. 

We came back home abt 730am after dropping the kids in sch. I was too tired having to wake up so early. Went back to nap in the kids room. He woke me up at 940 saying that the organizers have decided to even do the flooring for kids room today. Meaning he need to clear this room. He still gave me the 2 hrs nap that I requested and ask the workers to come slightly later. I took a shower and by the time I was done, he was almost done packing all the things out fr the kids bedroom. If it was me, I would b so overwhelmed and lost and dunno where to start. 

What's in the stack? Our beddings, photos, diapers and possessions..

All the beddings from the bedrooms are nicely stacked by Mr choo while the workers start their work 

The common toilet is also packed with our stuff 

There's no better words to describe my thoughts now, other than thankfulness. I mean, it's an unfortunate event and given a choice, I wished/hoped that this won't have happened. But it has. And when life gives you lemons, let's juz make lemonade out of it ! The organizers have been understanding and they have agreed to not only redo the floor and carpentry works, they have also agreed to redo it with the tiles we wanted and not the original ones that came with it. Thankfulness #1 

Bcoz of this major works it meant that the 5 of us are camping at my mom's place till all is done. And we have began our staycation since last week , it meant more interaction with my folks. Thankfulness #2

It also meant that I need to hitch a ride everyday either via Mr choo which is 615am or my mama which is 810am. Also had the opportunity to take train with my sister for this whole week. I do hope I can talk to her more and this provides the best opportunity. Thankfulness #3

Of coz my Mr choo la.. I can't imagine life without him. How would I cope ? Thankfulness max 

Thankful that God is with us and sheltering us. Thankful for the many circumstances that have happened. May the reno be completed soon! Taking this time to just chill and work less. Lol.. 

Hectic week

This picture fully sums up our past week. It has been an hectic/overwhelming week and it's not even the weekend yet. It's the kind of the week where you look til the end of it and wonders when will this end? It's what I termed as even when the week seems too much to handle, we just have to suck it up and weather it thru. 

The hectic started on 5th Aug, when I had some work in the morning before rushing home to pick the girls for art class. I was tasked to fetch them since papa had to prepare for Joy's party the next day. Brought the twins for classes, and spend some time with Joy just chilling at the library. It was relaxing, but I was too tired. Not sure if it was bcoz the night appt ended too late the night before, or becoz the morning appt was too early. But I was exhuasted, coupled with the fact that I had to go pick william and a birthday cake before heading to a friend's party. It was Joy's gd friend from childcare who had a party, and I was tasked to deliver the cake since I stayed nearest to the baker compared to the rest. 

The 5 of them, plus the super nice cake. The girls continued their party til midnight. By the time we reached home and when everyone was asleep, Mr choo needed to continue the night shift to prepare for Joy's party on 6th. (I later realized that he continued his preparation til 6am)

6th Aug

Joy invited some of her school friends over for a swim-date plus bday party. It was managable coz after all, they are 10 yrs old and on their own. And it was nice, bcoz it was a party without parents.  I didnt need social with adults. (yeah!!) I just had to tend to my twins, and make sure they are well and taken care of. The party ended at 830pm sharp, coz all of them had school the next day. 

7th Aug

Joy called to say she had diarrhea, and we went to pick her up in the morning. Only to realize that she self declare that she was well enough to stay for the rest of the day...😆

Vera's teacher called us abt late afternoon saying that Vera seems to be unwell, but has boarded the bus home. She came home with a fever, and started many rounds of diarrhea... so much that we decided she should skip the school celebrations the next day.

8th Aug

Grace went to school for the national day celebrations while we brought the other 2 to see the PD. 

Joy was mild, while Vera is the jialat one.. I lost counted of the number of times I took care of her biz.. picked grace up after PD and headed to airport for T4 open house. Mr choo had registered the tickets in advance, and we thought the kids were still manageable for the activity. And they did have lotsa fun at T4 too. Headed over to my mom's place for dinner and sleepover. 

9th Aug

Vera woke up many times during the night, coz of diarrhea. Mr choo took the night shift, while I continue the early morning shift. At about 9am, someone called him on the hp. It's our neighbour. He used the intercomm to call us, coz he said that our unit was flooding and water was seeping out of the unit continuously. OMG! William rushed back to have a look and send me this video. (Due to technical issues, video can't be uploaded) 

But here is a copy of the damage done. Most of joy' s books were soaking well and beyond rescue.

According to him, one of the water pipes burst and bcoz we were all not home, the floor was filled with water. Gigi was soaking wet and swimming.. by the time Mr choo cleared the water, all my bedroom flooring was damaged. They had popped. Omg! This meant a few things:

1) we need stay 1 more night at my mom place 

2) we need a major reno again ! 😣

10th aug 

It was back to 兵分两路 again. Mr choo dropped the twins (Vera was well by Then! Thank God!) before heading back home to check with the condo mgmt on the recovery etc. He also needed to prepare for another party we had for joy (I know right.. we muz b crazy to even want to continue the party). 

I had promised joy and her 2 friends to bring them for kidzania, after which their parents would meet us back at my place.. 

 

While waiting for their turn to take the pilot tickets.

Window cleaning

The thing I like most about going out with them vs going out with adults is that I don't need to social..  Lol..  they pretty much on auto pilot mode..

At many times I wanted to ask mr choo that we should just cancel the night party but he said it was do-able.. 

Family photo with the cake.

Say cheese girls.. we are almost at the end of the tunnel.. 

The party ended abt 10pm and by the time we cleaned up and the kids zz, it was already midnight. And it was a school day for all 3 the next day and working day for myself. 

Although it seem pretty overwhelming at the start of the post, but by the time I completed it, and looking back at the photos, I was glad we managed to do it all.

Thank God for being with us and sheltering us from all that could have happened to make things even worse. 

On being maidless (part2)

It has been 7 mths since the helper has left. Every once a while the twins will ask for her, or request for her to come back. To which I would explain to the twins given that we want to continue to stay at the current place it is challenging for us to find a place for "auntie" to stay in, although they have suggested the living room or their bed room etc. And it is tempting to ask her to come back. The thing I missed abt having her around most, is the chance to sneak out with uncle pig in the late evening for some supper or juz some paktor time. Or the luxury of us spending some time with joy outdoors while the twins are napping at home. Nowadays, we usually just b in charge of 1 grp..either I would b taking joy to her classes etc or he would bring the twins out .. coz of their age gap, it's quite challenging to find an activity that is suitable for all 3 at a slot. The few activities we have managed to do so are swimming classes and church.. lol..

Of coz, asking her to come back also comes with its cons.  The first con I can immediately think of is I probably would outsource the toileting/bathing tasks to her , and I would b privileged to be more reliant on her.. asking her to do tasks that I shld be doing but not doing.. over the course of 4 yrs while she was with us, I did become "lazier". Mr choo probably would hand over all the household chores to her too. And the girls probably won't have a chance to help out in the chores too. The thing abt not having her ard is that, no matter how exhausted we/mr choo is, the show muz go on. The clothes still need to b ironed, the dishes need to b washed up (God won't send an angel to help wash it while we are sleeping) and we stil need clean their poo. This is called responsibility I guess. It is that even if the world seems too hard to handle, we still need to suck it up, and do.

There are times when I would b tempted to ask the village to move back to the old house and thus earn the right to hire a maid, but the possibility that I would b over reliant on her, juz tilts the decision back. At the end of the day, I do hope that my kids learn to do some chores together.

Helicopter Parenting

Picked joy up from her sch today. It was the end of her 3d2n camp at a MOE campsite. There were many parents waiting for their kids, which is normal. What was unexpected was when the parents started to take pictures / videos of the sch buses coming in, with their kids finally alighting. If I hadn't known, I would have thought it was some super star arriving the school compound today. They carried the kids camp bags, and took selfies in front of the sch.. as though they had just graduated from their BMT. I don't know if this was normal, but I certainly didn't see this coming. To me, I was tasked to pick her and together we would take the bus to church before meeting up with William and the twins here, 兵分两路 for short.

I didn't think it was necessary for such a grand fanfare. Ultimately I went thru my P4 camp many yrs ago, and walked home after it ended.

I asked my firstborn how was the camp and she started commenting that there were some hiccups which resulted in her needing to backtrack her walk, and she told me she cried coz she was afraid. Awwww... I'm sorry darling, if I hadn't given u the response u wanted..  but u need to understand that in life, some times we don't always get what we wanted and some times we need to walk or go the longer way, bcoz of circumstances. I don't n I can't stand parents who "remove" these obstacles for their kids. They need to learn to do things by themselves. They need to survive on their own, so that if Mr choo and I are no longer here, they would be able to live on their own.

Joy also complained abt several issues abt the camp (e.g. sleeping conditions la,bathing la ) n I had to stop her before she goes on and on. I told her that if she doesn't enjoy such things, she can forget abt going on another camp again. Told her that in all circumstances, we must learn to be grateful for what is given, and not look at what we are missing. It was a teachable moment/ lesson that I hope she understand. I'm sure she had great fun, even though there were the inconveniences.. but let's all look at the positive aspects in life dear.. you are 10 and I can't possibly "cushion" yr life all the time.

Such is our style of parenting, very different from the helicopter parenting that is happening nowadays. My stand is simple..  if we do all for the kids, when will they ever learn to stand on their own? When will they be resilient enough?And then we complain that the kids are too sheltered etc ? Who is the ones sheltering them? Why not let them try, and even if they make a couple of mistakes , at least they can learn fr it. It's easier to learn from mistakes / experiences than from instructions.

I rem always telling Grace not to touch the iron bcoz it's hot but she was always curious. And it really happened. When she touched it (hot), while I was busy with Vera. Ever since then , she has learnt and remember her lesson well. 🤣🤣🤣

I shuddered whenever i see parents feeding their kids while their broad is hooked on the ipad/gadgets. We aren't their slaves. We need to teach them how to fish, instead of giving them a fish a day. There's a lot more to parenting and unless we learn to let go, they will forever be the baby we think they are.

P/S: we probably push our kids (especially joy) more compared to their peers. But it also bcoz of this, that has made them more dependable n independent.

While waiting..

Reached early for my appt, so decided to pen my thoughts about this appt. The client that I will be meeting has been my client for 13 yrs. She was not a friend, but a referral of another referral. I was a young adviser and I started out by recommending small savings plans to common folk like me- people who just started work and has study loan and mayb other commitments to handle. She too had her commitments. The savings plan she got from me is roughly about $35/mth. It may seem v small in today's context and some may even feel that based on the success I have now, why am I still meeting her ? $35 might not be a lot to u and I, but it is a lot to her. And it was my bread and butter when I first started. Juz focusing on doing small bite bite size plans, so that people could just save  a dollar a day, for the future. That was what I believed, then and now. So yes, I still do meet up with her for reviews. Even though it meant crawling to the west. Even though i know that there's probably nothing much she could afford now. We are of the same age and we got married in the same yr and had our firstborn in the subsequent yr. Over the yrs, I've seen her struggled financially. She doesn't earn much, coupled with with some unwise financial decisions, and increase in the number of dependents make making ends meet tough.  And there was nothing I could do, but to pray that God strengthen her in her walk.

She told me last week during the appt that she was hospitalized last yr, but bcoz her bill was lower than the deductible, she ended up paying for it, via cash/cpf. I was so angry with myself, that I had failed to remind her of my presence, that I could have told her to claim via her company insurance etc. She told me that she would like to spare another $80/mth to get a life insurance plan or to do something for the family. I relooked her plans and there were a few areas that required attention and she had limited resources.

I told her the areas during the appt. In fact, I had questioned myself over the past few days, what is of more importance? Getting a rider for the hosp plan so that if another of such incident occur, she won't need to pay much of the medical bills; or getting a life insurance plan ? Or reducing her current commitments like a home contents insurance that she bought fr the bank ?  Seriously, I'm not sure. I've thought of so many permutations and the possible implications. I explained to her my recommendations and she say she needed time to consider all. Fair enough. She commented that I must have thought of all the possible solutions coz I had considered all the diff methods or ways to find money. This is true. I wanted to make every cent worth for her. That what she eventually decides/pay for is worthwhile or worthy. I guess $10 hold diff meanings to everyone and I just wanted to help her stretch her monies as many possible ways as possible.

Moments like this make me feel helpless but thankful. Helpless bcoz I couldn't help much; thankful bcoz this are moments that breathes life to the job. Not the super big cases that I close this mth , or the fact that I probably hit my incentive trip 1mth after the launch or the glamour/ pay that comes with being a sales job; or the occasional complaints by some clients. No. It's being able to help people that remains my conviction why I'm here. I love my job. And I'm thankful for moments/ appts like that. I wish I can reach out to more people like that, to be able to help them. I pray that God give me the wisdom to help them too.